


Searching for the same light

by drowningintonothing, IrIsh_Misfit



Category: Floating (1997), Gossip (2000)
Genre: College, Crossover, High School, Love, M/M, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:23:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 113,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3263189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowningintonothing/pseuds/drowningintonothing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrIsh_Misfit/pseuds/IrIsh_Misfit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After they went to High-School together, Travis and Van meet again at college. While they weren't friends in school, they soon become something very different in college. </p><p>This is a crossover story between Gossip and Floating. Both characters are played by Norman Reedus. I made both characters the same age but they look different, even so they sometimes get asked if they are brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> This is my second Crossover story (seems like I have a thing for that) and the idea wasn't even mine. I was talking to my friend Macs_Queen and somehow, late at night, she mentioned some cute characters of Norman Reedus. Van is her favorite and Travis mine, so somehow we decided it would be cute if they knew each other.  
> My first idea was to write them as brothers but my little Slash-Heart needed a bit more than that.  
> It was planned to be a 15 chapters FanFic but somehow I ended up with a lot more. I guess 24 will be the last. But who knows.
> 
> So..yeah..I hope you all like it.  
> Ah and before I forget to mention it: I am german and english is only my second language.  
> But Macs_Queen read it, too and helped me with words I didn't know.
> 
> Have fun reading (or not!)

  
(Cover by MerleDixonsWhiskey aka Frying-Panties - Thanks lil' Peach)  
  


Prologue

The picture in his hand had already signs of age, except it wasn't older than a few months. But from looking at it nearly every day it was fading and had its flaws. He was looking at the man, with the beautiful half-sided smile, the light-blonde hair, falling into his face and nearly covering the blue eyes. His thumb slowly stroke over the fascinating collarbones and the washed out black shirt. It had been the first time that the guy had smiled in front of him. The first time he had paid attention, because Travis was taking the pictures for the yearbook of their high school. Van Thompson was the star of their swimming team and he acted like he was better than any other guy in the school. Travis was the shy guy from the last row, interested in art, music and movies. They had never spoken a word or at least not since their childhood, only when Van was making fun of him because everyone else did. Travis was used to it but even so it hurt, he couldn't help himself but being attracted to Van.

He had spent six month in Paris, visiting art classes and workshops, living in a little room someone had rented him. While he was there his parents had called him sometimes and one day they told him about that guy that was a friend of Van and drowned in the lake. Now Travis was back and was sitting on the front porch of his parents’ house. He was soon leaving for college but before that he really needed to see Van, maybe tell him, that when he needed someone to talk, he could always call him. Travis knew it was weird, because Van used to hate him but everyone keeps telling him that he had changed and that he had a lot going on in the past. Part of him felt sorry and part of him was still a bit angry.

He went inside to tell his Mom that he would be back in the evening. He grabbed the car keys and drove out to the little house on the lake, he knew was now Van's home. Back in school Van was living in the big house across the lake. The one with the white picket fence and the big rooms. Everyone was always jealous about the view he had and the lake in front of it. Now Van and his Dad were living alone in a little white house which, so his parents told him, was dirty and Van had to do everything on his own. There were rumors that he wouldn't go to college to help his Dad who had a car accident and was in a wheelchair now. 

Travis parked the car on the side of the road and walked up to the lake. He looked around if he could see Van but when he didn't see him, he decided to knock at the door.   
"Who is there?” a deep voice asked. Van's Dad he assumed.  
"Uhm. Hi. My name is Travis. I went to school with Van, is he there?"  
"He is outside with his bike."  
"Thank you. I will come back again."

Travis went back to the car and decided to wait for Van.   
He pulled out his sketchbook and started drawing the house and the lake. Even so it was a tiny house it looked like heaven on earth to him. Maybe because of all the nature that was surrounding it. Today was a drizzly kind of day and the house on the other side of the lake wasn't really visible. A single boat was tied to the dock. It was slightly moving from one side to another. Travis sighed, he always liked that place but in the past he never went there when he knew people could see him. Most of the time he was hiding in the woods to draw or came here at night to practice on water reflections.   
After a while he heard the engines of a motorcycle coming closer and pushed his sketchbook back into his bag. When he saw the white motorcycle and the light blonde hair he knew it was Van. So he stepped out of the car and followed him. Van stopped the bike in front of the house and looked to him. He was biting his lower lip and started smirking.

"Look; what do we have here?" He was standing there, in wide black cargo pants and a black washed out shirt. His blonde hair waving in the wind. Travis' heart was beating faster and he suddenly forgot how to speak. He knew it was weird that they looked alike and he was attracted to Van, but how could he not? As an artist he was drawn to the wildness and sadness in Van's eyes, drawn to his oral fixation and the way his muscles flexed under his clothes. It was impossible to overlook something so strangely beautiful and if Travis had to choose what he wanted to draw for the rest of his life than it was this guy. In every position, location and with every expression he was able to give him with his face. Travis was still standing at the same spot and Van was still waiting for an answer.  
When Travis found his voice he said: "Hello Van."  
"Hi Travis", Van answered with a smirk on his lips.  
Travis widened his eyes. Van did know his name? When did that happen? Before he had always called him names. Like moron, fucker, looser. But Travis never paid much attention to it. Knowing that those guys were jerks and never had any idea what he really was capable of and how it was to have your mind filled with ideas and pictures and the urge to get them out.

"Do you have a minute?"  
"Depends on what for."  
"Want to talk to you."  
"Yeah. Okay." Van's hand was running through the blonde hair of his, trying to get it out of his face. Travis walked closer and Van pointed to the dock. He sat down on the edge of it, his feet nearly touching the water. Travis sat down next to him.  
"How are you Van?” he asked and looked at him.  
"Why do you care?" Van was pulling out a cigarette from his pockets.  
"I just do."  
Van turned his face to Travis and nodded. "Yeah well. I live."  
"No you don't. You exist."  
"Smartass. I don't know. Don't want to talk about my feelings." He shrugged and blew some smoke into the air.  
"Well, if you ever need someone to talk, you can visit me or call me. I will leave for college soon but you are always welcome."  
"Why would you think, that out of all people I would call you?"  
"I don't, but if I was in your situation I would be glad if there was someone I could call whenever I needed to. Someone who won't judge you for having feelings. Someone you can be yourself with and not the jerk that you are always playing in front of your friends. I have always known that this wasn't you."  
Van shrugged and looked at the opposite direction. "Yeah. Maybe."  
"I'll go now. Think about it."  
Travis stood up and started walking away, when he heard Van asking him to stop.  
"Travis? Which college do you go to?" Van's voice sounded sad, which made Travis answer.  
"Trinity. Why do you ask?"  
"I wanted to go there, too. It is close to home and I would still be able to come here and look after him from time to time. I have a scholarship but he doesn't want me to go." Van's voice was broken and sad. Nothing like the guy that was so full of energy a couple of month ago.  
"I heard that and I think it is bullshit." Travis walked back and sat down. "He can't keep you here and he can't want you to throw away your life. Van, you are the most talented swimmer around here and it is sad you won't go. Please, talk to him and find yourself a college. You need to get out of here." Van locked eyes with him for a second and Travis saw the helplessness in it, the despair.  
"I want to. I want my own life. I don't need a house like this one", he points to the other side of the lake. "But I want more than this."  
His head moving back to his house.   
"And you can have it. Believe me you will. What is your biggest dream?"  
"I don't know anymore. Dreams do not count anymore."   
"Well, maybe it is about time to think about that. Dreams do count. Always. You know where to find me. I mean it."  
"Thank you."   
For a moment they looked at each other and their eyes seeing far more than they should. Travis finally saw how hurt and sad Van really was and for the split of a second he wanted to hug him, right here and now but he was too shy to do so. He saw the other guy’s loneliness and felt his heart ache because it was the same feeling he had ever since he was born. The fear of being too less, to do too less and to never be good enough to fit into this world. The feeling of being alone until you die. As an artist Travis knew that some things were meant to be and that some feelings had to get out, one way or another. He started painting when his parents started to mock him for being so shy. He started painting because people in school avoided him. Even other students in his art classes avoided him.   
When Travis walked back to his car he felt the urge to draw Van, as he was sitting there. He looked so tiny and so sad. Instead of drawing him he grabbed his camera and took a picture. Something to remember this day. The first day they had ever talked about something real, without insults. Maybe it was the last day, too.

  
  


 


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you can read the beginning in one part. Here is chapter 1!

Dear Van,

I am sitting in my art class right now and can't concentrate on my professor. He is trying to teach us stuff about sculptures. And I am completely not interested in that. So instead of taking notes I wanted to write you. I haven't heard from you in month. Not since the day I visited you. Are you okay? Did you decide which college you want to go to?

I tell you, you would like it here. All the parties going on, the swimming competitions and cute girls. No one here is such a good swimmer than you! No one! I went to one of the competitions and laughed because you would so win everything here. They are lousy! Remember that guy you beat in High School in freshmen year? Well that guy was a better swimmer than most of the guys here.

You really should come and see it for yourself! You would be our Champion, our King and everyone would love you!

Yesterday I finally found a room here which I will rent. I will be living with a guy (Derrick) and a girl (Cathy) and I am excited about that. Hopefully they are not idiots and think I am a freak with all my art stuff going on. But it is far more relaxing than drive 2 hours to College and 2 hours back every day. Plus I need to get out of my parents’ house. They make me nuts!

What about your Dad? How is he? 

I wish you would have called me. The way you looked when I visited you reminded me a lot of a picture I like. Maybe you know it. If not you should go and check it out. "Melancholy" by Edvard Munch. 

So my lesson is over and I have to go home and pack my stuff. I will leave that letter at your house and hope you will answer. I will leave my new contacts. I even have a phone there. How cool is that? Hopefully I will hear from you.

Laters,

Travis

* * *

 

**6 month later**

Travis had no idea why Derrick and Cathy had dragged him here. Those parties were never something he enjoyed. Of course he liked the booze but he was too nervous to be around so many people. He pretended that girls had no interest in him, which Derrick found funny and tried to convince girls to sleep with him. But Travis never wanted to kiss a girl, he wanted to kiss guys. Over the last month he had learned that it would be better to keep this secret to himself. Homosexuality wasn't really welcome in this community and he was afraid to get kicked out of his room if Derrick would find out. This was one of the reasons he was staying at home more than he wanted. Of Course he was an artist and artists live off inspiration, people and alcohol. After every party or every hour he spent with strangers he was inspired to draw or paint something. Sometimes he just went out to take pictures, so he could work with those at home. Their flat soon looked like an art gallery but Derrick and Cathy didn't complain. In fact he thought they liked it that way and they treated him good. They were friends and Travis was glad he had them.

Now he was at this party and Derrick was flirting with a girl, Cathy was watching Derrick and nipping on her martini. Travis had sat down on a couch, a shot of rum in his hand and was observing the crowd. It was a rather boring party and it was clear he would leave early to watch a movie in the living room while his friends were still out. At least they won't mock him for watching a Disney movie. He loved them because he loved the way they were made. The way they were colored and animated. And of course because of the feelings they delivered.

About an hour and six glasses of rum later he saw a familiar face coming through the door. Arguing with a girl about some stupid baseball player and the fact that she betrayed him. Travis eyes were fixed on the back of the guy and the blonde hair. He knew every inch of this back by heart because he had seen him in the water and at school every day. It was Van and Travis heart seemed to jump out of his chest. What was he doing here? Why was he at this party and at college? Did he finally decide to go to college and leave his Dad? Travis eyes were still lingering on the other man, when Derrick patted his shoulder. "Why did you never tell me that you have a twin? That new guy Van looks exactly like you. And Aaron over there told me he is one of the best swimmers around and went to the same High School as you."

"We are not brothers. We just look similar. If you look closer he looks completely different. But yeah he is the best swimmer."

"So you are friends?"

"Not exactly."

"That's not an answer." Travis looked to his friend, who was smiling widely and his clear blue eyes fixed on him. 

"Well, he used to insult me in front of his friends but before I came here we had a nice talk. So I am not sure if we are friends or not."

In the same moment Travis was ending his sentence, he saw Van coming closer and falling down on the couch next to him, grabbing the glass of rum from his hand and emptying it with one swallow. "Hi Travis", he said and smirked.

Derrick shot Travis a look. "I will let you two alone. Sure you have to catch up on some stuff", was everything he said before vanishing into the crowd.

"Hello Van", Travis replied. What the fuck?

"Damn, this fucking girl."

"What happened?"

"Met her three weeks ago and we made out and dated and now she cheated on me with that baseball player Jack."

"I'm sorry to hear that. She must be stupid cheating on someone like you. Her loss." Travis smiled at Van and he smiled back.

"Good to see you, man", Van said and boxed against Travis shoulder. Latter eyed him suspicious and just nodded. They were sitting in silence for a while until Van jumped up. "Come on, let’s grab some more shots and find a more private place. Wanna talk to you."

Travis followed him through the crowd, his eyes fixed on the back of the blonde and his thoughts running in circles. What does he want to talk about and since when are they friends and share their glass and since when does he say hello and good to see you and.....Travis shook his head. After he got no call and no reply from Van he had dropped the topic completely and had moved on. He was over that cute guy from High School. At least that's what he thought. Now seeing him he wasn't sure this was ever possible.

"What do ya wanna drink?” Van asked, pointing towards the kitchen.

"A bottle of whiskey", Travis answered in all honesty because he had the feeling he wasn't drunk enough for this.

"A bottle?” Van smirked.

"Yeah. I think I need it."

"Agree."

Van turned to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Jack and some candies from the table and then walked past Travis, raising his eyebrows and pointed into the other direction with his head to follow him. The artist followed him upstairs until they found an empty room, which looked like a guest room. They closed the door behind them and Van turned the key, so no one would interrupt them. Both of them sat down cross legged on the bed, their backs against the headboard and at first none of them talked. They were sharing the bottle of whiskey and Travis was glad that he was already drunk and was able to contain himself. He felt an urge to touch Van, kiss him and rip his clothes off but he behaved and was waiting for Van to talk.

Van seemed somehow nervous and was chewing on his lip.

"Thank ya for your letter", he finally managed to say.

"You're welcome."

"It kinda made me wanna leave and I decided after ya visited me that I would. After the letter I spoke to some old teachers and our old Headmaster and the college if my scholarship still was going. And then I left four weeks ago." The Swimmer smiled and grabbed a candy and threw it into his mouth. 

"That is awesome. I am glad you did it." And I am sad you didn't come to see me right away, he added in his thoughts.

Van nodded and grabbed Travis scarf. "I wanted to be a champion. Worth something. My Dad would never be proud of me." His hands were playing with the fabric around Travis' neck and his eyes wandered up and down Travis' face.

"Don't say that. I am sure he is proud of you."

Van tugged on Travis' scarf. "Why are ya always wearing that?"

"I don't."

"Yes ya are. Ya are always wearing scarfs."

"To hide my neck from vampires."

Both chuckled and Van shook his head. "Damn. Since when are ya funny?"

"I always was but you never made an effort to get to know me better. You were too busy insulting me and play little merman."

"Little Merman? Fuck ya! But we can change that now. You're the only person I know here."

"Now I am good enough?"

"That's not what I meant. Ya know I changed." 

"Yeah. Just making fun."

Travis grabbed some of the candy from the bed. He loved chocolate and he loved to just let it sit on his tongue and slowly melt. He closed his eyes because the taste was so good after drinking whiskey. Only little noises of pleasure coming out of his mouth. "Hmm", he breathed.  
He opened his eyes when he felt Van shifting on the bed, just to see the other guy moving closer to him, so that their legs were touching and when he moved his head a bit more to the side, he swallowed the chocolate down. Van's eyes were fixed on his lips and he was biting his own one. The scarf still in his hands. Van took another sip from the bottle and then placed it on the nightstand. He looked back at Travis and Travis felt his heartbeat up to his throat, when Van came so close that he could feel his breath on his own face. Van pulled on his scarf and Travis' lips landed on the other man's lips. Van grabbed Travis hair and started kissing him properly. The artist was shocked and getting nervous and had no idea what to do and what to think of this. He slowly placed one hand on Van's cheek and when Van pushed his tongue in his mouth he let it happen and Travis felt as if he was dying of excitement. Van tasted so good. Better than chocolate and Whiskey and everything he had ever tasted.   
Suddenly Van stopped kissing him, looked at him shocked and jumped off the bed. He rushed out of the room, leaving Travis staring into the air and wondering what was wrong.   
Of Course Travis knew what was wrong. Van was not into guys. He was straight.   
Travis sighed. Fucking awesome. So much to the "I am over this guy" part.  
He would never get over THIS. Jesus.

* * *

 

"Oh no", he hadn't just done that. He hadn't just kissed a guy. What did he do that for? And then that freakin' nerd from school. Van was moving from one side to another on the small porch in front of the house where the party was based. He still could hear the music coming from the stereo. He was smoking a cigarette and shook his head. He should leave.    
The blonde boy went inside and found for the bedroom where all jackets were piled up to a big mountain of different colored fabrics. When he finally found his, he went out of the room and just bumped into someone. "Watch your step", he barked and looked up, just to see Travis' with an even more annoyed expression on his face. 

"You are leaving?” the other one asked.

"Yeah." Van turned to the hallway and went out of the crowded house and started walking towards his dorm. Stupid college parties.

Van started kicking a stone in front of him, lit a cigarette, buried his hands in his pockets and thought about kissing another man. It wasn't what bothered him the most about the evening. It was why and how it had happened. The combination of weed and too much Whiskey had made him dizzy and reckless. After getting dumped by Celine he sort of looked for someone he knew and Travis was the only guy he had seen before. They had gone to school together but Van never spoke to him or at least not in school. Instead he had made fun of him, even so he never wanted to. Travis had never done anything wrong and when he showed up a while after Doug had drowned in the lake, Van was somehow glad that he did. Travis was very nice and a bit like Doug. A friend he really needed.  
When Van reached the dorm he looked back to where he was coming from, knowing that Travis had the same way. And of course he saw him walking down the street, his red scarf around his neck. He knew now how amazing that scarf felt and for some reason he waited for Travis to approach. The guy wasn't looking up. Instead was deep in thoughts and Van had to say his name two times? When Travis looked up Van saw surprise on his face. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"About what exactly?" Travis voice was sounding hurt and annoyed.

"That I ran off. It was just..." Van started biting his lip.

"It's okay. I get it." Travis started walking again but Van grabbed his arm. Maybe it was the alcohol or the urge to not be alone again. He would never admit it but moving here, without knowing anyone was lonely. In the past it was easy for him to find new friends but after what happened back home he needed new ones, quieter ones and maybe Travis was a start. Being friends with Doug had made it pretty clear to him that he had gone into the wrong direction long enough. All friends from the past, at least the good ones, had left his side when they discovered how poor he was and that he wouldn't go to college to take care of his handicapped Dad. So it was even more important to not screw up anything with Travis. Not again.

"No you don't. Please don't be mad with me. I really..." Van sighed and looked into the sky.

"You what?” Travis hissed.

"Need a friend", Van whispered.

They looked at each other and Van was relieved to see Travis lips curl up into a smile. "God Van, you are a fuckin' idiot. We could have been friends for a very long time now and it is time for you to realize that."

"Don't talk all psycho to me."

"Well it certainly needs a lot of words to get the right stuff in your head. Moron!"

"Moron? I'm not stupid you idiot." Van grabbed him and started ruffling through Travis hair. His arms around the other man to wrestle with him.

"Van stop. I am too drunk for that. I will throw up."

Van stopped and locked eyes with the other man. "Really, I am sorry."

"It's okay. I have always known you are straight and it wasn't a big deal. Just a kiss, right?"

Van nodded, slightly hurt but he wouldn't show that. It was really just a kiss. Nothing more. And Travis was right, he was into girls. Even so he was curious how it was to kiss a guy after he found out Doug was gay.  
He hugged Travis and wished him a good night. Completely forgetting to ask him if they wanted to meet and if he was coming to his swimming test. Van went into his room and walked strictly to his bed. Maybe this was a new start. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND?


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my lil' Merle said it would be a good idea to post chapter 2...well..then..  
> It was fun writing it.
> 
> *sigh* I still remember how I came up with that story and how I started to write some of the scenes and thought "yeah, I can make them great" but then like always I had my doubts.  
> So..well..I hope some of you tell me how much I fucked up :-P

**A day later**

"Hey Travis, it's me Van, uhm, I wanted to ask if you want to go to a show with me. Listen, I know it's not your thing but I like cars and bikes and maybe you wanna come to that truck show, with me?", Van mumbled into the phone.   
Travis was chuckling, because he would of course go with him. "Yeah. Sure. Why not?"   
"Really? You don't have to."   
"Van. I said yes and I like to spend time with you."   
"Okay. Cool. So I will pick you up tomorrow at five, okay?"   
"I can't wait for it."   
"What are your plans for today?"   
"I have to finish homework."   
"Okay. See you tomorrow, then?"   
"Yeah. Bye, Van."   
Travis hung up and smiled. How sweet was that guy? Van was smiling to himself and biting his thumb. Why was he so fuckin' nervous about asking Travis out? They had already kissed each other. Dammit. He was crushing so hard on that guy. And that was the weird thing he had thought about all night. That damn boy and that fuckin' red scarf of his.

The next day Van was waiting in front of Travis door and was getting nervous when Travis wasn't showing one minute after five. Should he ring the bell? But he didn't want to run into his roommates.   
On the other hand they didn't say that they would meet outside. Van sighed and was about to go to the door, when it opened and Travis stepped out.   
"Hey", he breathed.   
"Hi."   
They stood awkwardly opposite of each other until Van scooted forward and placed a small peck on Travis cheek, which made latter blush.   
"Ready to go?", he asked.   
"Yes."   
Travis sat down behind Van and snaked his arms around him, pressed his face to his back, his eyes shut close and they drove to the show. He was getting sick on that bike but he couldn't admit that, could he?  
Before moving to the entrance, Van mumbled. "I guess it's better we don't hold hands here. Even so I would like to." "You want to hold hands?" Travis heart started to beat faster.   
"Yeah. I...Oh god...Dunno.." Van shrugged and turned to walk towards the entrance and Travis followed him. Still uncertain where this was going. He looked around and saw a lot of guys that looked scary and decided that Van was right. This was no place for a homosexual couple. Couple...were they really a couple? No. Just friends. They were friends. Travis was too realistic to think of them as a couple. Or whatsoever. A few days ago they weren't even friends. And they had kissed and he could still feel that kiss and he was still confused.  
He looked at the back of Van's head and smirked. Van bought them two tickets and then they entered to look at the extremly dangerously looking monster trucks and Travis had to admit that he thought they looked cool. He had never been a fan of cars or races but he couldn't wait to see those in action.   
"Is there a race too?", he asked Van.   
"Yes. Later on. First you can watch the cars and then they will have a race."   
"Great."   
"You wanna have a coke or food?"   
"Not yet. Later. Maybe before the race?"   
"Okay. Just tell me if you need something or want to leave. Thanks for coming along."   
Van smiled at him and Travis nodded.   
They walked around for a while and Van talked to some other guys and Travis liked the way the cars were painted, so he spoke to a guy that was airbrushing a skull on a black truck. Van observed Travis, making sure he wasn't bored but it seemed that he had found an artist to talk to and actually looked happy. Van walked over to him, shortly pressed his hand and then let go. "Come on, the race will start in 45 minutes. Let's find something to eat and then find a good place to watch."   
"Okay." 

The blonde haired bought them hotdogs and they shared a big coke. When they were done eating, Travis laughed. "You have mustard on your chin."   
Van tried to rub it away but was missing the spot. "More to the right."   
When Van failed another time, Travis licked his thumb and wiped it away. His hand lingering a second longer than needed on his friends face who was staring at him.   
"Will you stay tonight?", he whispered into Van's ear.   
"Yes." And suddenly Van wasn't as cool as usual because his hands were getting sweaty and he couldn't stop smiling. He wanted to stay at Travis' place, next to him. Doing nothing.  
They watched the race and both of them were clapping and having a lot of fun. Silently watching each other and while Travis was more than happy to finally spent time with the man he was in love with for so long, Van was starting to think, that all the time in the past he could have had him as a friend. That he could have had Travis. He had never thought about a guy like this and he had never felt like this.   
They were walking back to his bike and Travis face turned to a hurt expression but didn't say anything. Van was well aware of the arms around his waist while he was driving and the face pressed to his back and the thought alone was sending shivers down his spine.  
He parked his bike in front of the house and Travis waited for him at the door. They went upstairs without saying anything and hurried into the room. “I will sleep on the floor”, Van suggested.  
“Okay,” Travis replied, a bit disappointed but he didn't want to complain. He was too afraid to scare the blonde guy off. “Here, take my second pillow and I will give you a blanket.”  
Travis made sure Van was halfway comfortable on his floor and then stepped out of his jeans and cuddled himself into bed.  
Van was biting his lip and then mumbled. “Trav' you still awake?”  
“Yes.”  
“Do you come to my swim meet in two days?”  
“Of course.”  
“Thanks.”  
“No need to thank me Van. I was at all your contests and swim meets before and I most certainly don't stop now.”  
After a while Van decided it was not the right time for more and whispered: “Night Trav'.”  
“Night, Van.”  
Travis turned around and bit his lip. Why did it hurt so much that Van wasn't sleeping next to him and why the hell did he not kiss him again? He wanted to hold hands but didn't and now he was avoiding him completely.

Van at the same time thought that Travis was maybe avoiding him or was too shy to start something. Maybe they really were only friends.

* * *

 

Two days later Travis found himself on the stand for spectators for the swim meet. Today they selected students who would swim in the college team. He hadn't heard from him since the other night and he hadn't expected it. Van, so Travis thought, needed more time. He was still a bit depressed and losing a friend, Travis assumed, wasn't easy.  
In front of the pool the coach gathered all swimmers together and Travis scanned them to find Van. But Van wasn't there yet. Travis chewed on his thumb and watched the door closely. Short before the beginning Van walked through the door and the look on his face didn't look too happy. Van was frightened.  
He was talking to the coach, who was, so it looked from the distance, arguing with him and Van's expression changed from frightened to angry. He walked over to the row of swimmers and looked around. When he saw Travis he nodded but seemed to be even angrier.  
Awesome, Travis thought, what did I do wrong now?

When it was Van's turn to jump into the water and swim to the other end of the pool, he hesitated. He was standing there, watching the water and he was leaning from one foot to another. "Come on Van, you can do it", Travis whispered.  
Seconds later Van ran out of the hall and Travis followed him. He found him in the locker room, already starting to dress. He was mumbling something and his face was a mixture between anger and sadness and it made him look vulnerable and fragile.

"Van?” Travis tried to get his attention.  
"Go away."  
"No. Come on. Why didn't you try? You are good at this."  
Instead of an answer Van just walked past him heading towards the exit. But the artist didn't give up that fast. He walked after him and caught his arm. "VAN!” he said louder.  
"WHAT?” he screamed back.  
"Don't run away! Talk to me. Why didn't you swim?"  
Travis eased the grip on Van's arm and that made him turn around, his eyes wet and with a soft voice he explained: "I can't. Not after. I never..."  
Travis moved closer and pulled Van to his chest. "Shhh. I'm sorry. Come on, let’s go to my place and I make you a hot chocolate and we talk, okay?"

Van nodded and Travis walked over to his car and drove the both of them to his place. As soon as they were inside Van looked around. "Crap, are those yours?" He pointed at pictures from a project Travis was working on. "Yeah."  
Then Van walked over to the wall where the artist had hung some of his pictures, while Travis made them hot chocolate and grabbed some cookies from the cupboard. When he was done he walked over to Van. "Here, hot chocolate. Let's go to my room before Derrick and Cathy arrive."  
"Okay. But these are really good. Are you some kind of Picasso?"  
Travis snorted. "Not at all." Inside he was smirking because that was a compliment he could live with.  
They sat down on his bed and Van pulled off his jacket and threw it on the floor along with his sneakers. Travis got rid of the scarf and jacket, too and then they sat opposite of each other. Van started drinking the chocolate and observed Travis room a bit more. "Looks better than the little rooms at college."  
"Yeah and it is quieter."  
"Yeah. I guess and you have more room for your art."  
"That's why I wanted my own room. I am absolutely chaotic."  
"What, you don't say."

He smiled and pointed to the mountain of clothes next to the door, the books on the other side and all the stuff spread on the floor and the countless stuff on the wall. He hadn't recognized those things the last time he was here. Travis chuckled. "Sorry. I know it's a mess but I am too busy painting and drawing or studying or go to see swimmers that don't swim." He cocked an eyebrow.  
"Woah. Fuckhead."  
"Asshole."  
"Nerd."  
"Was that an insult or a finding?"  
"Both."  
"So how are we going to solve that "I am the best swimmer but I can't swim"-problem?"  
"We?"  
"Yes. Van, just to be very clear here, I like you and a few days ago you asked me to be your friend. Maybe your weed and the booze made you say it but I am here for you. I know it has been hard for you to swim or go into the water after Doug drowned and you couldn't save him but swimming was your life and I won't let you throw that away."

Travis drank from his cup and watched Van, who was considering his words.  
"It's just...I couldn't save him Trav'. He was right there in front of me and I couldn't help him. I tried but he was so drunk and..." Van shook his head, eyes full of tears and his hands pressing the cup in his hands. It hurt Travis to see that guy like this. He took the cup from his hand and placed both cups on the nightstand. He slowly approached Van and threw his arms around him. Van hesitated but then slowly moved his arms around Travis, resting his head on Travis shoulder. The artist felt him sobbing and heard the uncontrolled breathing. "Van, it wasn't your fault he died. Doug wouldn't want you to give up. I heard he was a good swimmer too."  
"He was. He was able to beat me."  
"What? Not possible. You are a merman and when we were younger I thought you had flippers."  
The blonde started chuckling on his shoulder, which sounded weird because he was still crying.   
"I am scared", Van admitted after a while. His voice nothing but a silent whisper.  
"I know. But I will help you. I will be there whenever you want."  
"Thank you."   
Travis wanted to let go of him but Van was clinging to him and whispered: "Just a bit more."  
Van started to relax and even pressed Travis closer to him. "Uhm Van, I still do need my ribs and my breath." That was one side of Travis, forgetting that he was holding a man in his hands he fantasized about for several years and that he wanted to kiss very badly, just because that guy was hurt and needed help.  
"Oh. Sorry." He let go of him and they both smirked when they looked at each other. Van grabbed after his cup and drank some more of the chocolate and grabbed a cookie. Travis did the same until he had an idea and jumped up.  
"HA! I have an idea. Do you trust me?"  
"Uhm. At the moment I am not so sure. You look scary."  
Travis placed his hands on his waist and cocked him an eyebrow. "Scary?"  
"You look like you just planned to murder someone."  
"No idiot. We will break into the pool this evening."  
"We, what?"  
"Yes. We practice. Alone. You and me. I will be there to help you swim. Yes, we do that." Travis started to grab some stuff and then asked Van to wait. He left his room and went to see Derrick who was sitting on the couch watching a sport show. The dark haired guy looked up. "Oh Trav' you are home."  
"Yeah. I need your secret keychain."  
Derrick raised an eyebrow. "Oh oh. Look at you. Did you finally find someone you wanna lay down?"  
"No. I just need the key to the pool. I am helping a friend out."  
"A friend? And who is that?" Derrick stood up and walked over to the shelf and grabbed an old wooden box and gave him the keys.  
"Van."  
"Isn't that the guy from that party?"  
"Yeah." Derrick placed his hand on Travis shoulder. Travis didn't like when he did that. He always felt like a little boy.  
"I don't like him. Be careful."  
"I will." Travis turned around and rolled his eyes. He hid the keys in his pocket.  
When he entered his room he said: "Ready to go. Come on."  
"I don't know."  
"What can happen? If you are not ready I won't push you in."

Van sighed and stood up to grab his stuff and put his shoes back on. When he was ready they walked out the room. Derrick was back to watching TV. "Bye Derrick. See you later", Travis said.  
"Wait. You should introduce me when you bring someone to my place."  
"Sorry. Derrick, this is Van."  
"Hi", Van said and Derrick stood up and gave him his hand. He looked from one to another and then laughed. "And you are sure you are not twins?"  
"Very sure. Look he has brighter eyes, a different smile, one instead of two moles, blonde hair, more muscles and is a bit taller than me", Travis argued.  
"Whatever. Have fun guys. Don't come home late Travis."  
"Yes Dad." Travis shook his head and walked out the door. As soon as they were in his car Van snorted. "The fuck is wrong with that guy? Is he rich or something? He behaves like you are his property."  
"Nah. He is just joking."  
"Just be careful. I know guys like him. I was one of them." Vans face was serious and his voice was too angry to be joking. The artist agreed and wondered why Van cared.   
As soon as they arrived Travis opened the door to the sports area from their college and sneaked in. "When you said we break in I thought you meant breaking in not using a key."  
"No one knows that key exists. It's Derricks. He uses it to play with his girls."  
"What is he getting' an erection fuckin' someone in the headmasters office?"  
"No. But when they swim naked in the pool."  
They were standing in front of the pool which was slightly illuminated by spots in the water. "Do you need more light?"  
"No."

Travis watched Van's face who was staring at the water. He was thinking about that day. Travis sighed and ripped off his clothes and put on his swimming shorts over his underwear and jumped in the water. He swam some rounds to give Van some time but when he was still alone in the water after several minutes he sat down on the edge of the pool and looked at him. 

"Van? Please?"

The other guy was shaking his head. "I can't."

"What do I need to do to get you in the water?"

Van again, shook his head and sat down on a diving board his back turned to the pool. He was grabbing the edges so hard his knuckles turned white. Travis stood up and walked over to place himself in front of him, grabbing his shoulders to make him look up to him. "What exactly is it that you are afraid of? I am not drowning, neither are you?"

"I don't know it just feels weird to swim again and win stuff when he will never be able to swim again. His Dad made him swim and hit him when he had done something wrong. Doug wanted to die, I know that but I am afraid that I can't ever save anybody and that no one will save me."  
Travis took Van's Head between his hands and made him look at him. "Van, I would save you. Even if it would kill me. That's what we do, right? You tried to save him and I am sure you would have succeeded if he hadn't been drunk and if it hadn't been dark. I read the reports and I think it is time for you to let go. What was your biggest dream before that happened?"  
"Go to college, swim, make some money and to be okay again. I don't want to be so...damaged."  
Travis got down on his knees so he was at the same height as the other guy. "We are all a bit damaged Van. And don't you want to live your dream? Because you are here and you can do it. Others will never get that chance again. I know you think it is unfair that you are here while he is dead and will never be able to fulfill his dreams. Free himself from the chains his Dad had made for him. But Van, you are alive and you are here. It's important and you need this. I need you to do it."  
"Why?"  
"You remember the day you beat that guy at school that was twice the size than you and was making jokes of you? You told him that he is a fucking moron to believe that height and muscles have anything to do with how good someone can swim. And you won. You weren't afraid of anything back then. Of course things changed when your Dad had that accident. But still, you are fuckin' strong and I always wanted to be like you. Seeing you this sad and this weak makes me sad. It makes me think that if you don't make this, I won't even make it through my first year here. Because I am the looser and you are the champion."  
Van shook his head and smirked. "You are not. You are smart and talented. Someday you will be famous and I will sit in my old house, taking care of my Dad. Sleeping beside him when he can't sleep. Just like now. But you, you will be famous because you are great."  
"Can we stop with the compliments? That's getting embarrassing."  
"God, yes."  
"I don't know what you do, but I will swim a bit. If you want, try to catch me."  
Travis swam around a bit, not really paying attention of his style or whatsoever. He was never into sports and he hated to swim. He was doing this for him because it wasn't a lie that he found Van inspiring and he was sad to see him like this. He knew it was all a bit weird that they were suddenly so close, when years back they had never spoken with each other. Of Course Travis was still crushing on him and was curious why Van had kissed him and maybe, if he wasn't too weird, Van would like him too.

When he looked back he saw that Van had finally laid his clothes off and was standing at the edge of the pool.  
Travis was on the other end and smiled. "Hey, what else do you need to come here?"  
"Maybe you promise me something?"  
"And what would that be?"  
"Can you come over to my room when we are done here?"  
"Is your roommate not complaining?"  
"No, he went home until Sunday. Some Family business." "Okay. Then we will have a sleepover at your room. Everything, but first you need to swim over here."

Van looked at him and nodded. Still hesitating but then he jumped in and Travis waited until Van was next to him. Shaking his head to get the water out of his hair. A little smile on his face. "You made it", Travis cheered.  
Van nodded but looked a bit pale. Travis boxed his shoulder. "I bet I am faster than you."  
"You wish."

Both started swimming to the other side and Travis tried to be as fast as possible but lost and when he finally arrived at the other side Van was laughing. "Oh my god what are you? A snail?"  
"No, I am a turtle. Snails don't swim like this."  
Van laughed and then pulled Travis closer to hug him. Travis suddenly remembered that he was a guy and that he was gay. And remembering that the guy pressing him to his chest was Van - his High School crush - made him nervous. How had he managed that?  
"Stop thinking Trav'", Van whispered and let his hands slide up to the dark hair, holding the head of the other guy in his hands.  
He looked at him and felt so stupid but he wanted to kiss him again. But instead of doing so he smirked and thanked him by hugging him once more and then swam another round. Travis watched him and thought he was such a lucky bastard and he had done something right. Van was swimming again and he finally looked like he had found himself again. Travis started to dry himself and put on his clothes before Van jumped out of the pool and did the same. They were both quiet and smiling until they stepped into the car. Travis and Van looked at each other.  
"Your place then?” Travis asked.  
"Yes, if this isn't too much to ask. Let's hang out and watch a movie or something. I just don't want to be alone again."  
"No need to explain. I am happy when I can spend time with you. But I told you that already."  
Travis started the car and drove to the dorms. Before they stopped the car Van asked: "Do you ever think about being someone else? Stop being an artist and be a swimmer instead? Or did you ever have the wish that there was more in you than that?"  
"Yeah. As an artist I am doomed to think a lot because even now, there are a million pictures and questions in my head. Words that want to come out, pictures that want to be drawn or photographed and edited. My head is never at peace. That's why I drink alcohol sometimes to pass out. It's the only way to make my mind shut up. When we were younger and you and your friends started bullying me I wished I was different. Wished to be someone else or someone far away from humans. Some of you made my life a living hell, made me believe I am a freak and that I am not good enough to be anybody's friend. And even now that I study art and have some friends and can do what I want without being bullied, I want to be different. This feeling will never go away. I will never be like you. And you will never be like me. I think this is pretty normal. But people like me, artists, are drawn to melancholy, silence, loneliness. People like you need other people, parties, sports and can't sit still for too long."  
Van looked at him. "When I was younger I was jealous at you. Because you had lovely parents, a normal life and no one was expecting you to be a champion. My only talent is to swim and drive a bike. I wish there was more in me than that."  
Travis grabbed his hand. "There is. You will see."  
"Maybe you can change too. Even so I don't think you need to."  
"Nah. Too late for me. And now let's go inside. Want to see your room."

They walked along the hallway and Van fumbled in his pockets to get the key out. His hair was a mess but Travis loved the light in his eyes and the lips that were curled up again. He was nervous and yet he felt comfortable around Van. All those years he had waited for this to happen and now that it did, he was not sure how to handle the whole thing. Could he really be just a friend to that attractive swimmer?

 


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!  
> The last one before wednesday :)

In Van's room both stood awkwardly opposite of each other. "So, uhm, what do you want to do?” Van asked.  
Travis scanned the room with his eyes. "What movies do you have?"  
Van went over to his closet and grabbed for the movies he brought from home. "Action, Horror or Comedy?"  
Travis sighed. "Its better you chose. I don't watch a lot of movies."  
Van eyed him curious. "Then we will take the action movie. It's a classic. Think you will like that one. Sit down." Van pointed to his bed and Travis slowly approached the tiny space. When Van looked up he could see how nervous Travis was and to be honest he was too. Van put the video in the player and then turned around, his hands trying to get his blonde hair out of his face. "Want a coke?"  
"Yeah." When Van had everything they needed he sat next to Travis who was still wearing his jacket and his scarf. But Van didn't want to say anything so he just started the movie.  
Travis was watching it and after 30 minutes Van felt something leaning against his shoulder. He smiled, when he looked at Travis who had fallen asleep. Van stopped the movie and just watched him for a while. He still could feel the bits of adrenaline in his system from jumping into the water but there was this tingling feeling too. He wanted to kiss Travis again.  
He didn't want to steal it, while the other man was asleep. He played with the red scarf and after a while he gently shook Travis because he had to go to the toilet.  
"Travis?” he whispered and the other man moved his head up.   
"I wasn't asleep", he tried to reason.  
"Just resting your eyes, hm?"  
"Yeah." Travis smiled and Van smiled back.   
"Gimme a second", he said and ran to the bathroom.   
When he came back, Travis was lying on the side, his head resting on his arm and his eyes resting on Van's face. "Is it really okay for you if I stay?"  
"Sure. I will sleep on the floor then."  
"No. Come on. It's enough space and we can behave", Travis said with a smirk. Jesus, when did he get so cocky and sounded so self-confident. Sometimes Travis wondered about himself.  
Van moved closer and then decided to cover them both with a blanket. He was lying to his side too and locked eyes with Travis. "Don't you want to take off your scarf and jacket? It's too warm."  
Travis nodded and took off his scarf and jacket, threw it on the floor and then cuddled back into the blanket. Their eyes met again and Van found himself thinking about how dark blue Travis' eyes were. He dimmed the lamp and then whispered "Good Night." Travis didn't reply but gently touched Van's hand that was lying in the space between them. Van didn't pull his hand back and he didn't even care. It felt good. And somehow this was what he wanted. He had wanted this days ago at the monster truck show. Travis seemed to be such a nice guy and he felt bad that he had treated him so bad in the past. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk in school."  
"It's okay. It didn't bother me. Knew you did it because the others expected it."  
"Still, I could have said something."  
"Now you are and that's enough. Always liked you anyway."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah."  
"Why?"  
"You are cute, hot and a very talented swimmer." Were they flirting? Travis thoughts were jumping back and forth and a million pictures were running through his head.  
Van this time, didn't reply but moved closer to the other man, until their legs touched and he could feel his breath upon his face. "Did they ever tell you that we look like brothers back then?"  
"All the time. They always said you were the cool one and I was the loser."  
"Well, I was told you are a talented artist and shy. But I think you are cute and I love your red scarf."  
"Van, Can I ask you something?"  
"Sure."  
"Why did you kiss me at the party? And why did you wanna hold hands at the truck show and gave me a peck?"  
Van did notice the sadness and confusion in the other guy’s voice and sighed. "I don't know. I just had the urge to do so. I have never kissed a guy before. I guess it would have happened with Doug someday. I really liked him. And you...I don't know. But I would like to do it again." Oh fuck, and Travis wanted this so much. He stopped thinking.  
Travis moved their bodies, pulling Van on top of him. Their mouths finding each other again. Van was holding Travis in his arms and was playing with a strand of his hair. His tongue dancing with the other one. Travis' hands were holding his waist. Van broke their kiss and moved down to Travis neck, biting down a bit, which made him moan and grabbing into Van's hair.  
Van wanted to explore Travis a bit, wanted to get to know him in all kind of ways. He moved downwards slowly moving his hand under the hem of the shirt and pulling it up over Travis head. He got rid of his one too and then started kissing Travis' chest and stomach. "What are you doing?"   
"Exploring."  
"Van, I don't...I never...I want to wait.” Travis said shaking like a maniac. From excitement and fear. Some part of him was embarrassed.  
Van looked at him surprised and put a soft kiss to Travis lips. "That's okay. Didn't want to pull the whole thing. Just kissing and touching, okay?" Van wanted to be careful with Travis. He knew he had to be, because that guy had enough of his shitty behavior in the past and Van had to make up for it. Plus he was lonely and he liked the little artist. He always had liked him but that was a secret he wouldn't tell him so soon.  
"Thank you."  
"Not for that. But why did you never?"  
"Never found the right guy."  
Van moved them around, so that Travis was on top. "Then I guess you should lead."  
Travis hands shyly moved over Van's tattoo on his chest and then bowed his head down to put kisses on his neck. Van closed his eyes, sucking in every touch and every feeling. This was just too good and he knew he would fall in love with Travis. He had known the day Travis came to see him after his stay in Paris. When he told him he would listen whenever he needed someone.  
Van felt Travis lips on his and kissed him back.   
It all felt so new and yet so good. He let his hands trail down Travis back, until he reached his jeans and then moved up again, burying his hands in the dark hair.  
Their kissing got intense and Travis moved on top of him, which made Van open his eyes and break the kiss. His hands finding the way to Travis chest, his thumbs brushing over his nipples. Travis parted his lips and opened his eyes to look down.   
"Am I dreaming?” he mumbled, which made Van chuckle.  
"No. Did you dream about me in the past?"  
Travis nodded. "Yeah. I wondered how it would be to be touched by you."  
"And?"  
"I think my imagination wasn't as good as the real thing." He smirked and let his thumb run over Van's lips. Van knew that Travis wanted him, he could see it but it wasn't the right time. They should get to know each other before doing anything. And even so Van wasn't a virgin, he still was a virgin regarding guys.  
"What are your plans for tomorrow?"  
Travis placed himself next to Van, his head resting on Van's shoulder. "I have to finish a painting for class and after that I don't have plans. Maybe reading or some more painting."  
"Or you could finish that artwork and then go to the park with me and take your camera. I know you love to make photos."  
"That sounds like a date."  
"Maybe it is." Van kissed him once more while playing with Travis hair. When Travis yawned into their kiss Van snickered. "Am I that boring?"  
"Oh no! I am just so tired. Been awake since 5 in the morning and swimming was a bit exhausting."  
"We should sleep. When do you need to get up?"  
"Six. I have class at 9 but have to go back to my place and grab my stuff and uhm...kind of...do my homework."  
"What? You had to do homework for tomorrow?"  
"Yeah." Travis said briefly.  
"Why didn't you tell me? We could have gone to your place."  
"What we did was more important than writing three pages about a topic I don't care about."  
Travis gave Van a peck on his cheek and then turned around. Van put on his alarm clock and approached his friend. He didn't cuddle him, not knowing if it was okay to do so. They had kissed and they had cuddled, yes, but he didn't want to do too much.   
"Goodnight Trav'", he whispered.  
"'Night Van." Travis grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. Van smirked and tangled them together. In some way Travis was like a girl and Van certainly didn't mind that. He kissed Travis neck and then closed his eyes. Travis didn't really sleep because his thoughts were burning holes into his brain. What did just happen? Why did it happen and most importantly WHAT THE FUCK? But then he felt Van's hand in his and he looked down on himself and smiled. Wasn't that what he always dreamed about?  
  
Travis was in his room writing down three pages filled with nonsense but he didn't mind. His head was somewhere else, somewhere in the clouds to be exact. His heart was beating like a fucking bass drum and he was nervous. He had a date. A fuckin' proper date, with VAN! How did that happen? Did he dream that or what?  
Van had kissed him, cuddled with him and wasn't he the sweetest guy ever?  
Travis snorted. Of course he was and it’s not that he hadn't noticed that a trillion times over the last years. Travis was proud that he was the reason Van jumped into the water yesterday and he was proud that Van finally wanted to get his life together. Under any other circumstances Travis would have never helped him but since he was in love with that guy for years now, he thought it was somehow his right to do so. And who would have known that Van was the one making the first step.   
When Travis was done with his paper he packed a bag for his date in the park. He took his sketchbook and his camera and some other stuff from his desk. Then he went into the kitchen, making himself a toast and a cup of coffee. He was just about to leave when Derrick came in. "Look what the cat dragged in", he said dramatically and opened his arms. "Good Morning Derrick."  
"Can you tell me where you were?"  
"That's none of your business. You are not my Dad."  
"No, but I told you "Don't come home too late" because we needed to talk."  
"Well, I didn't come home late. It was early in the morning." Travis smirked, which made Derrick role his eyes.   
"So?"  
"What?"  
"Where were you?"  
"Van. We went to the pool and then watched a movie and fell asleep. And now I have to go to class."  
Travis was already leaving, when Derrick stopped him. "We need to talk about our gossip project. You know how much professor unfriendly pissed me off the other day."  
"Yeah. We can talk tomorrow."  
"Excuse you? Tomorrow? We are still going to the party tomorrow."  
"Yeah. Before that."  
"Travis, I don't like how you are changing. I don't like that Van guy."  
"Well, at least you two have something in common." Then Travis turned around and walked out of the Apartment. What a moron. Not liking Van. Pfff. How could he not? Derrick pisses him off lately with his fucking attitude and his behavior as if he was better than him.   
Van picked him up from college at 12 and Travis smirked when he saw him standing at the parking lot, with his white bike, a smoke in his mouth and looking at him. Jesus, Travis thought, I might just faint here and die. Can he be sexier?  
And hell, where did this thought come from? He walked closer and Van greeted him with a smile and a "Hi Trav'."  
"Hey Van", Travis replied nervous.  
"Are you ready?"  
"Sure. Where do we go?"  
"Uhm, I will drive us somewhere away from campus."  
"Drive?"  
Van laughed and put his smoke out. "Yeah stupid. With my bike."  
Travis shook his head. "No. Can we walk?"  
"Travis, are you scared?"  
The artist shook his head but the truth was he was a fucking scaredy-cat.  
"Come on, sit behind me and hold on to my waist. Why didn't you say anything the last time? It's fun and I am with you."  
FUCKING GREAT! He wasn't just nervous, no, he was frightened too now. What a nice combination. He sat behind Van and placed his arms around his waist. Van started to drive and Travis felt like losing the ground under his feet and like he was flying somehow. He couldn't explain it. He opened his eyes a bit and saw trees flying by and houses. Van grabbed his hand and pressed it shortly before returning his hand to the handlebar.  
Travis was slowly calming down and actually enjoyed the view. This would make him draw some more stuff. But he was glad when Van stopped the bike at the side of the road. Travis looked around. They were at a forest and he couldn't see any other human being. "Did we leave civilization?"  
"No stupid. I saw this when I drove around a few days ago. Come on, I'll show you something."  
Van grabbed his hand and dragged him to a little path and they walked hand in hand the whole time until Van stopped and pointed to an old bench that was completely covered with Ivy and grass. The only thing you could see from the bench was the headboard. And the words that were carved into it: "We used to sit here."  
"Woah", Travis expressed and took his backpack off to grab the camera and started taking pictures. He totally forgot that he wasn't alone. But this bench told a million stories and he was willing to discover them.   
Van was watching him and felt himself feeling happy and proud that he had found something that Travis liked. It was easy being with him and it was everything he needed right now. It wasn't a fancy date but he learned that it didn't need much money to make someone happy. He had seen both sides in his life. Having everything and more than you needed and the opposite, where you have to turn around every coin twice before buying something to eat.  
"So do you like it?” he asked, even so he knew the answer already.  
Travis turned around. "Yes. It is great and I love it and I have so many ideas."  
"Slow down lil' Picasso. You are getting a heart attack from your excitement."  
Travis came closer to Van and kissed him, pressing him against the tree he was leaning on. Van instantly claimed his mouth and pushed his hands under the fabric of the other ones shirt, just to let his hands roam over his back. Travis hands were pressed against his chest and his thumb was stroking over his nipples.   
"Trav'", Van mumbled between kisses.  
"Huh?"  
"Stop."  
"Why?" Travis looked at him, pupils blown and his face red.   
"Because I don't want anything to happen on our first date." Which was a complete lie.  
"'M sorry. I just...sorry." Travis scratched the back of his head and moved away a bit.   
"No need to be sorry. But it's good to know what makes you horny."  
Travis face turned even redder and Van smirked, when Travis turned around and hid his face in his hands. Van approached him and whispered: "You okay?"  
"Yeah. I'm sorry."  
"I swear to god, if ya apologize one more time I leave ya here and drive home."  
"You wouldn't." Travis turned around.  
"True. Can't leave someone like you in the woods. Come on now, let’s go and see a bit more of this forest and you can take more pictures."  
They walked through the forest and Travis took pictures and was smiling all the time. He took a lot of pictures of trees and their bark and paths and suddenly he stopped in front of a broken tree and started taking pictures. Close ups, more close ups and then took out his sketchbook to make a short doodle of the tree and the living things on it.  
Van observed him and he was starting to feel more and more comfortable with him. Travis wasn't just someone. For some reason he was his someone. Van trusted him and he couldn't get enough of him. He was a cute lil' freak and smart as fuck and attractive. He liked that Travis didn't care what he was wearing and that he did have a little belly. Van liked that Travis' eyes seemed to see more than he did in this forest.  
"Trav', can ya show me what ya see? I wanna see it too."  
"Sure. Come here." Travis was sitting cross legged in front of the broken and dead tree and was drawing. Van took place next to him and watched his drawing and then the tree. "Ya see all that?" He pointed at the mushrooms and different beetles and to the little place where some water was caught in a hole in the tree.  
"Yeah. Even a broken tree like this one is beautiful. It's sad that it broke, see, it wasn't cut it probably got hit by a storm but it is still full of life. Just because something is broken, doesn't mean it has to be dead and ugly. See all the different beetles and the mushrooms. Or here, look at the little flower which is growing on the bark." Travis pointed this out to Van and Van nodded. He could see it now. What he saw clearer than that was that he was falling in love with Travis. That's why he had kissed him and wanted to spend time with him. He was attracted to the wild expression in his face, the desire and darkness in his eyes and the fucking red scarf around his neck.  
They were heading back to Travis' place and the artist felt incredible. Van had listened to him and took him to such a wonderful place. What a perfect first date! Now they were heading to his home and Van said he wanted to stay the night. Travis knew that they couldn't do much with his roommates around and the damn windows in their doors but at least when the others went to bed he could kiss and cuddle with Van.  
When they arrived Derrick was standing at the bar, mixing himself a drink.  
"Hello Trav'. Hi Van", he greeted them in his sweetest voice.  
"Hey Der', where is Jones?"  
"Cathy isn't back yet. She was studying with someone."  
"Okay. We are in my room."  
"You want a drink?"  
"No. Thanks", Travis answered for the both of them.  
They walked into his room and Travis locked the door. "I don't like him at all", Van repeated himself.  
"He doesn't like you either."  
Van looked around. "What are all these monitors for?"  
"Oh, my art project and another project for class."  
"Man, your room looks weird. All that stuff."  
"Yeah. Weird like me." Travis sighed and sat next to Van. Suddenly feeling this old feeling of being too weird for anybody. Sadness was overcoming him and tainting his mood again. He was always the freak.  
"Nah. You are not weird."  
"I am. I am a freak."  
Travis was biting his lip and looked at Van. He knew it looked weird for non-artistic people when he did his things.   
"Well, that freak is the reason I am attending a college, started to swim again and is the reason I start to like my life again. He is the reason I am here. So how bad can he be?"  
Travis moved behind Van, slung his arms around him and started nibbling on his ear. "You are here because of me?"  
"That letter you sent me. It made me rethink some stuff and choices and I wanted to be better. Wanted to be my own person and you said I could be a king here. Who could resist that?"  
Van raised his arm to press Travis closer to his back, his head falling against the other ones shoulder. Travis pulled him onto the bed and let himself fall backwards too. Van turned around and looked at him. "Aren't you afraid they could see us?"  
"I could say you attacked me."   
"Ha! Sure."  
Van started to tickle Travis, who started struggling and laughing and soon they were wrapped up in each other, fighting and wrestling and tickling each other until they were a complete breathless mess. Both of them laid down next to each other. "I am glad you decided to give college a try."  
"I am glad, too. And I am glad I made a pretty great friend."  
"Who?"  
Travis smirked and grabbed Van's hand.  
"You probably don't know him. He is an artist and smart. He is always wearing a scarf, dark hair, blue eyes, and a mole over his upper lip and he is very, very cute."  
Travis shook his head. What had he dragged himself into? "Did you just call me cute?"  
"Who said I meant you?"  
"Van!” Travis replied a bit too harsh.  
"I mean it."  
"Don't play with me, okay? It's not funny."  
Instead of an answer Van started kissing him and pulling him onto him. "Does that look funny to you? Hell I have no idea what is going on. Only thing I know is that I can't stop thinking about you nor kissing you. Hell I have practically known you all my life and I can't understand why I always mocked you, when in real I always thought you were awesome. There, I said it."  
Travis couldn't say anything, he just stared at the other guy. Van bit his lip and looked away. Then got up and left the room to go to the toilet. Fuck. He didn't want to say it. He had promised himself but how else could he explain what was going on and why he did what he did? He never thought he was gay. Van thought he liked Travis because he was talented and had a lot things he never had. Like a choice. But earlier he had never thought about him as cute, attractive and kissable. Now it was exactly that.   
Fuck. He really was falling in love with him. Wasn't he?  
He was just about to get back into the room, when Derrick saw him.  
"Van, on a word?"  
"What do you want?"  
"I want you to stay out of his life." Derrick was drinking from a glass. Whiskey Van assumed.  
"Why would I do that?"  
"Because he is my friend and I don't want him to get hurt."  
"Well, newsflash I won't hurt him. And I know him a lot longer than you."  
Derrick nodded and smiled. "I just warned you. Do something to him and I will hurt you."  
Van snorted and turned around. A year ago he would have punched that guy. Now he was too amused to do so plus he needed to go back to Travis. When he entered the room Travis was sitting on his desk, tears in his eyes, while he was drawing.  
He didn't look up when Van entered. The swimmer took a towel from the ground and tried to hang it over the bulls eye in the door, so no one would see them. Then he locked it. He walked over to the artist and gently put his hand on his shoulder, which made Travis stop. Van could see what he was drawing and sighed. It was a picture of him.   
"Trav?"  
"I thought you left."  
"No. I was about to but couldn't. Listen, I am sorry."  
Travis nodded but was still not looking at him. Van knelt down and turned the stool around, his arms on Travis legs and Travis was looking down, so Van placed his head on his arms, looking up. Not a very comfortable position but the only one that made Travis look at him. "I am sorry lil' Picasso. Can we go to bed now and I will hold you like last night?"  
Instead of a reply he felt a hand in his hair and one under his armpit, pulling him up. "No."  
Travis stood up and walked to his bed.  
"No?” Van asked confused.  
"Tonight I am holding you." Travis smiled and pulled Van closer. The other one started smiling too and kissed Travis. "For a moment I thought you would throw me out."  
"Was thinkin' about that." Their lips touched and their hands were slowly finding their ways under the other guy’s shirts until pulling them over their heads. Travis hands were the first that went down to Van's pants to open it. He was a bit shaking and afraid Van would stop him but when he didn't hold him back, Travis opened the belt, the buttons and zipper. Van's cargo fell to the ground and he stepped out of it. He looked down to Travis and placed kisses on his shoulder and neck, while opening his jeans, too. They were standing so close that both of them could feel the erection building up in their shorts and when Travis felt that, he was so surprised, he grabbed into Van's hair and pulled him back just to see his eyes. This was unbelievable.  
"Van...” he moaned, when he felt Van's hands on his back and on his neck.  
"Yeah?"  
"I just need to say this...I really like you and please I hope this is not some sort of joke to you. Or an experiment."  
Van shook his head and placed Travis' head between his hands and moved his hip so they were touching. "Does this feel like a joke? I have never...Okay I am honest, I never ever thought about you like THIS but fuck man, I don't know. I think I might...oh god...” Van chuckled and felt embarrassed. "I might like you, too. Like a lot."  
"That's all I needed to hear." Travis started kissing him and it needed all of Van's strength to not just give in and fuck with Travis. But he always reminded himself that it was the artists first time at all and his with a guy. Van held his hands on Travis waist and gently pushed his thumb into the flesh. He could feel Travis hard member pressing against his thigh and the excitement and teasing of the other guy let him moan. "Fuck, Trav' stop."  
"Why?” Travis asked and looked at him.  
"Same as hours ago. No sex on our first date and this is kind of a new land for me, too, here. I want to do it right and I want you to have a great first time."  
Travis eyes sparkled and he smirked. "Who would have known that you are that romantic?"  
Van snorted. "Who would have known that you are this straight forward?"  
Van grabbed Travis and lifted him up and let himself fall back to the bed, so that the other guy was straddling him. He was looking down on him, his eyes fixed on his face and Van could see that he was happy and that, oh hell, made him happy too. Travis dark hair was a complete mess by now and the swimmer loved that sight.   
"Travis?"  
"Hm?"  
"Don't you think it is weird?"  
"What exactly?"  
"You and me."  
"Yeah. A bit. Because I always thought you were straight. I remember you having girlfriends."  
"Yeah. I never thought about being with a guy because I never paid attention. When I started it was because of Doug. I never knew someone gay before and never thought much about it. But he was cool and his Dad was giving him a hard time because of his sexuality. I felt pity for him and wanted to make it better by being his friend. But he also made me curious. Of course there were always guys I thought were good looking but only compared to me."  
"So it is some kind of experiment for you", Travis considered.  
"No. No, I really do like you and I like what we are doing since the party but I am kind of, uh, scared, too."  
Travis moved next to him and covered them with a blanket. "Don't be scared. We have all the time in the world."  
Van pressed his lips onto the other boy’s lips and nodded. "Yeah we do. Thank you."  
"You have any plans for tomorrow?"  
"Yeah. Have to talk to the coach and ask if I can repeat the test. I have some classes and in the evening I am invited to a party. You?"  
"I have classes until three and then wanted to go to the museum. After that I have to talk with Derrick and Cathy about a project and then I am invited to a party, too but I won't go because I need to finish some stuff first. So I have the weekend off."  
"Sounds busy. So we don't see each other tomorrow?"  
Travis shook his head. "Only when you come to the museum with me."  
"Oh. I have never been to a museum and I don't know anything about art."  
"That's okay."  
"But I would gladly go with you. You went to the truck show with me. So it's my turn."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. Anything for my lil' Picasso."  
They started kissing and touching again and Van loved every single second of it. Travis was high on feelings and couldn't believe what was happening between them but he didn't complain. Never. When it was time to go to sleep, he set the alarm clock and Van turned around so Travis could spoon him. Before falling asleep Travis placed a kiss between Van's shoulder blades and whispered: "Goodnight my lil' merman."  
Which was answered with a mumbled: "'Night my lil' Picasso."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! They made out!


	5. Chapter 4

Travis was waiting in front of the museum and for the first time he wouldn't go alone. He felt so high and full of energy that he thought he would explode. Just minutes too late Van arrived on his bike and greeted him with one of his gorgeous smiles. He was wearing camouflage cargos, a red shirt and a blue jacket. Because just like himself Van didn't care for clothes and Travis knew he had no money to buy new ones.  
Van looked from one side to another and then pressed a little kiss on Travis' lips. "Hi Trav'."  
"Hey handsome."  
Van cocked an eyebrow and shook his head.  
"So do we go in?"  
"Okay." Travis bought two tickets and Van bit his lip, because he had forgotten to take money with him.  
"Can I give you the money back tomorrow?"  
"No. You don't have to pay it back. Come on."  
Travis started walking and Van followed him. As soon as they entered the first room, Travis face was some sort of "I am 4 years old and Granny just gave me candies" and "I am the smartest guy on the planet" mixture and Van couldn't help but kiss him.  
"Van. Shhh. We are in a museum. Behave yourself."  
"Oh. Sorry." Van had no idea what to do in a museum or how to behave. So he pretended to look at the pictures and now and then Travis was explaining some things to him or telling him how much he liked the artwork. Van listened to every single word and watched every move his friend did. Seeing him like this was like seeing something worthy and something impossible. He looked young and old, mysterious and open and dark and bright at the same time. Like a grownup who was acting like a kid and it was hell of a good mixture.  
When they entered the third room, Van smirked because those were sculptures and he knew Travis didn't like them. So they were done quiet fast and Travis was only saying stuff like "Ewww look at this. It's not even good". They stayed for 3 hours and then went out of the museum.   
"Did you like it?” Travis asked with hope in his voice.  
"I did", Van replied even so it was a lie.  
"No you didn't." Travis smirked.  
"Sorry."  
"Hey, no problem. I am not a good swimmer and you don't like art. That's okay."  
"Now do we still have time or do you need to go?"  
"I need to go. Derrick, Cathy and I have to talk about a homework."  
"Okay. Then I will take you home."  
They climbed on the bike and drove back to Travis' place and Travis had placed his hand underneath Van's shirt and was stroking his happy trail.  
Before they started to slow down he stopped and when he got off the bike he looked around and when he saw nobody he gave Van a kiss. His hand was lingering on Van's cheek and he said: "Thanks for the drive. Have fun at the party. Will I see you tomorrow?"  
"Yeah. It's Friday. Wanna do something or just make out?"  
"Hmmm. I think the last part sounds good." Travis gave Van another kiss and then turned around to enter but before he was inside Van said: "If you are done with your artwork come and see me or maybe come to the party and we could have another sleepover."  
"Maybe."  
Then Travis ran up the stairs and into the flat. Derrick and Cathy were already talking about the project they had. It was a project about gossip and what it could do. Travis didn't like the idea much to tell a lie and then see how it spreads but on the other hand it would be interesting. So he agreed. Before he could walk into his room Derrick held him back. Travis looked to Cathy who just shrugged.  
"Travis, can we talk about Van?"  
"What's with him?"  
"He stays here, you stay at his place and I am wondering if there is something you are not telling us."  
"No. as I said, he is a friend and we hang out."  
"Do you really trust him? I heard he is unpredictable and plays games with people. And you told me he mocked you at school. I am just worried."  
"Don't worry. Van is okay."  
"Your choice but again, I warned you. So what about the party?"  
"I can't come. I have to finish some stuff for my art class."  
"Sure? I heard some very pretty ladies are there. Rebecca."   
"No thanks."  
"Okay. If you want you can join us later."  
Derrick walked back to Cathy and they started their usual flirting. Enough reason for Travis to go inside his room and start to work. 

* * *

  
After he was done with the artwork and the essay he had to write he looked at the clock. It was only ten and so he decided to go to that party. At least he would see Van and could have some drinks. He pulled on his jacket and the red scarf and walked the ten minutes to the club. Inside he found Cathy at the bar and ordered a martini. He was sipping at it. "Did you see Van?” Travis asked Cathy.  
"Yeah. A while back. He went upstairs I think."  
"Thanks."  
Travis walked upstairs to look for Van. Hopefully he wouldn't be annoyed or pissed when he showed up. Who knows what his friends would think? He walked over to the section with the chairs and sofas and nearly dropped his glass. Van was sitting at a chair, a girl kissing him and he seemed to enjoy it. Travis turned around and walked straight out of the club and back into the cold. On his way back to his room he had to hold back his tears. Of course this was a joke to Van and of course he would prefer a girl over him. First possibility and he was gone. Travis shook his head. He was so stupid thinking, that this guy actually liked him. As soon as he was in his room he buried himself in his bed and started crying. He was just a freak. What was he expecting? That Van fell in love with him and they would be a happy couple until their dying day? Travis snorted about himself. He should know better than believing in fucking fairytales and Disney-movie happy endings.  
Was it so wrong that he wanted to be happy with a guy? Why was there no button to press which would make him forget the last days and probably about Van at all?   
Travis was still crying, when he heard the doorbell ring. Nice one of them forgot their keys. Travis got up and wiped away his tears, tried to calm his breath and opened the door. He heard the footsteps in the floor and went back to his room. He didn't want them to see him like this. Especially not Derrick.  
A few minutes later he was back on his bed and felt the tears coming back. When someone entered the room he said "Fuck off!"  
"Trav'?", a familiar voice asked. What was he doing here?  
"Go away."  
But instead of going away Van approached him and tried to push the blanket away so he could see Travis face.  
"Why are you crying?"  
"I went to the party."  
Van closed his eyes. "Fuck. I came here to apologize and tell you what I did. I don't know why I did it."  
"Because you are fuckin' straight."  
"I didn't even like her. It just happened. Please Travis, look at me."  
Van tried to turn him around so he could calm him but Travis was struggling against him. "No. Go. I don't want to see you."  
Van sighed and buried his face inside of his palms. Fuck. He had screwed everything up.  
"Please.", he whispered. "I am sorry. Lil' Picasso?"   
Travis sighed and closed his eyes. As much he was angry with Van, a part of him was afraid to lose him completely. So he turned around and made some space for Van, who immediately kicked off his shoes and snuggled up to Travis. "I am so sorry. I shouldn't have done it. It was one kiss and I told her that I can't and that I am in a relationship. Then I came here to tell you and apologize. Sorry Travis."  
"It hurts Van. Don't you know that I am madly in love with you? And I have been for years now. It hurts that you pretend to be my friend and like me and then go and kiss someone else."  
Van started to dry Travis tears off. "I know. I know it hurts and I am sorry. What can I do to make you feel better? Anything?"  
Van was nearly begging for the other guy to forgive him. While he kissed the girl he felt nothing and he was thinking about Travis. That cute guy lying next to him, with wet eyes and sadness written all over his face. Sadness caused by his stupid actions.  
"No. I think I need time."  
"Do you want me to leave?"  
Travis shook his head and pressed Van closer. "Don't do it again", he breathed.  
"No. Never. Can I kiss you?"  
"Not right now."   
Van felt his heart sink and now he felt like crying. Did he really think that Travis would just forgive him and that it would be so easy to be with him? Travis was so sensible and sweet and he was thinking so less of himself and now he went all crazy and kissed someone else. Hurt him deeper than anyone could hurt Travis.  
Van slowly grabbed Travis hand and started playing with his fingers. Travis closed his eyes and tried to think about what to do. He was still a bit mad even so he appreciated that Van came here to tell him and apologize. Maybe he is as confused as himself. Travis sighed because he really wanted to kiss him and forget about the tiny betrayal.   
He opened his eyes and let his eyes wander over Van's face. His eyes were closed too and he was biting his lip. His hand was playing with his fingers. Travis moved closer and kissed Van's jawline, his neck and ear and then his lips. Van promptly shifted them around so Travis was on top of him and he let his tongue glide over his lips.   
After their lips parted Van asked: "Are we okay again?"  
"Yeah, moron."  
"Pfff. You are the moron."  
"No you!" Travis started tickling Van and was pressing Vans arms into the mattress. Then he attacked him with his mouth. Biting down on his neck and shoulders, his arms and ears. He let his hands slide over Vans arms until both of their hands touched and he could tangle their fingers together. Van watched Travis and when their hands touched he had felt a sensation running through his body which made his skin turn into a field of goose bumps. Their hands were a perfect fit.   
"I love you", he mumbled. Fuck, that, he had never said those words to anybody and what is he thinking doing it now. Jesus. That dark haired man on top of him really fucks with his head the last days.  
Travis shook his head. Did he really just hear that?  
"What?” he croaked.  
Their eyes met and he could see Van swallow. He was biting his lip again which made Travis nuts. His oral fixation was killing him. Van pressed his hands and repeated: "I love you, lil' Picasso." No way back. This was a one way road.  
"But...” Travis just couldn't wrap his thoughts around that. Love? Him? Why?  
"God Travis, I said I fuckin' love you. You make me totally crazy and I am confused since we met at the lake. And this...” he pressed Travis hands again. "Is fucking perfect. It feels right. Do you understand me?"  
"Uuuh yeah?” Travis tried, which made Van shake his head in disbelief. His friend was just too cute.  
"Travis? Kiss me you idiot!"  
Travis pressed his lips back to Van's and minutes later he looked at him again and said: "You love me?"  
Van chuckled. "That's what I said."  
The artist let go of his hands and looked down on Van, then stood up and walked out of the room. HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! WHAT? WHY? WHEN? Was this serious or what?  
He went over to the bar and grabbed the bottle of Rum that Derrick had stashed there and then walked back into his room, locked the door and watched Van, who was smiling at him. His blue eyes fixed on his. Travis took a big gulp of alcohol and then shook his head. Then drank again.   
"Do you share?” van asked amused. Travis looked like he had seen a ghost and maybe he did. Van instead felt great because yes, it was the truth he was in love with that guy. He had known he would fall for him but he wasn't sure Travis would want him. Someone that damaged and broken and unworthy. Only Travis did make him feel better.  
The dark haired boy walked to his bed and reached the bottle to Van. "Why?", he asked.  
"What?"  
"Why me?"  
Van smirked. "Isn't that obvious? You are cute, smart, talented, a good kisser, extremely handsome and hell yeah hot. I don't know how you did it but the day you came to the lake I was sure that we would work well together and ever since that day I started cleaning up in my life. Told my Dad that I wanted to start over and go to college. Said goodbye to my old, criminal friends and practically followed you here. I am not perfect Travis and I would understand if you throw me out. I would even understand if you wouldn't want me after today. But yeah, I love you. I love how sensible you are and how you look when you are excited. This morning I thought I was going to die because you were too cute with your sleepy hair and the way you mumbled "Good morning" and then I saw you at the museum and you were soooo excited and in your element. That made you look sexier than any boobs I ever saw. Plus right now, the way you are, so confused, just because I told you that I love you makes you so adorable."  
"Yeah. Okay. Uhm but....I am not great. I am just a freak."  
"That's okay. I will take what I get. Remember I am that kid which was so rich that his parents literally bought half a lake and who then lost everything, slept in one bed with his Dad every time he felt bad, the one who nearly missed college and who couldn't save his friend from drowning. I am that guy our whole town talks shit about because I have a bike, criminal friends, did drugs and I am tattooed everywhere. So maybe you don't love me. Or we could be freaks together."  
Travis took another sip from the bottle and then started undressing himself. He left on his boxers. His eyes met Van's and Van started undressing too. Both looked at each other and it was Travis who made the first step and pulled down his boxers and climbed into bed to help Van pull off his. They were lying next to each other and looking at each other and Van was so nervous about this. But still he wanted to be close to the other man.  
"Trav' do you expect...?"  
"No. Van its okay. I am not ready and you were right I want it to be special and when we are really alone. I don't feel good knowing the others could come back or hear us. Even so I really want you." His face turned red like a pepper.  
"I promise you I will make it special because man, I want to feel you. But for now, I will just touch you."  
Van placed kisses on his friends mouth and then let one of his hands slide over his side, his thighs and then back up to play with his nipple. The skin was slowly turning into goose bumps and Van placed himself on top and covered Travis' body with kisses and little bites until he heard him moaning and grabbing into the sheets. When he reached his manhood Van looked at it and grinned. Travis was already leaking precome and he just couldn't help it but swirl his tongue over the head. Knowing that he liked when a girl did it. "Fuck", Travis mumbled and placed his hands on Van's head to pull him up. "That's fuckin' unfair Mister. Making me that horny."  
"Sorry it just looked so inviting."  
"God Merman you are killing me. We really should do it soon."  
"Yeah we should, aren't you afraid?"  
"Fuck no. I finally want to feel it and do it. Especially with you."  
They started kissing again and Travis wrapped a blanket around them. His erection was really causing him pain but he knew he needed to wait. He started playing with Van's hair and fingers and Van started to draw little circles on his back.  
"Trav'? Can you promise me something?"  
"Don't push me away after we had sex."  
Travis raised his eyebrows. "Why would I do that?"  
Van shrugged. "Most of them did."  
"They were stupid. Lil' Merman, as much as I would like to have sex with you, I am really enjoying what we already have. It's only a week and you make me feel all kind of things. And I don't think you are that bad." Travis smirked and placed a kiss on Van's forehead.  
"Not funny."  
"I promise."  
"There is something else."  
"What?"  
"I don't know...I don't know how it works. What do we need or what do you like? Condoms? Lube? Help!"  
Travis chuckled. "Sweetheart, you will get a headache. We need lube. We can buy that together. And well the most important things are those between our legs and the butt. So we are good."  
Van hid his face in his armpit. God that's so embarrassing. Travis thought it was cute.   
"I'm sorry", Van whispered.  
"Don't be. I love you Van and we will be there for each other and there are no stupid questions."  
"I meant I am sorry about earlier. I feel like I am apologizing every day. Sorry, I am such a jerk."  
"At least you apologize and that you are a charmer makes it easier to forgive you."  
"Gosh...I don't deserve you." Van turned around and sighed. He really didn't deserve Travis.  
"Stupid." Travis instantly pulled him to his chest, kissing his neck and shoulder and letting his hand wander over his chest.   
"Goodnight my lil' Picasso", Van said and turned his head to give Travis a kiss.  
"Sleep well lil' Merman."  
Travis thought he could get used to this and he could get used to be naked with Van. When Van was asleep he stood up, put on his overall and went into the living room, where he found Cathy and Derrick drinking.  
"Travis! How was your night? We just came home and I have an idea for our project. Let's spread the rumor that Naomi had Sex."  
"Whatever. Could work."  
"It will. Cathy will tell it to someone and at the end of the day we will see how it is going."  
"Sounds good."  
"A drink?"  
"Yeah."  
Travis took another drink with his friends and then went to the toilet. The cold water in his face was calming. Back in his room he took pictures of Van sleeping and then sat down in front of his canvas and started to paint.  
After an hour he heard Van shifting in his bed and touching the empty side of the bed. He then opened his eyes and searched the room. When Van found him he looked surprised.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Painting."  
"Do you ever sleep?"  
"Sometimes."  
"Come back to bed Baby, I can't sleep without my extra pillow."  
Travis snorted but turned around to hide his smile. He took off the overall and went back to bed, where he was greeted with a kiss. Van pressed him to his chest, tangling their fingers together and licking along his neck. "Mine", he mumbled while drifting off to sleep again.  
Travis snuggled himself closer and used Van's arm as pillow. When he closed his eyes he whispered: "Yours." Because it was true, he was Van's and no matter what happened he would want it to stay that way. Travis breathed in and out and for the first time in a long while his mind relaxed and there was no other thought in it than "Van."


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> Thanks for all the comments and for still reading.  
> I know some of you wonder about the speed the two have but well..there comes an explanation soon. Very soon.  
> How do you all like Derrick?

The next morning Travis woke up because Van was playing with his hair. "Good Mornin' lil' Picasso." The artist smiled and turned around. "Good Morning."  
"What are our plans for today?"  
"I think I need a shower. Let me check if the others are still here."  
Travis jumped into his overall and walked through the flat but it seemed like they were alone. He went back into his bedroom and threw Van's shorts at him. "Come on. Let's shower." This made Van grin and he followed Travis to the bathroom. They locked the door and stepped into the shower. Travis closed his eyes as soon as the water ran down his back and Van watched him for a second before throwing his arms around him. His chest pressed to his back. His hands slowly trailing down to Travis' little belly, his thumb playing with the hair leading down to his manhood. Van's lips found Travis' shoulders.  
"Hmm. feels good. I want this every morning."  
"Yeah. That would be nice."  
Travis turned around and while kissing his boyfriend his hands found their way to his backside. Briefly touching his spine and then let his fingers trail down between his butt cheeks, which made Van break the kiss for a second. Travis started to let his finger circle around Van's hole and he could feel that Van was getting nervous, so he stopped and moved them back up his spine and to his front to take his head in his hands. He placed a kiss on Van's lips and then grabbed the shower gel and pressed it to Van's chest. "Here I think I need a proper cleaning." Van didn't say anything but did as he was told, massaging the shower gel which smelled musky over Travis' shoulder, chest and then turned him around and started massaging his back. Travis placed his palms to the wet shower walls and when Van stopped touching him he said: "No, don't stop. I love massages." Van placed a kiss on his ear and whispered: "Then I know what I will do in your bedroom."  
Van was still thinking about Travis touching him and he had to admit that he liked it. Liked the way Travis was so open with him and the way he was with him. The artist made him feel good and special. He was well aware what he had said last night, even so he had taken some drugs at the party. He knew Travis was in love with him and he couldn't quite figure out why. He was not special. He was just Van. But Travis made him feel so important, so alive. Van knew Travis could do better than him. Maybe Van should just be better than he was now.  
"Van?"   
"Huh?"  
"I asked you if you are alright."  
"Yeah. Just thought about something."  
Travis had turned around and had stopped the water. His right hand lying on Van's cheek.  
"That you could do so much better than me", the blonde admitted.  
"Yeah. Probably. But I am stupid and don't know what's good for me."  
Van nodded and placed a kiss on Travis' forehead. "Come on. Let's get dressed and eat something and then hide all day in your room and be together."  
"Sounds good but only if you stop asking yourself why I am with you."  
"Not that easy."  
"Trust the artist! He knows beauty when he sees it."  
"Ewww. Trav' you are so cheesy it hurts."  
"Says the one that couldn't sleep with his extra pillow."  
Both of them got out of the shower and dried themselves up and slipped into their clothes. Van recognized that Travis didn't put on underwear under the overall. Hell, easy access. They walked up to the kitchen and made coffee and some toasts and then went back into Travis room. When they were done with their breakfast, Travis stood up and pulled van outside to the rooftop and fumbled around in his pocket to get a smoke out. "Do you still smoke?"  
"Yeah."  
"Can't be good with the swimming and all."  
"I know. Maybe I should stop."  
"Okay, if you do I will too."  
He put the smokes back into his pocket and bit his lip. "Van, did you really mean what you said last night?"  
Van smiled and walked over to his friend, to throw his arms around him. "Hell yeah I did."  
"Maybe..." Travis bit his lip again and started to get edgy.   
"What?"  
"You live in that dorm and I am here, well maybe, maybe we should find something together."  
Travis eyes were full of hope and a tiny part fear. Van locked eyes with him and slowly agreed. "We should. I will work so we can pay the rent. And we would be alone all the time and don't have to care who sees us. Let us do that."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes. Even if we don't work out, we are only roommates then. Even so I think we are perfect."  
"And I am cheesy. Pf. Listen to yourself." Travis leaned against Van's chest and smiled at himself. He was such a lucky man and he was so happy. Nothing mattered - only Van. And of course art.  
"Well, what can I say, you make me all sappy."  
"I make you sappy? Sorry sweetheart, I think you were born this way."  
"You think?"  
"I do. I think you are some cheesy guy. You only pretend to be manly."  
"What? Picasso do you think I am a girl?"  
"Maybe."  
Both smiled at each other and Van bit down on Travis neck and started sucking. He didn't care anyone would see the love bites. Travis grabbed Van's waist harder, leaving scratches on his back, which made Van bite even harder and Travis tried his hardest not to moan because he liked the little pain his friend was causing. He pressed his forehead against the other ones chest and when Van stopped he sighed. He wanted him so much and he wanted to finally feel him. He had dreamed about that for so long and now that they were together he wanted it to happen. Van grabbed both his hands and pulled him back down to his room, locking the door behind him. As soon as they were alone Van pressed Travis back to the bed his lips not leaving the others. He opened the zipper on Travis' overall and striped it off his body. Travis opened his eyes and pulled his head back. "What are you doing?"  
"Teasing."  
"Oh no. That's not fair."  
"Life never is."  
"No. Please. I want you Van. But all this teasing drives me crazy. And my dick will explode someday."  
Van chuckled. "Okay. I will stop. But now you are naked, hm. What can I do?"  
"I can get dressed."  
"Nah. Place yourself on your lil' belly."  
Travis frowned and looked down on his body. "Belly? Sorry that I am not as thin as you."  
Van placed his hand on Travis belly. "I think it's cute."  
Travis shook his head and turned around to lay down on his bed. Wonderful, Van was talking about his body as if it wasn't enough that Travis hated his body. His proportions were a mess and even so he never ate properly because he forgot to eat half of his life, he had a belly. He was hiding it underneath overalls and sweaters but it was there. Plus his hair was not as cool as Van's, he was short and his body was in a bad condition from all the booze, smokes, insomnia and eating too less and too wrong. He was nearly crying when he felt Van sitting down on his butt, his legs to either side of Travis body and started to give him a massage. "Oh", Travis let out in surprise.  
"This okay?"  
"Yes. Hmm."   
"Good."  
The swimmer let his hands roam over the artist's back and added more and more pressure when he massaged his boyfriend. He had seen the look on Travis face when he mentioned his little tummy. Travis thought so badly of himself and in some ways that reminded him of himself. They were both so fragile and Travis let it on more than him. No wonder, Van thought, when you get mobbed all through High School by jerks like him. Even so he wasn't good with words he wanted to make him feel better. He had never made a guy compliments but it wasn't that much different to give a girl a compliment. And this time he didn't need to lie because he really thought Travis was hot and underneath his overalls he looked a hell lot more beefy than he had expected. When Travis back was already red he started pressing his lips to the skin, now and then licking and biting down, which was responded with little sighs and moans. Van's dick was getting hard hearing his boyfriend and he closed his eyes when he hovered over his neck and bit down, which made Travis move a bit. His butt pressing against Van's member. Van turned Travis around and pressed his lips on his boyfriend’s lips who was spreading his legs, so he was lying in between them. Fuck. Van wanted him so bad right now and he was giving shit about the fact that Travis was a guy. He hadn't had sex in a while and he just needed release. But no, this wasn't right. They needed that flat, fast and they needed a weekend off because he knew if they would start they wouldn't stop after one time. Van's lips trailed down to Travis' neck and his chest, swirling his tongue around one nipple and then down to his belly. Travis threw one arm over his eyes and one was grabbing into Van's hair. He was biting his lips and Van kissed his tummy over and over again and then trailed further down to kiss his happy trail, kiss his tights and ignored the fact that Travis was as hard as he could be. He pushed his arms under Travis body and started kissing his lips, which made Travis finally look at him. Van kissed him a bit more and then said: "God, you are so hot lil' Picasso. I would like to kiss every piece of skin on your body."  
Travis didn't say anything. He just locked eyes with him. Probably searching for a lie and Van went on. "I know we look somewhat alike but you are a hell lot different than me and that's a good thing. I love your tummy. I am always looking too thin and you can count my ribs when I stretch which is caused by too less food and too much sport and drugs in the past. You look healthy, I look ill. Don't think for one second you don't look good because you do. And I can't wait for us to live alone and I can see you walking around naked at our home. Because man, I want to see that butt of yours when you walk. Not to mention your legs, your arms, your chest and your dick." Van smirked and raised an eyebrow. His boyfriend had tears in his eyes and Van kissed them away. "Don't cry. Did I say something wrong?"  
Travis shook his head. "No. I just... I love you."  
"I love you, too."  
They looked at each other once more and Van thought he had never seen so beautiful eyes. Mysterious, dark and blue like a stormy sea. He crashed his mouth onto Travis' and suited himself next to him. One arm still under Travis body, their heads to the sides so they could still kiss, while Van's hand trailed down to his friend’s dick. He opened his eyes and Travis did too. He grabbed his hand and shook his head. "You don't need to", he whispered.  
Van silenced him with another kiss and slowly laid his hand around the other man’s dick. How difficult can it be? Couldn't be any different than jerking himself off. He moved up and down and Travis started moaning immediately, one of his hands pressing hard into Van's skin. Van observed every movement of Travis face and, hell, was he getting hard from that sight. "Fuck, Van", Travis said and bit his lip and started jerking his hip up to push faster and harder into Van's hand and that made him move his hand faster up and down and he started sucking on Travis neck and trailed down to his nipple. "Come for me, Sexy. Fuck you look so good Trav', so hot." Van meant every single word and he couldn't get enough of kissing Travis and hearing him groan. Jesus fucking Christ he had never felt this when he had done this to girls. His dick was hard and throbbing in his pants and he so wished Travis would just jerk him off too, but the artist was too surprised by his sudden move.  
Travis hid his face on Van's shoulders and Van pressed him closer, feeling his boyfriend’s dick getting thicker and when he came Travis tried to muffle his groan. Van kissed his cheek until his orgasm was over and rested his hand on the wet stomach. Travis didn't move at all and Van whispered: "You okay there?"  
Travis shook his head.   
"You are not okay?"  
"No", Travis mumbled and Van could swear he heard tears. Oh no.  
He moved and wiped his hand on his boxers before grabbing Travis face.  
"What's wrong?"   
"That was..."  
"Bad?"  
"No. Overwhelming and surprising and...Why?"  
"Because I love you and I teased you."  
"Thanks."  
Van started laughing and shook his head in disbelief. "Did you just thank me for giving you hand?"  
"Yeah?" Travis shyly answered.  
"Don't ever do that. It's cute but, no, I am your boyfriend and I can give you hand whenever I want or do other things. Maybe with my mouth."  
"Huh. Okay. Sorry. Virgin", Travis said and closed his eyes.  
"That doesn't matter and hell how fucking hot are your moans? Jesus."  
Travis chuckled. "Stop. It's awkward."  
"No it is not. Don't you like to be called sexy? Hot? Cute? Gorgeous? Because you should get used to it. I am not stopping."  
"Van, I love you so so much." Travis started kissing him and his hand moved down to Van's boxers but Van stopped him. "No my lil' Picasso. Today is about you. I can wait."  
"Sure?"  
"Yes. Very sure." Van wanted it. Badly but at the same time he knew that Travis wasn't ready yet. He was too overwhelmed and hell, Van remembered his first handjob and the feelings afterwards. He wasn't able to think straight.   
"Uhm okay. Then I should clean myself up."  
"Yeah and please put some clothes on before I start again."  
"Not sure if I want to put clothes on then."  
Travis flashed him a smile and stood up to walk to his closet and grab a little towel. When he was done cleaning himself up he put on some boxers, sweatpants and a shirt. "Need pants, too?"  
"Nah. I'm good. What do we do now? Wanna watch a movie?"  
"Uhm. Yeah but...” Travis bit his lip. How could he explain that he hasn't so much to offer?  
"But what?"  
"I only have some Disney-movies. Please don't laugh." Van tried his hardest not to but he couldn't help it and laughed. "Disney?"  
"Yeah." Travis pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest.   
"Which is your favorite?” Van asked.  
"Aristocats."  
"Okay. Let's watch it."  
"No. You will make fun of me."  
"No. Because I guess you will explain to me why you like them so much."  
"Because I see them as an artist. The way they are made and colored and the music. I just love it. Not only the stories but the things everyone takes for granted." Van starred at him and stood up, crossing the room and taking Travis' face in his hands. "Thank you."  
"What for?" "Being my eyes and ears and make me see things I took for granted until now. Do you have something to drink and eat? Or should I go and grab something from the supermarket?"  
"We should grab something from the market."  
"Okay. What do you want?"  
"Uhm... Maybe some chocolate and a bottle of sweet tea. And oh oh oh can you buy ice cream?"  
Van shook his head and snickered. "Of course lil' Picasso."  
"I will give you money."  
"No you won't." Van was ready dressed and placed a kiss on Travis lips and then said "Goodbye. I will hurry up."  
"Okay, I will clean up a bit and wait for you."  
They kissed goodbye and as soon as Van was out of the door, Travis ran back to his room, opened a window to get some fresh air and sat down on his desk. He painted again, when he heard a knock on his door.   
"Come in."  
"Travis? You have a minute?” Cathy asked.  
"Yeah. What's up?"  
"I spread that rumor and it worked. We need to talk about it when Derrick comes back."  
"Okay. I am watching movies with Van today. Just knock when he is home."  
"Van again? He is cute. Is he single?" Travis eyed her and shook his head. "No. He is not."  
"What a pity. I bet he is a good kisser."  
"Maybe." Travis was laughing on the inside. Hell yeah his boyfriend was a good kisser. Boyfriend. What a weird thought. Boyfriend. B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D! Travis shook his head and Cathy asked him what he was doing.  
"Painting."  
"What? Can I have a look?"  
Travis nodded and she came closer and looked over his shoulder. The canvas was painted in two shades of blue and black. It wasn't done yet but Cathy nodded. "Who is the person?"  
"Van."  
"He looks sad."  
"That's how he is and how he always was. I've known him for so long and that's my favorite picture of him."  
"Why that one and not a happy one?" "Because Van never was happy. And because it is just him."  
"Trav' you know I won't judge you ever. You are a friend and I wouldn't mind if you would tell me that you like him. But I give you one advice: Never ever tell HIM about it. Derrick will throw you out. He doesn't like homosexuality."  
"I would never tell him anything. You know that. He is cool but that's about it."  
"Yeah. So...you and Van?"  
Travis smirked and didn't answer but Cathy pressed a kiss to his cheek and said: "I am glad for you and I hope he makes you happy."  
"He does."  
"That's all that counts." She left the room and Travis went back to his picture. He was just about to color the outlines black, when Van walked in. A bag in his hands and his lips curled up into a tiny smile. When he closed the door Travis stood up and walked over to him.   
"I thought you wanted to clean up", Van teased him.  
"I got distracted by Cathy and my brushes were whispering to me. They felt lonely without me."  
"Oh poor brushes. Are they going to be okay? I don't want to have crying brushes everywhere. And your poor paint, is it hurt? Tell them I will share you now and then."  
Travis took the bag from his boyfriend’s hands and placed a sweet kiss on his lips. "Welcome back, sweetheart."  
Van's hand was running through Travis hair and kissed his forehead. "Hello Sexy."  
"My brushes say it is okay that they have to share and that they like you."  
"Puuuuh", Van said and waved his hand over his forehead as if he was wiping sweat away. "Lucky me."  
"Jesus Van, I am the lucky one here."  
"I think we are both lucky. You promised me a movie and the ice isn't getting colder."  
"Smartass."  
Travis pecked his lips and then turned around grabbed the bag and went over to the bed. He started the TV. Van placed himself next to him. "We need spoons."  
"Oh. Yeah." Travis jumped up and hurried into the kitchen to grab two spoons and two glasses. Then he hurried back and sat on the bed.   
"I hope you like that ice cream. It is my favorite."  
Van was holding a box Ben&Jerrys Half Baked flavored.  
"Oh fuck. I love it. GIMME!"  
"How old are you again?"  
"Old enough to scream: GIMME OR I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY SPOON."  
"Jesus Christ. Travis. Where is that shy boy I used to go to school with? The boy that was always looking down, instead of up and that used to be so quiet that we wondered if you had a voice at all."  
"That boy is grown up now and started new when he came here. Forgetting the people who made him feel like a freak and a child. Forgetting people who laughed at him because he was quiet. If none of you had mocked me in the past, I would have said something and we would have been friends."  
"No. No we wouldn't. Because I was different then and I like the Travis I am having now. And to be honest, I wouldn't like you if you were any different."  
"Yeah. I guess."  
"So now. Movie."  
"Yes, Sir."  
Travis started the movie and they cuddled back to the headboard of the bed, their sides touching all the way down to their feet. Van opened the box of ice cream and slowly let his spoon glide into the ice cream and then instead of eating it himself, he started feeding Travis with it. Which left a smile on his friends face and how much he liked it, Van could imagine when he heard the sounds coming from the artist’s lips.  
Travis mirrored his moves and Van enjoyed the cold and sweet substance on his tongue and when he swallowed he looked over to Travis and kissed him. His lips trailed to his ear. "I would like to lick ice cream from your body."  
The other one shot him a look and rolled his eyes. "Damn. We aren't alone and damn we are watchin' a movie. So behave."  
But his eyes were telling a whole different story.   
They sat and watched the movie, each eating ice cream until Van said. "One more spoon and I throw up."  
"Same. Let me bring it to the fridge."  
"Okay." They paused the movie and while Travis went to the kitchen to put the ice cream in the fridge, Van cuddled deeper into the pillows, his arm stretched out, so Travis would find a place there. His thoughts trailed to the other man and he smirked. This was too good to be true and he was searching for something bad in it. The speed of it was a bit frightening, the want was a bit scary and the need was unbearable. The way Travis made him feel was better than anything ever. He still remembered their very first meeting. That day he had decided that he liked the boy and it was way before High School and there was a big chance that Travis didn't even remember it. Or it wasn't so important to him as it was for Van and Van knew if he had acted different, they would have been friends for such a long time that this now would probably not feel that special. Sharing ice cream would have been normal and watching Disney-movies would have been something they would have done together, while growing up. He never thought of Travis like he did now and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it gave them both time to be who they are now and yet he wished that he had met him a bit earlier. Get to know him earlier, before going to college, before leaving High School. Travis would have been there when no one else was.  
When Travis came back into the room, he saw Van lying on the bed, eyes closed, one hand placed on his stomach and his arm stretched out. He approached and cuddled himself next to Van, who instantly opened his eyes. Travis saw the smile up to his eyes and the little distance in them, as if Van was miles away, even more away than he usually was in his thoughts. There would always be a place where Travis couldn't follow him to. Van grabbed Travis hand and tangled their fingers together, his eyes not leaving the other pair for a second. "I am so glad I've found you", he whispered and added, "again."  
"I am glad that I came to the lake that day", Travis replied.  
"Me too. Now let’s watch that movie. I wanna know what happens to Duchess and the kids. Can we watch another one after that?"  
"We can watch as many as you want lil' merman. I'm not leaving that room until we have to."  
"What about your friends?"  
"Yeah have to talk to Derrick when he is back about our project. Cathy will come and knock. Don't know how long it will take but you can stay here."  
"Maybe it would be good if I go and get some clothes from my dorm. I can't wear the same stuff the whole weekend. And we should buy some papers to look for apartments."  
Travis flashed him a smile and moved so he could press his lips on his. "What was that for?"  
"Do I need a reason to kiss you?"  
"No."  
Travis started the movie again and while they were watching he played with Van's fingers and when the movie was over Van whispered: "Stupid Edgar."  
"Yeah. So which one now?"  
"Suggest one."  
Travis stood up to walk to his shelf and let his fingers glide over the movies and grinned. It wasn't one of his favorites but he wanted to test Van. See how much girly stuff he could give him until he complained.   
Without showing it to Van he changed the VHS and smirked. Watching Van's face the whole time while he started the movie. And as soon as Van saw the title he said: "Are you fuckin' kidding? Snow White? What are we? 5 year old girls?"  
"No. 5 year old boys."  
Van shook his head. "Damn Sexy, you have to go through a lot of Action movies for that."  
"I am willing to take that punishment."  
Van took the remote from Travis' hand and pressed the pause button. He pulled his friend on top of him, so his back was lying to his chest. He started to kiss his neck and his hands roamed over his friend’s belly, before turning him around, so they could kiss. "Damn lil' Picasso I want you so much."  
"Take me."  
"You now that's not going to happen here and now. But someday and I make it special."  
"It will always be special."  
"You say that now. Believe me I had my first time with a girl while we were drunk and it was not at all spectacular. Not going to happen to you too."  
Travis shook his head and then rested it on Van's chest, playing with his fingers. "Thanks."  
It felt indeed a bit girly but he didn't care. He liked that Van was thinking so much about it and he knew that it would be great because they love each other and because he could feel it this morning when Van had made him come. He knew Van didn't plan that but it was great and he wanted so much more. Travis was deep in thoughts, when Van said: "Trav' you okay?"  
"Yeah."  
Travis moved next to him and started the movie, even so he wasn't paying much attention. His thoughts were driving him mad again. Was it really possible that Van was in love with him? What if not? What if he would leave or they fight? Travis watched Van watching the movie and for a split second he wished he would be alone right now, so he could paint. He wasn't used to spent so much time with someone and he didn't know how to act all the time or what to do and he what the hell was he supposed to think? What was Van expecting and why did he like him? Travis hadn't done anything, so why this change of mind?  
"Trav' you are thinking too loud."  
Van looked at him and started playing with the hair in his neck.   
"Sorry."  
"Don't be. It's all a bit too new and too much, hm?"  
Travis bit his lip. "Yeah", he admitted.  
"We will figure everything out, I guess. It's new for me too."  
"I know."  
"Then stop thinking and just kiss me idiot."  
That's something Travis was glad to do and they forgot about the movie and cuddled and kissed, until someone knocked on the door. Both parted their lips and sighed. While Van put back on his sneakers and grabbed his stuff, Travis looked sad at the bed. Van gave him a peck on the cheek. "See you later, lil' Picasso."  
"Yeah. See you." Travis walked him out to the door and then sat down on a chair to talk to Cathy and Derrick about that art project. Derrick gave him a shot of whiskey and they started discussing. The project went good so far even when the rumor was now getting much too big. Travis freaked a bit about what it could do. From "Naomi had sex" to "Naomi was raped" was a big step and he would have never thought that a rumor could transform so much in one day.  
"It will work out. It is great and we have our thesis."  
"I think Derrick is right."  
"See, its only words, how bad can it be?” Derrick said.  
Travis knew better but didn't say anything because words hurt more than a punch or a kick in the stomach. He knows that with a 100% guarantee. Cathy had doubts and spoke about them but Travis wasn't man enough to do so. He just agreed because he really didn't want to have Derrick as an enemy. Not right now.  
Right after their conversation he started to grab some of his dirty clothes and put them in the washer. He sorted the books that were spread on the ground into 3 towers and placed some of his art supplies back in their original place. When he was done cleaning up, he went back to the living room to grab another shot of whiskey to ease his thoughts. Van was gone for two hours now and he started to worry. What if he wasn't coming back? What if this was all he would get?  
With another shot of whiskey he sat down at his desk and finished the painting of Van and the lake. Painting always calmed him down and he really needed to stay calm. Maybe Van ran into someone or Van needed more time to grab some stuff.   
Van watched the clock and sighed. He was running so late and he wanted to be with Travis. He was on his bike and he wouldn't be there in another ten minutes. His damn roommate had asked him all sorts of questions and his Dad had called too. When Van reached Travis place he ran up to the front door and rang the bell. As soon as it was opened he ran up the stairs and Cathy opened the door.  
"Hi Van."  
"Hi Cathy. I wanted to visit Trav'."  
She smiled at him and nodded. "Come in. I bet he wonders already where you are."  
"Yeah. I got distracted. Thanks."  
"Ah and Van, I am glad. He seems happy." She smiled widely and nodded. Van smiled back and he had to admit Cathy was a really sweet girl. With her curled dark hair and her blue eyes. She looked friendly and there was no lie in her face.  
"I am too. Thanks."  
Van turned around and headed to his friends room. He found him brooding over a picture and without waiting a second he kissed the top of his head. "Hey Picasso. Sorry I am late. My Dad called."  
Travis nodded but didn't say anything and when Van knelt down next to him, Travis was crying.   
"Hey, hey, come here."  
He grabbed his hands and pulled him to him, until the artists arms were around his neck and then he carried him to the bed. Kicking of his shoes while he was walking and then threw his jacket on the ground, too. "Baby, what's up?"  
"I thought...." Travis looked away and hid his face.  
"You thought I wasn't comin' back." Van was hurt hearing and seeing this. Oh damn. What was he going to do?  
"Yeah. You were gone for so long and I thought maybe you realized you don't want this."  
"I am sorry. My roommate held me up and my Dad had called three times so I had to call back. I am sorry." Van started to wipe his friend’s tears away and Travis smiled. "No. Don't be. Fuck I am such a kid sometimes."  
"Yeah. I would probably be the same. Thinking you don't love me or something because I still can't believe anybody is able to do so."  
"Stupid. What's not to love about you?" Travis hands found their way into Van's hair and he moved closer to Van, both still on their sides. They were so close that they hear their breathing and Travis placed his mouth on Van's just to leave it there, until Van opened his and let his tongue slide over Travis bottom lip. Travis opened his mouth so they could kiss. It was all sweet and loving and both smiled while kissing. When Van broke the kiss, he whispered: "You make me feel like I am finally healing. Like I am myself."  
Travis briefly kissed him and answered: "Same."  
"So, how about we return to watch that movie?"  
"Don't you wanna tell me what your Dad and your roommate wanted?"  
"Oh yeah." Van shook his head. He forgot that there was actually someone interested in what he had to say. "My Dad was drunk and telling me shit about not having enough colors and that the woman who is taking care of him has no idea what colors he needed and if I can't come home to buy some. I told him he needed to wait until next week."  
"Does your Dad paint?" "No, he colors those little figures. Nothing like you."  
"Oh. But I would like to see that one day."  
Van shot him a surprised look. "Y-You wanna meet my Dad?"  
Travis nodded. "Of Course. Not too soon, though. I think you should prepare him first."  
"Yeah. Yes. Okay." Van started to chew on his thumb, which Travis noticed with a little smirk on his face.  
"Lil' Merman, don't be so nervous. So when will you visit him?"  
"Maybe next Friday."  
"Okay. And what did your roommate tell you?"  
"Some crazy shit about a girl from second year. Naomi. That she was raped at the party. Which is nonsense. Don't believe she was."  
Travis shook his head and scratched his chin. "Well, that is kind of our fault. We spread the rumor she had sex for an experiment in psychology."  
"What? That is fucking disgusting. Was that Derricks idea?"  
Travis sighed. "Kind of. He saw Naomi that night with the guy but nothing happened."  
"That's some awful stuff then."  
"Yeah. Cathy only said to one girl that Naomi had sex and that rumor you heard was the result of it. We just discussed to wait what is happening until Monday."  
"Promise me that you don't keep this going for too long. This is serious and if the police is informed this will all go downhill." Travis agreed and cuddled himself closer to Van. "I promise."  
"Good. Because the Travis I know and love is a very honest person."  
"You know and love, huh? We are dating for what? A week? And you think you know me?"  
"Lil' Picasso, we went to High School together."  
"Yeah but you never paid attention."  
"Hmm. Maybe I did." Van moved himself on top of Travis and started tickling him. "Maybe I paid more attention than you ever knew."  
Travis raised an eyebrow and watched his boyfriend on top of him. He grabbed his hands and kissed every fingertip and his wrists. "Van, are you telling me that you watched me in High School."  
"Something like that but in a not perverted way."  
Both started to laugh. "Yeah but in a romantic way."  
"No, in a very weird way but I can't tell you. Not now. Someday you will remember."  
"You are so weird sometimes. Even I look normal next to you", Travis teased.  
"As I said. We can be freaks together."  
Van started to kiss and wrestle with Travis again, until Travis was on top and tickled him. Both were soon giggling and shaking their heads. "Now, my little Prince Charming, let's watch that movie", Van said.  
"Prince Charming? Are you kidding me? Don't dare to call me that again!" Travis was blushing and started the movie again to end this embarrassing conversation. But Van snuggled closer to his ear and whispered: "I think I like the name. Because you are so charming."   
"Watch the movie Merman."  
"Yes, Sir."  
Travis rolled his eyes and then chuckled. He was feeling so damn great with Van and for nothing in this world he wanted to change this. He loved the way they were together and he couldn't wait to see his man swim again. See him in his natural habitat. He couldn't wait for them to move into a flat together and share everything. He was so excited for all of this and he was the luckiest guy on the whole planet. He grabbed Van's hand and started to play with his fingers, until he tangled them together, burning the image into his brain. He looked to the right side of his bed and grabbed his camera to shoot a pic of their hands and Van watched him closely. Travis felt his eyes on him when he moved and he turned the camera to take a pic of Van watching him. Van pressed his hand and took the control and paused the movie. His eyes fixed on Travis. "Can I take a picture of you, too?"  
"Yeah."  
Van took the camera and took a picture of Travis. His blue eyes that were fixed on him and the dark hair that was a mess from their wrestling and cuddling. Van swallowed and locked eyes with his boyfriend. He placed the camera back on the nightstand behind Travis and went back looking at him and his body. Why did he never notice how fucking hot that guy looked? How could he, for one second, think that Travis was just some weird guy? He looked at his arms and moved his hands over Travis chest and stomach. With other clothes he would have looked like a better version of himself.   
Travis observed Van watching him and it was awkward but in Van's eyes something was changing, as if he was seeing something for the first time and understanding it fully. Like he discovered a new color inside his eyes and a new piece of skin. Travis placed a hand on Van's face and said: "Talk to me."  
Van shook his head and pressed Travis to his chest. He had found his missing piece and now he would be afraid to lose it every day of the year. His hands were pressing Travis closer and closer as if his heart and soul wanted them to be one. His friend mirrored the move and pressed Van closer too. "I love you, Van", he whispered with such an honesty that Van had to close his eyes. When he answered his voice was nothing but a hoarse mumbling. "I love you, too."  
"Are you okay?” Travis asked worried by the sound of the swimmers voice.  
"More than okay. I finally found it."  
"What?"   
"The missing piece."  
Travis smiled and shook his head in disbelief. His friend was such a romantic.   
"Van, we are going to be okay."  
"Yes. I know. I wish you would have been there when my life was turned into hell."  
"And I wish I would have had the courage to visit you sooner. When I heard about the accident I was too shy to visit you. Too scared you might send me away. But deep down I wanted to be there at your side and help you. Because I know how it feels to be alone with a secret and with a horrible situation."  
Van started to cry. For the first time in a while he cried and Travis played with his hair. "Don't ever leave me Trav'. Don't ever just go or turn away. Before you visited me on the lake I was...I was thinking about...Ending it. Everything. I didn't see any perspective. Didn't see a way out. You made me wanna live. Rethink my choices. Over think my dreams. Please...” Van was sobbing in Travis arms and that made the artist feel horrible and good at once and he was nearly crying himself. "Baby, don't you ever dare think about ending your life again. Always talk to me. I am there for you. I know it is hard and there isn't much I can do to make you feel better. There will always be days you feel sad. But there will also be days that I feel like shit. We will work it out together."  
Van nodded, still sobbing and Travis comforted him all the way through. He knew that Van never had anyone he would truly open up to. He was glad he did now. Maybe they really could heal each other and be great together.  
Both of them didn't know how long they were lying like this but when someone knocked at the door, they instantly moved away from each other and Van pretended to sleep, while Travis opened the door. Derrick.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for a new chapter. So here is another one.

Derrick looked over Travis shoulder. "Aww look at that, your boyfriend is asleep."  
"He is not my boyfriend. What do you want?"  
"Cathy told me he is here again. Sorry Trav' but is this going to be a long term thing? If so I want more money."  
"You know I can't give you more."  
"Yeah because your Dad wouldn't give you any. You never told me about what the both of you fought."  
"It's none of your business. So what else? I am tired and we wanted to take a nap and then go out. I wanted to draw some night pictures and he is going to keep me company."  
"Yeah. Come out for a sec. It's about our project."  
"Talk. He sleeps like a stone. I bet he wouldn't even hear a bomb exploding next to him." Derrick's eyes wandered to Van and Van had closes his eyes, his back turned to the door. He was still pretending to sleep. He flinched a bit when Travis said he wasn't his boyfriend but he knew it was just a lie to keep Derrick from asking more questions or make stupid jokes.  
"I just came back from my Saturday class and rumor is that Naomi is reporting her rape to the police."  
"But she wasn't raped."  
Derrick nodded. "Exactly. We need to talk about what we do."  
"We should tell the truth."  
"Cathy thinks so too but I think if he hasn't done anything they will release him. So we could wait."  
"I don't know. I'll come and talk to you in the living room. I want to hear Jones opinion, too. Gimme a second."  
"Yeah. Want a drink?"  
"Yeah. Mix something."  
As soon as Derrick was gone Travis walked to his bed and gave Van a kiss. "Sorry sweetheart. Have to talk to them."  
"Yah and talk him into talking to the police. Fuck this isn't going to end well."  
"No it's not. Join us in a few minutes and remind me to go out with you or else he won't shut up and keep me away from you. Let's go for a walk, okay?"  
"Okay." They kissed again and then Travis left to talk to his roommates.  
When Van thought it was enough time for them to discuss things he put on his shoes and jacket and walked out into the living room. "Van, you woke up. Need a drink?” Derrick asked.  
"Yah, why not."   
He walked over to the empty spot next to Travis. "You should change clothes. Thought we are going out and you needed to practice."  
"Yeah. Gimme a minute." Travis winked and went into his room to change into warmer clothes.  
Van took the drink from Derrick. "So Van, what are you trying to do to Travis? He told me you were never friends."  
"That's not true. We always were friends. And it is none of your business."  
Derrick smirked and Van didn't like the way he was acting. "I heard you didn't make it into the swimming team."  
"I can try again next Tuesday."  
"Why didn't you make it?"  
"Derrick, it's enough. He doesn't need to tell you anything", Travis said from around the corner.   
"I am just nosy. So Van?"  
"Why don't you go and fuck yourself or spread some more rumors?"  
Derrick stood up and placed himself in front of Van who was already standing and walking towards the door. Derrick grabbed his arm and said: "Be careful Van."  
"I am not afraid of you Derrick and I have no idea why you pretend to be their friend." He pointed to Cathy and Travis. "Did you look for roommates who were easy to impress and convince? A girl that thinks you are hot and a guy who is too good to stand up against you? Well fuck you, I don't have anything of your behavior. I was like you once and I wasn't giving a shit about anyone. Except one person and even that person was insulted by me. You probably think you are better than them because you have a rich Daddy who pays everything for you and you think money, parties and sex is everything you need in this life. Newsflash: You need people and you know what is sad? You will never find someone that loves you, if you stay like this. Travis is not your property and we can meet as often as we want. And the rumors you three spread? It was a nasty thing to do and I hope you are going to do the right thing. Derrick, you are not better than anyone, no, you are nothing to me. So fuck off and let go of my arm or I swear I will beat the living shit out of you." Derrick let go of his arm and Travis walked up to him, grabbing him by his jacket and pulling him out. When they were on the street, Van breathed in and out to calm himself and then shyly looked at his friend. He didn't like to lose his temper but he just hated that Derrick guy.   
When their eyes met Travis was smiling widely and shook his head. "I thought there was nothing left of that spirit I always loved about you."  
"What? You like me when I am full of rage?"  
"Yes. I think it is beautiful."  
Van shook his head. "Weirdo."  
"Asshole."  
They started walking towards the little park near college and looked for a private spot. As soon as they were alone Travis pressed Van against a tree. "You are so hot when you are like that", he mumbled and Van could feel how hard he was, when Travis pressed his body against his. He lifted Travis up and turned them around so he was pressing him against the tree. His mouth claiming his. Van tucked on Travis scarf and let his mouth trail to his boyfriend’s neck. He started sucking and biting to leave a lovebite. Travis' breath speed up and he grabbed into Van's hair.   
"You are turned on by yelling and anger?"  
Travis agreed by whispering: "I love when you are so demanding."  
"Good to know."   
He sat Travis back on his feet and wrapped the scarf back around his neck, then he placed a kiss on his forehead. After that he took Travis hand and dragged him further through the park, to get to a bench so they could sit down and Travis could draw. They weren't speaking for a while and Travis started drawing, while Van played with the hair in Travis neck. After a while Travis looked at him and said: "Aren't you bored?"  
"Why would I?"  
"Because I am drawing and you are staring at me."  
"I like staring at you and see you draw. I always did like it."  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
Van smiled and moved so he was looking at his friend. "When we were younger you sometimes came to the lake to draw. You were hiding between the trees. Probably to get out of my way but you never recognized that sometimes, I was watching you. As you were sitting there for hours, drawing the moon and the night sky and the reflections on the water. I wondered how it felt for you and what you saw. Trav' I always liked you because you seemed so at peace then. And since my Dad had that accident and I was bound to my home, that lake and loneliness I started to sit there and look at that sky and the lake, to imagine what you saw. First I just saw a lake and a sky but then I started to see more. The ripples on the water, the colors of the trees that were changing and the reflections. And in some way that calmed me. I was sad when one day you stopped coming to the lake. I was sad that it was my fault."  
Travis wiped the tears away. "It wasn't your fault. It was my Dads. I never knew you saw me."  
"I always saw you Travis. Even when we were kids."  
"But we met at High School."  
"No. We met earlier. Do you remember that day you came to the lake with your family and you wanted to go home because you didn't like to swim? And there was a little boy about your age with light blonde hair and he was living there, with his family, in that big house by the lake and was inside crying because he wanted to be in the water but his Dad wouldn't let him go out when so many strangers were there. So he was at the window watching you and when you saw him you came to the window and gave the kid a peach and smiled. And you said your name was Travis and that you loved the blonde hair of the boy. And the boy smiled then and replied: "I like yours." Then the boy was pulled away from the window and you kept looking at it all the time, while the boy was learning how to play piano inside."  
"That was you. The little boy. I remember that. But why didn't you say anything in all those years?"  
Van sighed and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands. "I did. But you didn't remember and you didn't understand. What were the very first words I said to you in High School and what happened on your very first day there?"  
"We were sitting next to each other and looked like twins and some guy was making fun of me because I was wearing old clothes and you told him to shut the fuck up. Then you gave me a peach and told me: I like your hair. - Oh no! I didn't get it. Oh no!"  
Travis grabbed Van's hand and when Van looked at him his eyes were sad and distant. "That day I thought you didn't want to be my friend and the next day we weren't sitting next to each other and you avoided me right after that and after a while...well I started to have other friends. All I ever wanted was to be your friend because you were nice and I really do like your hair." To make a point Van started playing with Travis hair and leaned over to kiss him. "It is in the past and we can't change it now. I should have said something but I thought you hated me."  
"Van, I was avoiding you because I always loved you. Ever since High School I was crushing on you and I thought you might be embarrassed if I was around you. So I swallowed down all the insults and the mobbing because I knew you didn't mean it."  
"Why did you stop coming to the lake?"  
"My Dad found out why I came there."  
"Because of me?"  
"Yes. He found out that I am gay soon after the accident of your Dad. I was there all the time. I sometimes watched your house and wanted to knock but I was too shy. Too afraid. And my Dad found out that I am gay and completely in love with you. They sent me to Paris for 6 month after high school, thinking that would "heal" me. My mom sends me money and stuff but I am not allowed to go home. If they knew you you were here they would send me to the moon to keep me away from you."  
Both of them were crying and Van kissed Travis. "Fuck man, I love you and I am so sorry about everything."  
"Van, we were kids. We didn't know better and never be sorry for making me love you."  
"From now on we will always be there for each other and I am making up for all my mistakes."  
"Come, let’s go back and look through all the papers you brought with you. We need a home."  
"Yes. Our own place, where I can kiss you whenever I want and play with your hair all the time." Van leaned over and whispered: "and fuck you senseless."  
"Sounds better than winning the lottery. Come on."  
They walked back to the loft to find it empty. Cathy and Derrick seemed to be out again. Travis grabbed some booze and sat down on the couch, while Van was bringing the newspapers in. It took them a while to find some flats that sounded good enough and cheap enough. "I should get a job, so we have a bit more money", Van suggested.  
"Yeah but you would have less time to study and less time for me."  
"There will be enough time. I want us to have a good life Trav'. I know it is soon but I want you to have everything you deserve and I have to work for that."  
Travis placed a little kiss on his cheek. "You are sweet, but all I need is my art supplies and you. Don't need a fancy car and a big house and luxury."  
"I know. But I am going to get a job anyways."  
"We will think of that when we know your swimming schedules."  
"Okay. So the flats. I can call them all tomorrow and ask if I can see them. I know you have classes all day."  
Travis nodded and smiled. "Yes. That would be great. I know you will find something nice for us."  
Van grabbed his hand and placed a kiss into its palm. "WE will. I will check them first and sort out and you have the last call."  
"Why? Why are you doing this and why me? I still don't get it. You could have every girl, probably every guy too and still you decided after such a short time that you wanted to kiss me, be with me and live with me. I am not special. I am just a freak."  
"Stop it. You are special to me. Isn't that enough? I need you Travis. I fuckin' need you. You are the only person that never left me. You were always there and I knew that. All the time. I could have called you in the middle of the night and you would have helped me. Even so you were sad and angry and disappointed in me. But you KNEW me. Ever since that day on the lake. You knew I was a prisoner in a golden cage. I don't have anybody Trav'. Nobody, okay. Just you. And I don't know...I just need you, okay?"  
Just like Van, Travis was crying and he pressed Van to his chest. "I need you, too. Sorry sweetheart. Didn't want to make you upset. I just...I can't believe I am so lucky."  
"I am the lucky one here. You are so fuckin' amazing. Let's go to your room and cuddle." Travis agreed and took Van's hand in his and pulled him up. As soon as they were in his room he locked the door and pushed his hands under Van's shirt to pull his shirt over his head. After that they simply undressed and then snuggled under the blanket. Their mouths barely leaving each other alone. Travis straddled Van and started to place kisses all over his body, while he intertwined their fingers and enjoyed that Van had goose bumps everywhere. He steadied himself on his arms and looked at Van, placing one hand on his cheek, softly stroking the place right underneath his eyes, which made the other guy open his eyes. They looked at each other and Van placed his hands on Travis' neck, his thumbs stroking his jawline. "What?” he whispered.  
"Nothing. You are so beautiful", Travis breathed.  
"Says the guy with the cutest of all faces." Van smirked and Travis went on kissing and touching Van's body. Van's hands remained tangled in the dark hair of the artist. Travis was a bit nervous but he also was excited, when his way lead him down to Van's private parts. He kissed the inner thighs and massaged Van's legs. His eyes lingered on Van's dick, which was hard and standing upright. After Van had wanked him off he wanted to do something for him. And he was desperate to find out how it tasted and felt. He looked over to Van, who was right back looking at him and before thinking about it, he started sucking on Van's balls, which made him moan and his grip in Travis hair got tight.  
"Does this feel good?” Travis asked shy.  
"Yes. You don't have to do this."  
"But I want to. Just stop me if it’s wrong."  
Van felt his heart beating faster and he could imagine how Travis was doing. He looked down, when Travis opened his mouth and swirled his tongue over the tip of his dick. Van bit his lip and moaned when Travis started sucking the head. Travis took as much of Van in his mouth as he could. It was a weird feeling at first but it was also turning him on hard time, hearing the sounds coming from Van's mouth. Still he was anxious about doing it wrong. He let him slip out of his mouth and watched Van's face. "Don't stop Baby."  
"Am I doing this right?"  
"Yeah. Just suck a bit and sometimes let your tongue slide over the head. Don't use your teeth." Travis smirked and before taking him back in, he licked along the length of his boyfriend’s member and swirled his tongue around the head, while massaging his balls with one hand. Travis was nervous and shaking and turned on and all sorts of other things but he needed to make Van feel good. Van was more experienced on sex things and if Travis wouldn't do anything he would sure lose him.  
Travis bowed his head down and started sucking on Van's cock.   
"Fuck, yes, like this Trav'. Oh god Baby..." Van was going mad with the sight he was getting and fuck was this a good feeling. Travis was giving his first blowjob and it was already better than any other he got before.   
He was grabbing after Travis hand that was lying on his waist and tangled their fingers together. Van couldn't hold back his groans and he could feel the thrilling feeling in his stomach.  
Travis loved to hear Van and he loved the taste of his cock and the feeling of giving him pleasure. He speed up his pace and Van was starting to move his hip up and down, while his grip on his hair and hand got tighter. "Oh damn, I am comin' Baby. If you don't...swallow...fuck..." It was too late to warn him and Travis wouldn't have stopped anyways. He swallowed the cum and slowed down, letting Van slide out of him and licking off the traces of cum on his dick.   
Van had closed his eyes, his hands grabbing for Travis head and pulling him up to a kiss. Travis tasted like him and it was a weird sensation but he liked it. Travis broke the kiss and asked: "Was it okay? Did I do good?"  
Van opened his eyes, took Travis head into his hands and smiled. "It was perfect my lil' Picasso." Travis was smiling, too and kissed Van's jawline, up to his ears and whispered: "I loved it. You taste so good and you sound so hot. I fuckin' want to spend every second of my life worshipping you."  
Van slung his arms around his boyfriend and whispered back: "Do it, because I sure as hell will enjoy your presence every single second and I won't stop touching you. You did good Prince Charming."  
They kissed and teased each other for a while, sharing sweet words and some loving gestures before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you there is a story behind all this. VANIS <3


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of you will be able to watch TWD tonight but I wanted to post the new chapter. It is a rather long one and I won't be able to update tomorrow.

Van had called all the apartment owners early in the morning and two offered him to come by today. So he would go there and look around to see if it would fit for the both of them. Upside was they needed only one bedroom and just an extra room for all the art stuff. Van was full of energy and he went to the laundromat to wash his clothes, after that he packed some of his stuff in a box and then went to see the first flat. It was just a 30 minutes’ walk away from college and it was on the fourth floor without a lift. He walked up the stairs and was greeted by a guy around 40. He looked like one from the movies. Slicked back, dirty hair, a tummy that had seen too much beer and he was smelling awful.   
"You must be Van", he said.  
"Yeah. Can I see the flat?"  
"Yeah. The guy who lived here before was killed. Glad when someone takes that hole. It's tiny and not in the best shape." Van looked around. That was an understatement. There were stains of different substances on the carpet, stains on the walls and everything was dark and dirty and it was way too small. He thought he would get some diseases just from looking around, so he told the guy that this wasn't what they were looking for. Thanked him and hurried out to get some fresh air. Holy crap. Hopefully the other one was better. Its owners were an old couple, who rebuilt the upper floor of their house to rent it to someone. It was getting too big for them. The old lady was nice on the phone and Van had a good feeling when he drove by the house.   He knocked on the door and an old lady with white hair opened the door. Her eyes were blue and she smiled at him. She turned around. "Jacob, get your old ass to the door", she yelled for her husband and then told Van to come in. Van entered the house and it smelled like a home.  
"Excuse my husband. He is deaf on one ear. He probably didn't hear the knock. You must be Van."  
"Yes Ma'am. I am Van. Nice to meet you." He was giving her a hand and she shook it and smiled again. He followed her into the living room, where her man was sitting. By the looks of it he was way taller than his wife, he was skinny and had grey hair that was combed to the side. He was reading the newspaper.  
"Jacob!” Mrs. Anderson tried again.  
"What are you yelling for?” he asked annoyed.  
"The young man wants to see the flat. I told you he would come by."  
"Ah yes. Yes. Sorry dear." He looked at Van and smirked, stood up and shook his hand.  
"Excuse me Son, I am a bit deaf. The age you know." Van nodded and Mr. Anderson grabbed for a set of keys.  
"Come on, I will show you the flat. Josey can't walk the stairs. Her knee is too damaged. You will see her again later. And don't flirt with my wife. She is charming, I know."  
Van chuckled and he already liked it here. "I promise I won't do that. And my friend who would move in with me wouldn't either."  
"Are you two a couple?"  
Van was shocked. "Not really. But we know each other a very long time. He studies art and psychology, while I have a scholarship for swimming."  
"You know, it would be no problem for us if you were a couple."  
"Thank you."  
"So, here we are." Mr. Anderson opened the door and Van walked in. And he knew he wanted this flat. It was bright and the sun was shining through the open kitchen door into the little hallway. The kitchen was rather small but the living room was bigger and they would have enough space for a table, chairs, a couch, shelves and their TV set. The bedroom was big enough for the both of them and the second room was big enough for Travis. The Bathroom contained a bathtub with an additional shower curtain. Everything was clean and bright and new. The bathroom was white and black, the floors were with dark brown laminate and the kitchen had black tiles.    
"Wow", Van said.  
"Do you like it?"  
"Yes. But are you sure the price was right in the papers? Because this must coast a lot more."  
"It was all right son. But we should talk about some things."  
"Okay. We can do that."  
"Let’s go downstairs. I bet Mrs. Anderson has some cookies and a cup of coffee for you."

* * *

  
They walked down and Van felt so amazing. He wanted that flat. Mr. Anderson told him to sit down and Van was playing with the tie he was wearing. He had chosen a blue shirt and a blue tie and a jeans to see the flat. He wanted to look somehow presentable.  
"Did you like it?" Mrs. Anderson asked while carrying a tray with cookies and coffee on it.  
"Yes. It would be perfect. But I think the price must be a mistake."  
She smiled and shook her head. She gave him a blue coffee mug with white dots and filled it with good smelling black coffee. When all three of them were sitting, Mrs. Anderson said: "There is a reason it is that cheap. We are old and first we don't need a lot of money and second we don't have kids. No one helps us here and we are looking for someone who would agree to help us. Especially cutting the grass and with some works in the house."  
Van nodded. "I know how to cut the grass and both, Travis and me, would help you with all we can. I am not good with tools but probably if you show me how to do stuff, I can help with fixing things."  
"So, Travis, your friend, is he coming by too?"  
"He has classes all day but we could come back in the evening today."  
Both of them nodded. "You seem to be nice but I hope you understand there are rules here", Mr. Anderson told him.  
"What rules?"  
"No Parties. Or if you want to have one, inform us. No loud music after 10pm and if you bring girls home, don't be too loud."  
"Jacob! You wouldn't hear it anyways. I am sure the both of them know how to behave."  
"That wouldn't be a problem. There won't be girls here and we don't have a lot of friends. Trav' and me are loners."  
"Okay. And I told you already it wouldn't be a problem if you were gay. I think love is love. Right Josey?"  
"Yes. Jacob is right. Love is love."  
They were holding hands and Van smiled because he liked both of them.    
"Okay. I gotta go and call Travis and we will come by later. I guess around six? Hopefully the both of you like my friend. But I bet you will. He is sweet and shy. An artist. Thanks for the coffee and the cookies." They all three stood up and walked to the door.  
"Ah and Van, we do have a garage. You can put your bike in there or do you have a car?"  
"Travis drives an old car and I just have the bike. So Trav' would probably put his car in there."  
"Good. It is empty anyway. None of us can drive."  
"How do you go shopping?"  
"Taxi or carry single bags."  
"We can do the shopping then. If we move here. We would be glad to do so. I am used to do those things. My Dad is in a wheelchair and I use to do all stuff for him until I went to college." Both of them nodded. "Have a safe drive and we will see you later."  
"Thank you. See you later." Van jumped on his bike and drove to Travis. 

* * *

  
When Van rang the doorbell he waited and waited and when he was already back on his bike, he heard the electric strike of the door and jumped in. He ran up the stairs, just to find Cathy and Travis arguing about something. They stopped mid-sentence when they saw Van and latter looked worried when he saw his friends face.   "What's going on?"  
"Nothing", Travis replied harsh.  
"Nothing? TRAVIS! I just told you what Derrick did to Naomi."  
"Rumors. Nothing but rumors!"  
"I will prove it to you. I will drive to their old school." She went into her room, slamming the door behind her. Travis shut his eyes close and shook his head. Without saying anything he moved into his room and Van followed. "What is wrong Trav'?"  
"Nothing."  
"Yeah. Doesn't look like nothing."  
Travis threw himself on the bed, his legs and arms crossed. "Cathy went to see Naomi to talk her out of going to the police to tell them that she was raped. And then Naomi told her that Derrick and her dated a few years back and he raped her."  
"WHAT?” Van screamed in disbelief. Travis was living with a sick fuck, that he knew but now he was a sick fucking rapist.  
"I don't believe it. He is my friend. He would never do that."  
"Don't be so sure about that lil' Picasso." He sat down next to him and placed a kiss on his forehead.  
"I am so sick of the stuff coming with that rumor."  
"I know. It's time for you to get out of it. So do you have time today?"  
"Yeah. I canceled my classes today."  
"Okay, because we need to go somewhere at six."  
"Where?"  
"I found a wonderful flat and the owners want to meet you."  
Travis smiled. "Oh god. I forgot. Sorry Van. Tell me about your day."  
Van told Travis everything about the flats and about the Anderson's while playing with his fingers and somewhere along the story Travis had started to kiss his neck and cheeks. Van shook his head. "Prince Charming, what are you trying here?" "Uhm. Nothing. Just kissing my beautiful man. And trying to tell him how much I love him." "Hmm. Okay", the blonde responded and reached for Travis' hair and kissing his neck.   "So did you tell them we are gay?"  
"No but Mr. Anderson asked and told me that they are okay with gay couples. So we won't have a problem."  
"Sounds too good to be true."  
"Yeah. Just like you. Too good to be true."  
They kissed long, passionate and longing.   "Come on Picasso. Put on some nice clothes and let’s go and see the flat. You will like it. I swear."  
"Okay." Travis stood up and changed into a pair of black pants, black shirt and threw on his jacket and the red scarf. Van smiled. That fucking red scarf. He shook his head and went to his friend to run his fingers through his hair to somewhat bring it into shape. They headed for the door and into Travis car. They drove in silence, Van only giving Travis commands where to drive. In front of the house Travis sighed. "That's it?"  
"Yeah."  
"Looks nice and like a home."  
"Yeah. As much as I love being a student and surrounded by people. I love to live a bit quiet. Just like back at home."  
"Yeah. I understand that."  
They walked up to the door and knocked. This time Mr. Anderson opened the door. "Ah Van, you came back. And you must be Travis." He reached a hand for the both of them.  
"Yes Sir. I am Travis."   "  
Are you two brothers?" Both shook their head.  
"No. We are not. We just look a bit alike."  
They walked in and Mr. Anderson walked straight up the stairs to let Travis see the flat.  
"It's already getting dark and you won't see how bright it is but Van saw it."  
"Oh. I think I can imagine. I can see it still." Travis looked around and nodded and Van could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to live here. He even dared to look out the window and Van followed him to look outside. There was grass, a tree, some flowers and a table with chairs.  
"What do you think?” he whispered. "It's great. We should take it." Travis turned around and went over to talk to Mr. Anderson.   "Mr. Anderson, this is a beautiful place and I thought Van was exaggerating. We would love to live here. He told me about the terms and we agree on helping you out. That's not a problem. It will be rough while we do the exams or have to learn but we will do it. Does the kitchen stay in?"  
"Yes. It's included. You only need a fridge and the rest of the furniture."  
"Okay. So, when can we move in?” Travis asked smiling.  
"Young people. Always in a hurry." "  
No. He needs to get out of his room. We just heard something really bad about his roommate and I want him out of there before it ends with someone getting hurt", Van told the older man.  
"Then let us go down and do the paperwork and you can move in as soon as you want."  
"Thank you", Travis said and followed him down the stairs. Van was right behind him, briefly stroking his neck and shoulder. They would have their own home. Their place where they could be together and the Anderson's were nice people. Of course they had to be quiet during sex but that wouldn't be a problem.   They filled in all the papers and chat with the old couple. Travis was so charming that Mrs. Anderson blushed when Travis made her compliments. The four of them laughed and Van thanked the both of them.  
"I guess I will bring my stuff in tomorrow. I don't have much. And maybe some stuff of Travis."  
"Son, you have a key now. You don't need our permission. It's your home now. And never be afraid to knock if anything is wrong or you need something."  
"Thank you both so much. I am glad we called and tis went so fast." Travis said goodbye and moved into the car.  
"You are worried. Has it something to do with the guy that was arrested at college for rape?” Mr. Anderson asked.  
"Yes. And it seems like his roommate is deeper into this than anyone thought. I want him out of there. He has been through enough."  
"If you need help, tell us."  
"Thank you. Goodnight!"  
"You too. Drive careful!"  
"We will."

* * *

  
At the end of the next day Van had brought his stuff to their new flat and he was filling Travis car with some boxes of his stuff, when Derrick came to him.   "What do you think you are doing?"  
"Oh. Travis just needed to get rid of some stuff and I am free today so I am going to bring them to a home for poor people." Jesus, Van was hell of a bad liar and he bet Derrick wasn't buying a thing of it. But after they came back last night things had escalated. Cathy had found proof that Derrick indeed was accused of rape and that was the reason his parents had thrown him out and were paying everything so he would stay away from home. Travis and Cathy made plans to get out of there and Van was the one trying to convince them to follow Derrick around to see what he was doing and playing his friend while in fact, laying him. It was his idea and Travis was totally against it. He thought he wasn't capable of playing friendly while he was angry or the other way round. Cathy had talked to their professor and all together they had planned the stuff out.    
"I don't believe you. Why don't you come back in and we drink something."  
"Okay. But I need to drive so no alcohol."  
"No problem." Van thought it might be good to distract Derrick so he wouldn't wonder where the others are. They sat opposite each other and Van drank the coke Derrick had given him. It tasted a bit different than the usual coke but it was probably just another brand. He once had tasted afri coke and it tasted different than coca cola. Maybe this was just something else. They were staring at each other until Derrick asked: "You and Travis, I don't get what he sees in you. How can you be a better friend than me?"  
"Listen, I don't want to talk about Travis. We have history, that's why we are friends."  
Derrick shook his head. "I done a background check on you. And I don't like anything I read. Father in a wheelchair, you lost all your money, you were arrested and did drugs. I don't want Travis to be ruined."  
"Well, I am not the one ruining him."  
"What?" Van smirked.  
"Oh, we all know you are a liar and that you are not as friendly as you do."  
"How would you know that? We don't know each other."  
"You have a reputation. You tell lies to get what you want. Drinks, sex and grades." Both shoot each other death glares. "And you couldn't even save your best friend from drowning." Van swallowed. That was too much. He stood up, feeling dizzy and everything was turning. Wow, what the fuck? Derrick started laughing and Van snapped. He punched him, drawing blood from his lip. Derrick punched back, but missed Van. They were punching each other until someone was holding Van back and he saw Travis behind him.  
"The hell are the both of you doing?” he screamed.  
"He is a fuckin' asshole and he talked about Doug." Travis looked at Derrick.  
"How do you know about that?"  
"I looked him up. Wanted to know who you are dating."  
"We are not fuckin' dating and this is none of your business. Leave Van alone or I swear to god I will fuckin' kill you. You know I can." Travis pointed to the words he had written on his new art installment. "sometimes it's the nice guy that's the sickest."  
"Oh come on Trav', we are friends and I just wanted you to be safe."  
Travis shook his head. "Stay away from us."   Travis grabbed Van and lifted him up to go to his room. He locked the door and heard Derrick yelling at them in the living room.  
"What happened sweetheart?"  
"I feel sick. I think there was something in my coke."  
"No. He wouldn't do that. Did you eat something?"  
Van shook his head. "See, maybe you are just hungry." Travis grabbed a towel and started cleaning Van. "  
You need to get out of here. He is dangerous." Travis nodded and didn't say anything. There was something he couldn't tell Van. For example why he was carrying a gun right now. "I want you to stay away from me Van. I mean it. I want you to go to our new flat today and stay there or at your room. Maybe the rest of the week. I can't be around you. Not now."  
Travis knew how that sounded and he knew he was hurting Van but he had to.  
"But you come to my test?"  
"Of Course. I will be there. Wouldn't miss that for the world. And As soon as this thing is over I am coming home to you."  
Van nodded and grabbed Travis hand. "I love you. Be careful. I will grab some more stuff and then bring it to our flat. I will sleep in the dorm tonight."  
"Yes. I think it's a good idea. I will take care of the rest. I talked to my professor who is helping us. He has friends with a bigger car. They will help me get all my stuff to the flat as soon as we played Derrick. He needs to think everything is okay." "I know. Okay. But be careful. I can't lose you." Travis placed a kiss on Van's lips. "I love you, lil' merman. Now you should go." "Okay."  
Van didn't want to go. He felt miserable. Somehow sick and he was a bit worried about Travis. Travis seemed to be so distant and nervous but he knew he had to go so he wouldn't ruin their plan. He drove by their flat and placed all the boxes in there. Then he closed the door and drove to his dorm. He called his Dad.   
"Hey Dad. How are you?"   
"I'm okay. Why do you call me?"   
"To tell you that I am moving into a flat with a friend. It's better than the dorm. On Tuesday is my other test. Wish me luck."   
"You will pass. You are a good swimmer. Do I know that friend?"   
"Yeah. You remember Travis from High School? We met here and he has to get out of his room, so we decided to move in together. At least we know who we move in with."  
"Isn't that the kid that sat at our old house drawing?"   
"Yep. That's him." "Good. At least I know you are with someone trustworthy and not some criminal. DO you visit me on the weekend?"   
"Yes. I will."   
"Goodbye son."   
"Bye Dad."   
Van looked at the clock and it was still early, so he decided to go to the office to tell them he was moving out by the end of the week. He had to fill in some papers and then it was done. He was bored and he wanted to get some more stuff done for their flat, so he went to the blackboard to see if anyone was selling some cheap furniture. He hadn't much money left this month but he could at least look some stuff up and maybe find a job.   When he was reading some of the advertising he felt someone moving closer to him. He looked to the left and saw Derrick. What was he doing here? "What are you looking for? A job? Afraid you don't make it into the team?" "No. I am not. I just need some more money. Not everyone has parents shoving money into their kid’s asses to get rid of them." Derrick shook his head and left, turning right to go to the sports area. Van wondered what he was doing there. 

* * *

  
Van was staring at the water and he was nervous. His test was beginning in 20 minutes and he was feeling sick again. He had only drunk a bottle of water and ate some fruits. He never ate much before swimming. So it couldn't be the food. He hadn't heard from Travis but he knew he always kept his promises. There weren't even news about Derrick. Van had managed to find them a cheap fridge which will do in the beginning and as soon as he was working he would buy something better. They had Travis' bed as soon as his stuff was into the flat. He planned on making a little table for their couch out of old palettes. His view wandered over the people at the pool. Travis wasn't there yet. But there were still 15 minutes left.  
He started to feel really sick when Travis wasn't there five minutes before his test and Van was also sad. He thought that Travis would keep his word and some part was worried about him. When it was his turn to swim he did make it and he knew it wasn't his best test and he felt slower than usual but he still made it. The coach smiled.   
"That wasn't your best time."   
"No. Sorry. I feel so sick. I think I had bad fruits this morning or something."   
"You are in. That counts. Come by the office in three hours to get your training plan and the contest times."  
Van looked around and Travis wasn't there. He went strictly to the cabin to change into clothes and then hurried to Travis flat. He knocked but nobody opened. So he went to their flat but Travis wasn't there. He sighed. Where the hell are you Trav'? Van sat down on the floor, his back leaning against the wall. He felt so weird, sick and high and...wait a minute...high? Fuck no. Van ran down the steps and drove back to college. He ran to see his coach. "Coach. I need to talk to you."   
"What's it? I need to watch some others swim. I told you to be back in three hours."   
"Do you have the results of our doping test?"   
"No. It will come back tomorrow. Why?"   
"I think someone drugged me. I am feeling sick since days and first I thought it was the food, as I told you but I think someone put something in my drinks."   
"Are you sure? You know this will disqualify you."  
"Yes. But I would never take them on my own. I stopped doing drugs a while before coming here."   
"Van, who do you think did it."   
"Derrick. I don't know his last name. He is living with a friend of mine. Travis. He gave me coke and it tasted weird but I thought it was a different brand. And a few days ago I saw him in the sports area. He also has a keychain with all keys for the college in his flat. And I saw him on parties. Enough time to drug me. He told me he wanted me to get out of my friends life. I know this sounds weird."   
"No it doesn't. There are rumors about him. I will see what I can do for you."  
After talking to his coach he went to see the professor he knew helped Cathy and Travis. He told him Travis and Cathy were home and ending things with Derrick and that he had to go too. Van told him about the drugs. He thought if more than one teacher knew what happened they might help him. He didn't want to be disqualified just because some jerk fucked him up. Van was afraid of losing Travis if he wasn't going to college with him. Van would be a loser in his eyes and that he couldn't give him anything he deserved. Van nearly cried n his way to Travis flat. He heard loud noises coming from the inside and he was just about to ring the doorbell, when he heard a door slamming shut. He hid behind the corner and observed how Travis walked down the street. Van followed him for a while, but saw he was going to college so Van looked at the clock and saw that he needed to go to his coach to get all his training plans and dates for the contests. After that he would try to find Travis again. Van was worried sick. And he felt as if he was having a hangover.

* * *

 

An hour later he was back and again someone was yelling and again Travis came running out. Wearing complete black clothes and his face was cold and emotionless. This time Van followed him to the girls section of the college. He knew it was the building where Naomi had her room. What was going on? He waited until Travis left the building and Van swallowed. This wasn't his Prince Charming. This was some kind of supervillain. Travis was smoking.     
Van whispered: "Trav'." Travis turned around, the rain pouring down his face and he hollered: "Go away."   
"But...”   
"No. Van. Go. I don't need you here. Go." His voice was cold and when Van met his eyes he felt his heart sink. There was nothing left of that warm feeling from a few days ago.    
"Picasso, don't", he tried.   
"I'm sorry Merman. Go home."   
Then Travis ran away and Van was standing there while the rain was soaking his clothes wet. Slowly he moved back home to get his bike and drive to the lake. He wanted to go on Friday but maybe he should go right now. It was the only place he could think of right now. The only place that would calm him. It was dark and he couldn't see that much and he was deep in thoughts. Not even paying attention to where he was heading. His thoughts were running around like a wildfire. Was Travis breaking up with him? They just had found that beautiful flat. What if they wouldn't even move in there? Maybe Travis just wanted to get him out of the danger zone. Before he knew what was happening he was standing in front of his old friend’s house. The one he used to get high with. He knocked and when the door opened he was greeted with that familiar smell of weed. 

* * *

  
It wasn't until Saturday that Travis was moving his things to their new home. With the help of Cathy, Naomi, his professor and his friends it was just a two hours thing to do. Cathy helped him putting the bed up and she smirked. "It's a nice flat. Where is your friend?"   
"I don't know. Maybe still home. He wanted to see his Dad."   
"You still think he will be upset?"   
"Yes. I sent him away. But I didn't mean it. I just wanted him to be safe. But I was so rude."   
"Go, drive to him and talk to him."   
"Thanks. See you in class", Travis said when Cathy went to the door. She nodded and went outside. Travis felt horrible. Sending Van away was hard and the look on his face was so hurt. Everything was so terrible. He wanted him safe and all he could think of was how he could have been shot. Travis sighed and sat down on the bed. Hopefully Van would forgive him and they had a lot to talk about. He stood up and went to his car to drive to the lake. It was just a two hours ride and he wanted to see Van.     
He found him at the lake, drinking rum straight from the bottle and he was smoking. Travis shook his head. He had fucked up. He slowly approached his friend. "Van?” he asked quietly.   
"Go away." "  
No, please listen to me", Travis said louder while Van was still staring at the water. "  
There's nothin' to talk about." "  
Please. Let me explain." Van looked at him and Travis sat down next to him and pulled the bottle from his hands.   
"You had enough."  
"Gimme the bottle back. My decision. What do you care?"   
"I care because I fuckin' love you.” Travis hissed.   
"Love? Didn't look like it when you sent me away. Plus your friend made me lose my scholarship. He drugged me."  
"What?"  
"Yes. He put something in my drink."   
"But it wasn't your fault."   
"Yeah. Coach and your Prof couldn't do anything. They called me yesterday. My Dad doesn't know yet."   
"I am sorry. We need to fix this. Let me help you. They will let you swim. Maybe another college. Please Van."   
"Fuck you! It is all your fault and I am not coming back to college. I will pay the rent for a month and you should look for someone else to move in with you. We are done."  
Van stood up and walked to his bike. He was drunk but he wouldn't stay here where HE was. Travis watched him walk away and he felt tears coming to his eyes.   
"Van, you don't mean that."  
"I do. It was a mistake. I shouldn't have gone to college in the first place."  
"No. Van. You were happy."  
Van swallowed. Yes he was but he wasn't going back there. Why would he, now that there was nothing left. He would never swim again.  
"Travis, we would never fit together. You are great and you will be famous someday. I will just be some fucked up, drugged and wasted Mechanic or something. You deserve better. Go now. We are over."  
Van jumped on his bike and drove away without looking back. He knew if he would, he would see his lil' Picasso crying and that wasn't something he could bare to see right now. He drove by Jazz house to get some new weed. Maybe he really should kill himself with an overdose on something harder. His life was pretty much ruined anyway.  
He had lost his career, his home and his happiness.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked to post a new chapter as soon as possible and I have to say..It is one of my favorites because the ending...well..read for yourself.

Travis was upset and he stared at the lake for much too long. He decided to stay and wait for Van. No matter how long he had to wait. This couldn't be all. Yes he was angry with him for drinking and smoking and he even smelled like weed but he was also well aware that this was his fault. He just wanted him to be save and now Van was breaking up with him? That couldn't happen. Not yet.  
It took hours for Van to come back and Travis was freezing, dehydrated and hungry but he didn't care. He had sat there all the time, not even drawing or anything. His head was so empty because he wanted Van back.   
The blonde came stumbling down to him. "You are still here", his voice grumpy when he said it.  
"Where have you been?"  
Travis was afraid that he wasn't able to get through to Van.   
"Jazz. We fucked some chicks after smoking weed and then he had some meth." Van smiled. "I feel fucking amazing."  
Travis shut his eyes close and tried to be calm. Ignoring the comment about the girls at all. He couldn't handle that now. "No you don't."  
"What do ya kno' ya' jus' boring."  
"Boring? BORING!” Travis screamed and jumped up to grab Van's arm. "I am not fuckin' boring. I may be a freak and different but I am not boring. And don't play cool and that you're not interested in me. Because it fuckin' felt different when you were hard all the time. And it was YOU that started it all!"  
"So it is my right to end it." Van lit a cigarette and blew circles in the air.  
"Hell no. You bastard. You are not ending anything here."  
They looked at each other and Travis knew it was risky but he stepped forward and pulled the cigarette out of Van's mouth and threw it to the ground and then threw his arms around Van, who started struggling the second he realized what Travis was doing. "Let go of me."  
"No."  
"I said let go of me asshole."  
Travis did not let go and for a while Van struggled until he was too exhausted and just leaned against Travis. The artist instantly grabbed into Van's hair. "Let me help you."  
"How? How can you help me?" Van felt his tears coming he couldn't do anything about it. Travis was his weak spot and instead of leaving him he had stayed here for hours. "We will talk to the police. He drugged you. I can't believe Derrick was so sick and jealous. I am so sorry sweetheart."  
Van snaked his arms around Travis waist and hid his face on Travis neck. "Trav'", he whispered and stopped holding his feelings back. "I am here for you. I love you merman."  
"You shouldn't."  
"Well, that warning comes a little late don't you think? Like 10 years too late or so."  
"I am fucked up. I will hurt you."  
Travis placed a kiss on Van's lips. "We are both fucked up and I will hurt you too. That's what made you go here in the first place. I am sorry I pushed you away. I just wanted you safe. Wanted you out of the line. I was so scared and even so I wanted you there because I needed you, I had to make you leave. I was carrying a gun Van. A real gun. We used fake bullets but still..."  
"Part of me knew but the way your eyes looked..."  
"Sorry. I love you. Come on. Let's go inside. I know your Dad is there but you need to take a shower to get that smell off you and I will take you back to our home."  
Van moved and looked at Travis, his eyes little from the drugs and red from crying. He nodded and took Travis hand to walk him in. "Dad?"  
"Kitchen", he answered.  
"I brought a friend."  
Van wiped his face with his shirt and let go of Travis hand.   
"Who? I don't hope you brought Jazz."  
"No. Travis." They walked to the kitchen, where Travis saw Van's Dad sitting in a wheelchair on a table and painting figures. "Good evening! Nice to meet you." He was holding out a hand. Van's Dad gestured that he didn't want to let go of the brush in his hand. "I heard you are moving in with Van."  
"Yes, sir. We found a nice flat."  
Van smiled and said: "Dad, I am taking a short shower. Can Travis wait here?"  
"Of Course. Don't shower too long."  
"No." Van smirked at Travis and went to the bathroom.  
"So Travis, I heard you are studying art."  
"Yes, sir and psychology. Besides wanting to be an artist I always wanted to help people. I want to work as a psychiatrist specialized on art therapy for kids and teens."  
Van's Dad nodded. "Sounds like a big plan and an important work. When I was in rehabilitation for my leg I met some that went to a group therapy and they had to draw with closed eyes. Is that something like that?"  
"Yes. Drawing with closed eyes is a method to get to know the inside of your patient."  
"I wish Van had a plan."  
"Don't worry. He will do fine. He will swim and major in something else. I will make sure of that." Travis smiled and Van's Dad laughed.  
"I like you. So do you have a girlfriend?"  
Travis was a bit startled. "Uhm. No."  
"Boyfriend?"  
"Yes?"  
"That's okay. I always thought you were gay."  
"What? How?"  
"I know it is weird but I sometimes saw you looking at Van. First I thought it's because you two look so similar, which by the way is still a miracle to me, but then I saw that you had a crush on him."  
Travis was blushing and he just nodded and changed the subject. "Did Van take you to the shop to get new colors?"  
"Yes. He did."  
"Good. I hate when I don't have the right colors."  
"Can you do me a favor?"  
"Yes?"  
"I put him through a lot and I am a horrible Dad but after Doug drowned I stopped drinking to help him. He needs someone to rely on and someone with a very good influence. Will you care for him? Call me when something is wrong? I know he came here upset and drunk and high. He needs to be away from here and away from drugs. I am afraid he might kill himself someday."  
"I promise you, I will help him and take care of him."  
"Thank you."  
"What are you two talking about?” Van asked, coming back from the bathroom, wearing fresh clothes and he was rubbing his head with a towel to dry his hair.  
"You", his Dad answered.  
"Oh no. So Dad me and Trav' are going back now. You okay?"  
"Why don't you stay the night and leave in the morning? There should be food in the fridge. That woman you found me loves to cook and clean up."  
"Yeah I saw that much. It's cleaner than in a hospital. What do you think Trav'?"  
"I am hungry and I guess tomorrow is okay. I am too tired to drive."  
Van grabbed the food from the fridge and placed it on the stove to warm it up. He looked over to Travis who was staring right back at him. How did he get so lucky? He had broken up with that guy a few hours ago and here he was, chatting with his Dad, staying the night and looking at him as if he was something so wonderful. Van didn't deserve him. Travis was so precious, so unique.   
"Son, did you know Travis wants to be a therapist?"  
"Of course. He is smart and can help with problems."  
"Don't get him into trouble."  
"No Dad. I promise I won't do anything that would ruin his life."  
His Dad nodded and Travis chuckled. "I bet I am ruining his a bit. I am a chaotic little freak and he soon will be annoyed when we live together."  
Mr. Thompson laughed. "Have you met my son?"  
Both of them laughed and Van bit his lip. Good they were coming along so great. He didn't plan this but he just had to.  
"Dad?"  
"Yes?" His Dad turned around in his wheelchair and Travis looked a bit scared and was shaking his head.  
Van got down on his knees. "I know you are still mad that I went to college but I think it was a good decision. I met someone."  
"Who?"  
"I like that person. A lot. That someone was always there for me. I know this person from High School and we met at a party and we talked and watched movies and did all the normal stuff. We went on a few dates and I think I am in love Dad. I can't help it. That person makes me happy and makes me better. I did so much stupid stuff and when I came here Thursday night I went to Jazz and took drugs again. Just like today. I was mad at this person for no reason."  
"Van, it is okay. You don't have to talk in riddles. I am not deaf you know." His Dad smirked.  
"What?" Van looked confused.  
"You were yelling at Travis like you only yell at people you love. Like me. I already know it is him."  
You could cut the silence with a knife. Travis started chuckling and Van just shook his head. "And you are not throwing any tantrums here?"  
"I want you to be happy son. I have kept you away from him when you were a kid. I am not going to do it again."  
Van hugged his Dad, who turned around when Van let go of him. Travis smiled a bit nervous and Van's Dad said: "You are a good boy and I already like you for making my boy smile. But, as a good Dad I have to say that: If you hurt him I am going to kill you."  
All three chuckled. "I am not going to hurt him. I want him to heal."  
They sat and ate the leftovers each of them in thoughts. Van's Dad then said: "I am going to bed now. Sleep well you two and be silent with whatever you do at night."  
"DAD!"  
He smirked and turned around, leaving the couple alone.   
"You wanna go out and look at the lake?” Van asked.  
"Yeah some fresh air before sleep would be good."  
They walked outside and Van sat down on the landing stage. Travis took the place right next to him but then laid down. Crossing his arms behind his head and looking to the stars. "That went well with my Dad", Van voiced.  
"Yeah. It was a bit soon."  
"But it is still the truth. I still need you Trav'. Just like today. I know I am a jerk sometimes. I didn't mean to break up with you. It’s just...you could do so much better than me."  
Travis sighed and grabbed his friends back. "You need to stop thinking so bad of you. Why do you think you are not special? I thought we talked about that. I love you and that's all that matters. Come here."  
Travis motioned for Van to lay down on his chest and Van did as he was told. Snuggling up to his boyfriend. "I love you, too. I am so sorry."  
"I know. I am sorry too. But please, don't take drugs again, okay? Did you really take meth?"  
"No. I left when Jazz started using."  
Travis nodded and bit his lips. "And the girls?” he asked with a shaking voice.  
Van moved Travis head to the site so he was looking at him. "No girls. I wanted to make you angry. I swear."  
"Okay", the dark haired whispered.  
Van started playing with Travis scarf and latter was playing with Van's hair.   
"Fuck. I am horny", Van hissed.  
"Your problem. With all the weed."  
"Fuck. I know."  
Van thought about Travis lips on his manhood and moaned. Travis laughed. "Did you just moan?"  
"Sorry", Van mumbled.  
"Well, I didn't even touch you. What movie are you playing in your head?"  
"Your mouth on my dick."  
"Hmm. Good one."  
"Yeah. But your lips on mine would be good too."  
"I think I can do that."  
Travis pulled Van on top of him and started kissing him right away. Van was moaning and Travis felt his hard on pressing against his stomach. "Damn Van. You are poking me with that thing."  
That made Van laugh and he couldn't stop. Great a laugh kick. Jesus. Travis shook his head and shoved Van off of him.   
"Prince Charming where are you going?"  
"I need to piss."  
"Uh oh."  
Travis moved behind one of the trees to empty his bladder. When he came back Van was lying on his back, his hands fumbling around on his shorts. The artist shook his head.   
"Oi. Merman. What do you think you are doing?"  
"I told you I am horny."  
"And high like a kite."  
Travis placed himself next to Van and started kissing him, his hand reaching for Van's hand that was opening his shorts. Instead he opened it himself and pushed his hand in to stroke Van through the fabric of his boxers. Van's right hand was playing with Travis hair and his left one was grabbing for the other hand to shove it into his boxers. "Please", he begged.  
Travis smirked and thought they should smoke weed when they wanted to fuck. Van seems to enjoy it. Travis looked around and then pushed Van's shorts and boxers down so his cock was free. Van looked at him and then to his dick. "I just want you so much."  
"I want you, too." This was true. Travis was hard as he could get. He moved his hip and Van moaned. "Fuck. We can't."  
"No. Not like this. I want you to be sober."  
"I promised you something special."  
"Shut up. I want to help you here."  
"Then better start working Picasso."  
"Shut up." Travis kissed Van to silence him and then grabbed his dick, jerking is boyfriend off. Van was groaning, not caring to be silent, so Travis kept his mouth pressed to his friends. Van's hands were in his hair and on his back an under his clothes. They were fucking everywhere and Travis himself had to hold back a moan.  
"Fuck", Van breathed before coming. Travis looked confused. Well he really was horny if it only took 30 seconds to make him come.  
They stared at each other and both snorted. "Sorry Picasso."  
"Merman, we need to work on your condition."  
"HAHA! Asshole."  
"Can we go to bed now? I want to go home to our flat early. And spent the rest of Sunday cuddling with you and I think we need to talk as soon as you are sober."  
"I am sober."  
"No you are not."  
"True. Then let’s go to bed and cuddle."  
They went inside, dimming all the lights and snuggling under the sheets. Travis was spooning Van and kissing his neck.  
"Goodnight you lil' merman."  
"Night my Prince. I love you."  
"Same."  
Van grabbed for Travis hand and intertwined their fingers, placing kisses on his wrist. "Thank you", he whispered.  
"What for?"  
"Saving me. Again."  
"Always. I'm yours, remember?"  
Van turned around and was looking at Travis through the little light that was coming from the outside. He placed one hand on the other man’s face and mumbled: "Mine."  
"Yes."  
"I'm yours. I will be better for you."  
"Be better for you, not for me. And now sleep sweetheart."  
Van turned around again and that's how they fell asleep. Or at least one of them did. The other one was watching the other one sleep and thinking about all the things that happened. Travis was playing with Vans hair, making sure he was sleeping and relaxing, until he was too tired to leave his eyes open. He would make sure that Van was better, healing and getting off those drugs.

 

* * *

  
They were heading back to their new home. Van following Travis on his bike and making some funny gestures every time Travis looked into the back rear mirror. Travis couldn't wait to be at their flat and finally talk with him. So after two hours alone in the car he was glad when they arrived and opened the door. They were greeted by a plate covered with foil and a little post-it. "Welcome to your flat. Maybe you two like cookies."  
"Awww look Van! Mrs. Anderson made cookies."  
"She is a great lady. Come on let's say thanks."  
They knocked at the old couple’s door and it was opened just minutes after.  
"Good Morning", Mrs. Anderson said.  
"We just wanted to say thanks for the cookies. We came home from our hometown just now. We will eat them while unpacking some boxes", Travis spoke.  
"No need to thank me. I always loved to bake and I use to bake more than Jacob and I can eat."  
"Thank you. We will leave you alone now and go upstairs."  
"Enjoy your first night here."  
"We will." They waved and ran upstairs, both happy to be alone and in their flat. As soon as the door was shut close, Van grabbed Travis by his scarf, pulling him towards him, throwing his arms around his neck and pressing his lips against Travis. Latter started walking backwards and was dragging Van with him.  
"Stop. Trav'!" Van chuckled. "We will stumble over boxes or something."  
"Yeah. I don't care. I want to fucking kiss my boyfriend and throw him on the bed and make out."  
"Oh ho. Listen to that."  
"You promised we would make out all the time when we are alone", Travis complained. "Well Sir, don't you think we should talk and unpack some more stuff and make plans what to do now?"  
Travis sighed. "Wow you are a fun killer."  
"Sorry Babe."  
"Don't call me that. I'm no chick."  
"Since when do you speak like that?" Van raised an eyebrow.  
Travis shrugged. "Like what?"  
"Like you have grown some balls."  
"What? I always had balls there was just no reason to speak like that. Because you fuckin' knew already how soft I can be. Asshole. And by the way it was me pretending to shoot a friend. Pretending I raped someone so we could play tricks on Derrick. It was me all dressed like a freakin' killer."  
Travis sat down on the bed and buried his head in his hands.  
Van didn't hesitate and sat down next to him, patting his back.  
"I'm sorry. Tell me about it, okay? I couldn't be there because you sent me away. But I can be here now."  
"No. It is all good."  
"It is not. You are totally riled up. I have never seen that thing in your eyes. That dark thing. I don't like it." Travis shrugged Van's hand off and looked at him.  
"Well, deal with it. It's there."  
"Will you fucking stop sounding like it was all my fault? I was not the one who sent me away. I was not the one that spread that fuckin' rumor. I told you to play a simple trick on him, not let him make you try to shoot him. If you hadn't sent me away I would have been there with you. Maybe helping you fake-kill him. Don't forget that fuckin' bastard just ruined my swimming career. He fuckin' drugged me!"  
Travis shook his head. "And then you fuckin' idiot went to the lake and thought: OH WELL ONCE I AM DRUGGED I CAN USE SOME MORE?"  
"NO! I thought you broke up with me. I thought you..." Van wiped away that tear that was leaving his eyes and stood up to cross the room.  
"You thought what?"  
"You didn't love me anymore", he whispered.  
"How can you, for one second think that? Didn't you hear me say it? Van, I love you since we were kids. You are the reason my Dad threw me out. And I wouldn't want it any other way. Can we stop that arguing now? We both need each other and you were right, we need a plan." Travis stood up and snaked his arms around Van's waist, leaning his head to the back of Van's body.  
"I hate arguing with you", Van admitted.  
"I hate fighting in general."  
"Can we cuddle now?” Van asked.  
"Hell yeah. Come on my lil' cuddly merman. Who would have thought that you are a cuddler?"  
"You made me one."  
"Of course it is my fault." Travis sprawled out on the bed and Van jumped on top of him, smiling and kissing Travis neck. Soon they were tangled together and cuddling.  
"I am sorry I smoked and drank so much. And that I got so horny."  
Travis laughed. "You are not sorry about the last part."  
Van smirked. "True."  
"I am sorry for sending you away. I just wanted you out of danger."  
"Biggest danger I see is you."  
Travis started tickling Van. "You think?"  
"Yeah. You make me wanna cuddle, kiss and have sex and I moved in with you and can't wait to do all this boring everyday life stuff with you. You are ruining my reputation as bad boy."  
"Maybe I should tell people you are into SM."  
Both started laughing and Van turned them around so Travis was on top. His hands grabbing into the dark hair of his friend and locked eyes with him. "I love you", he whispered.  
"Oh Merman...” Travis breathed and kissed Van's ear. "I love you, too."  
Van felt the silly feeling go away. That feeling you always have after a fight that was pretty much about nothing. You feel high and just want to laugh to feel better. Now he was getting calmer because he was back with his friend, his little artist. His Dad was okay with them and they were in their flat. Travis was playing with Van's blonde hair and listening to that familiar heartbeat. Van was still here, with him. He placed himself next to Van and grabbed his hand.  
"We have a flat."  
"Crazy, right?” Van said.  
"I was about to say awesome but crazy does it, too."  
"Our first home."  
"Yeah."  
"Someday I will buy a house for you. Maybe one at a lake. With a great view and a lot landscapes to draw."  
They turned their heads to look at each other.  
"Come on, we should unpack some stuff and make a list of things we need."  
"I already made that list and I got us a fridge. It's not the best but it will do. We need to go shopping tho. We don't have anything here. My Dad gave me some money today before we left. And I need to find a job."  
"I will talk to my prof first. I want you back at college. It was Derrick's fault."  
"Thanks. But I still need a job. We need money Trav'."  
"I could work, too."  
"Oh no. You have your art and psychology and someone needs to do the housework." "Careful Merman. I am dangerous. Don't underestimate me."  
"How could I?" Van moved and started kissing Travis. If it was for him they would never leave the bed but he knew they had to. He stood up and opened one of Travis' boxes with clothes.    
"So, we don't have a wardrobe. We need to live out of our boxes at first."  
"Okay. And we need a table. I brought my Desk in the other room. We could use that one first."  
"No, you need it to draw."  
"I can draw on the floor or on my scaffold."  
"Okay. Let's carry it in here then." After two hours they had unpacked some stuff, had added more things to the list they needed and made their first shopping list, so they could go to the store the next day.  
Travis was wearing one of his overalls, the sleeves up to his elbows, the zipper open up to his chest and he wasn't wearing a shirt underneath it. Van looked at him and for the first time allowed himself to really think about Travis in detail. The way he was sorting books into one of his shelves and the way he moved in general, made him weak in the knees. That dark hair that was curling itself a little in his neck, the single leather strap around his neck and like him he had brought shoulders. Van moved closer and stopped Travis, who was just about to grab another book from a box, by putting a hand on his and when their eyes met, Van acted on instinct. Placing his other hand on Travis neck, pulling him closer, while tangling their fingers together. Before placing his lips onto Travis he just stared into these blue eyes and even while he started kissing him, he held his eyes open, to see how Travis closed his, completely falling into that kiss. His man was handsome and interesting. Van's world stopped spinning for a brief second, when Travis other hand met his chest.   
Van let go of his friends hand, moving it up over his arm and then to his chest. He slowly opened the zipper of Travis overall and mirrored Travis' hand. He placed his palm to his boyfriend’s heart.   
Travis stopped kissing him and opened his eyes, moving his hand to Van's cheek. "What do you think about?” he whispered. Van wasn't able to speak. He just shook his head and buried his head on Travis shoulder. The artist smiled and pressed Van to his chest, as close as he could.  
"Did I ever tell you, why I loved swimming?” Van whispered.  
"No. Tell me. I wanna know."  
"The water was the only place I felt safe. The way it surrounds your body and touches every single spot on your body at once. The feeling of being hold from invisible hands. I always liked to be hold. My mum used to do it a lot when I was little. My Dad never did. Sometimes I think I am falling apart when there is no one to hold or nobody is holding me. This moment, right now, is everything. I love the silence around us and that I don't feel uncomfortable with you. You are like water. You clear my mind and you touch me in places even water can't reach. I feel you everywhere. Oh God...I am so madly in love with you." Van pressed Travis closer, placing a kiss on his shoulder and adding some more when he felt Travis' smirking on his chest.  
"If I am your water, you are my color, finally painting that white canvas which is called my skin, with rainbow colors. I love you, sweetheart."  
"Let's just relax the rest of the day, okay? Let's eat some cookies. I don't want to be one of those couples that never take time off to be simply be together."  
"Damn honey, you are hell of a romantic person. Never thought you are that sentimental." "Yeah well, I never was."  
"I like it", Travis admitted. Van lifted Travis up, throwing him over his shoulder and laughed, while Travis was slapping his ass.  
"Take me down. VAN!"  
"No. I am carrying you to the bed."  
"Oh god. What have I done to myself? You are killin' me man."  
"Same." Van threw Travis on the bed and started to undress him.  
"What do you think you are doing Mister?"  
"Undressing you."  
"And why?"  
"You will see." Van smirked and when he was done undressing his friend, he stripped off his own clothes and snuggled himself up to the artist, covering them with a blanket and building a cocoon. Travis eyed him all the time as if he was holding back a laugh. But he simply shook his head. "You are crazy Van."  
"Yep. Never said anything else."  
"So is this the way you want our first time to happen?"  
"Don't be stupid. This is completely not about sex. Maybe a bit teasing."   
Travis rolled his eyes. "Not again."  
"So you are not very patient, are you?"  
"No. I am 19 years old and a virgin. I fuckin' want you and all the teasing kills me."  
"Enjoy it Picasso. Because the teasing is what makes it so much fun."  
"And how do we eat the cookies now?” Travis asked pouting.  
"Fuck. You are right. We will eat them later, when I am done kissing you." Van immediately started with putting his lips to Travis skin, his hands trailing down his friend’s chest and stomach, leaving goose bumps all over his skin. His lips moved down too, to kiss his friends belly and his lips curled into a tiny smile. Oh yeah he loved the little belly. "Turn around, Baby." Travis didn't wait a second to do so, hoping he was getting another massage. But Van had slightly other plans. He kissed and licked over the artist’s spine, his hands placed near the armpits, gently stroking over the sensible flesh, which made Travis shudder. "Stop or I am hard like a rock."  
"Not my problem", Van replied and started nibbling on Travis neck. After that he sat upright, using Travis butt as pillow.    
"I will paint something on your back and you guess what. Okay? My mom used to do this when I was little."  
Travis chuckled. "Okay."  
"Why do you laugh?"  
"Because you are crazy. I just felt like a 6 year old."  
"Pfff. I just want to be silly with you. I thought that's what love is about. Do all the silly things together you would never admit you liked to anybody else."  
"It is. So then draw." Van started drawing and Travis tried his hardest to concentrate and figure out what he was drawing with his fingers.    
Up, down, right, up, down, right. "What is that? Mountains?"  
"No. A Heartbeat."  
"Oh my god. Can you at least draw something I can figure out?"  
"Okay. Picasso!" Circle. Dots.  
"So this is either a salami pizza or a cookie."  
"Cookie."  
"My turn. On your stomach!"  
They changed places and Travis smirked. This was so evil. Letting him do such a thing. He painted an invisible Mermaid on Van's back. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?"  
"No?"  
"I have no idea."  
"I will do it again and now concentrate."  
Travis made the exact same moves and then Van said: "Was that a fish?"  
Which made Travis chuckle. "Something like that."  
"Oh come on, gimme a hint."  
"Merman, you should know what this is."  
"Oh damn. A Mermaid."  
"The candidate gets 20 points for the guess and 200 bonus points for being cute. Now cookies." Travis stood up and grabbed the cookies from the kitchen and brought them to bed. They were sitting side by side, eating cookies and when they were done, Van kissed Travis cheek. "How about we go out and eat something? I don't have a lot because we need the money to buy food tomorrow. But we could share?"  
"Sounds good. But we just ate cookies."  
"Yeah. I thought we could go for a walk. I need some air. I still feel a bit like I am having a hangover."  
"Okay." They got dressed and walked out to explore the new neighborhood. When they walked around Van suddenly grabbed Travis hand, intertwining their fingers. Both looked down and then at each other.  
"Someone could see.” Travis whispered.  
"I don't care. I love you and I am not ashamed of you. If anybody makes trouble I am here. I will protect you."  
"I can protect myself but you know...people are still not okay with homosexuality."  
"They are stupid. If you feel that uncomfortable I will let go. Even so I would hate it to play your friend."  
"No. It's alright. It's just new."  
They walked around for a little bit and Van felt much more comfortable now, that he had some fresh air and the man he loved at his side. He was walking him to the park and the sun was already getting down, which painted the whole place in red and orange.  
"Look, it's beautiful. You should paint something like that. Maybe we should go here next Sunday and you can paint. Look there is a bench over there." Van pointed to a little bench that was at the edge of the field of grass they were walking towards to.  
"Would be perfect. See all the shades of orange and red combined with green. Oh man. This is amazing." Travis let go of Van's hand and ran over to the bench, sitting down and looking around. While Van was still standing there, watching Travis. Next weekend he would do it. He would make their relationship complete, giving Travis what he wanted. Van was nervous, which was one of the reasons he wanted to wait a bit longer but with every second he spent with his boyfriend he felt the urge to be closer to him. Feel him. Those feelings frightened him. They were so intense, so incredible. Even so they had known each other all their lives, everything was new and to Van it was even more new. Who would have known that he would fall in love with a man? No, Van thought, he had fallen in love with an artist. With an old soul and a cute smile. He had fallen for Travis because he was smart, kind and had the courage to tell him, what nobody else dared to tell him. He would make it a perfect first time for the both of them.  
Travis was waving his hands, motioning that he should come to him and Van moved forward to place himself next to Travis, taking his hand in his and let him talk about the light, the reflections and the way he wanted to paint this. All Van could see was the orange color of Travis skin and the light of the dying sun in his lover’s eyes. He could see all the excitement and he smiled and he was happy. Everything he wanted was to freeze this moment, where both of them were happy, with butterflies in their bellies and sunlight in their eyes. Oh yes, he was romantic and he was completely and helplessly in love.   
He forgot about his ruined career as swimmer and he forgot about their fight. It wasn't important anymore because they had each other and they would always have each other. Maybe, just maybe, someday they would be husbands.  
"Merman, are you still there?” Travis asked looking at Van's eyes that were following every move of his eyes.  
"I'm here, where else would I be?"  
"You look as if you found something."  
"I found you. I am happy. After a very long time of seeing more darkness than light, I finally see the light. Right there." He places his hand on Travis cheek and very briefly touched Travis eyelashes. "In your eyes. I love you."  
Travis face lit up and he rested his head on Van's shoulder. Just a month ago he was convinced he would never see him again. A few weeks ago he was convinced to be over that guy with the sandy blonde hair and the cute smile. Life and Love seriously have mysterious ways and Travis was glad that they stopped fighting. He wouldn't survive losing Van. Not ever.   
"Van? Do you think that this was supposed to happen? That we fall for each other?"  
Van placed a kiss on Travis head. "Yes. I think that's why we were always around each other."  
For a while they just sat there, watching the sun go down, until Van's stomach started to protest and he sighed, stood up and they walked to a little diner. Van ordered a portion of fries with ketchup and a glass of coke. They shared their food, sitting in silence, just giving each other some flirting looks. They didn't need to speak anymore, because they knew what the other one was thinking about. The future, their future and it was a relaxing feeling to know, that from now on they were together.  
When they walked home that day, they were holding hands, smiling and when they were alone in their flat they stripped off their clothes, taking a shower together and then went to bed. Van was spooning Travis, placing kisses to his neck and between his shoulder blades, until he fell asleep. When he was sure Travis wouldn't wake up, he stood up and started to put all of Travis books into the shelf, arranged all the empty boxes to a little table and placed Travis art supplies next to it. He found an empty Canvas and placed it in the middle of the improvised table. He smirked and grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen. He never was good at drawing but he tried to draw something for Travis. Just a little sketch of two hands holding each other. Then he took one of Travis ball-pens and wrote "Forever" on it. Then he closed the door and cuddled himself back to his lovers back. Falling asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I promise too much? Hands up who is in love with Van now.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time. Are you ready for some weird, cute and hot sex? Because Van and Travis are.

Friday. FRIDAY. Van woke up next to Travis and his heart was already beating like a jackhammer. God he was nervous and there were still so many hours left before they would have sex for the first time. Van had it all planned out and Travis doesn't guess anything. Travis would go to classes, while Van told him he would go to the store and buy food for the weekend. But really, he had a lot more to buy and do! Only for the coming night he had saved some money and had gone by foot instead of using his bike, just to save the money and spent it for today.    
"Hey, why are you already awake?”, a sleepy voice from next to him asked.  
"I don't know."  
Travis was turned away from him but shifted so he was looking at him, rubbing his eyes with one hand and yawning. "It's only six. We can sleep for another hour."  
"Yeah. I know. But I can't. I am not tired."  
Travis moaned annoyed and placed his pillow over his head. Travis was so grumpy in the morning that Van chuckled. Lil' grumpy Picasso.  
He wrapped his arm around the naked chest of his friend and started kissing his shoulder. "Van", he complained.  
"Yes?"  
"Let me sleep. Go and do something but for god’s sake let me sleep. I painted until 3 am."  
"Not my fault you forgot your homework."  
"Then at least stop kissing me and making me horny."  
"Baby, you are horny all the time. The whole week you were trying to get your hands in my pants and stripping my clothes off to fuck."  
Travis threw the pillow at him and did some lazy attempts to hit him. "Not true."  
"So you did not try to undress me while I was cooking?"  
"No. Only rearranging your clothes."  
"Asshole."  
"Jerk."  
Travis moved around so they were lying face to face. "Good Morning Handsome."  
"Morning grumpy."  
"Argh. Fuck you."  
"Maybe later, when you are gone. Maybe I take my dick out and play with myself."  
Van was holding back a laugh and Travis just looked pissed at him. "No wonder you never want to fuck me when you rather masturbate than let me do it."  
"Soon."  
"You always say that and now another week went by and you didn't even touch me."  "Really Trav', soon. So when will you be back from college?"    
"At four."    
"Okay. I will cook something and how about we watch movies tonight?"    
"Sounds good."    
Van smiled and placed a kiss on Travis forehead. He stood up and walked to the bath, only wearing his boxers. He felt Travis eyes on his back and he smirked. He liked when his friend watched him because it didn't make him feel weird when he was watching him. When he came back from the bathroom, Travis had moved the blankets away and had crossed his arms behind his head, eyes closed.    
"You know, maybe we should look for a flea market. Maybe we can buy a cheap table there. And we need to cut the grass tomorrow. Mrs. Anderson asked me for that yesterday", the artist suggested.    
"Yeah. I think it's a good idea. And we will cut the grass tomorrow." Or not, Van thought. He would do that today. He had enough time while Travis was gone. Van stepped out of his boxers and put on some fresh clothes. "We need to go to wash our clothes on Monday."    
"Yeah. I can do that in-between classes."    
"Good. I hope I will hear back from that store soon. Would be nice if they would hire me. We could use the extra money."    
"Yeah. They will. You are great, why wouldn't they take you?"    
Van sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at his boyfriend. His hair was a complete mess. And it was adorable. Travis hadn't shaved in a few days and he was already growing a beard and van shook his head. It looked so ridiculous and yet so manly. He himself looked stupid with a three days beard.    
"Come on sleepyhead. Go and get ready. I will make some coffee for you and a toast with jam."    
"You know, you are very good at being the caretaker.”    
Van nodded. "Don't forget I had to do all these things for my Dad. Besides, if I would wait for you to stand up and make coffee I would probably wait until next year."   
Travis slapped his arm. ”Fuck you."    
But both of them were smiling at each other. Van kissed Travis belly and then pulled him up.    
"Now off with you. You look a bit like a shredded bird than my Prince Charming.”  Travis chuckled and shook his head. Walking towards the bathroom and making sure he was flexing his muscles. He knew Van loved it and watched him all the time. It had been an incredible week. Waking up to each other and going to bed every evening. Everything was just so wonderful. It was sad that Van wasn't allowed to swim and that he had a record now that said he did drugs which lead to a complete suspension from every team in the country. They told him he could try in one year again and Travis will make sure he does. For now he was looking for a job. Travis sighed and looked into the mirror. He never imagined it to be like this. When he imagined him and Van together he always thought about melancholy, butterflies with every move and rainbows everywhere. The fairytale stuff. Now, after being together for a month and living together for a week, he knew that real life was so much better. Van was unpredictable and surprised him more than once. Van made him laugh and feel comfortable to be naked around him. Travis looked down at himself. His belly really wasn't that bad and his brought shoulders looked manly and good. His arms weren't as muscular as Van's but he was an artist. His hands were more skilled. Travis started brushing his teeth and made his hands wet and tried to bring his hair into an acceptable shape. When he walked back into the living room, he was greeted with the smell of coffee and toast. He hurried to change into a long sleeve and jeans, put on some sneakers and then walked into the kitchen.  
"There he is, my handsome Prince", Van joked and gave him a big grin.    
"Shut up."    
Travis grabbed the coffee and a toast and they both leaned against the countertop. When both were done eating their toast, Travis placed their coffee cups back at the kitchen and kissed his man. "I love you, Van. You make me incredibly happy. This is better than every fairytale. God, I wish I could show you how much I love you for being with me."  "Trav', you don't need to say anything. I feel the same. I am so crazy about you."  "Good." Travis grabbed his coffee and they drank in silence, when they were finished Travis put on his jacket and his scarf and kissed Van goodbye. "See you soon."  "Baby, didn't you forget something?"    
"Huh?"    
"Your homework?" Travis slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.    
"Fuck. Thanks.” He hurried into his room and grabbed the painting he had to do for class. A collage about death.  
"Bye lil' artist. See you."    
"Bye." Travis ran downstairs and Van looked out of the window until he was gone, then jumped into sneakers and a jacket, grabbed his shopping list and some money from his secret stash and then left the building, taking Travis car to get to the grocery store and the pharmacy. In the car he said to himself: How hard can it be to buy all this stuff. He had bought condoms before. Can't be so hard to buy lube.  
Hell was he wrong. Van entered the pharmacy and looked around to see, if there was anybody familiar in the shop. He had no intention to talk to anybody about condoms and lube. He went over to the shelf with the condoms and took a large package, thinking that Travis would probably need the same size as him. Then his eyes scanned all the labels on the bottles. Holy hell, what the fuck...why are there so many different flavors and why were there some with the print "female". Oh man. He looked from one side to another, just to make sure no one was watching him and grabbed for a bottle of neutral lube. Enough for starters he thought. Flavors might be something for later. Then he went over to the shelf with bubble baths and lotions. Van looked for a peach bubble bath. A bit girly but it all started with a peach. After that he looked for Massage oil and hurried to the counter to pay. That stuff was more expensive than he thought but they needed it. The cashier took his time with scanning the articles and Van was blushing, when the guy smirked. As soon as the guy had packed the stuff and Van had paid for it he ran to the car and drove to the grocery store. He bought everything for a lasagna and a bottle of wine and their favorite ice cream.  
Before heading home he made a short stop at a little store they had seen when they took a walk last Tuesday. Travis was standing there, looking through the glass and talking about the beautiful teacup with the matching teapot. "Look Van, they look like the ones from "The Beauty and the Beast"". They were too expensive but Van went in anyways and an old lady welcomed him.    
"Hello. What can I do for you?"  
"I would like to buy that teacup and pot in the window. But I only can afford one. Is there a chance you can save the other part for next month, so I can buy it with new money?"  
"We usually don't do that."  
"I understand. Thank you anyways."  
"Wait. Is it for someone special?"  
"Yes. For someone I love and who stared at this set for 30 minutes and talked about it for at least an hour more. You know, it looks a bit like the one from a Disney movie. My friend is a big fan and he felt so horrible the last years and month. I wanted to surprise him."  
"Let's make a deal. How much money have you left?"  
"Half of what the price-tag says."  
The lady smiled and nodded. "It's rare that young boys come in here, to buy something for their sweethearts. I will give it to you. Let's say I just decided to take 50% off the price."  
Van nearly jumped and clapped his hands. "Really?” he asked shaking.  
"Yes. But make sure your friend takes good care of it."  
"Oh he will!"  
"He? It's for another boy?"  
"Yes Ma'am. He is my best friend and we have known each other all our life."  
"Young Love." The woman said and started to wrap paper around the cup and was packing everything in a nice box. Van gave her all the money he had left and smiled. "Thank you. I can't tell you how much this means."  
"Do me a favor and tell people about my shop. It's sad that most young people don't care for antiques."  
"Believe me I will and I bet my friend Travis will come here to say thank you. He will be so happy."  
"And that's what counts."  
"Goodbye Ma'am."  
Van smiled, shook his head and laughed with himself when he came home. He put the food in the fridge, hid the cup under his clothes and the lube and condoms in their drawer. He went down to cut the grass for the Andersons, drank a glass of fresh lemonade with them and then told them he had to cook and prepare a nice evening.  
"You think we need to put in earwax?"  
"Jacob!"  
"What? Van glows like a Christmas tree and I bet he has a date. And you know how dates can end Josey."  
Van chuckled. "It's a date, yes. Somehow. The person will stay overnight. We try to be quiet."  
"Good Lord. I am too old for this.” Mrs. Anderson said.  
"Is she nice?” Mr. Anderson asked.  
Van shrugged. "It's a he. And you both know him."  
"Ha! Josey I told you! Travis and Van are a couple."  
"Was it that obvious?"  
"Son, we are old. We see love when it crosses our way. Travis is head over heels for you."  
"We both are." Van blushed and bit his lip.  
"Now go. You need to set up a perfect date. Have you food, candles, wine?"  
"Yes."  
"Good boy. Now hop hop."  
Mr. Anderson made a moving gesture and Van ran upstairs. Holy Lord he felt high on emotions.  
It was two now, so he started to prepare the food, so he only had to heat it later. After that he placed little lights around the bathtub and bigger candles on Travis old desk, which was used as a normal table. He placed some next to the bed too. He made the bed, changed into a black jeans and a blue shirt and a blue tie and grabbed a black one to cover Travis eyes. Van set up the table and smiled. This was going to be perfect. Another look at the clock told him it was half four. Oh no! Music! He dug around for the right CD and chose some classic music, because Travis loved it. It was playing really silently in the background. He started heating the lasagna and sat down on the edge of the bed. Holy Lord was he nervous. Hopefully Travis would like it. Van stood up and shut the curtains close and started lighting the candles in their living room.    
He was done when he heard Travis coming upstairs, so he ran to the door and opened it. "Hi Trav'", he said nervous.  
"Van, everything alright?"  
"Yes. Close your eyes Baby."  
"Why?"  
"Just do it." Travis closed his eyes and Van covered his eyes with the black tie and made a knot behind Travis head.  
"Van?"  
"Trust me."  
He took Travis hand and led him in. "Stand still." While Travis was standing there, he took off his friends scarf and jacket and placed his bag near their wardrobe. Van placed himself behind Travis and while saying: "I love you and I have a surprise for you", he took off the thing covering his friend’s eyes.  
Travis looked around. "Woah. Crap."  
Van chuckled. "Not the reaction I hoped for."  
"Nah. It's nice. I smell food."  
"Yes. It should be ready in a few minutes. You were too early."  
Travis turned around and kissed his man. Van was fantastic and he had always known that.  
"Sit down." He was holding Travis stool and when his friend sat down he went into the kitchen to grab the bottle of wine. When he was pouring the red wine into their normal glasses (they didn't have wine glasses), Travis looked at him. "Wine?"  
"Yeah."  
"But that's expensive."  
"Shut up. Just enjoy."  
Van smirked and went back to the kitchen to get the lasagna from the oven. He placed it between them and Travis eyes went big. Lasagna was his favorite food. "You made this?"  
"Yes. It's a fresh made Lasagna. I bought fresh meat, fresh onions, tomatoes and Mrs. Anderson allowed me to grab some of her spices."  
"This smells so good. Thank you. Oh my god. Real food."  
Van gave Travis Lasagna and watched him eat. "Hmm. Wow. Oh man. This is good. Why don't you eat?"  
Van smiled and shook his head. "I love watching you getting excited about simple things like food."  
"But this is not simple. You did this because you know I love it."  
"Yeah. I made it because I love you."  
They looked at each other and Van started eating and Travis was so right. It tasted better than the bought crap. This was a good start for the evening. Travis was having his second portion.  
"Picasso, don't eat too much. I have dessert."  
"Okay." When Van was done with his food, he excused himself and went into the bathroom. He lit all the candles and started to fill the bathtub with hot water, adding bubble bath and then emptied his bladder to overtone the sound of the water by pressing the toilet.  
Then he washed his hands and looked in the mirror. Come on, Van, you can do this. Make him feel good.  
Van left the bathroom and saw that Travis was carrying the lasagna to the kitchen.  
He helped him clean the table and place everything into the sink. "Come Picasso, I have something else for you."  
"What?"  
"Close your eyes."  
Travis was getting nervous. What the hell was Van doing and was it THAT night? Van was leading him through their flat. He had closed his eyes and bumped into him when he stopped to blow out the candles on the table. Then he led him further, to the bathroom, Travis assumed. Van slowly started to undress him.  
"Can I look now?"  
"No. Wait."  
Van hurried back to the kitchen, grabbing the ice cream from the fridge and a spoon. He placed it next to the tub and allowed Travis to open his eyes.    
"Now."  
Travis looked around, biting his lip, but curling his lip to a smile. His eyes were glowing and meeting Van's eyes who stopped the water from filling the tub.  
"You wanna take a bath with me my Prince?"  
"Of Course, Merman."  
Van was going crazy. He wanted to feel him finally but on the other hand was it good to be so slow. Travis was opening the tie and the buttons on his shirt and van opened the other man’s pants. When they were both undressed, Van got into the tub and Travis leaned his back against his chest, so that Van could wrap his arms around him.  
"Smells like peach."  
"Yeah. Think its fitting."  
"It is. I love it."  
Van took the ice cream from the ground. "Open your mouth", he whispered into Travis ear and when he did, Van started feeding the ice cream to his little artist.  
"Woah. Our favorite. Damn, is this some kind of date?"  
"Smartass. What else?"  
"Dunno."  
After some spoons of ice cream, Van had enough and decided to move on before he could chicken out. Travis was waiting for Van to do something, not knowing what he was supposed to do. He was nervous now. Very nervous.  
Van kissed his friends neck and let his hands trail down his chest, briefly touching his nipples and then move further down to his legs. Just touching and kissing every spot he could reach. Travis was moving his head and Van gave him a kiss on the cheek.  
"Van", he breathed and Van could tell he was getting nervous.  
"Shh. Relax."  
Van searched for Travis hands in the water and found them lying on his stomach. The blonde tangled their hands together and placed his lips to Travis neck. Then moving, so they were deeper under water. He started wetting Travis hair, grabbed for his shampoo and massaged Travis scalp. Latter had closed his eyes and tried to relax. Van washed Travis completely and then made him move, so he could wash himself too. He wasn't ready but that would come.  
They stood up in synch, Travis turning around to see his boyfriend. Suddenly knowing, by the look on his friends face, that he was nervous too and that made it easier for Travis. He moved forward, still standing in the bathtub and started kissing Van, letting his hands trail down his friend’s back, down to his butt, massaging and gently moving his fingers between the cheeks. Softly moving his finger up and down, so Van would relax. Van's heart was beating so fast and he mirrored Travis moves, touching him the same way, until he felt good enough to press his finger against Travis hole. They stopped kissing and looked at each other.  
"I want you", Travis whispered.  
"I want you, too."  
"But..." Van placed a hand over Travis mouth to shut him up and then went out of the Bathtub, to dry them both off. He gave Travis the ice cream and then lifted him up, going to the kitchen, so Travis could place the ice in the fridge and then moving him to the bed. When Travis was in their bed, cuddling underneath the blanket, he walked to the drawer and took the lube and condoms out. Travis watched him, excited and nervous and Van could tell that it will be awkward. No matter what. For both of them.  
Van placed himself next to his friend, both looking at each other, until Travis grabbed Van's hand. "I love you."  
"I love you, too. You really want this?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay. But when you want to stop, say it."  
"You too. I know you are nervous."  
Van nodded and kissed the palm of Travis hand, his wrist and arm until he was suddenly kissing his mouth and was pulling him on top of him. Travis played with Van's still wet hair and Van ran his fingers down Travis spine and back up until his hands were buried in Travis hair.  
"I am nervous", Travis whispered.  
"Me, too."  
Van moved them around and started kissing Travis complete body so that he was leaving goose bumps again. When he reached his manhood he could see that Travis was starting to get hard. Van kissed his inner thighs and balls, slightly sucking them, which made his boyfriend moan. He kissed his way back up, until he could look in Travis eyes. Van grabbed the lube. "Are you really sure?” he whispered and kissed Travis briefly.    
"Yes. I trust you and I love you."  
Van breathed in and out and then threw away the blanket, and moved between Travis legs. "Bend them", he said and Travis did as he was told. Travis was so nervous. Holy hell it was happening, with Van! The guy he loved since he could think and it wasn't just a fantasy. He felt a bit overwhelmed by his feelings and tried his hardest to concentrate.  
"If anything hurts, say it."  
"Yes."  
What am I doing? Van asked himself. I have no idea what the fuck I am supposed to do.  
Of Course he knew he had to stretch Travis but what if he hurt him? Oh Christ.  
Van squirted a bit of the lube on his finger and looked up to Travis, who was watching him. He made himself comfortable between his legs, kissing and licking on Travis balls, while drawing circles along Travis entrance, lubing him up. Then he took more lube and gently let his finger push in a bit, then circling to put lube everywhere. "Relax Baby, I'm afraid to hurt you."  
"It feels weird."  
"You don't say. I am playing at your hole."  
Travis chuckled. "Stop. You make me laugh."  
"Mission accomplished."  
Van started to lick along Travis dick, sucked at his balls and listened to the moans that were caught in his man’s throat because he was biting his lip. Van moved his finger out and placed more lube on it and moved it back in, inch by inch stretching his friend, until his finger was inside of him, completely.  
"Fuck", Travis moaned.  
"Fuck yes or fuck it hurt?"  
"Both. Go on."  
With a shaking head Van moved his finger in and out, softly touching that little nub he had felt inside while stretching. He was rubbing at it and Travis was starting to groan. "Oh my god", he spit out.  
Travis grabbed into Van's hair and Van lubed a second finger and pushed it in, moving over that sensitive spot, while stretching Travis a bit more.  
"Please", Travis begged.  
"What?"  
"I want you. Stop teasing."  
"Just making sure you are spread enough."  
Van slipped his fingers out, moved up to kiss Travis and get one of the condoms. Van opened the golden package and gave it to Travis. "What?"  
"Come on, stripe it over my dick."  
"I never..."  
Travis looked embarrassed. "Okay. Don't worry, I will help you."  
When they had managed to roll the condom over Van's manhood, Travis gave it two strokes and Van closed his eyes for a brief moment, before placing himself back between Travis legs. He lined up with Travis entrance and looked at him for permission. Then little by little he pushed in. "Oh god", he moaned. "You are so tight. Does it hurt?"  
Travis shook his head and started to grind himself onto Van's cock, finally wanting to feel him inside. "Fuck, Trav'."  
Van couldn't help it but the way Travis had pushed himself down on his cock made him crazy. He had to hold back, thrusting into him like a maniac. He held his weight on one arm, the other was lying underneath Travis shoulder. Travis crossed his legs behind Van's back and started kissing him. "Move", he breathed. That's what Van did, slowly, his lips still pressed to Travis. Travis was dying. He really was. Van was in him, filling him and they were so close. Oh how he loved that feeling already. He had to hold back a "faster", when Van started moving. Van shifted his body and thrusted deeper into him, hitting that spot. Both of them soon moaning and Travis grabbed into Van's hair, while Van started sucking on Travis neck. "Oh god, this feels so good Trav'. Oh god", Van moaned. Travis loved hearing Van like this and stopped biting his lip and groaned. "Faster", he finally said and Van looked at him, instantly thrusting faster in and out of him. They locked eyes and Travis felt himself drowning and crashed their mouths together and silenced their moans, when Van hit that spot inside of him. Van stopped kissing him and said: "Fuck. I am gonna come."  
"Then come for me", Travis said, suddenly feeling good and proud that Van was coming.  
"No. No. You first."  
Van stopped thrusting and moved himself up and grabbed between Travis legs, stroking his cock and softly pushing in and out of him, until he felt Travis getting thicker in his hands. With some fast and hard thrusts they both came with a loud moan and Van felt Travis come all over his hand.    
They looked at each other, both panting. "Woah", Travis said.  
"Woah. Indeed."  
Van looked at his hand and slowly moved out of Travis. Then looked around and went to the drawer to grab a towel to clean his hand and Travis stomach. Pulling the condom of, making a knot and throwing it into a trash-bin next to the bed. Then he placed himself next to Travis again, claiming his mouth and playing with his hands and hair.    
"I love you", Travis voiced.  
"Love you, too. I'm sorry."  
"What for?"  
"That it was over so fast...but it was so...wow...”  
"Idiot. I loved it. Can't wait for round two."  
Van looked at him and laughed. "Oh my. I created a sex monster."  
"Uhm. Van? I really do want to cuddle but I am thirsty."  
"Oh. Sorry. Wait." Van hurried into the kitchen and came back with two bottles of water and gave one to Travis and took one himself.    
They looked at each other and played with their fingers. "You made it perfect."  "Not really. Perfect would have been more and longer but I tried."  "Shut up. To me it was perfect. You made my favorite food, we bathed together, you had our favorite ice cream and you made me feel..." Travis paused and blushed.    
"What?” Van asked with a smirk.  
"Sexy", Travis mumbled and hid his face, which made Van chuckle in awe.    
"Told you that you are hot. And I can't wait to see you on top."  
They exchanged looks and then pressed their mouths together, still feeling out of breath but slowly calming down and starting to relax in each other’s arms. Travis pressed his body to Van's tangling their legs together and playing with his hair.    
Between kisses he whispered: "I love you."  
"I love you, too. Is it normal to say it that often?"  
"Don't care about normal. I think no one can hear it often enough."  
"Okay, if that's the case..."  
Van smiled and started kissing Travis' neck and between every peck he whispered: "I love this spot right here"; "Oh look, a spot I never kissed. I like that one" and "I love you, every piece of you."He went on and on until Travis was laughing and grabbing his face. "Sweetheart, I think I get it now. I love you, too. The whole you. The way you think, move, look. Love the way you speak, bite your lip when you are nervous and how you can be the scariest person in one second and the cutest in the next. I love that you make me feel special and I hope someday, I can find the words to tell you how much you mean to me. A simple "I love you" is just not enough." "I know. I can't ever find the words to explain what our relationship means to me. You change me. It's like finding light in dark days. I just....oh man and you turn me on when you speak. How is that even possible? I am so crazy about you."  
There wasn't much more to say. Both of them were happy right there in this moment and Travis watched Van and smirked. "Can I...Can I take a sketch of you?" The taller one looked surprised. "Uhm yeah? I guess?"  
Travis briefly gave his cheek a stroke with his thumb and stood up to walk over to his office and searched for his sketchbook and a pencil.    
When he came back, he made Van lay on his side, the blanket covering his private parts, one knee peeking out underneath it and the candle light lighting up his eyes. Travis started to move the pencil over the paper, biting his lip. He was sitting crosslegged on the bed, the notebook covering his groin. With every detail he added to the paper, his erection was growing. Van was beautiful and Travis knew that not one picture would ever be able to portray what he saw. A drawing always is just a copy.    
When he was done, he placed the drawing on the floor and Van looked at him, smirking and moving his eyes down to his erection.    
Without a word Van moved to the middle of the bed, lifting up the blanket and Travis eyes moved down to Van's dick. He was hard and waiting. Travis eyes trailed to Van's face and he bit his lip, moving between Van's legs and kissing the head of his cock. He was nervous. What the fuck was he thinking when he said he wasn't afraid? He shook his head and grabbed the bottle of lube. Telling himself that there was no way out. Some part of him wanted to feel it and the other part was scared to death. His eyes met Van's, who was slowly nodding and Travis tried to do what Van had done to him. Lubing him, stretching and gently kissing his legs and sucking on his balls. After a while his finger was completely buried in Van trying to find that special spot and when Van hissed a "Fuck", he knew he had found it. His finger was hitting against that spot and Van started to sound like an animal. Travis shook his head, moved his finger out and added a second one. "Do it", Van mumbled.  
Travis grabbed a condom and opened the foil with shaking hands, trying to remember what Van had done. He looked over to Van and blushed. Jesus was that embarrassing. The blonde boy just smirked and came closer, grabbing his hand and helping him rolling down the condom, grabbing into his hair and kissing him. Gently stroking Travis' cock.  
As soon as their lips parted Travis moved back between Van's legs, lubed himself up and then slowly started to push in. First the head and then the rest. His eyes not leaving Van's face to make sure he wasn't hurting him. Once he was all the way in, he moaned. Holy crap was that tight and hot. "Fuck", he said and looked at Van.  
Latter bit his lip and bend his legs a bit more and Travis shifted his weight on one arm and looked at him, waiting for his permission. Van was giving it to him because he imagined how good it would feel if Travis was able to hit that spot. His prostate. Travis started moving, slowly, in and out of Van and both started moaning. When Travis started moving faster he accidentally slipped out of Van. "Damn", he breathed and chuckled. "Sorry."  
"Shh.", Van silenced him with his hand.  
"Can I...oh man...Can you turn around?"  
"What?"    
Travis nodded and bit his lip. "Can I try something?"  
"Okay." Now Van was getting nervous. On the other hand it was nothing new to do it in that position but he didn't think that Travis wanted to try it at their first time. Well, that man was surprising him a lot. He turned around, kneeling and his ass sticking up. Travis' heart was beating faster and he grabbed both sides of Van, kissed his back and then pushed back into him. He was getting even deeper and both let out a pleasured sound. Travis started moving, grabbing both sides of his boyfriend harder and pulling him down on his cock.  
"Fuck, Trav'. You feel good."  
"I love being inside of you."  
"I love being fucked by you, sexy."  
"I love to fuck you. May I go faster?"  
"Fuck yes."  
Travis thrusted harder and faster into Van and with every thrust he felt more comfortable and he already knew he was addicted to that feeling and seeing Van kneeling in front of him. Van couldn't believe this intense feeling and he couldn't believe how hot it was to get fucked by Travis. Who would have thought that Travis was so good as top?  
After a while Travis grabbed Van's cock, simultaneously thrusting and jerking him off. "Slow down Baby or I am coming", Van mumbled.  
"Okay." Travis slowed down, stopped thrusting and let go of Van. He slowly slipped out and moved up to place himself next to Van, then he pulled him on top of him, lining up with Van's entrance and pushed in. Van looked at him surprised, steading his weight on both hands and whispered: "You want me to ride you?"    
"Just if you want."  
"I...oh...wow...” Van shook his head and closed his eyes. This was weird. But he started to move up and down and Travis started to play with his nipples, pulling him down until their lips met, still holding his nipples between fingers.  
"Trav'", Van moaned and moved faster, his eyes still closed. Travis let go of Van and placed his hands on his friend’s hips pushing him down on his cock and making him stop moving. He was so in love with the sight of Van on top of him and feeling him. He didn't want it to end. When Van looked at him, he was staring in deep dark eyes, full of lust and passion. "Van, you are so beautiful."  
"You, too."  
Travis wrapped his arms around him and pulled him to his chest, before he started to thrust in and out of him. Harder, faster and not caring that he was near his climax. He just needed to feel it, needed to be inside of his friend. Van moaned into his ear and that was everything Travis needed to come. He bit down on Van's shoulder to silence his voice. Then he let go of Van and slipped out, turning Van around and moved down, sucking his dick. Van's hands grabbed into the dark hair and when Travis started to push his finger inside of him, hitting his prostate, Van couldn't hold back and came, shooting his cum into Travis mouth. He covered his eyes with his arm and started laughing, which caused Travis to look at him with a confused expression. Why the fuck was that jerk laughing?  
"Can you explain why the fuck you are laughing?"  
Van shook his head and then rubbed his eyes with his hand. "You and your fucking mouth are going to be the death of me. Holy Lord Travis."  
Travis removed the condom and made sure it was closed before throwing it away. Then he cuddled himself on top of Van, brushing his lips over Van's. "So I did good?” He smirked.  
"Good? The Fuck? I make sure no one is ever going to find out how amazing you are. They might steal you. You are a natural and damn you are hot."  
"Just a fast learner."  
Both chuckled and Van wrapped his arms around Travis and whispered: "I am glad we found each other."  
"So was this better than with a girl?"  
"Different and better because we love each other. With girls it’s different."  
"I mean...I don't know...do you want to have sex with girls?"  
Van shot him a weird look. "Trav, we are a couple. I am your boyfriend. I don't cheat on you. Never, okay? No other boy, no girl. Besides...seems like I am the girl in our relationship."  
Travis nodded. "Yeah. You riding my dick was really a bit girly."  
"Shut up."  
"And the cooking."  
"Oi. Stop. I can make you do these things."  
"I know. But I love that you are able to show your soft side to me."  
"Why wouldn't I. You know me better than anyone and you always did. Didn't you?"  
"Maybe."  
"I have something else for you."  
"What?"  
"If you let me stand up I will give it to you."  
"A present?"  
"Yeah." Van kissed Travis forehead and stood up as soon as Travis moved next to him. When he moved back to the bed, he gave Travis his present and Travis looked at him before opening it. "But why a present? My birthday is in 4 month."  
"Because I love you and I love to make you happy and to say that I am sorry for being a jerk sometimes. I am trying to be good for you. I will find a job and work hard. I want to earn enough to give you everything you need. I know we are young and it’s too early to talk about such important stuff but I saw how fast a life can be over. You never know when you die and I don't want to waste one moment. Maybe I am dramatic or too realistic but I love you Travis. In every way and this is just a little present to say it. Just...you know...Because I love to see you smile."  
Travis grabbed Van's hand and kissed his fingers. "YOU make me happy. You are enough. I don't want you to work hard for me. Do it for you. Sweetheart, I wish I could say more but I guess my mind is still a bit in aftershock from what we just did."  
"Come on, open it."  
Van was kneading his hands and waiting for Travis to open the box and when he did, he observed every little motion of Travis face. The surprise, the smile, the eyes that were going wet and the lip biting. The little headshake and then he looked up at him, tears in his eyes and still shaking his head. He placed the cup and the pot back into the box and started sobbing, his face hidden behind an arm. Van was confused. Did he do something wrong? Careful he placed the present on the ground and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. "Why do you cry? Did I buy the wrong one?"  
Travis shook his head and stopped hiding. "No. No. It's just. Why are you so amazing? I mean I never thought it was possible but I fall in love with you every day a little more. And I have been in love with you for so many years. It’s just...you are even better than I thought. You make me feel so special, good, and sexy and you never say that I am a freak or that I am stupid and weird. You accept me and now you even buy me stuff that I only like because I saw it in a movie. You allow me to be that weird and I don't know if I will ever be able to give you that much."  
Now it was Van who had tears in his eyes. He grabbed Travis face in his hands and wiped away his friend’s tears. "Travis, you need to stop. You are amazing! I will keep telling you that forever if I have to. God, I love that you are so weird because it makes me feel pretty normal. Half of my life I felt wrong, weird and alone. I feel complete now. Because of you."  
"You know...I thought...last week, when I gave you the blowjob...I...I did it because I thought....Fuck..." Travis closed his eyes and Van hoped he wouldn't say what he thinks.  
"Baby?"  
"I thought you would leave if I said I wasn't ready."  
Van felt his inside crumble and now he was crying too. "No...Trav'... I told you you don't need to do things you don't want to. Oh god. I should have known...Oh god...Please tell me today...Oh god...Travis...Did you want this, today or was I pushing you? But you said you wanted and you were complaining and...No...” Van was shaking his head, still holding Travis face in his hands.    
"Van, look at me."  
Van did as he was told. "I did want you. Today was perfect and I would have stopped you. Please, last week that was...I was weak because everything was feeling new, exciting and the thing with Derrick. I was so afraid to lose you. I should have said something but it was not your fault. I just...I am always afraid of losing you."  
"Fuck Trav. You are not going to lose me over sex. Damn, it is just sex. I don't love you for your fucking dick, but because of your soul and heart. Damn. Baby, you really need to talk to me about such stuff."  
"Yeah. I know. But I never had anyone to talk to. I am not used to have friends and not used to be loved."  
"I love you", Van whispered and placed a kiss on Travis mouth. Both were lying down, covering themselves with the blanket and just kissed, touched and played with each other’s hair. After a while they started to smile and Travis said: "You bought me Mrs. Pott and Chip!"  
"I did."  
"But they were expensive as fuck."  
"Well. I made a deal with the old lady. I had to tell her who it was for and told her you would say thanks. She gave it to me for half the price."  
"You are unbelievable."  
"I am unbelievable and endlessly in love. Maybe that's the reason."  
"No. It's because you are fuckin' amazing and charming."  
"Likewise."  
"Is it weird when I tell you that I am hungry?"  
"Oh no. Because I am too. Sex with you is exhausting." Van chuckled.  
"Mister! Behave."  
"Yes Sir. Travis, I need to say that now: You are so hot when you are on top."  
"And you are hot when you ride me."  
"Just you wait for round three. It's still early."  
"So you think we can make it up to four rounds?"  
"We will see."  
They stood up, putting sweatpants on and walked to the kitchen. Spending the rest of the night eating lasagna and making love to each other. More and more falling in love with being around each other, falling in love with each other and with the immense feelings that were caused by their lovemaking. Van smiled when Travis fell asleep in his arms. He had managed to make it perfect for the both of them. He had finally done something good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I promise too much?


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update before sunday!

The next morning Travis was woken up by a naked body halfway lying on top of him. Everything felt sweaty and he smirked, looking down on the blonde head that was resting on his chest, one arm spread over his waist and one knee tangled into his. He started to play with Van's hair and kissed the top of his head. Travis was happy and he could relax, just lying here, watching his friend breathe in and out and he loved every second of it. Usually he woke up and felt grumpy because his dreams were better than reality. Not now. Maybe never again. Wow, he was no virgin anymore. He really had lost his virginity to the guy he loved with all his heart and who he always imagined when he had masturbated. Always Van. It was hard enough for him to go to school and see him every day. Sometimes he wondered why he wasn't running around with a boner all the time.   
It did feel so good to be so close to Van and to live with him. Hell they were so young but he was already making plans in his head. When they move into a house, have nice friends, both paid jobs and he wanted to fucking get married someday to that guy. Travis chuckled. Jesus, he was getting cheesy. He grabbed Van's hand and started to play with his fingers, until he felt him smiling on his chest, waking up slowly but already placing kisses on his chest. "Good Morning Prince Charming."  
"Good Morning Merman."  
Van opened his eyes and looked at him. "I love waking up next to you", he mumbled.  
"I love to watch you sleep."  
Van moved and made an awkward noise when their bodies stuck together and made a weird sound. Travis chuckled. "We should take a shower."  
"Yeah and get some fresh air. Man, I feel every bone in my body."  
"Wait till you move and feel your cute ass."  
"Ha! And you wait until you see your neck." Van looked up and laughed, then jumping out of bed to go to the bathroom. He was done with emptying his bladder and about to brush his teeth, when Travis walked in, repeating the same procedure.  
They stood under the water and Van looked down on his hips. "Oh God, Sexy you left marks on my hips."  
Travis looked down on him and looked a bit worried. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. Oh god I can see my complete hands."  
Van laughed. "Yeah. You marked me. Well, good you can't see your neck."  
His eyes lingered on the lovemarks on his friend’s neck. He had Hickeys everywhere.  
"I can wear a scarf.” Travis suggested.  
"Yeah. I like that scarf." Van moved closer to his boyfriend, remembering the things they did last night made him want to repeat them. He stopped the water and grabbed into Travis wet hair, bend his head back and kissed his throat. "What are you up to?” Travis asked.  
"I just remembered what we did last night."  
"Hmm", Travis remembered it too and his hands trailed down to Van's hips, slightly brushing over the blue flesh and then moving between his legs. They looked at each other, both flushed red from the hot water that had run down their bodies seconds ago and both pupils blown. Travis hand brushed over Van's manhood, his fingers curling around it and he was giving it short strokes, while looking into Van's eyes. Latter grabbed Travis head and then kissed him, moving back and forth to fuck his friend’s hand. His hands leaving their place at the head and trailing down Travis spine, to grab his butt. He looked at him again and took Travis hand away from his dick. "Let me feel you again", he breathed and Travis moved out of the bathtub. Van moved out too and much to his surprise it was Travis who grabbed him and lifted him up, smirking like a proud lion.  
Van was clinging to him, his head buried in Travis neck. He never wanted to let go, even so this was cheesy and he was halfway laughing about himself.  
"What have you done to me", he whispered in Travis ear.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I don't ever wanna let go."  
Travis smiled and sat down on the bed, so Van was sitting on his lap. "Then don't."  
Van could feel Travis hard on under his body and he moved, so he was lining up with him. He knew they weren't stretched but they had a lot of sex last night. Maybe he was still spread enough. He let himself sit down on Travis cock. It did hurt a bit and he even greeted that feeling. Travis arms were wrapped around him and he looked at him surprised and worried and god was that man hot. Van started to lift himself up and back down. His only hold were a part of his knees and his arms around Travis. He felt like he was close to falling but Travis pressed him so close that it wasn't possible.   
Travis whispered: "Wait, sweetheart. Hold on to my body." He moved further on the bed and Van followed his moves, crossing his legs behind Travis back, still clinging to him and he started to move the second Travis hands were on his hips. "Fuck, Merman, you are so tight. You sure you need no lube?" "No. I want you without anything. Not even a condom. God I love you. I just… I need to feel you."  
Travis moaned. How the hell was this possible. He was feeling like he was going to explode just from the sight of Van and his words.   
"Hmm. Fuck. I wanna feel you, too. I love to be inside of you and yet it’s not close enough. Fuck me Van. Please. Ride me."  
Van moved faster and grabbed into Travis hair, sucking on his shoulder and then let go of him, bend his knees and let himself fall back, steading his torso on his arms and then started to grind on Travis cock. Suddenly he stilled, moved back up and watched Travis face a moment. "I want you to take me", he voiced. Van looked at his boyfriend and he meant it. He needed it rough and hard. Suddenly feeling too vulnerable, too weak. He let Travis slip out of him and without saying anything he presented himself to Travis. Startled and hesitating Travis moved behind him. "Are you okay?” he asked not sure what got into Van.  
"Yes. I just need it a bit rough."  
"Okay."  
Travis made him lie down flat on his stomach, pushed in and then crossed their arms under Vans body. His thrusts first easy and then going harder down and rougher. He didn't know how he was doing, he wasn't a rough type and this was just their second day but he was eager to give Van what he needed. "Is this okay?" "Yeah. You can go faster. I won't break."  
Van bit his lip and Travis started to move faster, until Van was starting to swear and he stilled. "You want me to stop?"  
"No. No go on."  
Travis places some kisses along Van's spine and started to move again. Underneath him Van was moaning and grabbing Travis' arms so hard that he might have marks there afterwards. But that made Travis move even rougher and he pressed his forehead to Van's back, before moving his torso up, freeing his arms and pressing Van to the mattress, one hand around his neck and one on his hips. Travis moaned, feeling Van shifting underneath him. He was in complete control, something he didn't like that much but now, here, he enjoyed it. "Trav', man, let go of my neck."  
"No."  
"What the fuck?"  
"You wanted it rough."  
"Yeah but you hurt me."  
Travis didn't let go but eased his grip and stopped moving, bend over his man's back until he could see his face. "Better?"  
Van smirked and grabbed his head to pull him in a kiss. When he let go, he said: "Better, but please I wanna come."  
Travis shook his head and started to thrust again, manhandling Van until he was kneeling again, his hands covering the same spot like yesterday. He pulled Van on his cock and then moved faster in and out of him, then grabbed his friend’s member and jerked him off. Van was groaning and swearing again. Travis loved to hear it and he could feel his own orgasm building in his stomach. He moved faster and jerked Van in the same rhythm. Van's hands were grabbing into the sheets. "Oh God", he said and then came with a loud groan, shooting his sperm all over Travis hand and Travis smeared it over Van's stomach, until his hand was back to Van's hips, still moving in and out, but a bit slower until his orgasm hit and he came, biting his lip.   He let go of Van and slipped out instantly. Then stood up and walked in the bathroom without waiting for Van to follow. He shook his head and hold his hand on his chest. Fuck this was wrong. He wasn't supposed to hurt him or let alone be so rough. After a few minutes Van entered the bathroom, looking at him and Travis shook his head but instead of leaving him alone, Van snaked his arms around his chest. "That was great", he whispered.  
"Don't ever let me do that again", Travis replied.  
"Why? I loved it."  
"I hurt you. And I am not the rough type."  
"Okay." Van turned him around and hugged his friend, grabbing the shower gel behind him and started to massage his back, then washed his chest and smiled at his man. Who was still looking sad and pissed. He then grabbed the shampoo and massaged Travis head with it and then rinsed him clean. "I love you Baby and if you don't like it we don't ever do it again. I just..."  
Van looked at him. "Forget it."  
"No. Tell me what had gotten into you."  
Van sighed and started to wash his own body. "The comment...about being girly...and then all those feelings. I just felt, you know, weak and wanted to feel manly?" Van locked eyes with Travis to find some sort of reaction. "Van...” latter breathed and placed a kiss on his lips.  
"We are both men, no one of us is a girl and nothing we do is girly. We are in love, and we are both sensitive. Can we agree that we are both not as hard as we let on? I love that you can be the scariest person in one and the most adorable guy in the next second. Look at me, I love Disney movies and love to paint dark pictures. I love cuddling, kissing, it seems I enjoy sex and I can be scary, too. At least that's what Cathy told me after I pointed a gun at Derrick. Don't ever feel less manly. I love you like you are and I don't need rough sex to see you as a man."  
Van nodded. "This is just so...new...and...overwhelming. I don't know...”  
Travis understood and hugged him, pressing him close to his chest, playing with his man’s hairs. "You don't know how to deal with it."  
"Yeah."  
"Makes two of us. God, if only I knew how to explain that all."  
"I'm sorry I made you do something you didn't like."  
"It wasn't that bad. But I don't like to hurt you. And sometimes I don't know how to stop. Sorry for the neck thing."  
"It's okay. But for a second I thought you were killing me."  
Travis took Van's face in his hands. "Love you."  
"Same." They smiled and then when they were done showering for the second time this day, they put on clothes and took of the bed sheets and then went out to get some fresh air. They were walking hand in hand, kissing each other and smiling all the time. When they came by the little shop, where Van had bought Travis little present, they stepped in to thank the old lady and Travis was smiling and talking and his eyes were glowing when he told the old lady the story about Mrs. Potts and Chip.  
After that they went to the little tea shop and Travis bought new tea. "Heartwarming", he whispered.  
"Fits", Van whispered back.  
They stopped walking sometimes and kissed each other. Not caring anymore if they were seen by others. Travis was happy and he could tell, that Van was too because in all the years he has known him, he had never seen this expression on his face. And it was so beautiful to see light in those blue eyes and the tiny smile constantly sitting on his lips. Travis was simply going crazy by the way Van played with his fingers while they were holding hands. His thumb brushing over the back of his hand and sometimes his palm. Sometimes letting go of his fingers, to wander up to his wrist and back down to tangle their fingers together again. Travis was a lucky man. Every time he looked at Van he could see him watching him and he knew that he was in thoughts too. Hopefully thoughts about him.  
Van loved the way Travis was smiling and watching him. The way he could hear his breathing hitch whenever he tangled their fingers back together. Van had never felt like this, like there was only him in his world. Him and Van. Nothing else matters. Not anymore. As long as they were together. He loved the way Travis let him lead the way, just following him, wherever he wanted to go. The trust they had for each other and the love was stunning. When Travis stopped walking and looked at him, he melted with the look his friend was giving him. No one had ever looked at him like this. HE was the reason that Travis was happy. HE was able to do that and that felt fucking amazing. "Sweetheart?", Travis asked.  
"Yeah?"  
"How about hot chocolate and a piece of cake?"  
"I would like that."  
"Okay. Come on."  
Travis suddenly pulled him through the streets, exactly knowing where he would drag his friend. Some minutes later they were standing in front of a little café. They walked in and took a little table in the corner. "I will get us something. You want something special?"  
"I already have something special", Van replied and smirked.  
"Yeah. Okay. Me too. So Cacao or Coffee?"  
"Coffee and you decide which cake."  
Travis nodded and went to order their stuff. A few minutes later he came back with a coffee, a hot chocolate and one big piece of cheesecake.  
They ate the cake together and drank their drinks and just enjoyed each other’s company without talking much. Before they were done Van broke the silence and asked what they wanted to do the rest of the day.   
"We should cook something. We ate the whole lasagna last night. You prefer anything?"  
"How about some salad with slices of turkey and baked potatoes?"  
"Wow. Yeah." Travis wondered all the time how Van came up with such things but then remembered that he had cooked for him and his Dad all the time.   
"Come on then, let’s go to the store and when we are back home, I want you to paint. You haven't done anything other than paint for work and I bet you miss it."  
"But what will you do in the meantime?"  
Van looked out of the window. "I will prepare the food and clean the kitchen. Whatever."  
"No. Not going to happen. I will help you and then we watch movies."  
"Not again! How about you go home now and I go to the store alone."  
"Nah. I have an idea. But that includes you."  
"Me?"  
"Yep."  
"I'm not going to pose for you and I won't paint." Travis chuckled and they made their way out to go to the store. Grabbing the stuff they needed for their food. When they entered their home, Mr. Anderson was in the hallway. "Oh. Look. The two lovebirds."  
Travis looked startled and Van shrugged. "Hello Mr. Anderson."  
"How was the lasagna?” he asked Travis.  
"Great."  
"Son, you look a bit frightened. I told you we don't judge. And it was pretty obvious that you are in love."  
"Yeah", Travis scratched the back of his head and looked extremely cute, Van thought.   
"We didn't hear anything, by the way", Mr. Anderson said and Travis turned several shades of pink and red, while Van smirked.  
"We were quiet. Didn't want to wake you up."  
"Son, we sleep so deep that someone could kidnap us and we wouldn't wake up."  
"Good to know"; Van replied and Travis grabbed his wrist. Still embarrassed.  
"We need to go", Van said and waved Mr. Anderson goodbye and snickered all the way up to their flat.   
Travis closed the door behind him. "Oh god that was awkward."  
Van laughed. "No it was not. They asked me yesterday why I was so nervous and all. And his first conclusion was that we have a date."  
"Oh."  
"He told me he knew you are head over heels for me."  
"Oh."  
"And I think that's the case." "Hmm."  
Travis shook his head and then started laughing. "Oh Lord. I should get used to it." "Yes, you better. In the next 80 years will be a lot people discovering that we are a couple and gay. Obviously."  
Van smirked and walked to the fridge to place the salad and meat in it and put the potatoes in a dark pot.   
Travis was still standing at the door, slowly unwrapping the scarf from his neck. Van was way too amused. Travis face was priceless.  
"Lil' Picasso, do you want a tea? I can make hot water."  
"Yes. Please. I just change into my overall. Gimme a minute."  
"Why? You can run around naked, so I can watch you."  
Travis walked backwards and shot him a look, his eyebrows raised. "What?"  
"I said...”  
"I heard what you said but why would I run around naked when you are dressed."  
"We can both be naked and watch each other."  
"Sweetheart, you are naughty."  
"Never said I was a saint."  
Travis got rid of his clothes, just leaving his briefs on and then walked over to the kitchen, his teapot in hand. "You know what? We don't have such a nice cup for you. We need to find one."  
"Babe, I don't like tea that much."  
"Yeah but Chip is lonely." "Oh. Poor Chip. Then we should go and find a partner next week." "Yes." Travis looked down on Vans hands that were putting the kettle on the plate and then watched his profile. "You are staring."  
"No. Just...you are incredible."  
"Oh man. You and all your compliments."  
"So, I am naked but you are still wearing pants, shoes and a shirt."  
"Oh. Listen, he wants me naked."  
"Yes Mister. Same rules for the both of us. Plus I want to see your sexy chest."  
"Look in the mirror."  
"Idiot."  
They kissed briefly and Travis pulled Van's shirt off and opened his pants. "God, I can't stop touching you."  
"Good. We have all afternoon to do that and all night." Van stepped out of his shoes and his pants and carried them over to the bedroom. When he came back Travis was putting the water in his cup and smiled. "It was such a nice idea to buy it."  
"Told you I want to make you happy."  
Travis nodded and looked at the cup, his palms on the threshold of the kitchen. Van made him happy and everything was fine but somewhere deep inside of him was a place where he kept all the bad memories, where he kept his doubts. How could someone love him? Travis wasn't stupid he knew it wouldn't always be like this. Maybe someday they would only be a couple. Like his parents. His parents had married very early and now they were just living together. He had never seen them smiling at each other like Van smiled at him. Maybe someday this was all gone. Travis was a fan of fairytales but he knew, sometimes, fairytales weren't the way Disney made them believe. Some were dark, empty, bloody and without a good ending. In all his life he had never seen something so tragic than being in love with someone, losing yourself in that person and then see that person leave. He had seen it when his neighbors got divorced and the woman didn't leave the house for weeks. He had seen it with Van's Dad. Life would give them a lot to handle and he hoped they were able to get through it.  
He felt tears coming to his eyes and tried to wipe them away before Van could notice them, but of course, Van had seen them and was wrapping his arms around him. "You okay?"  
"Can we really make this work?"  
"What?" "You and me? I mean, we are young and I love you and...I just wonder if we can stay like this. Will you look at me the same way when I am older, when I start to have wrinkles and when I am gaining weight? With grey hair? Can you love me, when our lives are revolving around jobs, money, and art? Routines. Will you still love me, when you see all of me, this side? That depressive, sad and dark side? Will you still love me, when I tell you, that sometimes, late at night, I don't want to live anymore, because I am too afraid to even breathe? All my life I've struggled with not being good enough, with being the freak and the scared kid. I don't know why you would love someone as broken as me. I am good at hiding it. Most days I can forget about it but when I am happy, like now, I ask myself. For how long?"  
Travis head was hanging down and tears were dropping down on the kitchen floor. Van was just holding him and felt a fat Lump in his throat. He placed a kiss on his lovers back and then slightly touched his shoulder, to turn him around. Travis snaked his arms around him and rested his head on Van's shoulder.  
"Listen Trav', I have known you for the longest of my life. I have seen you cry, break, scream and I saw you standing up every time. I have seen more dark sides on you than you will ever know. I love you. And those doubts? I have them too. How can you love me? Hm, tell me? That asshole that made fun of you, ignored you, left you alone. The idiot that did drugs because he was mad at you? How can you love me? I am not even smart enough for you and not even playing in the same league. You are awesome and I love the way you think and I will fucking do all I can to make you happy for the rest of our lives. Do you hear me? We are young and all this is new and we are only together for a few weeks but I promise you, I will give my best to make you smile every day. I am not perfect love, I am far away from it and yet, with you, I feel like I won the lottery and you make me feel special. I love you and don't doubt that for a minute. Do you think I would have done all those things in the last weeks when I would not think I could make this work? That WE could make this work? You are not one of the girls I fucked for fun. You are the guy I want to be with. Okay?"  
"Call me stupid but all I want for us, is a little house someday, maybe near a lake, have nice friends and each other. I don't want to be one of those couples that destroy their love because they are busy working and hunt after luxury. I know you had that all and lost it. But I never had much and all I want is live and love the things we do. I love you Van. So fucking much. And right now I don't need anything, just you."  
Van took his face in his hands and looked deep in Travis eyes. "You have me, I am here and I won't go away. I love you my lil' Picasso. Come now, let's cuddle and you drink tea."  
They walked to the bed and while Travis was drinking his tea and leaning against the headboard, Van placed his head in his boyfriends lap and looked up to him. He could understand those doubts and he knew where they are coming from. Travis was holding the cup in one hand and was playing with Van's hair with the other hand. He loved to feel it between his fingers and it was calming. His eyes were fixed on his hand and he started to breathe in and out, to calm himself. Van had closed his eyes and his hands were lying flat on his belly. Travis placed the cup on the nightstand and let his hand trail down his friend’s body. Gently rubbing at the inked skin over his heart, the little demon on the inside of his arm and the dragon underneath it. Van found it to be relaxing when his friend touched him like this. He knew Travis was calming himself, probably seeing something else inside his head than what was in front of him. Maybe he was having ideas for new pictures. He felt the hand moving upwards again, to his face tracing his eyebrows, his nose and jaw until tracing his lips. Van parted his lips slightly and Travis did it again. Van liked that feeling between tickling and stimulating. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up to Travis, who was concentrating on his mole, his chin and then let his fingers float down to his hands and tangled their fingers together. Then he locked eyes with him and Van took his other hand and placed it on Travis face, touching his lips. He moved up and replaced his thumb with his mouth. Feeling like he was passing out, when he felt his whole body reacting to the way Travis was kissing him now. Travis was giving him the creeps. In a good way. Without taking his lips away, he moved down and Travis was moving too until they were lying next to each other and Van could cover them with a blanket. They hadn't put new sheets on but he didn't care. Everything he cared about were those lips on his and that tickling all over his body. Travis tasted like spices, traces of the tea he drank. Travis hands were drawing circles on his back and Van couldn't help it but feel aroused, his erection growing but he didn't want to ruin this with sex. This was far more important.   
Travis couldn't stop kissing Van. Not ever. He didn't know how long they kissed, but at one point he had stopped, his forehead resting again Van's and just feel him, being there. "I love you", Van mumbled while placing kisses to Travis neck.  
"Hmm...Love you, too."  
Van started to place kisses on Travis chest, kissed his belly button and then kissed his way back up. He was nibbling on Travis earlobe, slightly breathing against it and then looked at him. His arms left and right from his friend’s body, holding his upper half. Their eyes were fixed on each other. Travis was falling and yet he wasn't. His hands were resting on Van's back, slowly moving up and down his spine. He had noticed Van's erection, and his own cock was already responding. Van was still watching him and Travis knew he was waiting, waiting for him to lead. He wasn't sure why Van still wanted him to lead but Travis was going to find out. Sooner or later.  
"Merman?” he breathed.  
"You are stunning."  
"Hm?"  
"You...I...wow." Van closed his eyes and moaned, when he felt Travis hands sliding in his boxers, resting on his butt. He moved up and Travis pulled down his boxers. Van shifted his weight to one leg so he could get rid of it and then the other one. He was sitting naked on top of Travis and was waiting. His eyes were closed and he whispered: "Touch me."  
Travis swallowed because this was so hot. Van looked handsome and hot and he was his. "Turn around and lay on top of me. Your head next to mine."  
Van nodded and did as he was told. His back resting on the darkhaired's chest, his head next to his. "You are not allowed to touch me, unless I say so", Travis whispered and smirked.   
"Not even kissing?", Van asked shocked.  
"Kissing is allowed." And to proof it Travis started kissing him, while he was tracing his sides with his fingertips, until he could feel the goose bumps. Then he moved over to play with Van's nipples, not taking his lips away from him. Both hands moved down in sync, over his stomach, to his hips, to his upper legs, pulling them up so Van's feet were standing on Travis legs. He touched every spot he could find, leaving out Van's dick. Latter stopped kissing and watched his lovers face. "Please", he begged because his cock was already leaking precome and was throbbing.   
"One condition. Tell me why you want me to lead."  
"So you can set up the pace."  
"Not the real reason, is it?"  
Van bit his lip and shook his head.  
"Tell me Van or I won't touch you at all."  
"Fuck...because...I had to take care of so many things in the past and with girls you are practically the one in charge most of the time. And...I don't know. I like it when you touch me."  
"Hmm. I let that count."  
He promptly started to touch Van again, playing with his nipples until he started moaning and Travis watched every reaction on his friends face. The way his cheeks were red and glowing from lust, the black eyes full of desire and that little lip biting he was doing. Van was holding back. "Let go Baby. Come on. Don't bother who will hear you. Let me hear you."  
Van shook his head and bit his lip while Travis was still teasing him, now playing with his balls. "Let me hear you, please", Travis tried again and watched Van closing his eyes. He placed his lips on his friends, to stop him from biting his lip bloody. That's when Van suddenly moaned and Travis rewarded him by touching his member, swirling his thumb over the head and feeling the precome. Van's moans were getting louder and Travis finally started to jerk him off, one hand going to his friend’s neck, who looked at him in bliss and desire. Not holding back his sounds anymore and completely giving him to Travis. Latter loved this moment, the moment he was taking care of Van, seeing him so naked. Not just his body. Because there was something in Van's eyes, something empty and it was slowly leaving. "Fuck", he groaned and Travis moved his hand from his friend’s neck to his mouth to slide his thumb over Van's lips.   
"Van you are so beautiful. God, I wish you could see yourself with my eyes. Come Baby, come for me. Let go. I have you."  
"Fuck Trav', your voice."  
"What's wrong with it?" "It is too hot."  
Travis smirked and stopped stroking Van, moved closer to his ear and whispered: "I love you and I am so hard. Can you feel it?"  
"Yeah. Let me take care of you."  
"No. You first. Come for me Van."  
He started to stroke him again, harder, faster and Van was getting louder, sounding like an animal again and Travis turned Vans head, pulling at his hair and started kissing him, until Van came, moaning into their kiss.  
He was panting and smiling when he looked at Travis.   
For a second they looked at each other and then Travis looked at his hand and licked off the white liquid from his hand. "You taste so good."  
"Yeah?"  
Travis held his hand in front of Van's face and Van started licking his fingers. Taking each in his mouth, sucking his own juices from them and Travis felt his dick moving in his pants, waiting to be touched. They kissed and Van turned around, touching Travis and moved down to get rid of his pants. Travis was excited because he knew what Van was going to do to him and he couldn't wait to feel that mouth on his erection. Couldn't wait to see his head move up and down and swallow his cum. Oh fuck yes, he loved sex and he loved Van. And fuck yes they could make this work.   
After Van had made him come, Travis couldn't resist to press him close to his chest. "I love you Van. I fucking love sex with you. Man, you are so beautiful."  
"Stop it. I am not as beautiful as you."  
"Believe the artist, you are."  
"Then are you. We look very much alike moron."  
"Moron? Wow. So fast from Baby to moron." They both smirked. "Thank you", Van mumbled.  
"For what?"  
"That you are not making fun of me for being weak."  
"When were you weak?"  
"Earlier. When I wanted you to lead."  
"No, sweetheart, I love touching you and I get that you need this. You were strong for so long and you need a way to let go. If that's it, so be it. My valve is my art. Always was. But from time to time you need to give all your control away. That's why I love when you take lead, too."  
"Why are you so perfect?"  
"Good question. Maybe it's our imperfections that makes us perfect for each other."  
"Damn. You and your poetic shit sometimes. If it was able to fuck a voice and words I sure would fuck yours."  
"You can fuck my mouth instead."  
Van snorted. "Maybe I should call you Prince Grubbymouth."  
"You could call me by my name, lil' Merman."  
"And you could kiss me now."  
"Hmm. Nah."  
Travis smiled and Van pouted. "You are mean!” he protested.  
"I'm not. Just testing how long you can resist to kiss me."  
"Pfff."  
Van pressed his lips on Travis and then rested his head on Travis chest. "I'm afraid, too, you know", he whispered, looking at the wall.  
"Why?"  
"Because I am afraid that one day, I won't be enough for you."  
"You will always be my everything."  
"Yeah. Isn't that what they always say in those movies and then in the next scene they split up."  
"We are real. We are not in a movie. We both can make this work. Stop worrying. We both should. I am afraid that it ruins everything. All the thinking. I am...I know I am not always easy. We both are. But we can do this."  
Van looked at him, kissing his chin. "Okay."  
They lay there for a few minutes, just holding each other close, until Van stretched and said: "I'm gonna start making food and you go and paint."  
"Yeah. Okay."  
Travis thoughts were keeping him busy. When he was happy, why does he feel so sad?  
Something was so different than he expected. He kissed Van's forehead, put his Overall on and went into his room. Maybe painting would help.  
Van watched him walk away and then put on his boxers. Van was afraid that Travis wouldn't want this anymore. The last weeks were intense, the last 24 hours were and now he was afraid that maybe Travis would see him different. He sighed and started to work on their food to keep his mind from spiraling down.  
When he was nearly done with the food, he knocked on Travis door. And a second later he heard him say: "Why do you knock? Come in."  
Van opened the door. "I knocked because I didn't want to interrupt when you are busy."  
"You can always interrupt me."  
"Okay. So did you paint?"  
Travis shook his head and gave Van a sign to come closer. Latter looked down on the ground in front of Travis and smirked. He was sorting out pictures and had put them in frames. Some of himself, some of Van and one of them together.  
"This is nice."  
"I thought we need to make it a bit more comfortable here. It doesn't look like a home yet. I also think we should hang up some more pictures. You could look through them and choose. I will ask Mr. Anderson if I can use their phone. I will call my mom if she can send some more money. Tell her what happened with Derrick. Maybe she sends money so we can buy some furniture. We still need a couch, a table and a lot of kitchen stuff."  
"I could take all my old stuff from home. Just leaving my bed there."  
"You don't have to."  
"But I want to. I don't have money, yet."  
"It's okay."  
Van bit his lip. "Food will be done in 5 minutes."  
"Okay. I'm coming and help you."  
"It's all done."  
Travis shook his head and stood up, kissing Van on the cheek. "Perfect."  
They ate together and Travis couldn't help it but repeat how good it tasted and he grabbed Van's hand and mumbled: "I never ate so good food."  
"Liar."  
"No really. The last month I ate fast food and my mom wasn't so good at cooking."  
"It's not that difficult. When I was sick of all the fast food and pasta I went to the library and copied some recipes for me and my Dad. And when you do them often enough it is just easy. And I like it." Van shrugged and drank from his water.  
"Glad you think about food. If I would do the cooking we would both starve."  
"I could teach you."  
"Yeah. So...can I paint you today?"  
"No."  
"Please."  
Van rolled his eyes when Travis made Puppy-eyes.  
"Ok how?"  
"I will tell you."  
"Fine", Van surrendered and started to carry the leftovers to the fridge and the plates in the sink. Painting. He would always do what Travis wanted him to do, just to see him smile and lost in his work. Because to him, it was fascinating, how Travis seemed to be so far away while he was lost in art. As if he wasn't part of this world anymore. There was just him, the colors and the supplies. He would give everything to see the world with Travis eyes. It must be special to see it in a poetic way, in a romantic way.  
He smiled when Travis walked in and helped him to clean the kitchen up. Not even complaining or waiting for something. He just started to rinse off the plates and bowls. Van watched him for a while, slowly understanding, that this wonderful guy next to him, could be his forever. He snaked his arms around him and closed his eyes, leaning against Travis back. After a while he felt two wet hands, grabbing his and a head resting on his shoulder. "Mine", he breathed into Travis ear. And this time he even heard the response. "Your's."


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend to listen to "Dancing in the Dark" by Springsteen while reading this.

Travis was sitting with his canvas on his knees, his blue colors and black and white colors next to him, on a chair next to their bed. Van was sleeping, one hand tugged under his head, one knee bend to his stomach and peeking out under the blanket. A smile on his face and his blonde hair in his face. Travis couldn't sleep that night because he was still thinking about what they talked about. Both of them seemed to feel some weirdness in their relationship, even so they were happy. There wasn't something missing but somehow there was. The artist tried to think of what it was that got him so sad and what made Van think that he wasn't good enough. Of Course he knew that most of their thoughts were results from their past. Van had seen his happy parents and just because of one mistake they had split up and left him alone with his handicapped Dad. Struggling and fighting all day. He himself knew how hard it is to love someone that wasn't interested in him. Except, he now was with that person. His little world, his crush, his all-time favorite man. But there was always a downside to a relationship like theirs. They were gay and this world still had too many people on it that were against same gender love. He was afraid that someday someone would talk sense into Van. Make him believe that this was wrong, make him turn and leave for a girl.   
While he was thinking about their love, their future and their past, his painting was becoming more and more a copy of the picture in front of him. Blue was his favorite color to paint Van, because for some reason, it was the color that described him best. Not only because Van loved to swim and loved the water and all their High School years he was wearing their blue swimming team jacket, no, it was because of the blue in his eyes and his mind. Someone that would meet him, without getting to know him would think he is yellow. Shining, bright and like the sunshine and sometimes he is. Sometimes when he smiles, you can see the sun in him but most of the time he is more like the night. Endless blue, with stars in his eyes and a smile that lights up the dark, like the moon. Travis had watched Van a long time and in different situations but his favorite was the nighttime, when he was sitting on the lake, smoking his last cigarette before heading to bed. Or early in the morning, when the sun wasn't up and he was smoking his first cigarette. Mostly wearing only shorts, sitting in the grass. The night was made for him and so were the early morning hours. Van was shifting now, resting on his back, one hand falling to the place where Travis should be lying. He could see Van's hand fumbling for his and then slowly opening his eyes. It was 4 in the morning and Van searched for him. Travis felt happy about this, felt a longing to kiss him and freeze this moment.   
  
Van's eyes met his. "Can't you sleep Baby?"  
"No. My mind was making me nuts."  
"Are you painting?"  
Travis nodded and placed the canvas on the ground and closed his colors, put the brush in water and made a note in his head to clean it out later. He sat on the edge of the bed, stroking the hair out of Van's face. "Go back to sleep sweetheart. It is early."  
"Only if you crawl into bed with me and cuddle."  
The artist placed a kiss on Van's lips. "Give me a minute, okay?"  
Van agreed and Travis walked over to the bathroom and washed his hands, then stepped out of the overall he had thrown over before he started painting and then went back to their bedroom, to snuggle up to Van. Latter immediately came closer and kissed him. "Better. I don’t sleep well when you are not there."  
"You slept three hours without noticing I was gone."  
"I dreamed of you", he mumbled.  
"What did you dream?" Travis placed little pecks on Van's lips.  
"We were living in a house near a forest. We had wonderful blooming roses in the garden, a bench on the porch where we were sitting, drinking tea and watching the sun go down. We were older than now and we were still in love. Still happy. And it felt wonderful. You called me "Beautiful Husband" and it felt good."  
"That was a nice dream." Travis had to hold back tears, because he could see that picture right in his head and it felt fucking amazing.  
"I want this. With you. I want to marry you some day. Spent my life with you", Van whispered, his mouth close to Travis lips and before the artist could answer anything, Van kissed him.   
When they stopped kissing to breathe, Van looked at him, with those blue eyes, now completely dark and mysterious from the lack of light in the room and Travis felt something inside of him move. He felt something bubble to the surface of his mind and he started to cry again. This time not because he was sad, but because he had never ever thought he would have so much luck. Never felt so complete, so happy, so inspired. Seeing Van like this, seeing him like he always knew he was, was beyond his imagination. He had thought about moments like this for such a long time, that he was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, that he thought this was a dream. But now, this, this wasn't a dream. This was Van. His Van. The love of his life. This wasn't going to change.  
He felt that Van was wiping away the tears on his cheeks and a look of concern on his face but Travis shook his head and kissed Van. Kissed and hugged him and cried an endless sea of tears. Tears of joy and relief. Van didn't say anything and was just waiting for Travis to tell him what was on his mind. After a while Travis kissed his forehead and whispered: "I still think I am dreaming this."  
"Why?"  
"Because it is unbelievable that the guy I love since I was a kid and who used to date girls, is now lying in my bed in the middle of the night, telling me that he dreamed of being my husband. That he looks like god had a good day and said to himself "let me add hot, cute and stunning and nice and strong and smart to this one". And...I still can't believe you are here. With me. But you are and I feel like I am not allowed to have so much luck."  
Van pressed Travis closer. "You always say so nice words and you are such a gentle, caring and loving person. You couldn't harm anyone and you are so sensitive. You see this world with such wonderful eyes and you forgave me what I did to you. Trav' it's early in the morning and I woke up because I couldn't find you next to me. I never felt this and I will never feel like this again. Not with anyone else. Speaking of god...He had a good day when he created you and me. You are my other half. I love you Travis. And I promise you, someday, I am going to be your husband."  
They kissed and cuddled and soon both of them were drifting off to sleep, tangled into each other and Travis was smiling while he slept and dreaming of Van. He always dreamed about that beautiful boy next to him, with the blonde hair, the blue eyes and that soul, that contained the whole night sky.  
  


* * *

  
Much to his own surprise Travis woke up first and he smiled at the way Van was cuddling with the blanket in front of his chest. He sneaked out of bed and walked as quietly as possible to the kitchen and made coffee and prepared pancakes with blueberries. He looked for a tray but they didn't have one so he went into his art room and grabbed the one he usually placed his colors at. He placed two cups of coffee and the pancakes on it and then walked back to the bed. Van has moved and was lying on his stomach now. Travis placed the tray on his nightstand and then touched Van's back to wake him up. His love moved sleepily, licking his tongue and turning around to find him. Travis chuckled. Van had blue paint in his face and looked cute as fuck.   
"Mornin' sweetheart", he purred into his friends ear and earned a little sigh for that and a mumbled "Mornin' Charmin'."  
Van turned around and stretched, then pulling Travis closer, who was too surprised and landed on top of him. "Hmm, better", Van mumbled and pecked Travis' lips.   
"You are cute", Travis breathed.  
"Hmm. Yeah, why?"  
"You are simply adorable when you wake up. Like a puppy."  
"I will give you puppy", Van replied and slapped Travis ass.  
"Behave. I made breakfast."  
Van raised his eyebrows and looked over to the nightstand. His heart was spilled with the warm and fuzzy feeling he always had when someone made something nice for him. Now with Travis it felt even better.  
"Thanks."  
Travis suited himself next to Van and then gave him the coffee. They had breakfast and between bites they were kissing and Van couldn't wait to eat the last bite. When they were done he took Travis cup off his hands and placed it on the nightstand. As soon as he turned around he kissed his Prince and then grabbed him and put his arms around his neck and his knees around his waist and then carried him into the bathroom. He even managed to get into the bathtub and close the curtain without dropping the man in his arms. Travis just looked at him, not leaving his face for a second and Van wasn't sure if he was breathing or blinking or doing anything else than stare at him. He leaned Travis against the wall and started the shower, so the water was running down his back. It was too cold but as swimmer he was used to cold water. When it was warm enough he moved, so the warm water was covering the both of them and Travis entangled himself from Van to stand next to him but Van shook his head. "No. Stay like this. Please."  
Travis nodded and rested his head next to Van's, closing his eyes and feeling the water running down on them, feeling Van's hands and arms around him. Van started moving and Travis felt the cold wall at his back again. He opened his eyes and looked at Van, who was raising a hand to get his hair out of his face. Travis met his hand there, playing with the blonde hair and both locked eyes. Van entangled them now and they were standing opposite of each other, just watching the water fall down on them, until Van reached both hands up to Travis head and running his fingers through his hair, slightly massaging the back of Travis head. The artist closed his eyes, when he felt Van's thumb running over his cheeks, while massaging the back of his head. Van kissed his lips and whispered, while snaking his arms around him now: "I missed you and I never knew I did."  
Travis kissed Van's shoulder, his lips curled into a tiny smile, while he waited for Van to say more. "Whenever I was with someone I felt good but not happy. It was about sex and being with someone. With you it is different. I miss you, even when you are in the next room. Every time you are not in my arms. God, sounds as if I am addicted to you."  
"Good, because I am addicted to you since nearly 14 years."  
"But we were 4 then."  
"Yeah. The day at the lake. I felt sorry for you. In High School I saw how addicted I am to you."  
"Hmm." Van kissed him and started to touch him everywhere. "I fuckin' want you again. This can't be healthy." Travis laughed and shook his head. "Fuck healthy."   
"No. We have to shower." Van moved away from Travis and started to wash himself and then his friend. Travis shook his head in disbelief and then started to wash Van's hair, accidentally rubbing the stuff in his eyes. "Ah. Shit. That burns. Dammit Trav'." Both were laughing and soon their shower ended in a shampoo and splashing war.  
"Stop! We are setting the bath under water"; Travis yelled.  
"Only if you behave."  
"I always do."  
He laughed and stepped out of the bathtub and rubbed the towel over his head and body and then threw it on the floor to dry it. Van soon helped him. Both laughing and shaking their heads. They moved to their bedroom and put on boxer shorts.   
"What do you wanna do today?", Van asked.  
"I need to do some homework for psychology class and read some articles."  
"Okay. Is it okay when I..." Van scratched his head. "When I go out? I need some time alone?"  
Travis grabbed Van's wrist. "Sweetheart, you don't have to be shy about that. I understand why you need some time alone. And I do too. As long as you come back."  
"Of Course. Where else would I go? I just want to drive around with my bike."  
"Yeah. You do that lil' merman. Maybe stop at the store and grab us some cookies and cream for hot chocolate. When you come back I will hopefully be done and we can cuddle. HM?"  
"Yeah. Yeah I like that. It's just...Oh my...Sorry...I don't have any more money."  
"Hey, don't apologize for that. I'll give you some of my food money. Seriously Van, you need to stop to feel embarrassed because you don't have money right now. It's not your fault and I don't love you less." Travis gave him money and kissed him.   
"I know...it's just...I feel like a disappointment. I will drive to that little store. Maybe they can tell me if they decided to give me that job."  
"You are not a disappointment to me."  
"Thanks."   
"Oh come on. Stop that now. Fuck Van, I love you. And now get dressed and get the fuck out of here before I drag you to bed and punish you for talking nonsense."  
Van was pulling a shirt over his head and laughed. "You can fuck me later."  
"You can count on it."  
Travis pulled him closer and pushed his tongue in Van's mouth, his hands pressed into his hips. Van thought the skin would never go back to its normal color if he kept doing that.   
When Travis broke the kiss he turned around and put on his overall, while smirking and blushing. He sometimes had a cocky mouth but felt awkward right in the next minute.   
"So uhm. See you later", Van mumbled and went out. A bit confused.  
"See you. Don't forget the cookies and cream."  
"Okay."  
Van looked one last time at the back of Travis head and then left the room. Jesus, that man was his death.   
  
  
Travis was nearly done with reading the articles when Van came in and yelled. "Charming? Baby?"  
"I'm here. Why the fuck are you yelling like that", he asked while leaving his room to meet his friend.  
"We can celebrate", Van replied and smiled.  
"Why is that?"  
"Because I am starting to work tomorrow morning."  
Travis hugged him and kissed him. "Good news. So they decided to give you the job."  
"Yes. They called yesterday. I guess the Anderson's forgot to tell me. I start with only five hours a day but in a few weeks one of their employees moves to another state and I can take over her shift too."  
"That is incredible. I am happy for you." Van threw his jacket on the stool in front of him and snaked his arms around Travis waist. Looking at him, both smiling and Van placed a kiss on his friends lips. "Are you done with your homework?"  
"Not yet. I have still three articles to read."  
"Hmm. Then better hurry up while I go down and talk to Mr. Anderson. He wanted to me to help him carry something in the basement."  
"Okay. But then we celebrate."  
"Yes. And I already have an idea how." Van's hands wandered down to Travis ass and he pushed him closer, while his tongue found its way to Travis neck, licking one of the hickeys until he started to suck again.   
"Stop it. I get it. And I am glad you want to celebrate like this", Travis replied and his hands moved under Van's shirt, to stroke the spot between armpits and shoulder, which covered his friends body in goose bumps.   
"Fuck", Van mumbled and let go of Travis, shaking his head and turning around to leave. Travis snorted. Awesome. His friend was a sex machine or something. Celebrating with sex. He shrugged. There were worse ways. He went back into his room to read the last articles but couldn't concentrate anymore. They could not just celebrate like this. It needed to be special. He threw the articles back on the table and walked over to their bedroom, then back at his room and searched for his body paint colors he had used once when he was helping the high school theatre group with masks. He prepared his white background for photographs and placed a camera in front of it. When he was done he went back to the bedroom and made their bed and changed into a black jeans and a black wifebeater and a black cardigan. Travis was humming "Smooth" by Santana and walking to the kitchen to look if Van had bought cookies and he smiled when he saw that he really had bought cookies and not just one sort and he had brought Pizza for the oven. Perfect.   
He was still humming and singing, when Van came back in. "Trav'?"  
"Kitchen."  
Van walked into the kitchen, finding Travis humming and putting cookies on a plate and making them hot chocolate with cream and chocolate on top of it. Just like he loved it. He had lit candles everywhere and Van hugged him from behind, his head resting on his shoulders. "Hey", he whispered.  
"Are you done?"  
"Yes. The rest of the day is saved for you and your cute belly", Van's hands found their way under Travis shirt and fondled his belly. "and your chest", his hands moved up to Travis nipples, pinching them, "your neck and ears", he kissed Travis and then his hands trailed down to cup Travis growing erection. "And your cock."  
Travis moaned and leaned back into Van's body. Completely forgetting what he had planned.  
"You like that?” Van mumbled and pressed his hips against Travis back. He was hard.  
"Yes"; Travis moaned.  
"Good. But first Cookies and hot chocolate." Van let go of Travis, grabbed one cup of the hot drink and the plate with cookies and walked to their table and sat down as if nothing had happened. While Travis was staring down on himself, hard and wanting and getting a bit angry. Damn. That man is torturing him. He grabbed his own cup and sat opposite of Van, who started to feed him. He stood up and sat down on Travis lap, still feeding him cookies and watch him eat. Travis shook his head after two cookies and started to feed Van. Then made him drink his hot chocolate. He laughed when Van had a Cream-Mustache and he kissed it away. They finished their drinks and then kissed. Travis had no idea how long they were sitting there, kissing and losing each other in that kiss. Van's hands buried in his hair and his hands moving up and down his lovers back. Travis couldn't wait any longer and lifted Van up, carrying him to their bedroom.   
He had closed the curtains before Van came back and the room was only lit by a little lamp he had put in one corner. He wanted it to be romantic. Travis nearly threw Van on the bed, smiling when he saw Van's expression. Today he would just take him, appreciate that man, he loved so much. Every fucking piece of him. Van wanted him to lead and today he was prepared to do so. Travis threw his cardigan in one corner, already sweating and he placed himself on top of Van, who was just looking at him, with a longing that nearly shredded Travis heart in pieces. The artist hovered over his blonde haired friend's face and pressed his lips onto his mouth. Then he helped Van taking off his shirt, then kissed his way down to his shorts and underwear, stripping them off at once. He undressed Van and then smirked at him. He was lying on the bed, naked, aroused and looking at him. Travis wanted him. Van swallowed and whispered: "Trav'?"  
"Wait. Just let me burn that picture in my head."  
"You look good today", Van mumbled.  
Travis smirked. "You love me in black."  
"Yeah. Looks hot and mysterious. And dangerous."  
"Good."  
As much as Travis wanted him, he had to wait. He bent Van's knees and let his hands glide over them, then between them and he lay down between them. Oh yes, he would pretty much enjoy this. He kissed Van's balls, licked at them and sucked a bit. He grabbed for the lube and started to stretch Van and make him moan and beg for more. He moved his fingers out of him and then kissed Van and whispered: "Turn around my love."  
Van nodded and did as he was told. The artist was a bit nervous doing this but he spread Van's ass cheeks apart and then started to lick his entrance.  
"Fuck, oh god Travis. What the fuck?"  
"You don't like it?"  
"I don't know."  
"Well, tell me when you want me to stop."  
Travis went on, licking and circling his tongue around the string of nerves. Flicking it in and out and Van started moaning, which made Travis unbelievable happy. And his own cock was so hard and pressing against his jeans that it hurt.  
He loved to please Van like this and loved how his man moved and moaned. But he was getting the impression he had to make him come soon or he himself would explode in his pants and all he wanted was to come inside of him. He stopped rimming him and kissed his way up his back until he could claim his mouth.  
"How do you want to come?” he asked.  
Van blushed and kissed Travis. "Uhm. Your mouth?"  
Travis nodded and Van turned around. The artist started sucking his friend and fingering him at the same time. Knowing that he won't last long and he really didn't. Van was coming hard and he was grinding down on Travis fingers. Travis placed himself next to Van and when Van was calming down, Travis got rid of his clothes and pulled him on top of him, Van's head resting next to his. Travis pushed in and both moaned. He stilled so Van could get used to his size and then Van started to move and Travis did the same, looking into Van's eyes and claiming his mouth once more. He was fucking close, so he took a little break and whispered: "Can I go harder?"  
"Yes."  
So Travis moved faster and deeper. He closed his eyes, when Van lifted himself up and started to ride him, with his back turned to him. His hands were lying on his lovers legs and he felt incredible but Van was too far away. He couldn't explain it but he hated to not see him or feel him close, so he leaned in and threw his arms around him, pulling him back. "Sorry. I need you close", he whispered and thrusted into him, while sucking on Van's neck, not letting go of him for an inch. Van's hands found their way into his hair, pushing his head deeper onto his neck and Travis understood that sign to suck and bite a bit more until he left a hickey. He could feel his orgasm building in his stomach and he groaned, when it hit him. Fuck, he loved that feeling so much. He held Van close, his arms slung around him and kissing his shoulders, neck and ear, nibbling at his earlobe and smiled when Van sighed. "You are fantastic", Van said.  
"No, you are."  
"So, am I allowed to turn around?"  
"No."  
"What?"  
"No. I just wanna hold you and never change position."  
"So you wanna sleep with your cock in my ass?"  
"Yeah and as soon as I am hard I can fuck you again."  
"Oi. Listen to Mister Supercocky.” Travis let go of Van and slipped out of him. When Van turned around he was smiling, when Travis arms promptly were pressing him close to his body again and their legs tangled together. He placed his own hand on Travis chest and rested his head on top of it. The artist was kissing his head and playfully caressing his back and neck. They just rested a while, enjoying the silence and at one point Van had looked at Travis and played with the beard he was growing. "I like that. You look good with it."  
"Glad you like it. Thought I try something new."  
"It can stay."  
"Was that a good celebration?"  
Van laughed. "Baby, it was the best. God you are so hot when you lead. And that fucking tongue thing. Holy Lord."  
"I needed to taste you. All of you."  
"Stop talking sexy to me or I am hard again."  
"Oh no. Give a man some rest", Travis joked.  
"Is it wrong that I enjoy you so much?"  
"Hell no. Lil' merman I do have another thing in my head. Actually I wanted to have cookies and chocolate with you and then paint. You wanna follow me?"  
"I would follow you everywhere."  
"Ha! Good. Put on some old underwear."  
They walked into the art room and it took Travis a while to convince Van but once he did, Van smiled and enjoyed the extra attention on his body.  
The artist was painting on Van's body, wanting him to look like a merman. He only used shades of blue and green. Van was snickering in-between. "That tickles."  
"You will look awesome when you are done. Hold still. After that you can color my body and we take pictures. I wanna make a big collage for our living room." "I love you", Van breathed and Travis pecked his forehead.  
It took him an hour to get the paint right. Travis shot photos of Van and told him to move, so he could shot another one. After that he released him. "You are done. My turn."  
"But I can't paint. I will ruin it."  
"No you won't." Travis was already stripping down to his briefs and lying down. Van looked at the colors and bit his lip. He watched Travis.  
"I don't want to disappoint you."  
"Sweetheart, you won't. Seriously. You could paint me completely purple and I would love it. Just paint how you see me."  
"That's not possible. There are no words for that but I might have an idea."  
"Okay."  
Van kissed Travis and left blue paint on his mouth. "Ups."  
He started with a thin brush and red color, painting a heart, at the middle of Travis chest. The heart was bursting into yellow flames and from that he painted rainbow beams. Mixed with white and black and ended in green stripes on his legs and arms. It looked like the heart was exploding from colors. Travis was his heart, his artist.  
"I'm done", he mumbled and went over to the camera and shot some pics. Then he told Travis to stand up and spread his arms. He shot two more pics and then made Travis look up. He looked nearly angelic and Van thought he should have painted angel wings on his back.   
"Okay. Done." He walked over to Travis, to kiss him.  
"Shower?” Travis asked.  
After their shower they prepared food and cleaned the kitchen, which took them longer as usual because they got distracted by kissing and wrestling. Both were happy and as soon as they were done, Van took Travis hand and dragged him to the bedroom. "Put on some clothes. We are going out."  
"Okay. Where?"   
"Surprise. But wear that black stuff you wore earlier. You looked sexy in it."   
"Okay." Travis smirked and put on the clothes and watched Van putting on jeans, a black shirt and chucks. It was a warm spring day so they didn't need jackets. Van lead him to his bike and Travis sat down behind Van, his arms around his waist. This time he held his eyes open and looked around, saw Van's hair waving in the wind and Travis snaked his hand underneath his shirt, to stroke his belly. He felt fucking incredible. The wind, the sun that was going down and the man he loved in his arms. Life couldn't get any better. Van drove them to the forest he had shown Travis on their first date and they immediately walked off until they found the old bench. Travis sat down and pulled Van to his lap.   
"You know, when you first brought me here, I was so nervous. I thought you were going to kill me or something. You looked so extremely good and then you were such a gentlemen."   
"Hmm. I can tell you it was hard not to give in to your needs. You looked so hot when you were shooting pics."   
"Did you bring me here to make out? "  
"No."   
"Why did you bring me here?"   
"To dance."   
"What? Without music?"   
"I want you to imagine the music. Imagine we are dancing to a slow song.”   
Van pulled Travis up and started to whisper: "Can you feel it? The music and the fresh air? It is getting dark soon and we will dance underneath the stars and smell that incredible smell that the night always has. It will start to rain but you won't feel it. You just feel my body pressed to yours, my hands in your hands, my lips on yours.” Van placed a brief kiss on his friend’s mouth and grabbed his hands. Travis had closed his eyes to imagine what Van had told him to see. "Which song are you listening in your head?"   
"Dancing in the dark", Travis replied.   
"Good one. Springsteen. I like that." Van started to hum the melody and pushed Travis away, who opened his eyes, just in the moment when Van pulled him to his body again. They were dancing and the sun was gone now and the sky was getting darker.  
They were dancing when it started to rain.  
"How did you know that?"  
"I can smell it. Something I learned at the lake."  
"You are incredible."  
"You, too."  
Van and Travis kissed, while the blonde let go of Travis right hand and moved it up to play with his hair. He loved playing with Travis wet hair because it curled itself a bit up in his neck. They didn't care that they were wet and just stood there kissing in the rain.  
"Fuck, Trav', I love you so fuckin' much. I can't think, breathe or function without you. I..." Van placed his head on his friend’s forehead. "I- just...Is this love? Like in the movies? Because it feels so fuckin' amazing. I want to do all these things I used to laugh about. Like kissing in the rain. Look at us...Oh god. I feel like I am having a heart attack because my heart beats so fast when you are nearby and my stomach...I love you. I fuckin' love you. Not like a crush but...like really. Like in...forever."  
"Van...I can't...I don't know what to say...I love you and I think yes, like in forever."  
"Just dance with me."  
Van turned Travis around, pressing him close to him and started to sway to the sound of his heartbeat. Just losing themselves in that moment and both lost in thoughts. Travis and Van wanted to stop time forever. He didn't want to let go of his man. But he knew they had to go soon or they would end up ill and he had to work tomorrow. He would make money and buy them things. Everything for his love. His everything just deserved everything he wanted. Travis was kissing the palm of Van's hands and slowly turning around, throwing his arms around Van's neck and kissing him. Van's eyes met Travis and they looked at each other in total bliss. "Travis?"  
"Yes, Van?"  
"Someday, when we are older, I want to remember this. And on every day something bad happens. Or if we fight. Let's remember this. You make me happy. I am happy now. I was depressed for so long and I know I will never be the boy from years back but I am doing alright now. Thanks to you."  
"Merman, we won't fight. I don't allow that. But if we do, I will try to remember this. I loved the boy from years back but I am loving the man you are now more. I know you always thought I was shy and I am but with you I wanna be good. For you. I want to be strong and appreciate you. I know how lucky I am that you are with me. I am happy, too."   
Van grabbed Travis hand and they walked back to the bike and waited for the rain to stop. When it did, they sat down on the bike and drove home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a fan of dancing under the stars!


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That update is for Cecilia. It's her birthday and I hope she likes it ;) I am sorry it's not a "happy" chapter!

**A week later**  
Van was coming home from work to find the flat empty and he looked on the table if he could find a note from Travis. And indeed there was a little folded paper sitting on the table and in curvy letters his name was written on it. He read the view lines: "Hey Merman, I am out with Cathy. It's the last party before summer break and I promised her to show up for an hour. She was begging me. I will be back soon. I love you!"  
Van smiled and placed the food he had brought home from work into the fridge and sorted their clothes to take them with him and wash them tomorrow. After he was done with all the housework, he looked at the clock and it wasn't that late, so he watched a movie and waited for Travis. But he had to admit, that coming home to an empty flat was a bit sad and a little bit lonely. He was used to have Travis around all the time and he really missed him all the hours at work.   
The job was great and he was allowed to take food home that wasn't good enough to be sold anymore.   
When Travis wasn't home two hours later he started to worry and decided to drive to campus and find that party. When he arrived he could hear loud music coming from the dorms and he found the room where the party was being held. He walked around, looking for Cathy and when he found her, she smiled at him.   
"Hey Cathy."  
"Hey Van. What are you doing here?"  
"Is Travis here?"  
"He went home two hours ago."  
Van shook his head. "No, he didn't come home. Was he drunk?"  
"No. He only had two shots of whiskey and then said he wanted to go home to you."  
"Okay. Did he say if he wanted to take a taxi?"  
"No. Sorry. But as I know him he walked."  
"Okay. Thanks."  
Van hurried out and drove the whole way back home and ran upstairs but the flat was still empty. "Fuck Trav' where are you?"  
He hurries down and knocks at the door of the old couple. And after a few seconds Mr. Anderson opened the door.  
"Van, are you alright?"  
"Is Travis here or did you see him or did he call?"  
"No, Son, What is wrong?"  
"He went to a party and didn't come home. I went there and his friend told me he went home 2 hours ago."  
"Calm down. Maybe he met someone or was still at the party."  
"Yeah. Yeah maybe. Thanks. I think I am driving back there."  
"Okay. I will stay up in case he comes home."  
"Thank you. Thanks." Van turned around and moved out to get on his bike and drive another way to campus. It was longer but it is the one that directly leads through that cute park they had found. Van drove around for an hour but couldn't find any sign of Travis.  
He was worried sick and he felt tears streaming down his face, until he decided to go back to their flat and wait there.  
When he arrived, he was greeted by Jacob Anderson, who had the most serious face that he ever saw on him.  
"Van, the hospital called. Travis is there. It's bad. He was found thirty minutes ago. He was unconscious but he had our address and number in his wallet."  
Van shook his head. No. Not Travis. "Okay. Okay. Thanks. I will go there."  
"Van, take some clothes with you and everything he needs."  
"Yes. Okay."  
Van hurried upstairs, grabbing some clothes and Travis toothbrush and then hurried down on his bike and drove to the hospital. "Please, Trav', be okay."  
Van hurried inside and asked for Travis and the nurse told him where to find him and that his Dad is already on his way. Van breathed in and out and knocked on the door and then entered. Travis was lying in a bed, his leg in plaster and his whole face was black and blue and his right eye was swollen. The lips of his friend were bloody and Van didn't even dare to touch him anywhere. He placed the bag next to the bed and whispered: "Are you awake?"  
There was no sign for that but he had to try. "Lil' Picasso, it is me. Baby?"  
Van shook his head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. Why would someone do that to him? "Trav'", he whispered and sat down on the chair next to the bed, briefly touching Travis hand. "I love you. Please wake up. Who did this? I will kill them. No one touches my boy."  
Van let go of Travis, when he heard footsteps and wiped away the tears that were streaming down his face.  
When the door opened he could see an older man coming inside, followed by a wife. From the looks alone he knew those were his parents. Not the best way to meet them and he knew that Travis' Dad had thrown him out because he was gay. And when his father’s eyes met Van's he could see his mood shifting and he knew it would only be seconds until he starts screaming. But this was Travis and he had to be here.  
"Hi, I am Van", he said.  
"I know damn well who you are and I want you to get the fuck out of here. My son has been through enough because of you. Not only did he turn gay because of you, no now he is dying because of you." Van's heart stopped beating. Dying?  
Travis Mum tried to touch the shoulder of her husband. "Calm down. I am sure Van just wanted to see how he is. That's nice."  
"Bet he was the one beating him up like this."  
"No. No. I would never beat him. I brought clothes and wanted to check on him. Mr. Anderson told me that the hospital called. We are roommates." Van thought it would be better not to tell them what really was between them.  
"Fuck, roommates. I know you are not. When he called last week he sounded way too happy and I thought he had found a girl but he said, no, better. It wasn't that hard to figure out. I want you to stay away from him. I want you to leave this hospital and better: LEAVE his LIFE. Move out of that flat and go away. My son doesn't need you."  
Van shook his head. "That's not true", he whispered. His head turning to get a glimpse of Travis, hoping he would wake up but his friend didn't even look like he was alive anymore. Van felt his tears coming.   
"Van, it is better you leave now", Travis Mum said.  
"I don't want to. He will be upset when I go. I...I can't leave."  
"Oh yes you can. Go! I don't wanna see you ever again", the older man yelled. A nurse opened the door and asked if everything was alright and Van nodded. There was no way he could convince them, so he looked back at the lifeless body of his man and then hurried to get out of the room. He drove all the way back to their apartment, missing some red lights and nearly crashing into a truck but he didn't care. When he came home, he knocked at the Anderson's door, not wanting them to wake up if he rang the doorbell. Mr. Anderson opened the door and let him in.   
"Van, what happened? Come boy, sit down, I will give you something to drink."  
"He didn't wake up. He looks horrible and dead and his Dad threw me out. His Dad hates me."  
Mr. Anderson offered him a soda and he took it. "I am sorry Van. Anything we can do?"  
"Can I call my Dad? I promise we will get an own phone someday. But can I call him?"  
"Of Course. You don't have to ask. Call him."  
Van nodded and drank from his soda, then stood up and grabbed the phone. After several minutes je could hear his Dads voice on the other end. "Dad?"  
"What happened?"  
"Travis...he...he...is...”  
"Calm down. What is with him?"  
"He got beaten up and is at the hospital and his Dad threw me out and I don't know what to do. I can't lose him. Not him. Not again."  
"Van, I am sure he makes it. Did they say something about his condition?"  
"No. He looked horrible. His Dad said he was dying but I don't know...I am scared. Not after Doug. Why does this happen?"  
"I don't know son. You wanna come home?"  
"I think I stay here and sneak into the hospital now and then to check on him. And I have to work."  
"Anything I can do?"  
"Tell me why this always happens. Is this because of me?"  
"No. Don't ever think that."  
"But...”  
"No...listen son, you go to your bedroom now and sleep. Calm down and in the morning you go to the hospital before work. Check on him. When his parents throw you out again, let them. Go there every day. They will keep kicking you out but fight for him."  
"Thanks Dad. I can try. I just...I love him."  
"I know Van, I know and he loves you and that is all that matters."  
"Yeah. I guess."  
"Now go to bed."  
"Yeah. Bye."  
"Call me when there are news and come by if you need me."  
"Thanks."  
Van hung up and sat down besides the old man in the living room. Silently drinking the soda. He felt that he was getting calmer and Mr. Anderson just placed a hand on his shoulder. "You should go to bed now and visit him tomorrow."  
"Thank you."  
Van went upstairs, making his way strictly to the bedroom and just kicked his shoes off and fell on his bed. Not even able to crawl under the blanket. He just pressed Travis pillow to his chest and cried, he cried until he was too weak to do so and fell asleep. 

 

* * *

  
 **Early Morning in the hospital**  
He woke up to beeping noises next to his head and an amazing headache. "Uuh", he tried to say something but couldn't, because his voice was gone and his throat dry and hurting. He couldn't see anything but soon he heard his mother’s voice. "Travis, it is okay. I get the nurse." And then she was gone and he was alone again. Trying to open his eyes properly but one wasn't open at all. He gently touched it with his fingers and shrieked because it hurt. His mom came back with a nurse and a doctor and they kept talking and doing something and suddenly someone was holding a straw to his mouth, so he could drink, which he did and it felt amazing. Water never had been so tasty before. As soon as he was done drinking, he asked: "Where is Van?"  
"Not here", he heard a second voice. His father. Travis remained silent. Was Van here while he was asleep and how long had he slept and what happened?  
"Do you know what happened?", his mother asked.  
"Yeah. Yeah. I was at that party and then went home and got attacked by some guys." He didn't mention the reason why he was attacked. But he could all see it in his head.  
The group of four guys, wearing blue swimming team jackets. He had known them, from High School. They were Van's friends. They had called him "fag" and "Cocksucker" and all sorts of other things and they had said he had made their friend, who was obviously weakened, gay. They had kicked him in the stomach when he had tried to walk past them and when he tried to struggle against them they had hit him even harder. On and on and somewhere along the line he had stopped struggling and just took it in.   
"Travis? Can you hear me?"  
"Yeah. What?"  
"Who did this?"  
"I don't know."  
"Why did they do this?"  
"What the fuck do I know? Leave me alone. I want to see Van."  
He felt a hand around his wrist and turned his head, ignoring the pain shooting through his back, to see his Dad. "You are never going to see him again. We will take you home as soon as possible, so you can heal and we will find another school for you to go to. You are done. My son is not gay and if you ever date a guy again you are no longer my son."  
"Fuck you. I was never your son. A Dad doesn't treat a kid like that. I love him. I truly love him and I want to marry him. Go the fuck away. All I need is him."  
"If you weren't so hurt I would hit you by myself to get some sense in your head. We should have kept you from painting and all those Disney movies. You are too weak. You come home with us. There is no discussion."  
Travis closed his eyes. He was still tired and now he was holding back his tears. If he would be able to stand up he would just run away or fight his Dad. He needed Van. He needed him. He fell back into sleep and was glad he didn't hear the conversation that was going on in his room. His father was planning on sending him back to Europe. Maybe they should and he would take Van along with him. He would rather starve and live from the little money they had than give up the love of his life.  
He woke up when he heard another voice. "Baby? Are you awake? I can't stay long. Your Dad and mum are eating. I sneaked in. I don't know if you can hear me. I love you. I need you. Please wake up."  
Travis smiled. "Van", he mumbled and opened his eye. Van looked terrible, his eyes red from crying.  
"Trav'. Oh my god, you are alive. You woke up. Sorry I wasn't there. They sent me away."  
"I know. It will get worse. They will take me home."  
"No. When?"  
"As soon as the Doc says it is okay."  
"Then I come home too."  
"No. Van. You have your job and we need to be careful or they sent me to Europe."  
"I will follow you. I can't...I love you."  
"I love you, too. What about a kiss so I heal faster?"  
"Hmm. Your lip is bloody and split. Don't wanna hurt you."  
"Fuck the pain." Travis smirked, and felt a burning heat rushing through his cheek, up to his eye. Everything fucking hurt.  
Van placed a little kiss on his mouth and played with Travis hair. "I was so scared."  
"Me, too."  
"Who did this?"  
"Your old friends from High School."  
"But why."  
"Because we are a couple."  
"I will kill them. No one touches my man."  
Travis chuckled. "Ouch. Don't make me laugh. Don't do something stupid."  
"No. But I need to get out before your parents come back."  
"Okay. Come back, please?"  
"Of Course. I miss you. I can't sleep without you."  
"I can but I have an excuse."  
"Yes. You do." Van placed another kiss on his man’s lips and his forehead and then went out and drove back to their home.   
Travis stared at the ceiling and he felt the sadness coming back that he had when they dated the first days. That all the wonderful things between them wouldn't stay. If it wasn't their fault, he could blame his Dad now. He was keeping Van away, the only thing that made him happy and would make him wanna heal. And another part of him was worried about his love. He knew Van was giving himself a hard time and his Dad would make it worse. And he fucking hated that he was trapped to the bed because of two broken ribs and a broken leg.  
When his parents came in, he pretended to be asleep to listen to what they say and he didn't like what he was hearing.   
"We can take him home in the morning. He can sleep in his room. You will stay home with him and make sure that trash kid doesn't come near him."  
Travis heart broke. Tomorrow. He wouldn't see Van another time and if when follows he will lose   his job. Fuck. They needed the money when he was coming back. If he was coming back.   
And if Van would stay at their flat they would see each other in six weeks or more. Depending on how fast he was able to walk again. The artist couldn't breathe and he couldn't think anymore. Why was this happening? Just yesterday they woke up so happy, kissing and smiling and telling each other how much they loved each other before Van left for work and now he wasn't even able to talk to him, call him, and see him. If he was going home there was no chance for Van to come near him. Travis had to hold back his tears, until his parents left for the night and then he started to cry. The tears were burning on his injured skin and he felt so helpless. He needed Van.  
He called for the nurse and when she came in she asked him if he was in pain. He wanted to scream yes, but he knew they wouldn't understand. So he shook his head. "Can you call someone for me?"  
"Sure. But your parents just..."  
"Not my parents. I am glad they are gone. Can you call my friend? The one you called when I came here?" "Yes."  
"Thanks. I need to talk to him."  
Travis just hoped that Mr. Anderson would inform Van.   
Van was carrying some of their pictures in their bedroom, so he could see Travis. He wasn't supposed to miss him so bad after one night. But he did. He simply wanted to be there for him and care for him until he was healed and he was so angry and really wanted to punch the guys that had done that to him.   
He was interrupted by a knock on the door, when he opened it, he saw Mr. Anderson, holding a plate with cookies.  
"Hey. Josey gave me these and the hospital called. Travis wants to see you."  
"Okay. Thank you. Guess I should go then. Thanks for the cookies and for telling me."  
"Anytime." He turned around and walked down the stairs and Van ran down to his bike and drove back to the hospital and couldn't get in fast enough. He nearly busted into the room and ran up to Travis, who was lying on the bed, crying. Van gently stroked the tears away and pecked his lips. "Hey. Don't cry. Are you in pain?"  
"No."  
"Tell me."  
"I can leave tomorrow. My parents take me back to their house. My mom won't go to work and we won't see each other."  
"Pfff. I will sneak through your window or something."  
Travis chuckled. "It's on the second floor. But there is a tree in front of it."  
"Good. I will play monkey and jump into your window."  
"No. Sweetheart. You have a job now and we will need the money when I come back. As soon as I am able to leave I will come back to you. Even if that means that I am losing my parents. They can't tell me who to love. I am old enough."  
"I love you and I want to be there for you."  
"I know. And I would like that but I can't do anything. They pay my bills." Travis tangled their fingers together and kissed Van's hand.   
"But I can't be without you for so long", Van mumbled.  
"We need to try. Lil' Merman, please, be strong. Don't do something stupid."  
"I try." Van started to cry and rested his head next to Travis chest, who started to play with his hair, while they looked at each other.   
"I love you so much. No one should take me away from you. God...I even take punches like this every day, if this means I get you as a reward."  
"Pffff. No one touches you again. If that means I have to be around you 24/7, so be it. I am so sorry they hit you. Did they...did they do something else?"  
"Yeah...." Travis swallowed and shut his eyes close. He remembered the knife.   
"What?"   
"Look on my chest."  
Van took away the blanket that was covering him and pushed the white groan up. He sucked in air and shook his head. "No."  
One of the bastards had carved the word "Fag" into Travis' flesh and Van wasn't able to control himself anymore. He pulled the shirt down and covered Travis again, looked at him and left the room. He needed to get out and he needed to find those bastards.  
Of course it wasn't so hard to find them. He knew where some of them were but he had cut the contact right after High School and especially after he had noticed how fucked up they were and that they didn't care for him at all.  
He knocked on the door and Cal, a black haired´ African American opened the door and was hit by Van's fist in his face. Van stormed past him and entered, knowing he would find some of them in the house. That was there meeting point. Like a Club House of the swimming team. When he entered the living room all conversations stopped until one of them stood up. "Look who is there. Haven't seen you in a while. How is your friend?” the redhead said and Van remembered his name was Louis. He closed the distance between the both of them and when he was close enough, he hissed: "Was is you that carved that word into his chest?"  
Behind him he could here footsteps. Some were leaving and only three or four stayed.   
"No. That wasn't me."  
"Who?"  
"Me", said Cal behind Van and before turning around, Van punched Louis and kicked him.   
Then he turned around, shot a look at the other guy and asked: "Why?"  
All of them were laughing. "Because he is a fag and made you one too."  
"He didn't made me anything. I always loved him. The only reason I stayed away from him was to safe him. I knew all of you would react like this and now he is in hospital because of you, marked for life with a word that's degrading him. Travis is homosexual, so am I. I want you to carve that word into my skin. Come on, do it. Or are you afraid I might kill you afterwards? You all know I could. You are four and I still would be able to finish you all off. And I mean it. Tell it to all guys, if I ever find out someone touched him again, they better run and hide. So, come on, get your knife."  
"Van, man, come on", Louis tried to calm the situation.  
"Shut up. I am talking to Cal. Or should I get a knife and cut the word "NIGGER" in your skin? How would you like that?"  
Van was so close standing that he could hear Cal's breathing hitch and stop for a second.  
"Listen, I am...sorry", he pressed out.  
"You better be. I don't want anyone of you near him. He was a better friend than any of you losers."  
Van was nearly at the door, when Louis yelled: "It is disgusting. You have seen us naked."  
"Yeah? And? Nothing worth seeing. Your dicks are way too small to be of my liking."  
The blonde went outside, smiling. Good, that felt good but not as good as he had hoped. He drove back to their apartment and packed some clothes, just in case he had to go to the lake and stay with Travis. But he wanted to try to do what Travis asked him to do.  
He wanted to go to work and care for their flat and the old couple. Maybe he was able to buy some furniture before his man arrived.   
But those would be lonely days and weeks and he would miss him like crazy. That beautiful man of his.

* * *

 

 **The next day**  
Travis was sitting on the backseat of his parent’s car and looked at the trees they were driving past until they reached their old house. Travis knew how this would end. He would be trapped in his old room upstairs. He would see the same room for a several weeks. His Dad helped him to go upstairs and he looked around. He hadn't visited home since he left for collage and being back there brought back a lot of bad memories. The days he spent in this room, all by himself because no one wanted to visit him. Birthdays he had spent there, drawing because no one wanted to celebrate with him. He remembered the times his Dad had locked the door, when he sneaked out to draw and paint at the lake. Pictures of himself were flooding his brain and he closed his eyes, lying on the too small bed.   
His mum came in, she was the only person in this house that somehow was nice to him.   
"Are you hungry?"  
Travis shook his head and looked out of the window next to his bed.   
"Listen Travis, your Dad will never accept it. Especially not him."  
Travis nodded. "I know. When I am healed I will leave for good. You don't have to deal with me anymore. I know you both wished for a better son."  
"No. That is not true Travis. We love you. But we are worried. You were always so closed up and all by yourself. And when you told us that you are gay, it was too much. And your Dad blames himself for that. I think you are wonderful. But I can't help you anymore."  
Travis looked at her and understood. "It is okay. Van works and I will find a job, too. Can he visit me?"  
She shook her head. "If he finds out he will kill him."  
Travis moved his head back to look at the tree and the blue sky in front of his window. "Can you bring me at least a drawing pad and some of my pencils?"  
"Yeah." She stood up and went over to the desk in his room to get all the things he needed and then placed them on his nightstand. "Do you need a book?"  
"Yeah."  
She placed three books from his shelf on his nightstand. Three from his "To be read" board. When he was younger he had sorted them all after genres and not read ones. He didn't have a TV in here because he took it with him, so he wouldn't be able to watch any movies.   
His mom left and Travis closed his eyes once more, to see his man inside his head. He remembered all the things that had happened in the past weeks. Travis still wasn't sure if this was a dream or some kind of fantasy. That first kiss, on the party and the way Van had looked at him before he ran out of the room and he remembered how Van asked him to stay. Travis smiled, there was nothing that made him as happy as Van does. Even art came on second place.   
He would give everything to have Van next to him now and they would cuddle and kiss until he was healed but he would probably have to try to live without him for the next weeks. He sighed and wiped away a tear that was rolling down his cheek. God, he was missing his fantastic man already. Travis took the paper and pencils from his nightstand and started to draw. Slowly rebuilding his loves face on the white surface. He wished he was real.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the last chapter it can't get worse...or can it?  
> But what's a love story without a little drama? Nothing.
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and Kudos and in general Feedback!

**Two weeks later**

  
Van was going home for the weekend. He had three days off work and would visit his Dad and try to visit Travis. He was nearly there and he was already happy if he would succeed to climb into Travis room. It was late, so he just went inside his house and greeted his Dad and told him what he wanted to do, which made his father only shake his head and snort. Van decided to walk so his parents wouldn't be able to hear the motorcycle in the morning. He had missed his boyfriend so much. After one week he was nearly going nuts and now after two he just wanted to see how he was and just make sure he was alright. Van was standing behind a tree and watched the house but couldn't see anyone. So he sneaked into the backyard and looked at the tree. "Oh damn", he hissed. The tree was high and big and he couldn't see anything in little light of the moon.   
He tried and after several minutes he was at the middle and could jump from branch to branch. He watched the window which he knew, due to Travis descriptions, was his and he saw someone moving right in front of it. He smiled, when he saw the familiar shadow of his friend. He threw a little stone at the window and waited till the other guy opened it and when he did, Van moved, so Travis would see him and that face was worth everything. Travis eyes lit up and he smiled, so Van crouched further and jumped onto the window sill and with another move he was inside the room, in Travis bed to be exact. They looked at each other and Van closed the window, kicked his shoes off and snuggled himself next to Travis. "Hey Prince Charming", he whispered in the other ones ear.  
"Hey my lil' Merman."  
"I missed you."  
"I missed you more."  
Travis pressed him closer and kissed him, after that said: "You shouldn't be here. When they find you...”  
Van pressed his hand to Travis lips. "Psst. What are they gonna do? Throw me out? Let them. I need to know how my man is doing. So, how are you?"  
Travis sighed. "Bored, depressed, lonely, unable to leave the room and my leg will need another 4 weeks to heal."  
Van pouted. "I wish I could be here all the time. It's lonely in our flat."  
"How are you?"  
Van started playing with Travis hair. "I miss you so much. I can't sleep and I worked double shifts, so I could get three days off now and earn more money. I bought a table and brought your desk back into your art room. And I bought some pans and pots and stuff for the kitchen. I think another two month and we can buy a couch and some more stuff."  
"That sounds good. I wish I could go home with you."  
"That would be nice", Van mumbled and kissed Travis. He had missed kissing him and he had missed the other man's voice and breathing and his everything. They cuddled a bit longer in silence when Travis looked at Van and whispered: "Do you stay?"  
"Yes. I am not planning on going so soon. I leave early in the morning."  
"Okay. I wish you wouldn't have to leave", Travis said, his voice shaking and breaking. He looked back at the ceiling and closed his eyes to stop himself from crying, but failed.  
"Baby...hey...I am here." Van wrapped his arms around Travis and kissed his cheek and ear.   
"Sorry. I just...I hate being here. I don't wanna stay here. Please, take me home." Van felt as if someone was ripping him apart. Travis looked so desperate, so broken.   
"Oh Trav', I wish I could but how do I get you out of here?"  
"I don't know. God...The last two weeks were so awful. All the memories came back - all the bad things. I tried to draw and read but my head kept swirling around the past and the days with you."  
"Baby, calm down. I love you. When you are healed, I will take you with me. And I won't ever let you go again. We will grab all your stuff from here and you don't have to come back here ever again."  
Travis nodded and smiled, while still crying. "I love you", he mumbled.  
"Come on now. Let's just cuddle and I will watch you sleep."  
"Thanks. Thanks for coming."  
"Shut up. You know I am nothing without my Prince."  
Travis closed his eyes and Van stroke his hair and cheeks and placed little kisses on his face and neck and ear. He watched over him, while he was sleeping and never had seen such a wonderful face on his man. Still sad, but his lips curled into a smile. A smile he knew, was because he was there. God, Van had missed Travis so much. He never stopped looking at him and by the end of the night he had counted 734 hairs on Travis chin. He kissed him one last time and entangled himself from his love, whispered: "Until tonight”, grabbed his shoes and left through the window. He took the same way back down the tree and hurried home. Crashing down on his old bed as soon as he was at his Dad's house. His Dad was already awake and just smiled when Van walked past him.   
Maybe Van could do this every night. At least so he wouldn't miss him so much. 

* * *

  
Travis woke up and looked for Van but he was already gone and he rested his hand on the empty side of his bed, which was already cold and he looked out of the window. He would come back tonight at least he had something to look forward to. It was really sweet of Van to visit him. His Mum came in and he mumbled a greeting and she helped him up to go to the bathroom. He would give anything for a shower but instead his mum was washing his hair now over the sink and after that he brushed his teeth and washed himself. Then she helped him put on fresh clothes. He hated this. He didn't want her to help him it made him feel like a little kid again.  
"So I am leaving to get some groceries after I give you breakfast. You need anything?"  
"Can you bring some ice-cream and some cookies or hot chocolate?"  
"I see what I can find."  
"And, uhm, could you bring a new drawing pad? All my stuff is at my apartment and I already filled my sketchbook. So I need paper or a sketchbook. Please?"  
"Sure. Trav'?", she asks while putting him back to bed.  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you love him?"  
Travis looked at her and he wasn't sure what to say to this. Was she trying to get on his side or what was her intention? But no matter what he would never lie. "Yes. I always did."  
"Why? Tell me, what is it that made you fall in love with him. I don't know if I can ever accept who you are or what you are but I want to try. For me, I am sad that I don't get any grandkids but your Dad...He will never accept it. I tried to talk him into letting Van visit you at least once but he wouldn't listen. Maybe, if you tell me...”  
"Mom, this wouldn't make any difference. I could tell you, if you really wanna know but we both know you don't. You wouldn't understand how I could love him and it is okay. I know that as soon as I am healed I have to leave and you will stop sending me money. It is okay. I accepted this long ago. It just makes me sad that my own parents don't love me because I fell in love with a guy."  
"We do love you."  
"If you would, this wouldn't be so hard."  
"But Van, is he good for you? We heard a lot about him. The drugs, the alcohol, that his Dad is in a wheelchair and his friend Doug died at the lake. And he was with girls before."  
Travis sighed, not wanting to hear those things about his man. "Listen, he stopped doing drugs before coming to college. It is my fault he got kicked out of the swimming team. Derrick drugged him so he would fail the tests. That his Dad is in a wheelchair has nothing to do with Van and alcohol? Hell, I drink a lot more than him and his friend? Mum, really? He was so depressed and sad about that. He lost the only good friend he had. When I went to see him at the lake before I went to college, he looked like a broken shell. Only thing I did was give him glue to fix himself. I know he was with girls before but that doesn't matter. He loves me mum and he makes me happy. He does so many things to make me smile and in the last weeks I felt more alive than in the past years. Mom...he has flaws and I myself have flaws too. We just...I love him, okay?"  
His mom just nodded and she looked as if she was about to cry. She left the room and came back with his breakfast a few minutes later. She placed it on the nightstand and grabbed his hand. "I will be sad when you leave but you have to. Maybe someday I can talk sense into your Dad."  
Travis smiled. "Mum, he is stubborn and won't ever accept my taste in good looking men."  
His mom smiled back at him and then left him alone. Travis sighed. Only 4 weeks left and he would never come back here.  
Losing your parents like this may be frightening, sad but if you can spend the future with the love of your life, you can manage to leave for good. He just needed to heal.

  
Just like last night Van climbed into Travis room and was greeted with open arms, a naked chest and a wide smile. "Good evening Sweetheart", Travis purred and Van chuckled. "Hello, Sexy."  
He pulled his shirt over his head and started to kiss Travis chest, the blue bruises slowly fading and the word that was carved in his flesh was still red and looked like it was healing. Hopefully this won't leave ugly scars...maybe just faint ones. He let his fingers glide over it. "I still can't believe this"; he whispered.  
"It will fade. And if not I think I need to get a tattoo."  
"Yeah. A pretty tattoo for my sexy man", Van mumbled and kissed Travis on his lips.  
"God I wish we could make out", latter said.  
"Ha. Yeah. But you have broken bones my love. I won't touch you and risk to fuck you up even more."  
"I missed you this morning."  
"I missed you all day."  
Van started playing with his friend’s hair and they looked at each other just enjoying being together. "What are you thinking about lil' Merman?"  
"About the past. I should have been there for you instead of hanging out with those freaks from the swimming team. We should have been friends. I should have tried harder. We could have had days at the lake, at the forest, share our first times, first kisses, first everything. And this wouldn't have happened. They just beat you because of me. I visited them and they were laughing about you, making fun of you and I told them they better carve that same word into my skin and beat me and that I would kill them if one of them ever touches you again. No one does things like that to you."  
"Baby, hey, no. You didn't have to go there and you didn't have to get yourself into trouble, okay? I am used to those insults or being hit and kicked and bruised. The weeks when I wasn't at school, during that extremely hot spring, I was at home. My parents told school I had the flu but in real some assholes had punched me and I had a black eye and a chipped shoulder. This will always happen to me."  
"No. No. This is so wrong. Why? Because you are shy and into guys? I don't understand this. I have seen it with Doug. Saw how is Dad treated him. That's so wrong."  
"Baby, calm down. We won't change this world. And please, can we cuddle now? We only have some hours together and we shouldn't argue. And another thing: It is not your fault."  
"It is. I love you Travis. I love you so much and I can't stand seeing you hurt."  
"I love you, too."  
Van wrapped his arm around Travis chest and tangled the healthy leg between his, getting as close as possible. His head buried in the crook of the artists neck, who moved his head, so their lips were touching and soon they were kissing and losing each other in the dancing of their tongues. Travis hand was drawing little circles on Van's back and wandered up and down from his head over his neck to his shoulder blades and the other hand was tangling their fingers together. Oh god, how he loved those tiny gestures, those small touches that sent shivers down your spine and made you feel warm on the inside. "Fuck, I so want to take care of you and make you feel good. Just like you make me always feel good."  
"Charming, you make me feel good. Always. I don't need sex for that."  
"Hmm. But I love to have sex with you."  
"It’s just a few weeks. We can live a few weeks without it. Even so it is hard."  
"I know something else that is hard." Van shook his head and chuckled.  
"Lil' Picasso, your filthy mouth will be the dead of me."  
Travis tried to push his hand down, so Van would touch him but Van shook his head. "No. You are hurt. You need to heal. I won't do that. If you want it you have to touch yourself. At least I can say it is not my fault when you die while having an orgasm."  
Travis snorted and crossed his arms on his chest. "Goodnight", he mumbled and Van started to laugh.  
"You are cute when you are frustrated."  
"Fuck you."  
"Yeah in four weeks."  
"HAHA."  
"Awww. Come on. I love you my lil' sexmonster."  
"How many more nicknames do you give me?"  
"Maybe a trillion."  
"Asshole."  
"Be nice or I leave."  
Travis shook his head and wrapped his arms around Van. "NOOO. NO leaving. I need you."  
They kissed once more and Travis started to smile into their kiss. Even so it was their last night because Van had to go back to the city tomorrow. He sighed. Four weeks. Four fucking weeks. And all he got was a weekend with his love or maybe two depending on how Van had to work. What he didn't know was the decision Van was making in his head. He would call at work and tell them he won't be back before Wednesday because he had something with his stomach. Which was kind of true but he wasn't ill, no he was just in love and felt lovesick.

* * *

  
It was on Tuesday, just before he wanted to leave to see Travis, when someone walked towards their house and he stopped walking when he saw who it was. "I knew it. How long have you been here?” the older man asked.  
"Since Friday evening. Visiting my Dad."  
"Oh come on, we both know why you are here. You were at my house." Travis Dad looked certain and Van shrugged.  
"No. I was here all the time. I knew you wouldn't let me in."  
"Damn right. My son looks happier today and there had to be a reason for that. How did you do it?"  
"Did what?" Van tried to play stupid.  
"Sneak into his room. Did you climb up the tree?"  
"No. Why would I do that and risk breaking my legs?"  
"I swear to you, if I ever see you again, this will be the last time. Travis window will be closed off tonight."  
"What the fuck do you want? He is 18 fucking years old and you can't act like he is 10. All he wants is for his Dad to accept him like he is. And for god’s sake your son is awesome. Did you ever pay attention to him? To what he needs?"  
Travis Dad came closer. "Don't you dare speak to me like this? It is your fault he is fucked up. Ever since that day he saw you in that big house there, and the days at high school, he was obsessed with you. He sneaked out of the house to come here, he sneaked out to draw you and you had no idea. He doesn't even pay attention to girls or other boys. Only you. It is your fault he is gay and gets into trouble. Your fault he was in the hospital more than once. And I don't want a drug-addict near him, that couldn't save a guy from drowning even so he was the best swimmer from here. I don't want you in his life. I don't care if he meets another guy but I just don't want him to be with you."  
Van bit his lip. "Well that is not your decision to make. I am sorry you think I made him like he is but I think I can't control who he loves. I tried to safe him, when I started to ignore him in school. I insulted him, yes, but I always held the others back when they wanted to torture him. I know it is all my fault."  
"Good. Because he thinks it is his fault. Leave him alone. I swear." Travis Dad turned around and Van walked down to the water and sat down. It was his fault and now it was his fault that Travis was alone, there was not one way to sneak into his room again.  
Everything was his fault. Oh how he wished that he had never met this boy. He wished he had never seen the kindness in his eyes when they were kids and he fucking wished he would have acted different around him. Better. Van stood up and walked to his bike. He drove to a store to buy booze and smoked and then went back to the lake and started to drink. After he had drank half the bottle of whiskey, he started to walk towards Travis home and climbed up the tree which was a bit heavier when you are drunk. He looked at the window and it was closed. He threw a stone but nothing happened. He climbed down and walked back to the lake. Fucking awesome.   
Travis wondered why his Dad brought him down to watch movies. That wasn't usual and he would miss Van if they watched too long. "Dad I am tired. Can I go upstairs?"  
"No. Come on, just one more movie. Don't you get bored in your room?"  
"No. I can read and draw."  
"Sometimes you need to see something different."  
Travis tried but there was no chance to get upstairs and he hoped Van would forgive him.   
Two weeks later Travis started to worry. Van had said he would visit him on the weekends but he didn't show up and he hoped that he was okay. It was awful to be trapped and not able to walk but if he needed to he would go and look for Van or maybe call his Dad or something. He needed to know. He missed him so much. So much that he couldn't even sleep.  
Van was lying in bed, looking at the collection of pictures in their bedroom. He had carried them all in here so he had something from Travis with him. He couldn't stand being away from him but he knew he had to or else this would end terrible. To calm himself he had started to smoke again and drink and found himself using again after he left Travis home when the window was closed. What if Travis Dad was right and he wasn't good enough for Travis? Maybe his friend should be with someone better. All the thoughts and feelings had lead him to a drug dealer and before he knew what he was doing he started to take pills. First ecstasy and mixed it with alcohol and smoking weed. Now he was on crystal meth and he knew how fucked up this was but at least it calmed him and made those feelings go away. He missed Travis so much and he missed being with him and he felt so fucking lonely. He felt depressed and sad and wanted to wake up from this nightmare. He wanted to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I am an evil person. You don't have to tell me. And I like it.


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think the last chapter was sad? Well...better prepare for that one then...

**Two weeks later**  
Travis sat at the doctor's office after they had removed the cast from his leg and they were discussing what he was allowed to do and what not. He shouldn't carry heavy things, no extreme sport and in case of pain he should come back. His other wounds healed, his broken ribs looked good but he still had to be careful. He shrugged it off and together with his Dad he left as fast as he could. His Dad was driving him to his apartment and he hurried up the stairs, not wanting to waste another second without Van. He opened the door and looked around. The flat was a mess. And the air was so thick someone could cut it with a knife. It smelled weird and disgusting. Travis started to worry and he yelled: "Van?"  
But he got no reply. His feet carried him towards the bedroom and when he opened the door, he saw Van lying in their bed, sleeping. The whole room was dark and all his paintings were gathered there. "Oh Van", he mumbled and walked over to the bed, to sit on the edge of it. He touched his friend but got no reply. Travis turned on the light on the nightstand and jumped up, when he saw Van's face. It was pale, dark rings under his eyes, and he looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks and ill. Or dead. Travis touched his forehead and felt his pulse. He just seemed to sleep very deep. Travis sighed and started to clean up the clothes that were lying down on the ground. When he picked up the jeans next to the bed, a little package fell out of it. He picked it up and sniffed on it. Weed. Fuck. But there was another package in it with a little white substance and when he looked around the room he saw a candle and a spoon and when he remembered it right there were several drugs that needed heating. No. NO!  
Travis let go of the things in his hand and shook Van, but he wouldn't wake up. Why would he do this again? He had promised. Travis sat down and started to cry, his back to the bed. He sat there for an hour, staring at the stuff in front of him, staring at the pictures and all the things in his head were driving him insane. He couldn't do this any longer. This relationship was ruining him.  
When he felt a hand in his hair that was brushing through it, he closed his eyes, holding back more tears that so badly wanted to flow.  
"I wish you were real. I wish I could touch you like this. At least the drugs make me believe you are with me. I miss you so much", Van mumbled with a broken and sad voice. Travis turned around and looked at him and with a sudden feeling he knew what to do. As much as he loved that man that was now looking at him with big blue eyes and sadness in his face, he couldn't take this any longer. He couldn't feel like shit every other week just because Van was ruining his life and was not stable enough. As much as he needed him and no matter how wonderful they were together, they couldn't be like this anymore.   Van stared at him and then moved, when Travis stood up and left the room. Travis started to carry his paintings back into the other room, just waiting for the right words to come to his mind. Words that wouldn't be too hard and wouldn't make Van do something stupid. Even so he knew that there was a slight chance that no matter which words Travis chose, they would hurt the other man and they would make his situation worse.  
Van was standing in the living room and watched Travis all the time, until suddenly he grabbed his hand and when Travis met his eyes Van was smiling. "You came. You are healed."  
Travis closed his eyes and swallowed. "Yes Van. I healed."  
"So you are staying?"  
"Yes, I am but you are not."  
"What?"  
Van looked confused and let go of Travis hand. "I want you to move out", Travis said.  
"You don't mean that."  
"Fuck Van, yes I do mean it. I can't be with someone that takes drugs every chance he gets. You promised."  
"I know...it's just...I didn't know...”  
Travis was angry and furious and he pushed Van, so that he stumbled and hit the wall. "Shut up! I don't want to hear one more excuse out of your mouth. I had a lot time to think while I was at my parents’ house. I think it is better for me to finish college and go away from here. Maybe move to Europe. And I need to concentrate. You are just a distraction to me and I can't deal with your problems. It's your life that you are ruining and I want you to go, so you won't ruin mine, too."  
Van nodded. "Okay. I'm packing my stuff. I was never good enough for you anyway. Your Dad was right. I am not worthy enough to be with you." As soon as Van turned around and started to get dressed and pack his stuff, Travis hid his face in his hands. Van was his everything and this will kill them both but he just had too. He didn't want to see him like this and didn't want to deal with this.  
He was so fucking angry, sad and disappointed.   
He watched Van packing his stuff and recognized the tears on his face. "Van, which drugs did you take?"  
"E's, Weed, Alcohol, Crystal."  
"Please, get help."  
"Why do you care? Seems like you don't love me anymore and in ten minutes I am out of your life."  
"God, you know I fucking love you! But I can't stand drugs and I can't see you ruining everything. I fucking missed you but you didn't come anymore."  
Van nodded and then walked to the rack to pull on his jacket, then he headed for the door, grabbed the doorknob and turned around once more. "I love you lil' Picasso. Maybe one day I will forgive myself for losing the best thing in my life." He looked back at the door but still couldn't open it and Travis was standing behind him and swallowed the tears down and listening to the last words Van said before heading out. "I am sorry I am such a bad person. I am sorry. I know it was a mistake but I missed you so much. Please forget me."  
Forget me. FORGET ME. How was he able to forget Van? He was watching the closed door and listened to the sound of a bike driving away. And all he had left was the Silence of the flat and his heartbeat. A heart that was beating like a threat in his chest, because that fucking thing had one purpose, to keep him alive and love. But everything that kept him alive just walked out the door and he had let him go, had sent him away. Maybe they were better when they were separated. Maybe Van would finally come to his senses.  
Travis started to clean the flat, just to forget his thoughts, to keep him from thinking about being single again, keep him from thinking about those blonde hairs between his fingers and a hand in his own. But he failed. Because everything reminded him of Van. This was THEIR home, not his but it was his decision so he had to live with it. When he was done cleaning, he put new sheets on the bed and lay down in his bed, crying. When he woke up this morning he wanted to see Van, kiss him, make out, cuddle, eat, talk, and laugh. He hadn't expected to find his man drugged, asleep and a wrecked flat. How did that turn out to be such a horrible day? They had everything, why was Van throwing it all away? Not worthy enough. Maybe his Dad was right and Van really wasn't good enough for him.  
Maybe. No. Travis pressed the sheets to his chest and slowly, painful slow, he started to feel empty and alone. He felt like something was ripped from him. He knew Van was the love of his life, but Travis was sick of fighting for it. He was sick of having to worry about Van every five minutes and he was sick of everything.  
He turned around on his back and watched the ceiling. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE DRUGS YOU MORON? He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep as soon as he was too tired to think anymore. 

 

* * *

  
Van was on his way home and he had tears in his eyes. It was all over. He had fucked up and he knew he had the moment he took drugs and still he couldn't stop then. And now Travis didn't want him anymore. They were all right, he was not good enough for anyone and he was a loser, nothing. When he reached his Dad's house, he went in, walked past him and closed the door to his room behind him. He didn't even take his clothes off before he went to bed and pulled a blanket over his head. Van wanted to sleep and never wake up or wake up and have Travis back. His father came into the room. "Van? Why are you here? What happened?"  
"Leave me alone."  
"No. Tell me. Where is Travis?"  
Van bit his lip and held back the tears that started to form in his eyes when his Dad said his artist's name. "Not here", he mumbled.  
"Did you fight?"  
His Dad was sitting on the edge of the bed now and Van turned to him. "Yeah"; his voice broke and he started to cry, which made his Dad run his fingers through his hair. "That's okay. Sometimes you need to fight and then find each other again."  
Van shook his head and wiped away his tears. "No. Not this time. I fucked up. I am such an idiot."  
"What did you do?"  
Van grabbed the two bags from his pocket and gave them to his Dad and was rewarded with an angry look on his face and then it changed into concern. "Why", he asked.  
"Because I missed him so much and his Dad wouldn't let me visit him when he was ill. His Dad told me I wasn't worthy enough and he was so right. I am not. He needs someone better. Not as fucked up as I am. I lose people, people die, and people get hurt. And...I wanted to...make the feeling go away."  
"Van, you are not...nothing."  
"I am."  
"I am sorry son. I should have known that you are in trouble. Tomorrow I will find some help for you. You need to get off of these drugs. And you need someone to talk to."  
"No, Dad, please. I promise I will try to get off the drugs but don't make me go to a therapy. I am not mental."  
"Son, you are depressed."  
Van snorted and turned away. "I just want him back."  
"Then get better and fight for him. Don't be such a moron like I am."  
"He doesn't want me anymore. He is better off without me."  
"No. He loves you from the bottom of his heart and he always did. Maybe he was just shocked to see you like this. Imagine how he must have felt finding out that you took drugs while he wasn't able to be there. Maybe he came home and wanted a kiss, a hug or whatever the two of you are doing with each other. And he found you drugged."  
Van thought about this for a second. "Fuck. Why did I do this? I am an idiot. Dad...what...I can't lose him, too. I love him."  
"Yeah. I know. How about you stay in here for a little bit and calm down. I will make some soup and chocolate pudding. I know you like it. And I drain these drugs. You are not taking anything in my house and you don't drink alcohol. I will watch you all the time. I don't want you to go away from the house and if you go outside, so I can see you."  
Van turned around. "Why do you help me?"  
"Because I am your father and it is my fault in the first place that your life is so complicated."  
"It's not."  
"Now sleep."  
Van saw his father limp out of his room, wearing his prostheses. He rarely did that and it meant a lot to Van, that his Dad cared now. Fighting for Travis, yes maybe he should. He needed to be better for him even if that meant to get sober first. Van heard his Dad talking to someone, but didn't know who. 

 

* * *

  
Travis had slept two hours and then woke up to a knock on the door. He stumbled to the door and opened it, just to find Mr. Anderson in front of it. "Hello Travis. How are you?"  
"I am fine. Thanks."  
"Van's Dad called. He told me to tell you that you should call him back. He wants to talk to you."  
"Okay. I will come with you." Travis followed Mr. Anderson downstairs and greeted the old lady with a smile and then walked to the phone and called Van's Dad.  
It rang two times and then was already picked up. His Dad had waited by the phone.  
"Hey Travis."  
"Hi."  
"How are you feeling?"  
"I don't know", Travis answered honestly.  
"He told me what he did. I want you to know that I drained the drugs in the toilet and that I keep an eye on him. He loves you and I just...Please tell me what happened."  
"Let him tell you."  
"He did. I need your version." "I came home and found him asleep, full with drugs and the whole flat was a mess. He promised to never take drugs anymore but he did it again and I can't deal with that."  
"Do you still love him?"  
"Of Course, I always will." Travis voice broke at the end and he started crying.  
"Give yourself a bit time. Just know, that you can come by whenever you want. I will call you if something changes. Because I think the only person he needs is you."  
"Yeah. I can't. I need time. I'm disappointed and sad. When I came home I was so happy to finally see him but then..."  
"I understand that boy. You don't need to tell me. He loves you Travis and I need my boy to be happy."  
"Can you do me a favor?"  
"Sure."  
"Tell him every day how good he is because he thinks so less of himself."  
"I will."  
"Thanks."  
They hung up and Travis closed his eyes for a moment before turning around and saying goodbye to the old couple. He was glad that they didn't try to talk to him and so he went upstairs, walked into his art room and started to paint. He didn't even know when he got to bed, only that it was already dawning when he did. When he crawled into the empty bed he wondered what Van was doing now, if he was sleeping or being awake. He knew that if he would be here now, they would cuddle and kiss. Travis wished he could turn back time and not go to that party. He rubbed the letters on his chest as if it would disappear but of course it didn't. And the pain didn't go away either. That one in his heart, his head, his everything. He missed Van and he always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm evil. I know. I just can't help it.


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. Well...Enough suffering for the moment.

After a few days Van felt more horrible than ever. His Dad had made him drink a lot of water and shower every day. Made him work at the house and he felt the symptoms of withdrawal. He wanted to take drugs but he kept telling himself that he can't and wouldn't because the only thing that kept him going was the thought that when he managed to get off the drugs and find a good job and be a better person, Travis would come back to him.    
He just had cut the grass and was sitting by the lake, only wearing black shorts and drinking water, when he heard a car coming by. He turned around and froze, his eyes widening. This was Travis car. And it was Travis, who stepped out of the car, wearing a blue Jeans, a dark shirt and his boots. Their eyes met and Van didn't look away until Travis was sitting next to him. Too far away for his taste but still, he was here. He felt his heartbeat speed up and just waited for Travis to say something, not wanting to make this image go away if it was a hallucination. And not wanting to piss Travis off if this was real.  
The dark haired looked at him, scanning him and then said: "Hi Merman", with a low and hesitating voice.  
"Hi lil' Picasso", Van answered shyly.  
"How are you?"  
"Better. Not good enough yet. You?"  
Travis looked at the lake and then back to Van. "I miss you", he whispered.  
Van started to sob and smiled at the same time. "I miss you, too. So much. So fuckin' much."  
Travis nodded and took the water bottle out of Van's hand, placed it beside him and pulled Van on top of him. Van's head resting on Travis chest and latter had wrapped both arms around him and kissed his head. He had missed Van so much and after a week he had decided to go and see him. And on the tenth day he finally did. He hadn't slept in days and he couldn't concentrate in class and when he saw someone from the swimming team he was reminded of Van, when he came home, he was reminded of him and when he was painting he painted Van. He was going nuts without him.  
Van looked at him. "Why? Why are you here?"  
"Because I can't live without you. As much as I try, I can't. I love you Van."  
Van started to cry and hid his face in the crook of Travis neck, which made Travis cry too.  
After a while the swimmer calmed down and said: "I love you, too but I am not good enough. You need someone better."  
"Shut up. I want you, okay? You. Not someone else."  
"But...”  
"Stop it. Goddammit Van. Can you just accept that I love you and stop being such an idiot? I know why I love you. Remember that sweet guy who bought me a freakin' teapot and cup because I liked it? And who made dinner and moved in with me? Well, that guy is amazing and I want him back. I know I sent you away but I was just...so angry that you broke your promise. And you need to get off of these drugs. I don't want to come home ever again and think you may be dead. I had to check your fucking pulse man."  
Van wiped away his tears and moved next to Travis and looked up into the sky. "I'm sorry. It's just...your Dad came here and told me that he knew I was at your room that weekend I came to visit you and he told me that he was fine with you being gay but he wasn't okay with who you chose to be with. And then I came to your house but you didn't open the window and I felt so lost and ended up smoking weed with Jazz and the boys and drove back to our flat and you know how easy it is to get drugs at college parties. And the first week I only did a bit but then started to take it every day because I couldn't sleep without you. I can't live without you and part of me thinks your Dad is right."  
"No, he isn't. He never will be. He just can't see why I love you, sweetheart."  
For a while they were just lying there and watching the sky. It was a nice day and there were only little clouds on the sky. Travis moved his head after a while, to look at Van and smiled. His friend had closed his eyes and it felt good to see him. Travis just couldn't live without this guy. He moved closer and placed one hand on Van's stomach and kissed his lips. Short and sweet, until Van opened his eyes and grabbed into his hair. "Kiss me, Trav'", he whispered and Travis did as he was told.    
Van thought he was dying, when he felt Travis mouth on his and he felt that weird feeling go away that he felt the last days. And his heart, he felt it beating again. When they stopped kissing, Travis smiled at him and that was all he needed. "I am glad you still want me."  
"Come home with me", Travis whispered into Van's ear.  
"No. I am not off the drugs completely."  
"I don't care. I will help you. Please come home. I need you with me."  
"Okay. Yes. Fuck, I would do everything you asked me for, just to be with you again. So...so you forgive me?"  
Travis laughed. "I already did you idiot. Come on. Let's go in and pack your stuff. Leave your bike here. We can get it another time."  
"Okay. Yes." They stood up and Van ran inside. "Dad, look, Travis is here."  
Mr. Thompson was sitting in the living room, flipping through a catalogue with paint and stuff. "Hello Travis", he said and smirked.  
"Hi." Travis smirked back and Van watched them both.  
"I will grab my stuff. I am going back with Travis."  
"Do you? I think we said that I tell you what to do."  
Van watched his Dad who then started to laugh. "Go son. And hurry. Don't let your man wait too long."  
Travis walked over to Van's Dad and said: "Thanks for calling me. I think it was time. And he seemed okay."  
"He is. He still has symptoms but you have to make him drink a lot of water, maybe make him soup sometimes and just give him something to do or distract him. But I am sure you both know how to distract each other."  
Travis chuckled. "Yes. I think we can. Thanks for everything."  
"I have to thank you."  
"What are the both of you talking about?"  
"You", Travis answered and then grabbed Van's hand and pulled him out to his car, yelling goodbye before leaving the house. They were going home and Travis couldn't wait to get there and cuddle with his man and maybe do something else. Because damn did his man look good.  
As soon as they came home, Travis grabbed Van's Hand and pulled him to him, his mouth all over his friend. He had missed him so much the last days. Van grabbed him and carried his man to the bedroom. "What do you think you are doing?” Travis asked.  
"Cuddle", Van answered with a smirk.  
They tangled each other together and just kissed and played with each other’s Hands.  
Suddenly Van let out a deep and long sigh. "I love you, Travis. Thanks for having me."  
"I love you, too. But please, this is your last Chance. Don't ever do something like this again."  
Van kissed Travis Hand. "No I won't. I promise."  
"Good. I don't ever wanna worry about finding you overdosed. Don't want you to die."  
"Oh Trav'. Never wanted to scare you. I am sorry."  
"I know. Can we now go on with our life?"  
"Yes. Hell yes. So what are your plans for today?"  
"How about I buy Pizza and we watch a movie."  
"Sounds good to me."  
Travis went up and grabbed his car keys. "You wanna come along?"  
"Yeah." Travis sighed. He didn't want to leave him alone. Not for a second.  
So they drove to get a Pizza at the Italian Restaurant 2 streets away and while he was driving, Travis grabbed Van's hand. "The last couple of days were fucked up. I couldn't even paint."  
"I am sorry."  
"You know when I told you to leave I thought it would be better for the both of us but I guess I was wrong."  
"Oh hell yeah you were wrong and I was wrong, too. The drugs made missing you worse."  
"What did you miss the most?"  
"Hearing you breathe next to me and your scent. I love the smell of your hair shampoo and you, of course. And you?"  
Travis took his hand out of Van's to park the car and then took it back in his hand. Playing with Van's fingers. "I missed your hand in mine and the way you say goodnight and good morning. I missed your arms around my body when I showered and I missed hearing you and see you smile."  
"I am sorry you missed me."  
"If you say sorry one more time I smack you."  
"But I have a lot to apologize and I can't ever make it up to you. I will never ever be good enough. You know that. I just...Is this real Trav' or am I hallucinating?"  
Travis smirked. "This is real. And now let us grab something to eat and then go back and cuddle. I have missed being with you for over six weeks now."  
"I'm so-", Van started and when Travis shot him a look he said: "So hungry", and laughed.  
They had decided to eat the Pizza right there and then went back to their flat and started to watch a movie they found while zapping through the programs. Travis was leaning against the headboard and Van was sitting between his legs, his head resting on Travis chest. He had closed his eyes after some time, just enjoying to be back with his man. He wanted to say a million words and wanted to do so much more to apologize but he knew it would never make this feeling go away. The feeling of not being good enough. Travis was playing with his fingers and massaging the back of his hands, with his thumb and all Van could do, was concentrate on that feeling and the heartbeat he could hear when he turned his head a bit.    
Travis let go of his hands and moved them over Van's arms and then to his shoulders, down to his chest and then met his hands again. Just this little touches made Van's skin tingle and he opened his eyes and looked at Travis, who had closed his eyes, too.    
Travis let go of his hands and Van could feel them moving up his body, to his face, one thumb briefly brushing his lips. Travis opened his eyes and leaned down to kiss him. "I missed this", he whispered. "I missed touching you. Kissing you and the way you react to everything I do." Travis moved further down, pulling Van on top of him and hissed, when he felt the weight on his ribs. "Fuck", he mumbled. "Did I hurt you?" Van asked and suited himself next to Travis. "No. I just forgot that I am still hurt."  
"Let's just cuddle, okay?” Van said with concern in his voice.  
"No Baby, I wanna feel you. I want to feel you everywhere."  
"Sounds like my man is horny."  
"Not exactly but I just want to be with you. In every kind of way."  
"But you are hurt. So, no sex."  
Travis pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Nice, broken ribs and a broken leg and six weeks without sex. Nice. Perfect summer."  
"Awww. Poor Prince Charming."  
They smiled at each other and Van kissed Travis cheek and pulled his own shirt over his head, then pulled off his clothes and started to undress Travis. "So, who is the horny one?” the artist smirked.  
"Well, what can I say, I have a sexy boyfriend that looked sad because he didn't get fucked enough. And it is my job to make him happy from now on."  
Travis shook his head and grabbed Van’s face and kissed him, before pulling his shirt off and toss it to the ground. Van hovered over Travis, looking down into his blue eyes. "You really sure you want this?"  
"I am. I want you lil' merman."  
"How do you want me?" Van didn't ask that because he wanted Travis to lead but because he wanted to make sure to have a position that wouldn't hurt him. And maybe because he was the least that should make decisions at the moment.  
"I want to see you. So either you ride me or missionary."  
"Hmm", Van said and started to kiss his way down from Travis neck, to his nipples and to his scar. He licked along the letters and kissed it. Then his mouth trailed down until he was between his friend’s legs and started to suck on his balls and licked along his cock. He grabbed for the lube and started to stretch himself, watching Travis, the whole time while he did it. "Fuck, Van, you are so hot."  
Van reacted by straddling Travis and then slowly sat down on his cock, which made them both moan.  
Travis hands rested on his hips and they looked at each other. Van started to move slowly and both of them closed their eyes for a moment. "Stop", Travis mumbled and Van stopped immediately and looked at his love. "Did I hurt you?"  
"No. Just...Come here." He opened his arms and Van tugged his hands under Travis shoulders and kissed him. Both of them started to move, finding a rhythm that made them both moan into each other’s mouth. "I love you", Travis whispered.  
"Marry me."  
"What?"  
Van stopped moving and looked at Travis. "I want to be yours. Completely."  
"Are you insane?"  
"Maybe. I just know that there is no one else on this planet for me. I want you. Nobody else."  
"Jesus, Van. You can't just...” Travis smiled and kissed him. Did he want this man forever? Fuck yes.  
Travis started to move faster and Van dropped the subject and moved too until they were both moaning and Van moved his torso up and Travis grabbed for his cock, jerking him off while he was riding him. It didn't take long for them to come and Van stood up and grabbed for his shirt and wiped them both clean. Then he sat own on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands and he started to cry. He didn't earn this man and of course Travis would say no if he ever asked him properly. Why would someone stay forever? Travis moved behind him, throwing his arms around him and kissing his neck.  
"What's wrong?"  
"You are too good for me. And hell having sex felt like heaven but also as if we forget that I nearly fucked up everything. That I took drugs and hell yeah I took more than I should have. But why did you come by the lake? I am still not over it. Why today?"  
"Because your Dad called me and told me how you were doing. He told me the only thing you need now is someone you love more than your Dad. That you need an anchor. When I came by the lake today I wanted to check on you but as soon as I saw you my own feelings overwhelmed me and I had to take you home. I know you still have signs of withdrawal and you are depressed but I want to be there for you. I am sorry if sex made it worth."  
"No. No it didn't. Just...I don't earn that trust and earn you."  
"Van, look at me."  
Van turned his head to look at the other man. "Stop thinking you are worthless because to me you are everything. Please, don't let this darkness consume you. I know you have to fight these feelings every day and I want to help but tell me how. How can I make you believe that I want to be with you forever and that I want to marry you someday?"  
The swimmer lifted his head up. "You still want that?"  
"Of course you moron. It is what I wanted since we were kids."  
"Gosh, I feel like I am in a rollercoaster."  
"Same. So, how about I grab you some water from the kitchen and then we cuddle and go to sleep."  
"Sounds good."  
After Van had drunk half the bottle, he cuddled himself behind Travis and whispered: "Sleep well, my lil' Picasso."  
"Good Night Merman."  
Instead of closing his eyes, Van watched over Travis. Watched his wonderful man, his light and hero. He didn't want to sleep but he did fall asleep and that with a smile because he only felt relaxed when he could feel Travis in his arms. 


	17. Chapter 16

They were enjoying their time together and Travis was working on something for college, while Van cooked and cleaned up. He was so glad to be back home with him and that Travis forgave him for what he did and he really needed to get better and not fuck up again. The morning he called his boss at the job and apologize but they already had someone new. He also had apologized to Mr. and Mrs. Anderson and explained what happened. The old couple was nice about it and let him cut the grass as apology.  
When Van walked out of the kitchen, he saw Travis sitting at their table and reading something and taking notes. He looked adorable when he was concentrated and the way he was rubbing his mouth with his fingers was making Van smile. He moved closer and started to run his fingers through Travis hair, who sighed and leaned back, so his head rested against Van's stomach. "We can eat in a few minutes. You better clean the table."  
"Okay", the artist said and grabbed after Van to pull him down for a kiss.   
Van pecked his lips and then walked back into the kitchen to get the food. When he came back the table was free and he sat their plates on it and Travis walked into the kitchen and got glasses and water for them.   
They ate without speaking much, just looking at each other and when Van was finished he brought the plates back into the kitchen and placed them in the sink. He was just about to let water in the sink when the doorbell rang.   
"I'll go", Travis yelled and hurried to the door.  
"Are you Van Thompson?” he heard someone ask. Van walked towards the door.    
"No, I am", he replied when he saw two police officers in front of it. "You are under arrest for driving drunk and robbing a shop. You need to come with us."  
"Robbing? I didn't do that. When?"  
"Two weeks ago on a Monday. We found the other two and they admitted it already. There was a third person and they said it was you. You need to come with us."  
"I can't remember doing it. This must be a mistake."  
The officer was tall, broad shoulders and looked like a bodybuilder. So Van nodded and went over, so they could take him to the police station. He looked over his shoulder to Travis, while they handcuffed him. Travis eyes were getting wet and he was biting his lip. Van's heart sank and he turned his head to follow the police officer that had talked to him downstairs. Maybe there was no home to come back to. If he really had robbed that shop while being on drugs, he couldn't remember it but for Travis it wouldn't matter. He couldn't ask him to forgive him that.   
Travis looked at the closed door and shook his head. What? Did the police just handcuff Van and took him away from him? What the fuck? Why does this always happen? Travis was crying and felt his heart sink. That couldn't be happening. He just had him back. He was sad and disappointed and all kinds of other things but what he was the most was frightened. What was he supposed to do? He had no idea. Call his Dad? Yeah, call Mr. Thompson.  
He wiped away the tears and ran downstairs to knock at the Anderson's door. When the old man opened the door, he looked shocked, when he saw Travis, crying and immediately let him in.  
"I'm...sorry...to bother...again...Can I call Van's Dad?"  
"Of Course! What happened?"  
"He was arrested. I don't know." Travis wiped away the next tears and Mrs. Anderson came over and gave him a tissue and both patted his shoulder. He nodded and then dialed the number he was used to call by now.  
"Mr. Thompson. It is me, Travis. They...the police...they arrested Van."  
"What? Why?"  
"For driving drunk and they said he robbed a shop with two others."  
"No. He won't do that. When?"  
"Two weeks ago. But he can't remember. What am I supposed to do?"  
"Let me call the station. I am his Dad, they will give me more information than you. I will call you back, okay?"  
"Yeah. I will wait by the phone."  
"Travis, you need to stay calm. And please, don't leave him alone."  
"No. No. I am not."  
"Okay. I will call you."  
Then the line was dead and Travis placed the speaker back to the station and looked at it. Mr. Anderson said: "Come, sit down and have some tea. Josey just made fruit tea."  
"Thanks for being so nice. We always make trouble."  
"No you don't. You are two young guys and we were aware that there would come some life into this house by letting you live here. Just know, that Van really had a hard time when you were gone. He looked like a walking corpse the first days and suddenly he was smiling all the time. We thought it might because of you but then figured that he was drinking. We were young too and know how it feels if you love someone so much that you can't survive a day without them, especially when someone else keeps you away from them. But the both of you need to find a way to make this work. Even if it means leaving others behind."  
"Thanks. Yeah. We need to talk about that."  
"Yeah."  
Travis drank the tea and Mrs. Anderson said: "And please, call us Jacob and Josey from now on."  
"Okay." Travis tried to smile but he was worried sick and afraid to lose Van, which made it feel awkward to smile at all.  
When the phone rang he jumped up and nearly stumbled over his own feet to get there.  
"It's Travis, you are calling Anderson's."  
"Travis, they told me that there is no evidence that Van was really involved in the robbery. They have videos but only see two people clearly and the third person was wearing black clothes and his face was never shown. It could be anyone. He will stay in jail for being drunk until someone bails him out."  
"What's the charges?"  
"200."  
"Okay. I will bail him out."  
"No, let me do it. He is my son."  
"We can talk about that some other time. I need to get him out in the morning. Thanks."  
"They told me if they find new evidence he has to come back to them."  
"Okay."  
"Travis, I know this may be the wrong time to say it, but I am very happy that you are there for him. You are such a nice boy."  
"I give my best."  
"Now let him stay the night there to clear his head. Maybe being in prison makes him think twice. He needs his lectures."  
"Yeah. Okay."  
"Bye."  
"Bye." Travis hung up and walked back to sit with Josey and Jacob. He smiled at himself and shook his head. His life was weird.  
"So, I will go upstairs and try to make my homework and then bail him out in the morning. Thanks, for everything, again. Can we ever make that up to you?"  
Josey laughed. "Yes. You could. Could you come down on Sunday and have cake and coffee with us? It's my birthday and it would be nice to have someone to bake for."  
"Josey, it will be our pleasure to visit you on your birthday."  
She smiled and Jacob walked Travis to the door. When they were out of her sight, he whispered: "What can we get her? I wanna give her a present."  
"Nothing, boy, she just wants someone to be happy about cake and coffee and tells her stories. We both do. When you are getting older, you don't care for presents. Maybe bring her some nice flowers and that's it."  
"Okay. You know, you two are amazing. I wish I had a family like this." Travis bit his lip, when he saw Jacob's eyes get watery.   
"We always wished for sons like the both of you. But life didn't treat us so well. Well, maybe you two are some kind of late wonder in our life." Travis shook his head and without knowing why, he hugged Jacob. "I wish there were more people like you."  
"There are. You just need to find them. And now go upstairs and do your homework and in the morning get your man back."  
Travis went upstairs and went into his art room, opened his supply cabinet and looked for the little box he had placed there. He opened it and looked at the money in it. Money he was saving since he came back from Paris. It was his secret art supply money. The money was supposed to be for a better scaffold and for those incredible watercolors he had tried in Paris. He took 200 out of it and placed them on the table in the living room. His man was more important than art.  
He cleaned up the dishes, that Van started to place in the sink before the police interrupted them and then went back to do his homework. His thoughts always circling about that man of his. Van wanted to marry him but they were still so young. Not even in their 20s. Travis smiled and stood up, leaving his homework alone to take out some pictures he had made before he broke his leg. Before they broke up. They had made some together and he looked at them as a couple. They looked great. Van with the blonde hair, the light blue eyes and that smile that could melt hearts and him, with the dark hair and the darker eyes. They looked good together and they were good for each other. Then he took the picture out, that he had made in High school and that had kept him going through the weeks he spent in Paris. Oh yes, he was so going to marry this guy, even so gay marriage wasn't that common and it didn't matter that he would lose people and that they would be alone forever. Nothing mattered. Only their love.  
He took a book from his shelf and flipped through it, because unlike other guys, he wanted a perfect wedding. And when he was younger he already had ideas how it should look. He knew it was cheesy and a bit weird but he wanted an ocean themed wedding someday. And someday he would tell Van about that but first they had to get better and had to grow up a bit more. Yes, he loved him but Van needed to fix some things in his life first, before Travis was giving in to him. Even so he would want to marry him right away, but one of them had to be the adult in the relationship and even so it surprised him that he was the adult, he would most likely play that role. As an artist you are pretty much a child all the time but with a man like Van you had to be an adult. Travis chuckled. His life was all kinds of amazing and the word boring was crossed out in his vocabulary.  
Travis stood up and flipped through his paintings and took two canvases out and started to redecorate the flat. An hour later he was done hanging up new pictures and he sat down to paint a new one for their bedroom. Up until now there was not one picture in it because he always thought there was no need for it but now he thought it might be nice to make the room a bit chillier. So he painted the lake on a really big canvas. He painted it in fall colors, because he always loved the light that was falling down on the water and the colored trees around it. Also he decided it would be good to buy paint and color the bedroom wall blue.  
He needed to distract himself, to not think about Van, who was sitting in a cell, maybe with scary other people and was all alone without him. Maybe feeling sad, maybe spiraling down, and maybe thinking he had lost him. Travis knew he had said he wouldn't forgive him anything else but what he did was in the past and he didn't remember it. So he already forgave him the minute he walked over to the police officer and looked over his shoulder to watch him. He knew Van's biggest fear was to lose him and he was not letting that happen. Because one thing was for sure, he loved Van more than anything else on this planet, even more than himself. And if he had to keep dealing with this bullshit forever, he would. Because another thing he was sure about was, that Van loved him just as much.  
And wasn't love the most important thing in life?

 

* * *

  
Van was sitting in the cell together with some guy that looked like an old sick pirate who had drunk too much rum and with a guy that belonged to some sort of gang. And there was this other guy who was watching him, like he was a hunter, spying on his prey. They told him as soon as someone pays for him he can get out or else he had to stay a week or something. And he hoped that Travis would get him out soon. He felt more than uncomfortable here. What if Travis didn't bail him out? What if he had lost him? Van stood up and started to walk from the left to the right and was biting his nails.   
"Stop it. You make me nervous. Sit down or I punch you"; the guy belonging to a gang said.  
"Fuck you. I don't want to sit."  
"Don't you think it is a bit stupid to annoy me?” the big guy responded.  
Van shrugged. "I am not afraid of you and we are in a police station. You can't do anything to me."  
The guy was standing in front of Van and Van just looked at him. It was true, he was not afraid to be punched or whatever but afraid to never see his boyfriend again. Never kiss him again. He just had him back.  
He rolled his eyes and sat back down to make the guy calm down and think he won. And he really couldn't use any more trouble.    
Van couldn't sleep the whole night, even when the others did. He was looking at the door, waiting for his man or his Dad or someone to bail him out. He promised himself to never do something stupid like this again.  
It was early in the morning when someone walked in and he smiled, when he saw Travis, wearing Jeans, a black cardigan, the black leather string around his neck, black boots and his red scarf. Travis was waiting for the Police Officer to look at him.  
"What can I do for you?"  
"I want to bail my friend out."  
"Which one? The Pirate, the fake-biker, the scary one or the cute one?"  
"The cute one, of course. 200, right?"  
"Yeah. And you need to sign some papers."  
"I will do that, but first get him out there."  
Van smiled and the officer opened the door. "Mr. Thompson, seems like your stay at our luxury room is over and you can go home now."  
"Thank you", Van replied and nodded. He walked over to Travis, keeping his distance to make sure he was really welcome. Travis grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. The officer was looking at some papers and was standing with his back to them. Travis used that second to place a kiss on Van's cheek. "You okay?” he whispered.  
"Yeah. You?"  
"I am. Now."  
They smirked at each other and Van pressed their hands together. Travis let go of it, to sign the papers and when Van had his belongings back, they walked out, hand in hand, which made the guys in the cell whistle and Travis laughed. "Seems like you made some friends."  
"Nah. They are jealous that I have the best boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. And the hottest. Man, you look all kind of hot today and I have some naughty thoughts."  
"That's no news. You always have naughty thoughts my lil' Merman."  
They kissed in front of Travis car and Van had both his hands on Travis face.  
"I am so sorry that happened."  
"Yeah. I know. I am just glad you didn't murder someone."  
"And you still want to be with me?"  
"Van...I want to be with you...forever", he mumbled the last part but Van heard him anyways and pressed him to his chest. "Does this mean...?” Van whispered.  
"My answer is still the same. Yes. But later."  
"I can deal with later."  
They kissed one last time and then went into the car and drove home. Van's eyes closing every other minute and his hand lying on Travis knee. His man had bailed him out. When they were home he stepped out of his clothes and took a short shower, feeling dirty from prison and then sat down next to Travis, who was in his art room. "Trav' is it okay if I lay down? I didn't sleep all night."  
"Of Course sweetheart. You know what? We should go to the sea some day? Maybe a couple of days where it is just the two of us. What do you think?"  
"I would like that but we need money. I am getting a new job tomorrow. Okay?"  
"Yes, yes merman. And I decided we need to paint our wall in the bedroom. Let's grab some paint later."  
Travis was still painting on the big lake canvas and Van looked down on it. "I like the picture"; he mumbled.  
"It's our lake. Your home. I thought it would be nice to have it in the bedroom."  
"I love that you think about those things. How you can make our life warm and lovely. And I am sorry, that I am always such a disappointment." Van had tears in his eyes. He was too exhausted to hold them back and when Travis noticed them, he stood up and took his man in his arms, wiping away the tears. "Van, I was disappointed for a minute but you know what I was then? Frightened and worried. I was scared you did something horrible and they would keep you in jail. I was worried that something might happen to you while you are there. Like getting raped or whatever. I love you so much, that I am more worried about you, than about my own heart. I know it is wrong but all I want is to see you happy."  
"And I want to see you happy but I am so afraid that I am also the reason you are not."  
"But I am. Because I have you."  
"Can you...oh man...” Van wiped his tears away and looked out of the window, took a deep breath and then looked back at Travis.  
"What is it?” he wanted to know.  
"Can you lie down with me? I don't want to be alone."  
Travis face turned from worried to a face that just had seen something precious and he nodded, took Van's hand and led him to the bedroom. He stepped out of his clothes, only leaving on boxers, just like Van and then crawled under the blanket, opening his arms for Van. Van rested his head on Travis chest and tangled them together. He was home.  
Travis kissed his head and played with his fingers and hair, caressing his neck and back, until Van's breathing evened out and he was sleeping. Travis closed his eyes, too, because he was tired as well. Without Van he hadn't slept all night and now he was so glad to have him in his arms, make sure he was safe. Make sure their hearts had time to connect a bit more. 


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there :)
> 
> Here is a new chapter. It is quiet a long one :)

The artist woke up when he felt a hand in his hair and on his chin and a mouth placing kisses on his chest. Van was already awake and was watching Travis sleep. He would never get over the cuteness of Travis' sleeping face. He could call him Sleeping Beauty. He chuckled to himself. "What is so funny?"  
"Nothing. I just thought about a new nickname for you."  
Travis opened his eyes and shot him a look. "And what would that be?"  
"Sleeping Beauty."  
Travis snorted and shook his head. "If you call me that I will call you Romeo or Prince of Hearts or tramp."  
"Tramp?"  
"Yeah, like in "Lady and the tramp"."  
"Disney again?" Travis nodded and smirked, while his hand was tickling Van's neck.   
"So, Prince Charming, what did you dream about?"  
"Why?"  
"Because you looked hell of cute and peaceful."  
Travis blushed and felt his stomach flip. "I, uhm....we were at the beach."  
Van eyed him suspicious. "At the beach?"  
"Yeah?” Travis replied and blushed even more, hoping his friend wouldn't notice the hard on he had.   
"What were we doing?"  
"Collecting shells?” his voice sounded too high and Van's hand moved from his chin to his stomach and further down, until he found his cock.   
"Hmmm. Shells, huh?” he asked and his thumb moved over the tip of Travis dick. Only the fabric of his underwear was between his friends hand and his erection and when he looked down on himself and then back to Van, he whispered: "I dreamt you would fuck me at the beach."  
"Hmmm. How did I do it?” Van asked and started to suck on Travis nipple, one hand still cupping Travis erection and one in his hair.  
"Like I did with you. When you wanted me to take care of you. My back to your chest, your hand around my neck and you were jerking me off, while thrusting into me."  
Travis swallowed and grabbed into Van's hair. Latter moved, so he was straddling Travis, making sure he wouldn't sit on him, remembering the broken rips. He licked along Travis neck, which made him shiver and Travis hands went to his hips, digging his fingers into the flesh. He noticed that Van, too, was hard.  
"What did you dream about?"  
Van placed a kiss on his lips and said: "About you. You were angry with me and punished me. You had tied me up to the bed and your red scarf was around my face, only my mouth open and you made me suck your dick and teased me but wouldn't let me come."  
Travis cock reacted very happy about those thoughts and both of them stopped teasing for a moment and just looked at each other. Van was sure Travis would stop now and tell him that he wanted only to cuddle. Maybe to punish him more, to show him that it wasn't okay what he did. Travis thought he was dying when he heard Van's words. Why does he always want to be punished? "Sweetheart?"  
"Yeah. I understand. I am sorry. We should...” Van placed himself next to his friend and tugged his hand under his head and closed his eyes. Curled up into himself. Travis bit his lip and thought that this was such a sad view. He closed the distance between them and kissed Van's forehead. "I love you, but can you tell me, why you always want to be punished? Yeah, you did bad things, I get it and yeah you like it rough sometimes and that is okay but I don't want to punish you for things that I don't even know of. I want you Van and I want to make you happy and if you really want me to tie you up and play with you, I will, but don't always say that I should punish you. I am no punisher. I love you, okay? So, what is going on in that beautiful head?"  
Van opened his eyes. "I am a bad person. I have failed you again. I am the reason you had to cry again. I am the reason you got beaten up and the reason someone carved letters into your skin. I am the reason you will never be happy and I should get my penalty. I love you and all I do is make you worry and sad and the only thing I can do is apologize and show you, that you can do to me whatever you want."  
Van opened his eyes and was biting his lip again. Something he did more often since yesterday. Travis sighed and replied: "You should know that even so you make me cry and worry and even so you do stupid stuff sometimes, I love you and I won't ever do something to you because you think you deserve to be punished. I love you Van and you make me happy. You know what really makes me sad? When you are sad and right now, seeing you like this, breaks my heart. I want to make you happy, too and since I found you drugged, I think...maybe...Maybe I am not enough for you. Maybe I can't make you happy and maybe you can't fix me. We need to fix ourselves but please let me love you the way I want to and please never make me hurt you. I am not someone who likes to hurt people. And my punishment would be cuddling and watching Disney movies until you are a sobbing mess and beg me to stop." Travis smiled and Van huffed. "Sorry I killed the mood."  
"Jesus, Van. Stop that fucking apologizing crap, okay? How do you think I would feel having sex with you and you feel shitty? What a boyfriend would I be then? Moron." Travis moved back to laying on his back. Lying on the side hurt too much.   
Van lifted his head and snuggled up to Travis, his head on Travis' shoulder, so he could whisper into his ear. "Thank you."  
"Let's just stay in bed all day."  
"Sounds good to me. But I have to go to the bathroom and I need something to drink. Can I get you anything, too?"  
"There should be apple juice in the kitchen. Maybe a glass of that."  
"Okay." Van kissed Travis cheek and stood up to leave the room.  
When he came back into the room, Travis was leaning against the headboard, his legs crossed and reading a magazine. Van stopped walking and just stood in the room, watching him and smirked to himself. How did he manage to get such a cute man? Travis was scratching his growing beard and his eyes left the paper to look at Van instead. "Do you wanna grow roots there or do I get my juice?"  
"I was just staring at my favorite piece of art."  
Travis huffed. "Stop it. I am just a normal built dude with a belly and hairs in the face. So where the fuck is art in that?"  
Travis of course knew what Van was thinking, but sometimes it was nice hearing it.   
Van gave Travis his juice and as soon as his friend had placed the glass on the nightstand, he started to kiss him, still tasting the sweet drink on his lips. "You are so handsome my Prince Charming. Your shoulders, your arms, your chest." Van was whispering into Travis ear while touching the said parts with his hands. "I love the way your hair curls in your neck when it is wet and I think it is hot how you scratch your beard." Van stroke over the facial hair and pecked Travis lips, who now tossed the magazine on the ground and started to wrap his arms around his friend, who was moving down and kissed his stomach. "I love that you don't have a sixpack. Makes you even more cute and soft and it fits. You wouldn't look like yourself with muscles everywhere. Even so you are very well built." Van smiled and moved further down. "I love your legs that literally would walk everywhere to save me." Van was now between Travis legs and his arms were holding his weight, so he was over Travis face. Then he whispered: "And I can't get enough of your wonderful blue eyes and the way you look at me. And I want to kiss those lips forever but most importantly I think you are a piece of art because of your soul and heart. You are kind and sweet but I know you can be different, too. I have seen you this morning in the police station, when you walked in like you are the most confident person on this planet. Claiming your property back. That look on your face, when you told the officer to get me out of the cell was so hot and made my stomach flip."  
Travis grabbed Vans hands and moved them over his head, together with his, which made Van lie down on his chest and kiss his neck, gently biting down on his earlobe. Van laughed when Travis trusted his hips up, hard as a rock. "So, you do like this sweet talking, huh?"  
"Fuck, you knew what you were doing."  
"Of course I did. I meant the words but I knew you get hard pretty fast."  
Travis claimed Van's mouth and moved his hands back to his hips and pressed his fingers into the flesh. He knew he was leaving bruises there but he also knew that Van liked them. He had seen him in the bathroom, when he was looking at them and smiling. He stopped kissing him and whispered: "Good I know how to get you hard."  
"Let me take care of you", Van mumbled while placing a kiss on Travis mouth. Latter moved up, so that Van was sitting on his lap. Then Van tried to stand up but Travis hold him back, so he could pull Van's briefs down and he was lined up with his cock. He swirled his tongue around it, while Van steadied himself with one hand on Travis shoulder and one in his hair, gently pulling on his hair. Travis took Van's dick in his mouth and started to suck, which made Van moan and move his hips back and forth. He then moved, so Travis wouldn't suck him off completely, moved so he could pull down Travis briefs as well. He licked along the length of the erection and sucked on his balls. "Turn around, sexy."  
Travis kissed Van and then turned around. Van grabbed the lube and started to move his fingers over Travis entrance. Spreading the liquid over it and then gently pushed the tip of his finger in. Then he moved it out and started to lick him and Travis breathing was getting faster and he spit out an aroused "fuck", his hands grabbing into the sheets.   
Van stopped and stretched Travis some more and then placed himself on his back and made Travis lie down on his body. His heels flat on Van's legs and his head next to his. Van pushed slowly in and looked at Travis. His cheeks were light red and his eyes darkened from lust. Van started to move his hands up and down his friend’s body and massaged his tights. He didn't move in a while, only touching Travis and kissing him. "Please, Van", his friend begged and Van started to move and fuck was this position good. He knew why Travis liked it so much. His eyes never left his lovers eyes. Van moved one hand to Travis throat and softly choked him. Just a bit and Travis moaned, which made Van kiss him and thrust faster into him. His other hand now grabbing the erection and jerking Travis off. He loved the look on Travis face and he felt himself coming close to his orgasm so he stopped moving and his hand was moving faster on Travis cock, until he could feel him coming and so he started to move again, which caused Travis to groan louder and Van moved his hand from his throat to his mouth, to cover it. Travis came short after that, bucking his back up and Van thrusted harder and was coming, too, but bit his lip and hid his face on Travis shoulder. They were both panting and placed little kisses on each other.   
Until Travis snickered. "Sorry, I am always coming so fast. You are so hot and this felt so amazing."  
"Shut up. No apologizing for having an early orgasm. We practically were hard since hours."  
"Yeah."  
Van silenced Travis by pushing his tongue in his mouth and he let his member slip out of Travis. He wrapped his arms around him and as soon as they stopped kissing, he voiced: "I love you."  
"Same."  
"We should do this more often. It is a great position."  
"I do like it, too. Both ways."  
Van sighed and closed his eyes while snuggling his head to Travis. He felt a hand in his hair and neck and felt Travis move on top of him, lying down on his chest and gluing them together with the cum on his belly.   
"Van? Are you alright?"  
"Yeah. I am. Now I am. I missed you so much and I was so lonely without you. You wanna know why I took the drugs?"  
"Tell me."  
"Because I was afraid that when you were on your own in your room and when you had time to think you won't come back to me. Because I wouldn't come back to myself, if I had a choice. There is nothing I can give you and you deserve better. You just...Man, I fucking love you so much I would let you go if you found someone better. All I want is for you to be happy but when your Dad told me that he rather wanted you to be with another guy than me, I knew that this would happen someday. Someday you are going to find someone better. And the feeling made me so angry that I wanted to drown it in alcohol but it didn't work, so I numbed it with weed but after a while it didn't help and so I took the drugs. I was missing you so badly and felt as if I already lost you. And I can't...I just simply can't lose you." Van opened his eyes and looked at Travis.  
"Van...I don't know how I can assure you that I won't go anywhere. When you stopped coming I thought something happened and I cried all the time because I missed you. And stop saying you are not good enough for me. You are. Goddammit you idiot! Can't you just accept that you are the best thing in my life? I would give up painting for you and me...” Travis sighed and rested his head on Van's shoulder. "My Dad brought me here and I told him I won't come home again. Never. He said he would still pay my bills but wants me to get a job right after college and then...I don't have parents anymore. They made me decide between you and them. I made my decision and I don't regret it. Can't you see that I am doing all those things for you?"  
"Fuck, Trav'. see...Just because I exist you had to make this decision. I wish we had never met at the lake. I wish you would have fallen for someone better. I love you and I am trying to be the man you see in me. I hope I don't disappoint you. I love you, everything. Oh god, baby...can we make a deal? Talk about such stuff? You should have told me about your family. You should have. And another rule: No more sex this week. This is not a fuck relationship."  
"What? Are you insane? We didn't have sex for weeks. Excuse me that I want to feel my man inside of me."  
"Puuuuuuuuuuuh. I am glad you say that."  
Both chuckled but then looked serious at each other and Van kissed Travis. "We should shower and put on some clothes and I am getting hungry."  
"Let me cook today, okay?"  
"Okay. What do you want me to do?"  
"Relax."  
"Hmm. sounds boring."  
They stood up and Van grabbed Travis and carried him to the bathroom, both laughing. "Someday you hurt yourself when you carry me that much."  
"It's training for when we get married."  
"Oh man. You are not dropping that subject, huh?"  
"Nope. Because I want to be yours."  
"You are and I am yours."  
They showered and put on clothes and Travis was in the kitchen, making a soup with fresh ingredients and as dessert pudding. Van was standing next to him and Travis told him to put music on and place the plates on the table.   
When Van came back into the kitchen, he played with his hands and looked nervous. "Can I ask you something?"  
"Yeah. Sure."  
Travis was stirring the soup and Van sighed. "The money. Where did you get the money?"  
Damn. Travis had hoped that he wouldn't ask. But of course he would.  
"Does that matter?"  
"Yes. I wanna pay it back."  
"When I was in Paris I saw some awesome things and I was saving money to buy them. Like a better scaffold and brushes."  
"So this was the money you saved for your art supplies?"  
"Yeah." Travis sideyed Van and when he saw the look on his friend’s face he turned to him and grabbed his hands. "Listen, I can save more money. You don't need to pay me back. You bought a table and all the other stuff from money you earned. So we are even."  
"No. No. You still would have the money if I wasn't such a moron. Please let me pay it back."  
"No. It is alright. I still have some money saved and can buy the brushes someday. And I will find a job, too. Maybe at that art store in town. I heard they give you stuff cheaper when you work there."  
"But you have to study."  
"I can do both."  
Van shook his head and left the room, sitting down on the table and resting his head in his hands. Travis was busy with the soup and Van was glad Travis wouldn't see the tears he was crying, again. He felt like he was turning into a whiny little kid again but he was strong for so long and now he felt like everything was coming out of him but he had to be strong for Travis. Had to be better. He wiped away the tears and went back into the kitchen, snaking his arms around Travis waist, his hands under Travis shirt to touch his stomach.  
"Ah and we need a present for Josey. She invited us to her birthday on Sunday. I love them. Jacob told me that they always wanted kids but never had the luck to get sons and that we are like the sons they always wanted."  
"Wow. They are amazing and we should totally get her something. Any idea?"  
"Jacob told me she likes flowers. But I want something else but don't know what."  
"She loves to bake, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"Maybe we can buy her anything for that."  
"Yeah but I guess she has everything she needs."  
"Hm. OH I KNOW!"  
Van suddenly was all excited. "What?” Travis asked.  
"They don't come out a lot and Jacob told me that they weren't able to go anywhere over the last years. We could drive to the lake with them and have a Picnic at the little hiding spot. And we can sit in the boat and get on the water."  
Travis turned around and smiled. "I love you. God you are wonderful. Such a sweet idea. We need to make a list what we need for the Picnic. And we should tell Jacob about the plan. Just to make sure we don't do anything that they can't at their age."  
"Yes. Oh! OH! And I could call my Dad and ask him to make this delicious pancakes he used to make me when I was there. He learned to cook. He is doing so much better since I am away. Maybe he comes too? You think the Anderson's would like that?"  
"Yes they would. Jacob said they don't have anyone left in their life. Guess they will appreciate that. Gosh, this is gonna be so sweet. And I wanted to paint her some flowers for their living room. They don't have a lot of pictures."  
"Yes. We do that. Ha, we are a perfect team." Van smiled and kissed Travis neck.  
"Nice you noticed that, too now. Babe, can you go into my art room and grab my backpack? Place it on the bed. We will need it after dinner. And grab the book from the desk, too. And if you want, choose the size of the canvas for Josey's picture."  
"Yes, Sir." Van slapped Travis ass and went over to the art room and looked for an empty canvas with a nice size. He chose one that wasn't too big but not too small either and was quadratic. He placed it on Travis old scaffold and looked around. His next paycheck will completely be invested in art supplies. His friend could complain as much as he wanted. Then he grabbed the stuff Travis asked him to get and walked to the bedroom and placed them next to the bed.

* * *

 

After dinner, they sat down on the bed and Van was already wondering what Travis had in mind. Then he pulled open and gave him two sketchbooks that were inside of it. "Look. That's what I did when I was at my parents’ house."  
Van opened the first book and read the entry that was on the first page. "For Van - The love of my life."  
He turned the page and saw a drawing of the lake and him sitting there, smoking. It was from the day Travis came to the lake to talk to him. Van looked at every single page in the sketchbook and it was a complete collection of drawings from the past month. Travis had only him on his mind, always. He could see that, even so he doesn't know why. When he turned the last page, he saw a drawing of him, lying in bed, and Travis had placed a date on it. It was from the day he had found him drugged. Under the picture Travis had written "I love you, even when you break my heart."  
Van rubbed his eyes that were getting wet again and Travis gave him the third book. "That's what I did when you were at your Dad's place. When I missed you like hell."  
This time there were pictures of Travis and they were much darker because every single one was too sad. And the last one was from yesterday. He had painted Van in handcuffs and him staying behind. Van read the lines that were written on it. "We are the worst kind of perfection and we are the best kind of flaws and only with him I feel alive. I shouldn't love him like I do, like I am 13 and obsessed but I do. And no one is taking him away from me. I will get him back."  
Van closed the book and pressed it to his chest. He didn't understand why he couldn't just accept Travis love. Maybe because he never had someone that meant it. Maybe because he was told so many times that he was worthless. But every time he heard Travis say it he knew he meant it. And now after those pictures he knew but still...why did he feel so weird?  
Travis was wiping his tears away and kissed Van's forehead.  
"There is something else I want you to see."  
Travis took Van's hand and pulled him to the art room and gave him the book where he had collected ideas for a wedding. Ocean themed. Because he always imagined marrying Van at the beach. Van opened the book and read "My wedding plans" and looked at Travis. "What?"  
"I made this when I was 13 or something. When we were in school. Just...maybe you realize how long I feel like this and that I will do everything to keep you."  
Van flipped through the pages and couldn't help but laugh, when he was done. "You will have this wedding. I will make this happen. You will wear the white and me the blue suit and the red scarf."  
"Do you have a thing for that scarf?"  
"Yeah."  
"And just to say it, when we started to date, I thought that I am not good enough for you. That I am not hot enough, not cute enough, not enough. And I still think that sometimes. Just like you I had a bad past and think the worst things of me. But all I know is I want to believe you and want to be with you. So please, don't go crazy again because you think I deserve better."  
"Okay."  
"And now enough of that talking. Let us go for a walk and get some fresh air and then crawl back to bed and sleep. And grab blue paint at the store."  
"Okay."  
That's what they did. They went to the park and watched the sun go down and then went back to their flat after buying paint and snuggled in bed. Both of them were still exhausted from the lack of sleep and so they fall asleep pretty fast in each other’s arms.

* * *

 

The next couple of days Van looked for a new job and found one at a motorcycle shop, where he would start next Monday. Travis was busy with college and painting for Josey and Van had bought things for the picnic and talked to his Dad and the Anderson's a lot. He had cleaned their flat and cooked dinner. Every day feeling a bit better, but still having doubts about himself and about being with Travis. He was so afraid to do something wrong and sometimes he felt so empty and numb, especially when his love was not around. He even had started to watch Disney movies while Travis was in class and he had started to read some of Travis books but couldn't concentrate enough.  
It was Friday and Travis was invited to an art workshop right after class and would come home at ten in the evening, so Van decided to walk to town and buy a magazine about bikes and maybe something nice for Trav'. He was wearing his black wifebeater and a jacket over it and his camouflage pants. Sometimes he thought he should start wearing nicer clothes for Travis. As soon as they had some money they both should go shopping at the mall. Just like a normal couple.  
He found the magazine in the first shop and then walked along the street, looking into the windows, to find something for Travis and when he saw a little shop with art supplies, he walked in and looked around. A guy with piercings and tattoos was rearranging the brushes and pencils. He looked at him. "Gimme a moment and I'll help ya", he said.  
"Don't hurry man. I am not sure what I want."  
"Okay. Just look around then."  
Van walked through the store and looked around. He had no idea of such things and then went to the back where they had scaffolds and he looked at the price tags. Okay, the big one, which looked best to him and like it wasn't about to break when a Canvas was standing on it and that hat a holder for brushes, too, was expensive as hell but he was sure in six month he could buy it for Travis. For now he needed something cheaper. He had his last savings in hand. He walked over to that guy.  
"Hey, uhm, I think I need help."  
"Okay." The guy placed all things he had in hand on the ground and then smiled at Van. "How can I help ya?"  
"I need something for a friend. He studies art and usually draws or uses acrylic colors. I don't know. I just want something."  
"Ha! Wait, I think I know you. I study art, too. Are you related to Travis?"  
Van laughed. "Oh, no but he is my friend which I want to buy something for."  
"Strange dude, you two look so alike. Both cute like fuck and those shoulders." The guy wiggled his eyebrows and Van coughed.  
"Well, uhm, thanks, I guess?"  
"That's why he didn't wanna go out with me."  
"What?"  
"Yeah man! First week at college we had to work in groups at a project and my senses told me he was completely into guys but when I asked him if he wanted to go out, he said that he was seeing someone. He broke my heart."  
"Aww. I am sorry. But it wasn't me he was seeing."  
"Oh. But you are now."  
"Yeah. And he is great. So what can I get him?"  
"Follow me." Van followed him to the back of the store where they had some pencils from a German brand "Faber Castell" and the guy showed him a pack of it. "He always looks at these when he is here but then stops himself from buying them and buys some other stuff instead. But I know he wants to try them. They are pencils you can use on wet undergrounds or draw with them and then make them look like Aquarell by brushing water over the drawing. He told me he wanted them for when he was outside at his home at the lake."  
"Okay. Those sound amazing and I can see him painting the lake in front of my house with those. So, how much?"  
The guy told him the price and Van smiled and nodded. "Good. Thanks. I will take them."  
"Cool. By the way, my name is Benjamin."  
"I am Van."  
"Nice to meet you. And take good care of your precious man." He winked and Van walked out of the shop, smiling to himself.   
He was just about to walk home, when someone called him. He turned around to see some guys of the swimming team and he rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"  
"Apologize."  
"Fuck. I don't need that. Just leave me alone."  
"When I say I want to apologize then I do", Cal told him.  
"Yeah. And I said, leave me alone."  
When Cal laid a hand on him, he placed his backpack to the ground, carefully, so the pencils won't break and then turned around and punched the other guy. Soon it escalated and he was in a fight with four guys, until they stopped hitting on him because he was laughing. "God, he is crazy, let's go", Cal commanded and the others did as they were told. Van just laughed on. Then grabbed his bag and walked home. He tasted blood on his lips and his eye was swollen. He saw down on his hands, which were swollen, too. He shrugged and walked into their flat, smiling and whistling as if it was the best day of his life.  
Travis was waiting for him and dropped the magazine when he saw his friend.  
"What happened?"  
"Nothing. Got into a little wrestling session with some of the swimmers."  
"That looks horrible. Come on, let me see." Travis looked at his friends face and Van let him. He sat down at the table and Travis brought him something to cool his eye.    
"So, why did they hit you?"  
"Same stuff as usual. But they look like I do. I fought back."  
"I bet you did." Travis sat down on Van's lap and kissed his forehead. "But be careful. Don't want something to happen to you."  
"No worries. I feel good. Actually I went out and bought something for you."  
"For me?"  
Van nodded. "Give me my backpack."  
Travis stood up and gave Van his backpack and Van opened it to get the pencils. Then he gave them to Travis and Travis sat down on his lap again. "You bought those...but...how did you know?"  
"Benjamin."  
Travis eyebrows rose and he smirked. "Thank you. But those are too expensive. You shouldn't have spent the money."  
"It was my last money but I needed to buy them. But how about you tell me about Benjamin. He told me he wanted to go out with you but you told him you were seeing someone. So who was that? Because sure as hell wasn't me."  
Wow, Van heard himself speak and he didn't think he would get jealous when someone wanted to date his man. Even so that was before they started to date.  
"I thought it might be the best way to get rid of him. He is nice but nothing compared to you."  
"So you lied to him? But why? He looks cute and you could have dated him and you could have fun. Baby, you waited for me all this time and you never knew I was into guys. Hell I never knew I was into you."  
"Yeah, well...” Travis looked down on the pencils in his hands.  
"What?” Van said a bit softer.  
"I was waiting for someone that was more amazing than you and I would have waited my whole life. But I am glad I didn't have to wait that long. And I am glad I had my first time with you, not someone else."  
Van wrapped his arms around his man and kissed his cheek. "So, do you like the pencils?"  
"Fuck yeah. Thank you." Travis kissed Van and gently stroked his swollen eye and lips, which made Van close his eyes. He knew it was sick but he felt better now that he was bruised but still he didn't feel bruised enough. He didn't even feel any pain. Not compared to what he felt inside.


	19. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to upload a new chapter! I was busy and yesterday I simply forgot.

Travis was painting their bedroomwall blue and when Van walked in he started laughing. "Oh God Picasso, what are you doing? Painting the wall or yourself?"   
"Why?"   
Travis looked confused down on himself.   
Van came nearer. "You have blue hair and there is paint in your face and on your clothes."   
"Yeah, so?"   
Travis smirked and continued. Van had put on old clothes and joined him. "Am I allowed to help?"   
"Hmmm. I don't know. I am afraid you would paint the wall in stripes." Travis coked him an eyebrow and Van pouted.   
"Pff. Then don't complain when you need until three in the morning."   
Van turned around and started to leave, when Travis grabbed after him. Forgetting that he had paint on his hands.   
"Oh damn! Now you ruined my shirt."   
"It was ruined anyway. It's ugly."   
"Ugly? I liked it."   
"And your hair...Ewww." Travis rubbed blue color into Van's hair.   
"Dammit. You always make me dirty."   
Both of them started to laugh and Travis said: "Come on then, help me and then I will rinse you in the shower."   
They painted the wall, sharing kisses inbetween and Van thought this was the best thing about moving in with Travis. It had taken them a while to find furniture and the right colors but now the had a blue wall and it looked extremly good. Just like the artist who had the idea. Van stopped painting and looked at his man. He was wearing his blue overall he always wore when he was painting and he could see that he had no shirt underneath it.   
"What are you staring at?"   
"You."   
"And why?" Travis shot Van a look of amusement.   
"Did I ever tell you that I love your overalls?"   
"No. Why?"   
Van walked over and opened the zipper on Travis overall, took the brush frm his friends hand and striped the overall down to Travis waist. He started to kiss his shoulder. "Easy access", he whispered.   
"Sweetheart...we are never gonna finish this if you tease me again."   
"Hmm. I would rather paint you with something white."   
"Van..", Travis half complained and half moaned, when Van started to suck on his neck.   
"It's your fault that you are wearing nothing underneath those things."   
"I'm not the horny one here."   
Van stopped and turned away. "Okay. Got it. Let's paint."   
An hour later they were done painting and Travis cleaned the supplies and oepned the window so the color would dry.   
Van was already under the shower and Travis knew Van was disappointed that he had turned him down but he would apologize soon and he had an idea how.   
He climbed into the shower and got down on his knees as soon as he saw Van's erection, taking him in his mouth.   
“Travis...I don't...uuuh..”,Van tried to argue with him but failed, when Travis started to spread him with his fingers and was hitting his prostate while giving him a blowjob and how could he not like seeing his man down on his knees.   
Travis stopped when he had spread Van enough and then moved behind him and pushed in. “I'm sorry about earlier. God, you make me so horny all the time.”  
He started to move in and out and soon they were both moaning, the warm water running down their bodies, making the shower steamy and hot.  
It was a quick adventure and after they came, they showered themselves and Van carried Travis to the couch, sitting down, so his friend was straddling him.  
“I love you Travis. I just can't leave my hands off of you.”  
“And you don't need to.”  
Their saturday ended with a lot of love making and falling asleep naked on the new couch, that Travis had bought while Van was gone.

* * *

  
Sunday came fast and Travis was wearing a black Jeans, a black shirt and a red tie, while Van was wearing blue Jeans, a blue shirt and a blue tie. He looked into the mirror and mumbled some unnoticeable words. "What are you mumbling?"  
"I look horrible and stupid. Can't I wear one of your shirts? I only have that one and I don't like it. Can I borrow one of yours?"  
"Sure sweetheart. You don't need to ask."  
Van walked over to their wardrobe and kissed Travis who was putting a belt on. He flipped through the five fancy shirts Travis had and couldn't decide.  
"TRAAAAAV! HELP!” he said louder than needed, which made Travis laugh.   
"Oh boy, we really need to go shopping." Travis grabbed the grey shirt from the wardrobe and a black tie. "Do you have a black jeans or something?"  
"Yeah. I do."  
"Put them on." Van looked for it and changed into the black one. Travis was opening the buttons on the grey shirt and then held it so Van could slip into it. Then Travis started to close the buttons and smiled, when Van ran his fingers through his hair. He also put the tie around his neck and made sure the collar was hiding the string. He looked at Van and sighed. "You look so good."  
"And you look like sin. I wanna rip those clothes off."  
"Nah. Maybe later. But you can kiss me."  
"Nah. Maybe later." Van imitated his boyfriend and turned around to get his shoes. When he turned back Travis was looking into the mirror and Van approached him, standing right beside him. They looked good together and for some reason he thought he should grow the dye out of his hair. He was naturally blonde but had lightened it with a brighter shade.   
"We look good together", he whispered into Travis ear.  
"I was thinking the same thing."  
"Now, come on." Van took Travis hand in his and walked him to the living room, lifting up the basket with the food and Travis took the car keys from the board. They walked down and rang the doorbell. Jacob opened the door and looked at both of them and smiled. "Come in." Then he turned around and walked over to Josey who was sitting on the sofa. "Look Josey. The boys are here."  
"Hello Josey. Happy Birthday", Travis said and hugged the old lady.  
"From me, too", Van added and gave her a kiss on the cheek which made the old lady blush.  
"Thank you", she said and stood up. "Let me get you cake."  
"No. Thanks. Actually we should pack the cake into our car. We are going to have a Picnic.” Van explained.  
"A picnic?” she asked.  
"Yeah. At a wonderful place. You will like it and we have food, and drinks and Jacob already packed stuff for the two of you."  
She looked over to her husband and shook her head. "Okay. Let's go then. Travis would you help me with the cake, please?"  
"Sure", he answered and walked to the kitchen with her.  
"Is your Dad coming?"  
"Yeah and he brings pancakes and coffee with him. It's a wonder that he agreed and didn't want me to help him. You know, a year ago he wouldn't even walk with his fake-legs but now he does."  
"Can't wait to meet him."  
"Is Josey okay? She looked a bit worried."  
"She never goes out. Only to the store sometimes. So this is a big adventure."  
"Yeah. Just tell us if it is too much or if you wanna go home."  
"Sure."  
This time Van was driving the car because he knew all sideways to get to the lake and he wanted to give the old couple a good view and a nice drive. Travis was sitting in the passenger’s seat and played with his tie until Van grabbed for his hand and tangled their fingers together. The drive took them two hours and when they arrived, Van opened the door for Jacob while Travis helped Josey to get out of the car.  
And as soon as she was out she looked around and held her hand in front of her mouth, her eyes all excited and Jacob walked over to her and placed his arm around her shoulders. Travis and Van started to prepare the wooden table and the wooden benches. They had brought pillows to sit on and Travis had bought napkins with an old English decor and he had flowers and stuff. When he was done placing everything on the table, they sat down and waited for Mr. Thompson.  
Van saw him first and hurried over to him, to get the stuff from his hands. His Dad was panting. "See, I told you I should get you with the car", he argued, when he saw how exhausted his Dad was.  
"Yeah and I need to get my shit together." Van hugged his Dad and walked over to the table. "Josey, Jacob, this is my Dad."  
"Hello Mr. Thompson", Jacob greeted him and reached his hand.  
"So, you must be the young lady who we celebrate today", Van's Dad voiced.  
Josey chuckled. "Yes, I am."  
"Happy Birthday to you."  
"Thank you."  
Van was placing the pancakes on the table and asked who wanted coffee and then served it. He sat down between his Dad and Travis. "Bon appetite" Travis explained so everyone would start eating.  
"This is so beautiful", Josey mumbled between bites.  
"Yes, it is a nice sight", Mr. Thompson answered.  
"You grew up here Van?” Josey asked.  
"Yes, me and Travis both did. We went to school together and met when we were four. On the other side of the lake. I and my Dad have a little house right behind the trees there." The old couple seemed to imagine living here.  
"Were you always friends?” Jacob asked which made Van's Dad laugh.  
"Hell no", he said.  
"Why not?” Josey asked.  
"Because I was the biggest idiot in school and made fun of Trav' with my swimming team."  
"The ones that beat him up."  
Van nodded and places his arm around Travis waist and stroked his back. "Yeah but I told them to keep their hands off of him and two days ago they weren't so happy with me." He pointed at his face which was still swollen and bruised.  
"My son was a troublemaker after his mum left and I wasn't the best Dad either. I am just glad Travis is with him now."  
"And Travis, when did you fell in love with him?” Josey asked. The boys looked at each other and Van smiled, when Travis looked into his eyes while starting to talk. "When we were four."  
"What?” Van's Dad said.  
"Yeah. I was on the lake, we had just moved here and I saw Van inside, behind the window and I was curious why he wasn't playing outside and I gave him a slice of my peach."  
"And I was inside and wanted to swim while Travis wanted to be inside and paint."  
"Yes and then we met in school and Van gave me a peach one day but we didn't become friends and someday I thought he hated me and crazy as I am I fell more and more in love with him because I knew who he really was. I sneaked out and watched him, when he thought no one was there. Like a stalker, I know, but I just wanted to be sure he is okay. And I painted and drew him a lot."  
"But when did you two come together?"  
"Oh, I think Van should tell that."  
Travis tangled his hand into Van's and ate a piece of cake.  
"He came and visited me here before he went to college. He was back from Paris, where his parents sent him to study one semester. And he was so kind, nice, forgiving and after I had lost a good friend, who drowned here in that lake, I needed someone and I just decided I needed him. I followed him to college and when my girlfriend dumped me at a party I saw him sitting there and we were both drunk and I couldn't help but kiss him. He was too cute with his scarf around his neck and the surprised look. And then I was an asshole and ran off because I was so overwhelmed. Not that I had kissed a guy but that it was him. But I waited for him after the party because he had the same way home and then asked him out on a date."  
"Awww. You two are adorable. And you look so good together, am I right Jacob?"  
"Yes Darling. They look very good."  
"I have to say there can't be a better guy for my son than Travis. That boy makes him better and I have never seen him this happy."  
"Dad..."  
"It is true. I can't remember seeing you smile."  
"Yeah. Well, I think I found my other half." Van looked at Travis and latter nodded. "I have always known but you were just too blind to see it. But I am glad you did and that you found this wonderful flat for us."  
"We should thank them that they deal with our shit", Van pointed at Jacob and Josey who both chuckled.  
"It's refreshing to have the both of you there. And see, we haven't been out for so long and this is so nice. The lake looks beautiful, the food is delicious and you even thought about napkins and pillows and flowers", Josey voiced.  
"We thought you deserve something special. And I promise we get an own phone as soon as I have my first paycheck. I am starting to work tomorrow", Van explained.  
They sat there for a while, talking, eating and soon Van's Dad was in a discussion about sports with Jacob, Josey was leaning against Jacobs shoulder and Van and Travis started to put the things back in the car. Van pulled Travis behind a tree and wrapped his arms around him, kissing his neck and mouth. "I think that was a nice idea", Van said.  
"Yes, we did good."  
"I love you. You are so amazing. I wish we could spent the night here and I could undress you and fuck you here. I just feel so good right now and want to share it."  
"Uhm Baby, stop or I'm getting hard and excited with the picture in my head and we don't want to ruin the mood now. Let's drive home and you can fuck me there."  
"Okay. Come on. We need to hurry."  
Van dragged Travis to the table and latter laughed about his friend’s sudden eagerness to go home. They helped the couple in the car and said goodbye to Van's Dad. "Why don't you visit me next weekend and we can have dinner?"  
"Sounds good Dad."  
"I would like that", Travis added.  
"Travis, can I talk to my son?"  
"Oh. Of Course. Sorry. See you next week!"  
When Travis was out of hearing range Van asked his Dad what was wrong.  
"I met Mr. Stevenson. Did you know that Travis isn't allowed to come home again? He told them that he would rather be with you than someone else. I tried to talk to them but they told me that they didn't want him to be with you, because you are worthless, which made my hand react with a punch in his face. Guess that made it worse. Sorry but no one calls you worthless."  
Van hugged his Dad. "Thank you but he told me and I am so scared that I am not good enough for him. I keep disappointing him. I even went to jail."  
"I know, he called me right away. He is such a good boy. Van you need to get over whatever is on your head and appreciate what you have. Travis loves you and he always did and I wish I had seen it earlier and had made you go out and talk to him instead of hanging out with Jazz and Flip. He reminds me of your friend Doug. Keep good care of him. Now go and be happy."  
"Dad, is it weird that I asked him if he wants to marry me?"  
His Dad laughed. "No son. I asked your mum after three days."  
"Okay. I waited a few weeks but I love him so much."  
"I know. Now go and bring the Anderson's home. They are such a nice couple. And then grab your man's hand, lead him upstairs and kiss him. Hold him close Van and always listen to what he says. And remember it is not important how much money you have, or if you buy him expensive stuff. It won't help. You know that better than anyone. But what is important is what is in your heart." His Dad let go of him and Van walked to the car and started it, looking back in the mirror. He smiled and he really felt it, everywhere. His Dad was okay now. He had Travis and somehow grandparents. Oh yes, he would make sure that they all were happy.   
Van took Travis hand again and placed a kiss on it. 

* * *

  
They arrived home and brought the old couple into their flat and gave them the painting, which Josey liked and then they finally went upstairs and Van closed the door and then took Travis hand in his, pulling him closer and kissed him, his arms around his waist. It was a calm and passionate kiss and Travis buried his hands in Van's hair. Both of them were completely lost in their kiss and without taking his lips from him, Van lifted Travis up and carried him to their bedroom.  
He started to undress him, not wanting to have sex, but to cuddle and hold him. When both of them were naked, they crawled into bed and tangled themselves together. Both smiling and happy.  
Van's hand was resting on Travis' cheek and he was staring into his blue eyes. Eyes that meant the world to him and that were staring right back at him. When he found his voice, he mumbled: "I wish we would be able to freeze this moment. You are so handsome and I love you so much. Your eyes are shining today and all day I felt normal, happy and like you and I belong together, right there at the lake. My Dad told me about your parents and that he hit your Dad because he was speaking badly of me. I feel like our world is breaking apart and then again it is starting to heal. My Dad and I are getting better, while yours are worse. You lost your old room and we got a better flat. I just. Why am I not happy Trav'? Why? I feel...damaged. Ever since my mum left and when Doug died it got worse. I am afraid that I fuck this up..."  
Travis pressed his forehead to Van's and gently stroked his neck. "Sweetheart, I know you don't want to hear it but I think you should talk to someone who can tell you what's wrong with you.I think you are disappointed, grieving and all the talk about you not being good enough...I love you and I wish I could make you happy but you are depressed Van and I don't know if I am able to help you. I want to and I will be there but I am afraid I would do something wrong. I love you."  
"I don't want to talk to a therapist."  
"Then talk to me or start writing letters. Would it help to find your mum?"  
"No. Don't wanna see her."  
"Sure?"  
"Yeah."  
"So how about visiting Doug's grave?"  
"He was burned and his Dad wanted to give his ashes back to the sea."  
"Baby...” Travis said and kissed Van and hugged him closer. "I wanna help you."  
"Thanks. It helps you are here. Can you...Can you just crawl my back a bit and just cuddle? No sex please. Just be there?"  
"Van, you don't have to ask."  
So Van turned on his stomach and Travis caressed his back. He didn't even stop when Van fell asleep. He was caught in his own thoughts. Travis felt so helpless. His love was hurting and he couldn't do anything to help. Maybe just ease the pain.


	20. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked me to add more Vanis.
> 
> DON'T READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED EASY!  
> This chapter has a explicit content and rape warning!  
> I did this on purpose because throughout this chapter something happens that I would coun't as attemp to rape. The characters have their own sight on those things..but..yeah..here we go.

It was Friday and Travis was waiting for Van to come home. They hadn't seen each other much because Van was working double shifts to get more money and he had to study a lot. So they decided to go to the lake over the weekend to have some time for themselves and to get out before the weather turned. It was nearly autumn and soon it would rain or get to cold to be outside.   
He was packing his bag with pencils and a sketchbook and smiled when he saw the new pencils that Van had got him. He had tried them over the week and was so in love with the colors that he wanted to use them to draw the lake. He also had packed some clothes and their swimming shorts. He wanted to go swimming with Van maybe that would help him to relax. Van had come home tired and with headaches the past days and they didn't have sex for a week. Travis tried his hardest to think it was because Van was tired but he was acting different lately and there were split seconds where Travis thought that Van might fall out of love with him but then reminded himself that being in a relationship didn't mean to have sex every night. Travis still was afraid that Van was going to leave him for a girl even so it was obvious that Van was madly in love with him, which of course, made him feel warm and loved inside. "Trav'?", he heard Van calling from the living room. "Coming." Travis walked over and Van was greeting him with a kiss.   
"Hey Charming."  
"Hi sweetheart."  
"I will just jump under the shower and then we can go."  
"Okay. I packed some clothes for you. Do you need anything else?"  
"Yeah." Van smirked and pulled Travis closer, taking the backpack from his hands and placing it on the table. "I need my hot boyfriend to give me a kiss."  
"Uh. And where is that boyfriend?" Travis looked around.  
"Hm. He is hiding behind the shower curtain", Van commented while kissing Travis neck.  
"Van, come on, we gotta go. Your Dad has dinner ready in exactly 2 hours."  
"Okay. Damn. I had to think of you all day and I was kind of horny the whole time."  
Travis chuckled. So much to the sex part.  
"Well, I guess you have to be horny for a little bit longer then."  
"But at home my Dad is around."  
"Yeah...Well...” Travis shrugged and started shoving Van to the bathroom.  
"Charming, wanna shower?"  
"No. I am clean enough, thanks."  
When Van went into the bathroom he heard him swearing and Travis chuckled. Then he waited till he heard the water, stripped off his clothes and sneaked into the bathroom, looking at Van's back. He stepped into the shower and snaked his arms around Van, kissing his neck. Van jerked and coughed. "Damn Baby, you scared the hell outta me. I thought you are clean."  
"Hmm. But my thoughts are dirty. They need some cleaning."  
"What were you thinking?"  
"How I would like you to pin me up against a tree or wall and fuck me."  
"Hmm." Van turned around and lifted Travis up, leaning him against the wall. "Like this?"  
Van started biting down on Travis shoulders and Travis felt heat rushing through his body, right into his member.  
"Yes. Like that."  
"Sorry. Not my style."  
Van let go of Travis and turned around, took the bottle with shampoo from the rack and started to wash his hair. Travis stared holes into his back and then laughed. "God, I love you."  
"I love you, too my Prince."  
"So what got you so horny?"  
Van turned around and started to wash Travis hair, gently massaging his scalp, which made Travis bite his lip and close his eyes, his hands resting on Van's hips.  
"My mates from work were talking about sex. And their plans for the weekend. You know how guys are. One of them has this mysterious girlfriend no one has ever seen. And he keeps telling how amazing she can suck cock. And all I thought was: "Not as good as my man" and the other one kept saying that his girlfriend didn't want to suck him at all and that she doesn't want to have anal. So basically they kept complaining. And then they asked me and I wasn't sure what to say and so I told them that I couldn't complain about anything."  
Travis pulled Van closer. "You think I am good at giving head?"  
"Fuck yes. And I can't complain about the anal thing, right?"  
"So did they ask you more questions?"  
"Yep. Wanted to know how my girlfriend looked and then I told them, that my BOYFRIEND was the hottest and cutest guy on this planet."  
"You didn't." Travis blushed.  
"I did. Was telling the truth. Wanted to check out if they had something against gays."  
"And?"  
"They seriously asked me out about you and then one of them, Mark, said, he always wanted to try a guy. But never found one he would trust enough. So they are cool with it."  
"Okay. Good."  
"Hmm. And I told them that I can't wait to come home and kiss you. Which lead to a discussion when I knew I was gay and I told them I found out this year and that it is only you. Not other guys. Then they asked about the difference between girls and guys. Well at the end they were all so curious. Wouldn't wonder if one of them goes to a gay bar this weekend."  
Travis shook his head and laughed. "Oh boy. Poor guys don't know what will happen to them. Just hope they find someone as amazing as you."  
"Amazing?"  
"Yeah. Gosh...some month ago I was a virgin and now I am already having bad thoughts when we don't sleep with each other in a week. I was a bit worried you didn't want me anymore."  
Van shook his head and kissed Travis forehead. "Stupid. I was just too tired and the withdrawals are still heavy. The headaches were extreme and my new job is more exhausting than the one in the shop. But never think I don't want you... Hell, I missed sex with you and was kind of sad about it, but I don't want to have quickies with you. If I sleep with you, then I will make love."  
Travis couldn't help but throw his arms around Van's neck and kiss him. He kissed him until he felt a hard cock pressing against him and then stopped the water and both of them stepped out of the shower and before they even started to dry their bodies, Travis got down on his knees and swirled his tongue around Van's cock, which made Van moan.  
Travis liked to do this, liked to hear him and taste him.  
"Fuck, Trav', oh god", Van mumbled when Travis started to suck at his cock and was rolling his balls in his hand. Van's hands found their way into Travis hair and pressed him down on his dick.   
The dark haired was hard, too but he wanted Van to come first, just by using his mouth. And by the sound of Van's moans he wouldn't need long. "That's so hot", Van said between his moans and was looking down on Travis, while Travis was looking up at him and Van closed his eyes for a second, just to open them, when he came, moaning "Travis".  
After he had licked Van clean, he stood up and kissed Van, who grabbed him and sat him down on a chair in the living room. He walked to the bedroom and grabbed the lube, smearing it over Travis cock and opening himself up. Travis was watching him, touching him everywhere and waiting. Then Van sat down, his arms around Travis, when he felt his dick spreading him a bit more.  
Travis arms were around Van's body and he loved to be inside of him. It was too hot how Van seemed to like to spread himself and sit down on his cock. Van started moving and the artist hid his face on his boyfriends shoulder. Van was whispering: "I love to feel you inside of me. Your cock fits so perfect. You are hot and I want you so much. Come on Trav', take me. Right here on the table. You can't lift me but please, fuck me."  
Travis moaned and lifted Van up and sat him down on the table, his cock still inside of him he thrusted a couple of times but then slipped out and kissed Van and made him lean his torso on the table, while his feet were on the ground. Then Travis pushed in, claiming Van, his hands grabbing his waist and pulling Van down on his cock. He had never thought he would be the one liking some roughness, like to mark his man and who likes to "claim" but he did. "Are you okay?” he asked, not wanting to hurt Van.  
"Fuck, yes. Go harder if you want and faster."  
And Travis did, fucking Van harder until he came and nearly collapsed on top of his friend. As soon as he got off his climax, he kissed his friends back and gently let his hands roam over his body, tracing his tattoo.  
Van moved and turned around. "That was good", he whispered and they kissed.  
"Didn't I hurt you?"  
"No. And I won't care. I like when you fuck me hard. Makes it more real."  
"And more hurtful, right?"  
"No." Van looked away.  
"Don't tell me this hurt and you wanted me to go harder because of some weird punishment."  
"I kinda did."  
"VAN! For fucks sake. I won't fuck you ever again if you don't stop that bullshit. Jesus. I DON'T want to fuckin' hurt you!"  
Travis put on his clothes and waited for Van to hurry up, so they could drive to his Dad. Travis was angry with him and sad. And he wished he didn't like that hard fucking, at all.  
The whole drive they didn't speak. Travis was concentrating on the street while Van was looking out of the window. As soon as the lake was in sight, he mumbled: "Are you still angry?"  
"Yes Van. I am still angry." Van tried to touch Travis knee but latter gave him a death glare and Van stopped moving and then rested his hand back on his own knee.  
"I am sorry."  
"No. You are not and that is the fucking problem. Let's just eat and then I will drive home. You have your bike and can follow."  
"I thought we spent the weekend?"  
"You really think I want to sleep in your house, in your old room, in a tiny bed? No, thanks. I don't even wanna sleep next to you tonight."  
Travis stepped out of the car, opening the trunk and getting their stuff out and then walked to the front porch, waiting for Van to go in first.   
They greeted Mr. Thompson and Travis tried his hardest not to look angry but that was hard, remembering what had happened just hours ago. How could he trust Van? How would he know if he really wanted only rough sex or wanted to be hurt for what he thought he did? Travis knew they needed to speak but he felt more like punching, biting and throwing plates at the wall. But now they were sitting on the table, eating food, all in silence. He saw the eyes of Van's Dad lingering on the both of them until he asked: "Everything okay?"  
"Yeah sure, Dad."  
"Looks like a fight to me."  
"Nothing to worry about", Travis tried to end the discussion, which made Van look at him, his eyes full of hope but the artist just looked at him, angry like before.  
When they were done eating and cleaning the kitchen, Travis said: "Can we go for a walk, Van?"  
"Yeah. It's okay Dad?"  
"Of course."  
Travis grabbed Van's hand and pulled him into the woods, making sure they were far enough from the house and then shoved Van against a tree.  
"You fuckin' listen to me now. Either you start acting like an adult or you get the fuck out of my life. I gave you a chance and you told me you would never do something stupid again and just days later you make me fuck you as punishment? How do I fuckin' know when you really want it and which time you don't? I don't even know if I can trust you anymore."  
Van's eyes dropped to the ground and when he looked back up, his eyes were wet. "I  know...I don't...fuck...It's alright Trav'. You didn't hurt me. It felt good. I just...I hought maybe this would make the feeling go away."  
"Which?", Travis asked less angry.  
"Being worthless."  
The artist snorted. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? You make me fuck you rough and hard and think that makes you feel better? It's as if you wanna be used and I get it, sometimes it makes you feel alive to be rough and hard and get into fights and stuff but not this time Van!"  
"Please, just...I love you, man. Don't be so angry."  
"That is the thing. I love you, too and I hate that you make me do those things. I hate that you don't care how I feel. I don't mind to be rough but I mind hurting you and when you tell me everything is okay and then tell me it hurt afterwards I can't trust your word."  
"Trav'", Van started and pulled his friend closer, snaking his arms around his waist so he couldn't back off. "I am sorry. I really liked it and to hurt me you had to be rougher. And sometimes I wish you really would hurt me. Just like I hurt you."  
"You really want that?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
"Because I deserve it."  
Hearing those words, hearing them again and the anger in him made him do what he did. Travis felt his hand when it connected with Van's face and he felt his other hand, grabbing his throat. And the worst thing? He didn't regret it. He hit him again and choked him harder until Van was begging him to stop, trying to shove him away and for a split second Travis saw fear in his eyes and that is when he started to smile, feeling all the anger of the past years, their childhood, the word that was carved into his skin because of a love he now knew, was more hurtful than healing. He was in love with someone even more broken than himself. He felt the rage boiling and poisoning him and he didn't care. He turned Van around, his hand lingering around his neck and then pressing him against the tree, with his whole body, while his hands started to undress him. His mouth at his ear. "You want me to fuck you?"  
Van didn't answer and Travis went on. "You want me, to punish you and make you feel what I felt?"  
"Yes", Van's voice was shaking.  
"Are you afraid?"  
"No."  
"Why?"  
"I know you."  
"Are you so sure you know me that well Van? What do you think where all the frustration, anger and pain went, you and your friends caused me since I was a kid?"  
"Your art."  
"Oh, yes. Some of it did but the pain...that is still there and fuck...can you feel that." Travis pressed his hard on against Van's naked body. He knew this was all kind of wrong to be hard now but it was good he was, because for now, he didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to let the pain out.  
Travis manhandled Van in a kneeling position, opening his own fly and then pushed into Van. He was hurting him and it made him smile.   
Van couldn't think straight who was that guy? This wasn't his man. That was a sick monster. He felt tears streaming down his face when Travis pushed in without caring to spread him and he screamed when he pressed him down into the grass and started to move. Wasn't that what he wanted? To get hurt and punished by the man he loved?   
Travis started moving and Van was so tight that he knew he was ripping something inside of him and when he heard the scream he said: "Yes, scream. Nobody will hear you. Just like nobody heard me when I was crying in school."  
"Stop. Travis. Stop."  
"You wanted to be punished."  
"Fuck. You hurt me."  
"Wasn't that exactly what you asked me to do for weeks now? Why you came home bruised and with a black eye?"  
"No. Stop. I am sorry. Please, Baby, stop."  
Travis bit his lip, because his behavior scared himself. And when he saw down on Van's body, he stopped moving. What the fuck was he doing? Van was bleeding. Travis pulled out, adjusted his clothes and ran. He just couldn't...what did he do? FUCK FUCK FUCK. He ran back to the house and grabbed his bag and stormed back into the woods. He needed to be alone.   
Travis suddenly stopped and looked back. He had just...did he just...did he just rape his own boyfriend?  
He sank down on his knees and started crying. His body was hurting, his knee felt like it was broken again, his ribs made him breathe different and were hurting again but nothing was as painful as the pain in his soul and heart. He looked over to the direction where he left Van and then started running.  
Van was lying on the grass, naked, curled into himself. Everything was in pain, he felt that something was bleeding at his back and his lip was swollen. Van couldn't stop crying and yet one hand was ripping grass out and punching the ground as if it would make time stop and the pain vanish but all it did was to crack his knuckles.  
He had lost Travis. He had made him do that and for now he knew how much pain he had caused the one man that he loved but how could Travis still love him, if he was in pain because of him. And how could he love Travis after this? All he knew was that he simply did. Van closed his eyes and tried to remember that day at the park, when they were dancing in the rain. Just like he always did, when something happened. He was humming "Dancing in the dark" in his head to ease the pain. He tried to move but his butt hurt so much. He didn't even dare to feel where he was bleeding.   
Van didn't know how long he was lying there because it just didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered. Travis was gone and with him his will to live.  
Travis stopped running when he saw the body on the ground. The blonde hair he loved was full of dirt and Van looked like a baby. Travis walked closer and knelt down next to his friend. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was sleeping. Travis wiped away his own tears and then whispered: "Merman? I am sorry. Please, can you hear me?"  
Van opened his eyes and they looked at each other. "You came back."  
"Yeah. Oh god Van...I...” Travis shook his head and placed himself next to Van mirroring his position. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to rape you. I am sorry. Fuck. I just...I was so angry."  
"Did I really hurt you so much?"  
Travis closed his eyes and nodded. "Yeah. In school it wasn't always you. Most of it were your friends. When they called me names or did worse. And the way you hurt  me...Can't you understand that I hate to hurt you and now you made me do  this...you...I always told you I don't know how to stop sometimes and still...please...I know this is it. I understand you can't love me anymore but please let me help you dress and care for the wounds I caused."  
"I love you", Van mumbled between sobs.  
"What?"  
"I love you."  
"I just...no...Van. I hurt you."  
"No. You didn't. You did what I was asking for. You punished me. So if anyone would ask me it was just very very hurtful and rough sex."  
"Van. No. This was wrong I shouldn't have done it...You know what is the worst part? That I hurt you. You are bleeding and it is my fault. Mine. And I can't...I am not that person."  
Van moved his hand and grabbed Travis hand. "You forgave me so many things lil' Picasso and I will forgive you this."  
But Travis would never forgive himself for what he had just done. Just like Van will never forgive himself for what he did to Travis. And maybe that was all. "We are even now", Van added.   
"You know I love you, right? You still know that?"  
"I do."   
Travis looked worried and shy, when he moved his hand to Van's cheek. "Come on. I will bring you home."  
"Okay, but moving hurts."  
"I know. I am sorry. You can't take a bath or shower. I will clean you, okay. I tell your Dad I need stuff for your face. I will tell him you got into a fight to protect me. Okay?"  
"Sounds good."  
"I wish we wouldn't have to do this. I wish you hadn't made me do something so horrible."  
Travis helped Van to put on his clothes and then helped him stand up. Van walked but you could see he was in pain. Travis offered him an arm and Van nodded, turned his head and kissed Travis temple. "We are a horrible couple."  
"The worst."  
When they arrived Van's Dad was watching TV and when he looked up, his face was instantly worried. "What happened?" So Travis told him some lies and Van nodded in agreement. What really had happened would be their secret. Mr. Thompson gave them some clean towels and stuff to clean wounds they made their way to Van's room and they locked the door.   
Travis helped his boyfriend undress and made him lie down and started cleaning him. He was careful to not hurt him more. It wasn't that much blood. It took him a while to clean Van and then put salve on it. After he was done he helped him put on his sleeping shirt and boxers and then went to the bathroom with him, to clean his hair and face. They didn't speak but Travis was biting his lip and holding back his tears. He would never forgive himself. Never.  
Van didn't feel the pain. He felt something change inside of him. He never ever wanted to get punished again and he would never make Travis feel like this because he could see how hurt he was now. Close to tears, biting his lip and silent. Travis was blaming himself. Oh god they were two lunatics that should be held in a cell and not fuck each other’s lives up.  
Travis brought Van back into his room and then went to the bathroom to wash himself. Just throwing cold water in his face and then brushing his teeth. It was still early but all he wanted was to crawl into bed next to the one man, he loved and that was in pain now. Travis now understood why Van wanted to be punished, because now it was him that thought he needed to get his ass kicked for that.  
Van was lying in bed, his eyes closed and Travis sat down on the edge of the bed. His back turned to the swimmer. He felt a hand moving up and down his back. "Come to bed."  
"I can't."  
"Please, I need you and I want you to hold me."  
"Okay."  
Travis crawled into bed, embracing Van, who suddenly pressed his lips on Travis. "I love you and I think we need to start enjoy what we have. I am afraid we might destroy each other but I don't want that. You said we are the worst couple but...I think we are...” Van placed a kiss on Travis forehead. "Perfect. We both have our dark sides but I love you and I know it is weird but it is kind of hot knowing that my man can be such a monster. And I understand now how much I fucked up. I am sorry."  
"No...No. I am. Mine was worse. I wish I could turn back time. Gosh..."  
"Kiss me Travis. Just fucking kiss me. I would ask you to dance in the rain but I can't move and there is no rain. But I was happy then and I want that back. I want all of it back. Please, can we start new? Can we please be us again? I won't ever tell you to punish me again. Never."  
"Good, because I won't do it. And yes...Van?"  
"Yeah?"  
Travis started crying. "Thank you. I thought...I thought I lost you...Oh goddammit."  
Van pressed his lips on Travis and tangled their knees together. This was still a mess and they both would need time now but on the other hand, there was only one way now: UP, because they were at their lowest now.  
They didn't speak anymore, just held hands and before drifting off to sleep, Van mumbled: "Good Night lil' Picasso."


	21. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the chapter that gave the story it's name. And it is also one I really like..Just because...The Lake! I love that setting...

Late at night Van woke up from the sounds next to him. He turned around to pull the dark haired man next to him closer and kissed away his tears. He played with Travis hair and then pulled him on top of him, to wrap his arms around him. Travis was shaking and gulping back his sobs. His face pressed into the crook of Van's neck, his fingers clutched into Van's shirt. Van held him and placed kisses on his head. He had never heard something so horrible than Travis' silent screams. He had never felt so helpless and it was again, his fault, somehow. He had pushed him to do something so horrible that Travis broke. There were no words to calm him down, nothing to do. His own eyes filled with tears.  
He didn't know when Travis started to calm down, but when he did, Van was still petting his neck and even when Travis moved, his hand moved with him, afraid to let go of him. Travis looked at him and Van moved his head to kiss the tears away from his man’s face. "Talk to me", he whispered but Travis shook his head and new tears were leaving his eyes.  
"You wanna go outside and get some fresh air?"  
Travis shook his head again and placed his hands on Van's cheeks, then gave him a brief kiss. "Thanks."  
"For what?"  
"Being there...after..."  
Travis head again was moving from one side to another as if he wanted to shake the pictures out and Van couldn't help but grab his face and stop him from moving it and then pressed his lips on the other man's. "I love you Travis and you didn't do anything. I am sorry that I hurt you, again. That I made you do  it...I  didn't mean to break you."  
"I was already broken", Travis mumbled. They looked at each other and when Van's thumb started to stroke Travis cheeks, he closed his eyes. After a while he stood up. "Sorry, need to pee." He stumbled out of the room to go to the bathroom and Van stood up too, grabbing the pack of cigarettes that were placed in his old nightstand and walked outside. It hurt less than some hours ago and when his bare feet reached the grass he felt himself calm down. It was chill outside and his breath left little clouds in front of his face. He sat down and watched the moon for a while, then lit a cigarette. After a while he heard someone coming closer and turned around, happy to see his man walking towards him. Wearing his red scarf and a jeans. Travis stopped behind him and stretched and then looked up to the moon, before sitting down next to Van. He rested his head on his shoulder, and found Van’s hand and tangled them together. They were sharing the cigarette and after a while Travis said: "I never thought it would be like this. I thought when you love someone and that someone loves you back, the world is the best place but then I see all the darkness around us and it makes me sad. We hurt each other and still all I want is for you to love me and to be with you. I  thought...you  know, when you first kissed me on that party, I thought: THIS IS IT! I will never let him go because he is the best thing that will ever happen to me. And somehow I knew that you, just like me, was looking for something. For a light. And I thought maybe we are searching for the same light; love, a home and being safe. But now. It is like with one touch I could destroy you and with the other I can heal you. Van...I don't know...”  
Travis couldn't end the sentence because Van kissed him. "Shhhh. I love you Trav' and you are everything to me. And I guess we can destroy each other because we are so madly in love. YOU are my light. My home. And I love you so so so much. Please, Baby, can we... just be Picasso and Merman again? I need you in my life and I dare you to end this sentence. Don't say, you don't know if you can be with me because if you can’t, you should have killed me in the woods."  
Now it was Van who was crying and Travis smiled. "I wanted to say. I don't know how to say it, but you are more than the moon and more than the sun to me. As cheesy as it sounds but I don't want anybody else. Not ever. We both did stupid, hurtful and fucked up things. It's a bit weird but there is this song we heard in class last time. Our art professor is kind of a music geek and he found this  band...and  they have this one song. "Pretty when you cry" and it reminds me of us. There is this line. I had to think about that after we went to bed. "You hurt me baby ; I hurt you baby; If you knew how much I love you ;You would run away; But when I treat you bad; It always makes you want to stay" - Because that's it, right? You never scared me away in school my love for you never vanished. Not a bit. It gets stronger and with every day I miss you more. I miss you when you go to the bathroom and I am in the living room, I miss you, when you are right next to me. It is insane and it is an obsession, I know but I want you so fucking much. I always wanted you and now that we have each other, we are constantly fighting and crying and yelling. I can't do this Van. I just want days like the one in the park, where we danced in the rain. I want days like last Sunday when we had cake and coffee with our family and smiled at each other. I never want to hurt you again. We are always fighting against each other instead of fighting those who really made us do those things. Like my Dad, your former friends, Derrick... I know I talk a lot and I am not quite sure what I said just 2 minutes ago but one thing is the truth: I LOVE YOU! I need you and I fucking want to be your husband someday. I want to go to bed with you and wake up next to you. I want to fuck you and I want you to fuck me whenever you want. I want nothing more than to spend my life loving you. And for fucks sake, yes, worshipping you. I fucking love so much about you and it hurts my soul that you can't see all these things in you."  
Van turned his face away, so Travis wouldn't see the tears but then turned back and he wasn't someone to talk a lot and he had said so much over the last weeks, so he simply said: "I love you. I love you so much that everything hurts. Like when you are under water and your air is getting short and as soon as you hit the surface you can breathe again. That split moment that makes you feel alive. That's how I feel about you. You could easily drown me but you make me feel alive."  
"You wanna go back to bed?"  
"No. The sun will come up in some minutes. Let's sit and watch."  
"Okay. Do I have time to grab my camera?"  
"Yes. Hurry up lil' Picasso."  
Travis ran inside and came back only a minute later with his backpack and he opened it to get his camera out. He changed the settings and then waited, his head on Van's shoulder and Van's leaning against his head.   
"You think we will make it?” Van whispered.  
"I hope so."  
"Me, too."  
"I am sorry", Travis whispered and lifted his head to look at Van.  
"You hurt yourself more than you hurt me. I am sorry, too. We should get drunk today and just lay on the lake together. You could paint and take pictures and I watch you. I love watching you."  
"Hmm. Does the day include a kiss?"  
"Just one?” Van mumbled and moved his head so close to Travis, that they were nearly touching. He turned a bit and took his friends face in his hands and then slowly placed his lips on the other ones, then took his lip between his teeth and gently pulled on it, before closing the distance he held between them and kissed him passionate. While kissing Van took the camera from Travis hands and made him wrap his arms around him and then he pulled him back down with him, so Travis was straddling him. Van wanted to never end the kiss but if he was going on like this they would miss the sunset and he would get hard because he was already on the best way to do exactly that. Travis was the first to break their kiss, just to mumble into Van's ear: "Stop it or I will run around with an erection."  
"Hmm. Wouldn't be so bad. I like your erection."  
"Are you joking? No sex for weeks for you Mister."  
"What? Just because my butt is shred into pieces doesn't mean I can't use my cock or you could use your mouth."  
"Hmm. So you want me to suck your cock to apologize?"  
"No. I want to feel you, because I love you."  
"Maybe later."  
Travis smirked but inside he was a bit freaked out by the thought that Van was already talking about sex again after yesterday. He should be mad, hurt, and sick of him and not asking for a  blowjob.  
When the first sunbeams caught his eye, Travis took his camera and shot some pictures. He stood up and walked around, while Van watched Travis. The man was a miracle to him. In one minute he was dark and mysterious and in the other he was a sweet and shy puppy. And he loved both sides. He always was in love with the dark things in life and with things that should been forbidden. It is like being in love with the sea. People always say they love the sea but as soon as it gets stormy and rough they say it is horrible. But the sea too, has bad days but he still loved the water. And isn't that what counts, that you love a heart and a soul through good and bad?  
Van watched Travis as he was staring at the sun, his face covered in orange and red shades, he was blinking and smiling and Van stood up, to wrap his arms around him, his head on Travis shoulder. His lips found the little spot behind Travis ear, he knew, was very sensitive and as soon as he kissed it, Travis leaned back against Van's body. "Good Morning my love.” Van breathed.  
"Good Morning sweetheart."  
Van's hands moved their way under Travis shirt and while one played with his happy trail, one moved up to pinch his nipple and Van pressed his hard on against Travis back, which made Travis moan. "No, Van, please. I can't."  
"Shhh."  
"Someone could see."  
"My Dad is still asleep."  
"But..."  
"Relax. Let me touch you. I need to feel you."  
"Van", Travis moaned when he felt a hand cupping his bulge, stroking it through the fabric of his jeans.  
"Sit down with me."  
They sat down, Van still behind Travis and he spread Travis knees with his own feet, opened Travis Jeans and moved down his boxers a bit, so his member was free. "What are you doing?” Travis asked.  
"What does it look like?"  
"Something stupid."  
"Tell me you don't want my fingers around your hard cock."  
"I do. But not...”  
"Shut up."  
Van's fingers curled around Travis hard on and started to stroke him. "Fuck", Travis moaned and looked down between his legs, while Van was stroking him. He wanted to struggle against it but he couldn't. He loved the feeling too much. Van was kissing his neck and pinching his nipple and breathing against his ear. "I love you. It is a new day. Try to forget what happened yesterday. Please let go. Come for me my love." Travis moaned and leaned back against Van, moving his head until they could kiss and Van moved his hand faster over Travis hard on. "Harder", Travis moaned and Van did as he was told, until his man came all over his hand and bit down on his own fist, to silence his groaning. His hips were bucking up and as soon as his climax was over, he opened his eyes and kissed Van, who let go of him and after kissing Travis, he licked the cum off his hand and rearranged his clothes.  
"I love you, Travis Stevenson. I love you."  
The artist moved around. "I love you, too."  
"Now how about that  blowjob."  
"You want that or you want me to ride you?"  
"No. Only your mouth."  
"Okay."  
Travis looked over to the house where everything was quiet, so he moved Van's briefs down, greeted by a hard and throbbing cock. He lay down on his stomach and licked along Van's balls, his length and then gave his man a fast blowjob, which made Van moan and move his hips up and down, fucking Travis mouth, nearly gagging him. When he was coming he pressed his lips together and grabbed into Travis hair.   
Latter licked him clean and after putting the fabric back over his friends exposed body, he suited himself next to Van. Both looking at the water, until they heard a voice behind them. "Good Morning you two. Who wants breakfast?"  
Travis blushed and hoped that Mr. Thompson didn't see anything. Van yelled: "We do. Give us a minute."  
Van stood up and pulled Travis with him. Before they walked in, he pulled Travis to him, and whispered: "It is a day to start new. What do you think?"  
"I think you are right. And let this be a start for something good."  
"It includes you. It only can be good."  
"Promise me something. Never try to get punished by anybody ever again."  
"I promise, if you promise me to stop hurting yourself."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Did you think I never noticed, that you scratch your hand, when you are nervous or shower too hot or bury everything inside of you? If you are hurt, you tell me. If you need to cry, you can cry on my shoulder. If you can't sleep, you wake me up. If you feel angry, you tell me. I want you to include me in your thoughts and let me help you. And I promise you, that I will take care of myself and not get into trouble, willingly. I have a good paid job now and I have a wonderful, amazing, fantastic, handsome and sexy man and I don't want to lose him. So I promise to stop the punishment bullshit and enjoy what we have, if you do too."  
Travis eyes were filled with tears and he thought he would never ever stop crying again with that man. He replied: "I promise."  
They were kissing again, when Mr. Thompson yelled: "I am too old for that shit. You two lovebirds should grab some pancakes before they are cold."  
They all laughed and the couple went inside, holding hands and sitting next to each other at the table. Maybe this was really a day, to let the past be the past and start new. Travis smiled, he was still hurt, still angry at himself and ashamed but he saw the light in Van's eyes and that was all he needed.  
They spent most of the day sitting at the lake, Travis drawing and Van watching him. When it was time for dinner, Van started to cook and Travis sat down with Van's Dad, who was coloring figures again.   
"You wanna help me?” he asked Travis.  
"If I am allowed to."  
"Sure."  
So Travis grabbed one of the figures and started to color it, while Van was in the other room and peeked through the open door. He smiled and put on some music.   
The swimmer leaned against the  doorframe  and watched the back of his friend’s head, while he was painting and his father looked up, smiling at him. "Travis, would you excuse me a second?"  
"Of Course Mr. Thompson."  
"Please call me Jack." "  
Okay, Jack.”  
Jack moved up to walk over to his son, clapped his shoulder and they leaned against the kitchen. Van stirring the Sauce. "He is a keeper", Jack told his son, who bowed his head in agreement.  
"Can I ask you something, Dad?"  
"You know you can."  
"Is it normal that sometimes you hurt the people you love so much that you think they leave but they don't?"  
"Yes Van. It is. That's the thing about relationships. It's not always sunny. But sometimes when it gets too much someone leaves."  
"Like mom?"  
"Yes."  
"I will never do that to him. Thanks that you accept him. I love him Dad. And I hurt him and I made him hurt me, which hurt him even more. Am I such a bad person? Why do I do this?"  
Jack hugged his son. "Because you are so in love with him that you can't think straight. Neither can he. He was sick when you took those drugs. He was so afraid to lose you." "Dad, can you talk to him? Ask him how he really is doing? He doesn't have parents. And I know how hurtful that can be."  
Jack looked at his son and nodded. "I'm sorry. I hope one day I can make it up to you." "You already do.” Van saw his Dad go back to his seat and he watched him talk with Travis, who nodded and talked and shook his head. From the way he moved he wasn't upset and Van sighed, smiling to himself. He walked into the living room.  
"Food is nearly ready. Clean the table you two artists!"  
"Okay, Mommy", Travis joked.  
"You get Mommy", Van replied and ruffled Travis hair and then leaned down to kiss him.  
“Uuuh Van, do that in your room. I might get jealous", Jack commented which made the couple laugh.  
"Sorry Dad. Just appreciating my man."  
"Young love", he sighed and walked to the sink in the kitchen to clean his brushes.

* * *

 

After dinner Travis and Van took a walk along the lake, holding hands and stopped just to kiss from time to time. They came by the little ice cream shack and Van bought Travis chocolate and for himself cookie ice. They were walking and suddenly Travis was swearing and stopped moving. "Fuck. Damn this is some sticky shit." Van laughed.  
"This is a bit nasty. Considering your ice cream is brown."  
"Oh shut up."  
Travis was licking along the cone but the ice cream was melting too fast.  
"Take it in your mouth you idiot."  
"Nooooo. That's too cold."  
Van shook his head, gave Travis his ice and then licked along the cone of his, took the chocolate ice cream in his mouth, swirled it around, so it wasn't melting anymore. Travis smirked and started walking, licking on Van's cone.  
"Oh come on. You did that on purpose to get my ice cream."  
"I don't know what you are talking about."  
They finished each other’s ice cream and sat down on a bench, watching the lake. Van kissed the tips of Travis fingers, licking the sweet ice cream off of them. Travis watched him. "I like when you do that", he explained.  
"I love your hands. Oh. I think there is more ice cream on your cheek and the corner of your lips."  
"Oh no! What do we do?"  
The swimmer moved closer and kissed and licked along Travis' cheek and then kissed his lips, to clean them. When he was done, he took both of Travis hands in his. "Are we okay?"  
"Yes we are."  
"So how about getting some booze and get drunk."  
"Sounds good. Maybe if you feel good, we can dance."  
"Under the stars?” Van wanted to know, full of hope.  
"Yes."  
"I would love that."  
They walked back hand in hand first, then Travis let his hand wander to Vans butt. "Does it still hurt?"  
"A little bit. Maybe you could put some more of that salve on it."  
"Of course."  
He let his hand wander upwards and rested it on Van's hip. Latter placed an arm around Travis shoulders and kissed his temple.  
"You know Picasso, for a split second yesterday, I thought you wouldn't come back."  
"For a second I thought that, too. You know why I stopped and ran away?"  
"No."  
"Because you called me Baby and then I saw the little blood and the marks I left on your skin. And I was disgusted by my behavior. And I ran because I thought without me you would be better. And I ran back to the house grabbed my stuff and was on my way into the woods to be alone, when I panicked and was scared you wouldn't be able to walk on your own. Can you promise me to never ask for rough sex again? I  can't...I  don't want this to happen again."  
"I swear I won't."  
"I wish I could get the pictures out of my head."  
Van stopped and pulled Travis closer, resting his forehead against the other ones.  
"If I was able to turn back time, I would."  
"Yeah. Come on let's get drunk."

When they were back at the lake, both sat down and started to empty the bottle of Whiskey they had bought. Van rested his head in Travis lap and looked up to him, while Travis played with his hair. After a while Van grabbed Travis other hand and kissed his wrist. "We should go here more often", Travis said.  
"Yeah. It's nice to have you with me, here. My Dad likes you."  
"Jack is great. And I think he is doing better. He loves you."  
"You are his second son now."  
"Yeah." Travis looked at the lake, thinking about his own parent’s.  
"I'm sorry Baby. That I got you into trouble with your folks."  
"Don't worry. I would always choose you."  
"And it frightens me. You were always in love with me. Did you never think of someone else? What if I wouldn't be here? Would you never date another guy? Don't get me wrong. I love you and I will keep you but..."  
"I know what you mean. I guess someday I would have looked for someone like you. Or maybe just someone to fuck."  
"You are weird."  
"That's why you love me.” Both smiled and Van raised his torso and took Travis head in his hands and kissed him. "God, I am so glad that I kissed you at that party.”  
Travis laughed. "I am glad you turned out to be bisexual."  
"I can't believe I say this but I think guys are just better. Not as complicated as most girls."  
"So, you are saying that you rather have me than a girl?"  
"Yes. I asked you to marry me, didn't I? That's kind of serious. And I still mean it. Even with the recent events. I love you Travis and that's not just some stupid crush. I want moments like this for the rest of my life.”  
Travis placed another kiss on Van's lips. "Me, too. And I will marry you. As soon as I am done with college. I promise. It's just… I can't do it now or my Dad stops paying anything. And if he can't love me anymore because I love you, than he can at least pay my bills.” Van's heartbeat flattered. "So is this a yes?"  
"It was always a yes."  
"But that is in 3 years, right? Maybe 4?"  
"Yep. You think you can wait this long?"  
"Fuck yes. I would wait forever if that means you are going to be Travis Thompson.” Travis slapped Van's stomach. "Who says it is not Van Stevenson?"  
"Because I don't want your Dad's name. He kept telling me I am worthless and not good enough for you. Sorry, love."  
"No. I am happy to be a Thompson. I need to show you something. Wait here."  
Travis went inside to get the backpack from Van's room and he crossed Jack, who was painting again. "Hey Travis."  
"Hi."  
"You two are hiding?"  
"No, we are drinking and talking and watching the moon. I love this place. It always inspires me and Van knows that."  
"It's alright. Just wanted to know if I did something wrong.” Travis looked at the man and shook his head, then sat down. "No. You know, I did this to Van yesterday. I lashed out. He kept begging me to punish him for taking drugs and I guess after hearing it over a week I gave in. He forgave me. Just like I forgave him the drug thing. But there is a lot to figure out. Sorry we leave you alone."  
"Travis...I  was young once. It's normal. You two need to find a base to live with. My son loves you but he feels bad about treating you wrong in the past, about what happened with your Dad and about Doug. He is afraid that you get hurt because of him. Both of you need time."  
Travis stood up and threw his arms around his newly found Dad. His father in law. "Thanks, Jack." Jack smiled and nodded, petting Travis hand. "You are welcome, son."

* * *

 

Travis then hurried outside again and showed Van his diary. He didn't write it every day but sometimes when everything was getting too much to handle he did. So he opened the very first page and gave it to Van.  
Pointing to a passage, he wanted him to read.

  
_"Today Van stopped Cal from throwing a basketball into my face. He always steps in and that's why I believe he is still the little guy from years back. I just wish he would finally see that those guys are not his friends and that he was better off without them. And hell, he is so handsome. When he smirks, my heart flatters but I look to the ground, so he never sees that I am smiling, too. His eyes are so blue, like the summer sky but he will never know why blue is my favorite color. He will never know what he means to me and that I love him. I just wish he would like me, too. "_

  
Van smiled and Travis turned some pages and pointed at another passage.

  
_“I had a weird dream last night, about me getting married to Van. We had a nice wedding, with the colors white and blue and everything was somehow ocean themed. He was much older than now and I was older, too. And I had a beard. Maybe I should grow one later. And he smiled at me and said "So Mr. Thompson, you are ready to spend your life with me?" - It was such a happy dream and then I went to school and he ignored me and every day feels like someone cuts little wounds in my heart. Why can't he like me? What did I do?"_

  
Van wiped away the tear that was running down his cheek and Travis turned to one of the last entries he wrote.

  
_"I can't believe what just happened. I didn't want to go to that damn party but now I am glad I did because Van showed up. FUCKING VAN THOMPSON! And he fucking kissed me. How the hell did that even happen? One moment we were talking about the day I visited him at the lake and the other he pressed his lips to mine. And I don't know if I am the happiest or the saddest person right now or maybe I am stuck in a dream.   God, why do I love him so much?"_

  
Van looked at Travis and kissed him, the diary still in his hands. He looked back on the journal in front of him and Travis turned to the last page.  
"You should read this whole entry."  
"Okay."  
So Van started reading.

  
_"It's been a while since I could write into my diary. I had to spend six weeks at my parents’ house and my diary was in my flat. Van is gone. He is....I sent him away. It's been three days now and I miss him like crazy. I miss the way he wakes up next to me, thinking I wouldn't feel when he kisses my back or neck before leaving the bed to make breakfast and then crawl back to wake me up. I miss how he turns me around, to kiss me awake and then miss how he smiles down at me. I had to send him away  after...I  thought he was dead. For a second I thought he overdosed and was dying. I know he was breathing and alive but something in me panicked. Why did he do it? Just because he missed me? He had carried all my paintings and our pictures in the bedroom. I should be angry with him and I should never see him again, but I can't. I love him, too much. I always did. He makes me happy. In a weird and twisted way I think I make him happy too. But what if this is still a dream and did he really mean when he asked me to marry him? Was he serious when he told me there will never be someone else for him? Sometimes I think I know him and then he does something to surprise me or scare me. It scares me, that he misses me so much that he can't function. It scares me because I know what this feeling can do to you. I have missed him the past weeks and thought that when I come home he would be gone. Imagined he found someone else and moved on. I freaked out when I didn't hear from him and then I came home and he...He had given up! He was so weak and all I wanted was to be kissed, hold, and to make love to him. God I miss his arms around me and his lips on mine. I miss sex. I miss everything. I know I have to go to the lake and see him, because without him I am not complete. Without him, I am just Travis. With him, I am Travis Thompson. And that's everything I ever wanted. I want to drown in his eyes every day, want to paint his body with kisses and want to run my fingers through his hair. And I want to dance with him, under the stars. Just like weeks back. I don't need anything else. Just him._  
 _I am afraid, I am afraid of these feelings and of losing him. What if he ever finds out, that sometimes, I feel like dying and feel like I don't belong here? What if he sees the darkness in me? What if I ever hurt him, when I am too far gone to stop myself? Will he stop me? God, sometimes I wish I wasn't like I am but I can't help it. All those negative feelings from the past are bubbling to the surface and sometimes I am scared of myself. The way I pointed a gun at Derrick, the way I look when I am angry and afraid of my thoughts. Sometimes I just want to rip something apart, break it, and punish someone for everything I have been through but mainly for feeling so worthless._  
 _I want him back. He made me feel special. He made me feel loved. For the first time in my life I thought  maybe...just  maybe there was a chance for me too.  Maybe...I  love him and all I wish is for him to be mine again. My lil' merman.”_

  
Van placed the Journal on the ground, stood up and pulled Travis with him, he snaked his arms around his waist and Travis slung his around Van's neck. They started dancing and Van kissed his man, the love of his life and whispered: "I love you. I love your darker side and the bright, funny and loving side. You are wonderful and  yesterday...You  didn't scare me. Not really. I asked for it, I asked you to do it. But I knew you didn't mean it. All your  anger...Baby..." Van took Travis face in his hands and pressed his lips to the other mans. "Baby, I know you hurt me and I hurt you. I know we have to work on our relationship but we can make it. I have been in love with you for so so so long.  God...I  never...I  shouldn't...”  
Van stopped talking and tried to calm his heart.  
"So long?” Travis whispered.  
"I never felt alone when I saw you. I never felt weird around you. I loved the way you handled all the bullying. I loved the way you looked when you were drawing things in your notes instead of listening to the teacher. Did you never wonder why I was sitting near you, when you thought I hated you? Did you never ask yourself, WHY I stopped them from hitting you? And why I was so angry the day I saw you playing badminton at sports with that other boy? Because that day I actually wanted to ask you if you would team up with me. Every time I wanted to take a step closer to you, you took one back. I thought. All the time I thought I had ruined it. I didn't know it was love. I just thought you were awesome and I was fascinated by you. That I was in love with  you...I  realized that the day you came to the lake because as soon as I saw you, something in me felt so calm, so good and as if it was balancing me out.  Travis...I  love you. And I think, I always did."  
Both looked at each other and Travis was the first to smile and press his lips to Van's. And he pressed his hard cock against Van's leg.  
"Oh damn, I got you hot by talking again."  
“Yeah. You know me too well."  
"Let's swim."  
"What? No. You are injured."  
"Nah. It will be alright. You can play doctor later."  
Van stripped off his clothes and jumped into the water. Travis followed him minutes later and they swam for a while, until Van wrapped his arms around the dark haired man. Van's eyes moved to the house and he saw that only the light at the front porch was on. His father did go to bed. He looked back to Travis and lifted him up, so he wrapped his arms around him and his legs too. Van moved back on land, walked them over to the soft grass and laid Travis down on the ground. Van started to bite down on Travis neck, trailed down to his chest and sucked at his nipples, which made him buck his hips up. Both of them had goose bumps everywhere and every touch was sending shivers down their bodies. Travis had closed his eyes and Van went on kissing and licking and biting on his body. "Van, we shouldn’t”, Travis mumbled.  
"I want you. I want you so much and I need to feel you. Lovingly and sweet. Please."  
"Then at least let me ride you. You are still hurt."  
"How can I say no? I love to see you ride me."  
Van moved, so his head was between his friends legs and then he started to lick at his entrance, spit on it and then moved his finger slowly in. He was taking his time with spreading Travis and latter moaned, every time Van "accidentally" touched his prostate. "Van, please", he begged and Van kissed his way up to Travis mouth and while kissing him, he turned them around, so Travis was straddling him.  
Van moved his hands over Travis arms, until he found his hands and pulled him down, on his chest.   
"Prince Charming", Van gasped. Travis hair was standing in every direction and water was still dropping from it and Van grabbed for it, to run his fingers through it. "You are stunning and I love you so much", he said husky.  
"Says the guy that takes my breath away", Travis answered and while kissing Van, he sat down on Van's erection, which made both of them moan into their kiss. Travis raised his torso and started to move slowly up and down, only his fingertips touching Van's body, to steady himself. The swimmers hands roamed over the other’s body, tracing the scars and the veins on Travis arms and placed his hands in front of Travis. So he could pull him to him, as soon as he wanted to. He didn't like to be so far away from him and not able to kiss him and smell him. Travis had set a slow pace and he loved it, especially after what happened yesterday. And on top of him was the man he loved and will love forever. He grabbed Travis wrists, who was looking down on him, his lips parted and his cheeks blushed. Van pulled him closer. "Come here. You are so far away." They took their time with each other, loving the slow moves. They were having sex for their loves sake not to come as fast as possible. Both of them wanted to last as long as possible to enjoy being together and being in love with each other. Van's hands moved to his man’s waist and he started to move, too after a while.  
"Fuuuuck", Travis moaned and closed his eyes, when Van hit that sensitive spot inside of him. The swimmer wondered how he had been able to think that Travis didn't love him. He asked himself in this moment, why he ever doubted their relationship and that Travis’s dad would convince him to break up with Van. Travis loved him. He really, really loved him. All of him. Even the broken pieces. And so did he. He loved that they were so flawed and still thought the other one was perfect.  
Van stopped thrusting and wrapped his arms around Travis, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. "Van?"  
Van shook his head and kissed the skin where he was hiding.   
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah. Yeah. I just love you so much that it makes me crazy. You are perfect."  
Travis smiled hearing those words and whispered: "You and me. We are both perfect."  
"I need you,  Trav'."  
"Look at me."  
Van did and was greeted with a smiling face and blue eyes. "I need you, too. I need you to complete me. You know, you are my favorite picture."   
"Please, move again. I need to feel you. All of you."  
Travis moved faster and faster and Van grabbed for Travis cock and started jerking him but he came faster than Travis and latter placed himself next to Van and instead of letting Van help him, he shook his head. "No. I don't want to come."  
Van cocked an eyebrow.  
"Why?"  
"Punishment", he answered and smirked.  
"Pfff. Bullshit."  
Van's hand grabbed for the other cock and started stroking him while sucking on Travis nipple. Van didn't need long to make him come and they were lying next to each other and looked up to the moon. They had found their light.


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for more. Who was that?
> 
> So it is getting cheesy now...Like wow...My teeth hurt from the sweet...and it gets hot..
> 
> Only four chapters left!

**A year later**  
Van had packed some of their clothes into a suitcase and was waiting for Travis to come back from college. Both of them had some days off and so Van had arranged a little surprise trip to the beach for Travis. Remembering that they had spoken about that when they started dating. He smiled at himself. He had found a nice little place in New Haven where they would go and sleep for three nights. It looked so very romantic and after what had happened at the lake last year, they had really found their way with each other. They had never lashed again, never tried to get punished, they had just accepted their love.  
He was making sure he had packed the camera and Travis sketchbook and Pencils, when the artist came back home. Van started smiling, waiting for Travis to call after him and starting to talk about his day while starting to undress. Most of the time Travis was stripping down to his briefs and then just put on a  onesie  or his overall.   
"Merman? Are you home?", he heard Travis yelling.  
"In your room."  
After a while  Travis  stumbled in and was wearing his boxers.   
"What are you doing in here?", he asked with a wondering face.   
"I thought I forgot my shirt here last night."  
"Well, did you find it?"  
"No. Must have taken it out with me."  
"Hmm." Travis came closer, remembering what they had done last night. He was working all day on a painting and Van had started to kiss his neck and massaging his shoulders. As soon as he was done with the picture, Van had sat down on his lap and Travis eyes had widened when he saw his boyfriend naked and needy on top of him.  
"You are thinking about last night", Van said.  
"Oh yeah",  Travis  replied while licking along Van's neck and biting on his earlobe. His hands roaming over Van's chest.  
"I guess my boyfriend is a bit hot."  
"I thought about you all day and what we did last night."  
"So you liked to be surprised like this?"  
"Hmm. Yeah." Travis pressed his hard on against Van's back.  
"Baby, I don't want to ruin this but we have plans and no time for whatever you are starting here."  
Travis let go of Van and when latter turned around Travis had crossed his arms in front of his chest and was pouting.  
"What plan can be better than that?"  
"Just you wait. You need to get dressed my love."  
Van kissed him on the forehead and walked past him, grabbing Travis backpack. He heard him mumble something and then walking to the living room where he had stripped off his clothes and put them back on. Looking down on his crotch and mumbling. "I can't close my pants with that."  
Van snorted and laughed, feeling pity for his man and then grabbed him and kissed him. "Sorry. Later, okay?"  
"What the fuck are our plans?"  
"It's a surprise. But we need to go."  
"Okay."  
Van grabbed Travis hand and dragged him out of the flat, down to his car and sat down behind the wheel. They only needed an hour to go where they needed to go and Travis was watching the landscape and as soon as he saw that they were going somewhere new, he looked over to Van and smirked. "Are you taking me to a special place?"  
"Yes."  
"Hm. Is there any chance you tell me where we go?"  
"Not really."  
"How long does the ride last?"  
"Only 30 minutes left." It's not that far."  
"Okay. Are we going to the sea?"  
Van laughed. "Yeah."  
"Really?", Travis sounded excited.  
"Yes. I remembered that you asked me if we can go to the beach some day and I thought this weekend was as good as any other."  
"Did I tell you that I love you today?"  
"Hmmm. I don't know. Did you tell me? I can't remember."  
"Well, then, I love you very much."  
"I love you, too, my Prince."  
Van's hand moved from the wheel to Travis knee and squeezed it. Travis put on the radio and they listened to a radio station that only played rock and metal music. Travis knew it was Van's favorite kind of music.  
They reached the location before sundown and Van made sure they would get to the beach to watch the sun sinking into the sea. Travis didn't speak at all but his eyes were glowing and his lips were curled up into a smile. That was everything that counted. Van had spent the last couple of month to get better. He didn't smoke anymore and they didn't drink alcohol for a long time, just to make sure he would not relapse.  
He was still working at the bike shop and started to dress different. And Travis seemed to like it. His favorite thing was to make his man happy, make him smile and he was doing good. He had tried to make him smile every day, just like he had promised before everything went downhill first.  
Travis grabbed his hand. "Oh god, is this a lighthouse? Look!"  
"Yes it is, love. What do you think where we are going?"  
The artist looked at him confused when they stepped out of the car. "We stay at the lighthouse."  
"No, sorry love, that's not possible. This is a park with carousels and stuff. But we will sleep in a hotel nearby. But for now just let us go to the beach and watch the sun go down before heading to the hotel."  
They walked down to the beach and sat down on one of the rocks that were spread all over the place. Travis had leaned himself against Van, his head on his shoulder and playing with Van's fingers.   
"It's beautiful."  
"Yes it is." Van's eyes went from the setting in front of him, to the dark haired man next to him. "You are beautiful", he whispered, which made Travis look up at him.  
"I love you", the artist mumbled.  
"Good, because, I love you, too."  
"So, we go to the hotel now? I am hungry lil' Merman. I haven't eaten since the morning."  
"Oh yeah. It's time to go."  
They drove to the hotel that Van had found and checked in. It was a room with a king sized bed and dark furniture. The walls were painted yellow. "Well, it is not as beautiful but it was the only place I could find that I was able to pay", Van excused himself.  
"Shut up. It's awesome. Look at that big bed."  
Travis jumped on it and spread his legs and arms.   
"Hey, I thought you were hungry."  
"Damn. Yeah. I am."  
They walked down to go outside and find themselves something to eat. Nothing too fancy but just so they had eaten. They walked along the roads, to a little park and just enjoyed their time together. After a while Travis looked at his boyfriend and stopped walking, letting go of his hand, which made Van look back at him.   
"Are you alright?"  
"Yes,  just...You  are the best fucking boyfriend ever."  
Van laughed. "I do my best."  
"When did you plan all this?"  
"Every time I was home early and sometimes during my breaks at work."  
"I really had no idea."  
"Good. That's the point of a surprise. So are you  comin'?"  
"Yeah. Let's go to the hotel. I want to.." Travis walked closer and whispered the last part in Van's ear: "...fuck your cute ass."  
"Sometimes you sound like a drunken sailor."  
"Fits the setting, don't you think?"  
"Hmm."  
Both of them couldn't get back fast enough and as soon as they had shut the door behind them, Van started to undress his man. His hands everywhere he could touch him and Travis was doing the same thing. They crawled into the big bed and Van grabbed for the bag he had put their lube in. When he turned back, Travis was holding his own cock and was stroking himself. His eyes wandered to Travis' face and the artist was blushing.  
"You gonna help me or watch me", he asked.  
"I wanna watch you. This is so sexy."  
Van started to suck on Travis nipples and gave him kisses and whispered into his ear: "Come for me."  
But Travis stopped jerking himself and grabbed Van's hair instead, kissing him rough and longing. "I need to feel you", he moaned.  
"How do you want me, Sexy?"   
"I want you to suck me dry and then fuck me like you want."  
Van cocked an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"  
"Yes. I just want to feel you."  
Van moved down on the bed and  laid  down on his back and gave Travis a sign to move above him, his dick pointing to Van's mouth, which instantly covered the sensitive skin. Travis pushed in and out of Van's mouth and moaned all the time and when Van grabbed his butt and started to play around his entrance, he came and Van swallowed hard.  
Van grabbed after the lube as soon as Travis moved and started to open his friend up. "Trav' did you expect it rough because  I...I  wanna go slow?"  
"Okay. However I feel you, that's enough."  
The former swimmer bent Travis leg over his shoulder and then pushed in, his weight on his arms. Before he started to move he gave Travis a kiss and played with his beard.   
"I love you", he breathed and rested his forehead on Travis', closed his eyes and started to move. The artist's hands roamed over his lovers back and grabbed his arms. "I love you, too." Van took his time, loving to feel Travis so close and loving that Travis still had no idea what was going on.   
It felt good to make love with Travis and Van's heart beat faster every time Travis started to play with his hair and tangled their fingers together. They have been together for over a year but nothing had changed. He still had butterflies in his stomach and he was nervous every time they had sex.  
"Trav'", he moaned before coming and wrapping his arms around his anchor. His reason to breathe and go on. Travis was his everything.  
His lips found the other pair and he breathed between kisses: "I'm completely fucked."  
Travis snorted and Van laughed. "Okay. Wrong words. I meant I am so in love with you, that I can't breathe sometimes."  
"Remember that you told me, that it feels like drowning and then swim up? I guess you were right. And this feeling will never go away."  
"Sorry that I was going slow."  
"I guess you needed it. So it is okay sweetheart."  
Van smiled and moved up and walked to the shower.   
"What do you think? Wanna take a shower and then go to bed? We have a lot to do tomorrow."  
"If you say so. Let's clean me a bit. Someone made me dirty."  
"Who is that someone and what do we do?"  
"Hmm. Maybe you can rub my back and my butt and wash my mouth out."  
"I can do that." Van grabbed  Travis  and pulled him into the shower. As soon as the water hit their faces, they started to kiss and both rested their hands on each others hips.   
"So, do you like my surprise up to now?", Van asked and started to clean Travis backside and his hair.  
"Yeah. It's amazing. Can't wait to run around and take pictures."  
"That's why I brought your camera and your sketchbook and Pencils."  
Travis leaned against Van and grabbed his hands. "Thank you for making me happy and think about stuff like this."  
"Of Course. What would my artist be without his supplies? And I love to make you happy. You are cute when you smile and extremely hot when you do stuff like before."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Stroking yourself."  
Travis turned around, red in his face. "Yeah. I  thought..I  don't know."  
Van put a hand under Travis chin and made him look up to meet his eyes. "Don't ever think it is embarrassing. It was sexy and I would have loved to watch you do it."  
"Sorry that I am still  so..shy  sometimes."  
Van laughed. "That's why I love you, you idiot."  
"You love me because I am shy? Is that the only reason?" Travis smirked.  
"Nah and because you are hot."  
"So you only like my body and everything about sex."  
"No. I also like that you are freaking adorable, fucking sensitive, inspirational, kind, creative, selfless, strong, smart, stunning, amazing..." Travis covered Van's mouth with his hand. "Okay, okay!"  
"And you are the love of my life."  
"You are mine, too. But you know that already."  
"It's nice hearing it. Again and Again."  
After their shower they went to bed and slept face to face this time. Before closing his eyes, Van started to let his finger glide over Travis eyebrows, gently touching his eyelids with his thumb and then kissed him. This would be the last day that they went to bed like this. Next night they would be different. At least he hoped so.

* * *

 

The next morning Travis woke up because someone was kissing his belly and this someone was hovering over him and looking at him. He could feel eyes on his body whenever Van moved. "I know you are awake Charming. Come on, open your wonderful blue eyes. Look at me you lazy fuck."  
"Lazy fuck? What? I thought we are on a holiday."  
Travis opened his eyes and started laughing, when he saw Van's face. He had sleeping wrinkles everywhere in his face and his hair was standing to all sites of his head. His mouth gave him the cutest smile ever and Travis shook his head. "Merman, you are such an adorable fuck."  
"Hmmm. Adorable?" Van took Travis hands in his and intertwined them.   
"Yeah and cute. So, let's get dressed and do whatever you wake me up for."  
"Oh, I did wake you up because I had a dream."  
"What dream?"  
"You were so sexy in it."  
"What did I do?"  
Van bit his lip and answered: "You took me rough and hard and then pulled out and turned me around so you could come all over my stomach." He moved down and started to suck on Travis neck, while moving, so he was straddling the artist. He looked down on his erection and Travis smirked. "Oh look. My boyfriend is ready to be fucked again." He looked at the clock next to their bed. "Are you fucking kidding me. It's only 3 in the morning. Did you really wake me to fuck?"  
"Yes. I told you there would be a round two."  
"Fuck. So I need to do my job good then."  
Travis pulled Van closer and turned them  around, so he was on top, his hard on poking against Van's knee. The moment Van had talked about his dream he felt the same mood and just wanted to do it. He grabbed for the lube and started to spread Van, so he wouldn't hurt him. His lips not leaving the other ones. Van's hands were on his butt, Squeezing it.  
"Damn, Picasso, your ass fits so perfect in my hands."  
"I know what else fits perfect in your hands."  
They looked at each other and Travis snickered. "My face you idiot. Will you fucking kiss me properly and stop massaging my butt. I am not the one that gets fucked now."  
"Oi. There he is again. Mr.  Supercocky."  
"Oh come on. You like me when I am cocky."  
"Fuck yes. My mysterious and dark Prince Charming."  
"And now moan for me."  
Travis was pushing two fingers in and out of Van, rubbing the nub that would make him scream after a while. He had done it once he could do it again. The one time he didn't stop, until Van was begging him to get fucked.   
Van started moaning the second he felt his boyfriends fingers rubbing his prostate and it got worse when he felt a tongue  swirling  around  his erection, sucking his balls and sometimes Travis used his second hand to give him some hard strokes. Van loved when Travis was cocky. It was so hot and sexy and he always got hard when his man was like this. Which was rare because as much as he enjoys doing it, Travis still was embarrassed afterwards and still felt bad because of the incident at the lake.  
Van moaned and looked down to Travis, who was watching him, with lust written all over his face and suddenly he stopped all the teasing and just looked at Van, his face turning into something else.  
"Oh my god, Van, did you bring me here to fuck?"  
"No. You will see later. I just wanted to have a good time. So Baby, will you please continue?"  
"Hm." Travis went back to give Van pleasure and soon he forgot that little dream he once had, from having sex at the beach.  
"Fuck me,  Trav'."  
"No. Not yet."  
Travis pushed a third finger into Van, which made latter press his heels to the bed and buck his hips up and his grip into the sheets got harder.  
"Oh my god."  
After some moves Travis stopped and grabbed for the lube, putting some on his own member and then made Van turn around, kissing him, before he pushed in and fucked him. Really hard. Just like he was asked to do and he had to admit, seemed to like it. Seems like he could be shy but very rough, too. "Touch yourself Van, come on."  
Van nodded and grabbed his own cock and started to jerk him, while Travis was pushing in and out of him and hitting his prostate every second time.   
"Oh god, oh  god..Baby..Damn..", Van groaned and let go of his cock, because he didn't want to come like this. Travis moaned and then pulled out and Van turned around the same second and Travis looked at him, while stroking himself and shooting his load all over Van, with a loud "fuck", on his lips. His head was falling back and his orgasm was so hard, that he saw black dots in front of his face for a second, when he opened his eyes back up. Van was waiting for him and Travis grinned, when he started to lick his own cum from his lovers body, then turned on his back and Van eyed him curious. "Hey!"  
"Merman, come on, make me dirty again."  
Now it was Van who was blushing and bit his lip. "Damn. I.."  
"Don't be embarrassed. I just did the same thing Sweetheart."  
"But you look so hot and confident when you do it."  
Travis pulled Van on top of him and kissed him. "Because I love you and try to be myself around you. If you don't wanna do it I accept that. You want me to help you?"  
Van hid his face and nodded. "I kinda thought you would give me a hand, yes."  
"Then turn around my love and I will take care of you."  
So Van turned around into their favorite position and Travis took his time, appreciating the man on top of him and making goosebumps appear on his skin. Then he reached for Van's hand and pulled it down with him, made Van close his fingers around his member and then covered it with his own. "Show me how you like it. Show me how you did it when you were younger and fantasizing about girls."  
Van's eyes were fixed on Travis face but then wandered to his hand around his own cock and started to move his hand up and down, his head  immediately  falling back next to Travis. The artists free hand was playing with Van's nipple and after a while his second hand was joining the other one, so they could roam over Van's body. Travis looked down and loved the sight, he loved the way his man was touching himself.  
"Come for me Van. Let your eyes closed but think of me when you come."  
Travis pinched Van's nipples and sucked on his neck and Van was moaning on top of him and Travis moved one hand back down and helped Van to come. When Van did he nearly screamed Travis name.  
He was panting and sweating, his eyes flickering open to look at the other man. "Good Morning my Prince."  
"Good Morning my King."  
"King?"  
"Yeah. It's awful that I can't come up with better nicknames for you."  
"I love when you call me Baby or sweetheart or Merman."  
"How about you clean yourself and then come back to bed and we nap a bit more?"  
"Okay."  
Van walked over to the bathroom that was attached to their room and wiped the cum from his stomach. He looked at the mirror and gently brushed his fingers over the blue skin on his hips. Travis had left marks the last times they slept together and Van loved them. He belonged to Travis, with body and soul. He sneaked back to the bedroom and crawled back  under  the sheets. Travis was sleeping already and so Van kissed his stomach and then snuggle himself close to his man. Travis shifted and wrapped his arm around Van, placed a kiss on Van's head and mumbled: "I am not asleep."  
"Just resting your eyes?"  
"Yeah."  
"Trav'? You know which day it is today?"  
"No. Tell me."  
"The day we went to the lake and I asked you to punish me. Where  you...went  all psychopath. I wanted this to be a new memory."  
Travis eyes were opened and he placed another kiss on Van's forehead. He had hoped that Van wouldn't remember the exact date.  
"I think it is a nice idea. I am still sorry."  
The blonde haired started to play with the artists fingers. Both fell silent for a little while and just cuddled and shared some loving gestures. After a while Travis voiced: "And I still believe I am dreaming."  
"Why?"  
"Because I am so happy and I have been for month now."  
"I am happy, too."  
"Lil' Merman, would you please do me a favor?"  
"What favor?"  
"If this is a dream, make sure I am not waking up."  
"I promise."  
"Good."  
After that they both  drifted  off to sleep and only woke up when the sun was up.

* * *

  
They were standing in front of the old carousel and Travis was leaning against Van, his head on his shoulder and was waving a kid that was riding the horse and laughed. Van smirked when the carousel stopped and no one was going to ride on it. He took Travis' hand in his and dragged him nearer. He bought two tickets and Travis smiled like a kid. Both of them climbed on a horse next to each other and Van could feel his heart melt with the look Travis gave him. Van was never getting enough of that expression of his man. It was everything he needed and something he wanted to see for the rest of his life.   
Van was glad to see Travis laughing and happy. Jumping, clapping hands and smiling all the time. He looks so free and like a child sometimes. Van wrapped his arms around him, when he was eating  ice cream. He himself didn't want any. Travis was feeding him with his and as soon as he was done eating, Van took his hand and licked them clean and kissed his lips. Van himself was getting nervous but he knew sometime he need to do it and so he took Travis hand in his and made him walk up to the beach with him, and when he looked around, and saw, they were alone, he made Travis stop and took his face in his hands. "Trav', my Prince, I just need to do this now and I need to say it", Van got down on his knees and looked up to his man, who looked surprised and shocked. "I still remember how your eyes looked when I first kissed you and I remember how your lips felt on mine. I remember every second with you from our whole life. And it is true that I love every single second of it. You know I am not good with words and I can barely tell you how much I love you, but one thing is for sure, you are my anchor, my haven, my light. You take my breath away and every time you smile, it makes me smile, too. I love you Travis and I don't want to live one day without you by my side. I know I asked you this before,  but...Will  you marry me?" Van opened the little black box he was holding in his hand, presenting a silver ring to Travis. Instead of an answer, Travis  kneeled  down, too, so they were at the same height and he started to cry and just looked from the ring, back to Van and wiped away his tears and started to smile, shake his head and nodded and then said: "Yes, fuck, yes. It was always a yes. I love you."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes."  
Van's eyes were getting wet and he smiled and kissed Travis. Then he took the ring and placed it on his man's finger.   
"You even think about a ring and it fits."  
"Yeah. I wanted you to have the whole package. A real proposal and a ring and you know. Everything."  
Travis looked down on his hand and shook his head.  
"Oh god. We are fiancées."  
"Yes and someday you are going to be my husband. My beautiful, stunning and sexy husband. You are mine Travis. I will never ever let you go."  
"You don't need to because I sure as hell don't wanna leave you. Oh Van."   
Travis tackled Van to the ground and kissed him. "Are you happy my Prince?"  
"Yes. Of Course. I'm happy ever since you kissed me at that Party."  
"Good, because if you are happy, I am, too."  
"Did this really just happen?"  
"It did. Believe me  Trav'. I want to spend my whole life with you. You make me better and you make me feel complete. I wish that someday you see how amazing you are and I won't stop telling you that. Baby, you are so wonderful and I can't believe I spent so many days without you. God, I wished I would have had enough balls in High School. I wish I would have recognized sooner, that I was in love with you." Van had tears streaming down his face and his hands were playing with Travis' hairs. "You make me so happy my Prince Charming."  
"Damn...My  cock really reacts to words." Travis blushed and tried to look away, but Van was holding his face and kissed him, pressing his own hard on against Travis middle.  
"And seems mine reacts to it."  
"Let's go and make out as  fiancées."  
"I like the sound of that but..."  
"What?"  
"I do have another surprise."  
"Another one?"  
Van smiled and pecked Travis lips. "Let's go."  
They were holding hands and Van watched Travis. He was wearing his black clothes, a new scarf, because he had lost the old one and his face was glowing. His eyes bluer than ever before and that made Van smile. He had managed to make him happy, one more time. He lead him to a part of the beach that was very lonely and where rocks would cover what he wanted to do.   
Van was lying down on the sand, his face turned away from the ocean. Travis sat down next to him and Van  promptly  pulled him on top of him. "Do you remember that dream you had, about sex on the beach?"  
"Yeah."  
"We are at a beach my love."  
"I can see that. So you wanna have sex in the sand and where anyone could see us?"  
"Yes."  
"I don't know." Travis scratched his head.  
"Would you prefer our hotel?"  
"I'm afraid we get arrested."  
"Hmm. Okay. I just wanted to make your dream real."  
"Maybe when we leave on most of our clothes."  
"Deal."  
But in the end they ended up in their hotel room again because the sand was highly uncomfortable and they didn't bring lube.   
They had sex for the very first time as more than just boyfriends. They were fiancées.


	23. Chapter 22

Some month later  
As usual Van was the last one to work at the pool and he knew he was running late for their dinner, so he sent Travis a message. "Sorry Baby, I'm  running' late. Will be there in 30."   
His mobile vibrated. "Open the front door."   
Van smiled and hurried to the door, to let Travis in. "Hey sweetheart. Need a ride?", the artist greeted him.   
"Yeah. I need to finish a report. We had an accident here and I need to write down what happened. I will be done soon."   
"No worries. I was running late myself and I already called the restaurant that we won't make it."   
"OH NO! This was supposed to be our first day off in weeks and I wanted it to be romantic."   
"We will think of something else."   
Travis pulled off his pants and shorts and socks and cleaned his feet under the little  foot shower they had installed and then hung his legs into the water. He liked the pool at night and ever since Van started working here he picked him up after work  sometimes. Van usually walks the 10 minutes but when he was running late Travis picked him up and today he wanted to surprise him.   
"Merman, do you still have your spare swimming pants?"   
"Yeah? You wanna swim while I write?"   
"Yeah."   
Van opened his locker and Travis walked over and changed into Van's pants. He swam around a bit, dived a bit and felt fresh and good. he stopped to look to Van and latter smirked and stood up to walk over to his man.   
"Sir, you need to leave. We are closed", he said.   
"Oh. I thought maybe I can flirt with the lifeguard so he would let me swim a bit longer."   
"The Lifeguard is hungry."   
"What does the Lifeguard want to eat?"   
"Dessert."   
"Hmm. Sounds good."  
Van got rid of the white clothes he was wearing over his swim shorts and jumped into the water. Travis was floating on the surface, his arms and legs spread. Van swam between his legs and pulled Travis closer to him. "So you want sex in the pool, huh?"  
Travis smirked and nodded. "Been thinking of you in your swim shorts all day long."  
Van was fumbling around at Travis shorts, until he could push his hand in, playing with Travis balls. "So my man thinks about sex while teaching kids art?"  
"We were talking about nude pictures."  
"Did you have a hard on?"  
"No."  
Travis shot him a look, his eyes slowly getting darker and his cheeks turning red. "No? I bet you had one. My naughty lil' Picasso."  
The artist whispered into Van's ear: "I couldn't wait to see you."  
"And you thought that when you tell me that you are horny I would gladly help you with that?"  
"You always do."  
"Yeah. Can't help it but I like my naughty  fiancée."  
They kissed and Van let go of Travis, so he was floating again, then removed his shorts, moved back between his legs and started to give him head, while pushing him slowly over to the steps. Travis started moaning as soon as Van was licking over the head of his cock. crossing his legs behind his neck. At the steps Van made Travis climb up and kneel down. He stayed in the water and started to rim Travis, tasting like chlorine. After a while he used his finger, pushing in and out of his man, rubbing his prostate and listened to his desperate moans.   
Van grabbed his own cock and jerked himself, then made Travis climb out of the pool and pushed him over one of the diving boards and pushed his own shorts down. When Van pushed into him Travis moaned and grabbed the edges of the diving board harder.   
Van was biting his lip, finding it weird and arousing to have sex at his workplace. He grabbed into Travis wet hair and made him look over his shoulder. "You like it?", Van asked.  
"Yeah. Yeah, Baby, let me ride you."  
The blonde let go of Travis and placed himself on the ground and Travis instantly sat down on his cock, started to ride him, fast, hard and jerking his own cock. "Trav', oh god, you kill me."  
Travis looked down on his man and smirked. They soon were both near their climax and Van grabbed for Travis arm, when he came, his other hand around Travis cock moving harder and faster.  
They looked down on each other and Van snorted. "Nice, now we need a shower."  
"Hmm. Yeah."  
They grabbed their shorts, took a short shower and then got dressed and pack their stuff.  
They were walking out of the pool, when Travis recognized someone moving towards them. "Hey Van, what are you still doing here? Did you see my mobile? I think I forgot it", one of the other lifeguards asked.  
"Uhm, no."  
"Okay."  
Travis and Van smirked at each other and blushed. Holy Christ. In the car they both started to laugh. "Imagine he would have walked in", Travis said amused.  
"He sure would have been jealous that I have such a hot man."  
"Is he gay?"  
"No. He is straight."  
Travis laughed and started the car. "So, I guess we should buy some food. How about  Chinese?"  
"Sounds good."  
Travis drove to the little  Chinese  restaurant that also was a take out place and Van looked at him all the way. "Pool sex, huh? Do you have more of those fantasies?"  
"You have no idea", the artist coughed.  
"So many?"  
"Hmm."  
"For example?"  
"On a plane."  
"Ewww. Gross. At the toilet?"  
"No. A  blowjob  in the seat."  
"Holy Christ. You really want to get caught someday, don't you?"  
Travis chuckled and parked the car. "I don't know. Ever since we started dating I feel like I want you in every place and every situation. It's driving me nuts that I am that sex driven and I just can't help it. You are just too sexy."  
"Well, gladly I have the same problem. And you know, the older we get the sexier you are getting."  
"Likewise."  
"Come on, I am starving."  
They ordered their food and went home into their flat, finding cookies on the stairs. Like every weekend.  
After the proposal both of them started to have other jobs. Van was working at the bike shop and as lifeguard, while Travis worked in the art supply job, taught other students and still studied art. They wanted to save money for a wedding and a house.   
Both sat down on their table and started eating. "So, how was your day Picasso?"  
"Boring. The group of students I teach are all stupid brats that only chose art because they thought they would get better grades in High School. One of them reminds me a lot of you. He is a swimmer and he treats some of the others like shit but he is gay like fuck. I bet my foot on it. And he kinda flirted with me. He asked me if the new lifeguard in town was my brother and I told him that you are my  fiancée. Should have seen his face."  
"Oh. So you get hit on by your students? Does that happen a lot?"  
"Yes."  
"See, they all see what I see. You are handsome."  
"So are you. Do you get hit on too?"  
"Yes, of course. By guys and girls. But I always show them my tattoo and tell them: That's the name of my soon-to-be husband and then they look all shy and apologize."  
"Awww. You are a heartbreaker."  
"Nothing new to you, right? I broke yours, too. And then healed it."  
"Yes you did."  
Travis took Van's hand in his and Van started to play with his engagement ring, watched their hands and then looked up to meet Travis eyes. "Did you imagine it being like this?"  
"What?"  
"Living together and being with me? Or did you imagine something different?"  
"No. I didn't. I always knew we would be like this. Even so I thought you would be hard to hold, hard to keep you in one place. I thought  maybe...someday...you  know..you  would cheat on me. I never thought you would stay forever with me." Travis saw Van's eyes getting sad.  
"Why did you think that?"  
"You had a reputation as  heartbreaker. But I loved you anyways and hoped you would be different. I knew you were different. And turned out I was right. You are incredible and it's better than what I ever dreamed of. Why are you asking this? Are you not happy anymore?"  
Van stood up and sat down on Travis lap. "Of course I am happy. Just wanted to make sure I give you everything you want."  
"Everything I want is right now sitting on my lap. Stop to worry Van. Are you having your bad phase again? It's getting close to Doug's obit again, right?"  
The swimmer nodded and sighed. "Sometimes I wish he would have met you. I only know him for some weeks but he was so nice and made me think about things. Sometimes I still see his face before he drowned."  
Travis was caressing Van's back and waited for him to calm down.   
"I am glad I have you Travis."  
"And I am happy to be with you and I will always be there for you. I am not leaving you. Not willingly. You know that."  
That sometimes happened, that out of the blue, Van was sad and needed to talk and Travis was always glad when he did, because days before he was sometimes moody and trying to fix himself until he couldn't and then talked to Travis. He was a lot calmer than in the past and he didn't get into trouble anymore. No more drugs, he barely drank alcohol and he never got into fights. Now and then he was driving around with his bike, together with his friends from work. But most of the time they were staying home. Van had started to read Travis books and sometimes visited his Dad to help him with the figures. Every last weekend in the month they drove to the lake and stayed a weekend. They never could leave this place behind. It was their home.  
"Merman, you want to watch a movie?"  
"No, can  you..can  we lay down?"  
"Sure. Come on then."  
They walked over to the couch and Van placed himself on top of Travis, covered them with a blanket and rested his head on his friends chest. The artist wrapped his arms around him and waited for Van to talk to him. It took him longer than usual but after a while he whispered: "I'm sorry. I am ruining the evening."  
"No, you are not. You don't feel good and that's okay. Remember last week when I wouldn't even talk to you because Benjamin made me angry at work? I think we can't always have good days. I am just glad we don't try to hurt each other anymore. Like at the beginning."  
"Yeah. I am glad too. You know what I would like to do now?"  
"No, tell me."  
"Dance. I want to dance with you." Van moved his head so he could look at Travis and grinned.  
"Then put on music and we can dance. But you pay for this. You know I hate dancing."  
"I know. But you do it because I want you to."  
"Yeah. Everything for you."  
Van pecked Travis lips and then stood up and put AC/DC in the player and then smiled widely at Travis.  
"Are you  fuckin' kidding me?"  
"No?"  
Instead of dancing they ended up wrestling and tickling each other and Travis was glad to see Van laugh like this. It was rare that he laughed from the bottom of his heart and it was the most amazing thing to hear and see. "Stooooop.  Trav'!"  
"Say the magical word."  
"Please!"  
"Not that one."  
"Cookies."  
"Okay." Travis jumped up and ran to the kitchen, to make them hot chocolate and Van followed him, to kiss his neck. "We will never grow up, right?"  
"Pfff. Growing up is not on my list. Never was."  
"So we can be freaky kids until we die?"  
"Yep."  
"Travis", Van said with a serious voice but his eyes all sparkling and glowing. "I need to say this but it is a pleasure to have the weirdest freak as a  fiancée  and that allows me to be a childish idiot all the time."  
Travis snorted. "I am just glad you had the balls to kiss me all those years back."  
"Thanks to Mr. Weed and Mr. Jack."  
"Yeah and that scarf."  
Van pouted. "I miss that scarf."  
"Me too."  
They sat down on the couch drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies while the music was still playing in the background. That's how most their weekends begun and both of them loved it because after all this time they still managed to find fun in everything they did.  
"Tomorrow we need to cut the grass for Josey and Jacob and we need new food and drinks. I need to prepare a new class for  Monday  and do my homework. But in the evening I am free. How about we go to the movies and watch that comic movie you wanted to see?", Travis suggested.  
"Oh! Yes! That sounds amazing. Wanna ask Cathy to come along? You haven't seen her in a while."  
"Great. Yes."  
Travis grabbed his mobile and send an  SMS  to Cathy. They only saw each other in class or when they met on private. After Travis had moved in with Van she moved in with some girls and they were having a lot of parties. Derrick was brought to jail some month back, when a girl reported him for sexual assault. Jazz, Van's friend too, was in jail for his criminal past and they were both glad that they had managed to get over all this. Fake Friends, drugs, alcohol,  rumors..That  was in the past and both of them were happy that they would spend the rest of their life together.  
When they went to bed that evening, Van snuggled himself close to Travis and mumbled: "I love you", while listening to his heartbeat.  
"I love you, too", the artist replied and pressed Van closer.   
"You know what is funny? That every time you tell me that you love me back, I am still surprised to hear it. Even so we say it every evening. I still can't get enough of you saying it."  
"My lil' Merman, you better believe it but I will continue saying it because it is the truth."  
"Good night my lil' artist."  
"Good Night my lil' lifeguard."


	24. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...ready to see the end coming? And for Older Van and Travis?

**Three years later**

  
They were sitting at the front porch of their new house and Van was drinking coffee, while Travis was sitting behind him, his head resting on his fiancé's shoulder. They had moved into the house about a month ago and in three days were going to Massachusetts to get finally married. It was the first state to allow same-sex marriage and both of them were nervous about it and yet it was the most beautiful thing for them. All those years back, when they promised each other to spent their life together, it was a childish and yet lasting promise. Up until now they were always been together and after that incident five years ago, they never had such a fight again. They calmed each other and every day was like a new adventure. Travis was working as an art professor at a school. He had given up his psychology classes after he figured out, that he was too damaged to be a therapist. He didn't want to give someone a bad advice because he himself was a bit broken. Van had yelled at him for this but afterwards apologized and accepted his wish.  
Van had worked at the motorcycle job until two years ago and then started to swim again and was now a lifeguard at the local pool. And was teaching kids how to swim.   
They had grown so much and both of them were still in love with each other as if they met yesterday. It was even deeper and stronger than in their first month.  
Travis kissed the back of Van's blonde hair, which was way shorter than in their teenage years and he never dyed it again. It was a sandy blonde now and he looked even more handsome than when they were younger and he had more muscles.   
"Are you nervous?” Travis asked.  
"No. Because I love you and I want you to be my man." Van turned around and kissed Travis, who was wearing a black wifebeater and a black jeans. His hair short and his beard more visible than years back. Van placed a hand on Travis cheek. "Are you?"  
"Yes. But more because we are one of the few same-sex couples that will be married. And because I am afraid something goes wrong."  
"What should go wrong?"  
"Don't know. Maybe I will trip over my feet and fall down and break a leg."  
"Then I will carry you to the altar."  
"Maybe the cake crashes down."  
"Floor cake it is then."  
"Or maybe...Maybe an asteroid falls down on the hotel."  
Van laughed. "Baby, you are worrying too much. And I don't care for anything. Only seeing you all dressed up and a ring on your finger."  
"Hmm. I have something for you and I want you to wear it tomorrow."  
"What's it?"  
Travis took Van's hand in his and led him into the house, into their bedroom and took a little bag from his drawer. He gave it to Van and Van pulled out a blue and white striped scarf. He started smiling and wrapped it around his neck. "It's nice. It looks like the one you had in school. The red scarf I loved so much. When you told me you lost it, I was sad."  
Travis smirked and grabbed another bag from his drawer and pulled out his old red scarf and wrapped it around his neck.  
"OH NO! YOU BASTARD HAD IT ALL THE TIME!"  
Travis chuckled. "Yes and when you told me that you loved it I hid it for our wedding. And I am wearing a white tux, so the red scarf will fit and you told me you were wearing blue. So I thought you needed one too."  
"Did I ever tell you, that I love your ideas?" Van lifted Travis up and kissed him. "Woah, slow down lil' Merman. You will break your back when you lift me."  
"Shut up. You are not fat."  
"But my belly kind of expanded."  
"You are crazy. You nearly have a six pack you idiot."  
"Nah. That's your body."  
"Who cares? I love you the way you are and you know what? Soon you are my husband. Can you believe that? My husband. That sounds so good."  
Travis nodded. "Perfect."  
They went downstairs and Van sat down on his piano and started playing, remembering when Travis had caught him staring at it in a store. And day after day he had walked by the shop, because it was on his way to work and after a while Travis had pulled him in and made him play. Teaching him some keys and Van knew he wanted to play, still sad that his Dad had given his moms piano away. And when they had moved in, Travis had surprised him one day with a piano and he loved playing it, while Travis was painting or preparing his classes. The music calmed the both of them and sometimes they sat together and played using four hands.   
Van looked to Travis, who was sitting in the chair beside the window and was drawing him. He knew Travis was drawing him, by the way his eyes flickered and the way they sparkled. After some time he knew exactly what was on his fiancés mind and after spending nearly six years together he also knew what his friend needed.   
Van stood up and sat down next to Travis, kissing his cheek. "How about we watch a Disney movie? How about Bambi?"  
"Oh no. I don't want to see you cry again because they shoot Bambi's mom."  
"I only cried the first time because it reminded me of my mom."  
"Yeah and that's not gonna happen again. How about we watch Aristocats?"  
"Again? We have watched that a million times."  
"Yeah. But...”  
"Okay. Come on, put it in the DVD Player and I make us some popcorn. Let's just enjoy this evening."  
They hadn't had many friends and both of them didn't want a buck's party. Every guest was invited to come to the place they chose to celebrate and that was enough. They had learned to be alone with each other, just to stay out of trouble.  
When he moved back to Travis, he was standing in front of their picture wall. That's what Travis called it because there were frames with pictures of them and their friends and family. He was looking at one of the bigger ones from Disney World. Van remembered that day, too well. They were both so excited to go there. He had prepared a whole weekend for the both of them and surprised Travis on his 20th birthday with it. Even so they were adults, they still loved Disney movies and Travis excitement infected Van as well.   
Van wrapped his arm around Travis shoulder and pointed at a picture from one of their first dates.  
"It's been five years since we took this picture and you know what I see?"  
"No."  
"The same I see now. A perfect picture. I love you Trav' and I always did. We were happy then and I am happy now."  
"Me, too. And see this. I love that canvas."  
"Oh hell, don't remind me. My Dad was laughing at me when I asked him to help me paint something for you. Especially when I asked him to help me paint a merman."  
"I love it because you made it and the colors are beautiful. You know, this wall, it's our past and we had so much fun. And...I don't know...does this stop when we get married? Or will we forever be like this?"  
"Baby, I will always be an idiot and you will always be a freak. So, we will be freaks together until we die."  
They kissed and sat down to watch the movie but Travis was distracted by the beauty of his soon to be husband. That man was getting hotter every minute. His eyes were even more mysterious and he started to dress better a few years back and looked so hot. Damn, Travis really wanted to watch that movie but now he was thinking about another thing to calm them both and that included no clothes.  
He shoved his hands under Van's shirt and moved it up over his head. Their eyes met and Van stopped the DVD player and started to undress Travis. Kissing his neck and his chest. Tracing the tattoo with his fingers.   
"I remember when I painted this on your skin with color. I never thought you would get it tattooed. A heart in flames."  
"I needed something to cover the word fag and I wanted something of you."  
"When I saw how they tattooed it into your skin I had goose bumps because this was the greatest thing anyone had ever done. And then you had the idea with the matching tattoos."  
Travis stroked over the tattoo on the inside of Van's left arm. It was his name. And on the inside of his arm was the name "Van" inked. They had always known that they belonged together.  
"Van", Travis voice was shaking and he closed his eyes for a brief moment. This feeling had never gone away. He was still overwhelmed whenever they looked at each other and he was still scared of the intense bond they had. They could destroy each other in the blink of an eye and still they were the best couple.  
"Trav', I'm here. Come Baby, I think I know what you need."  
Van shoved his arms under Travis body and while kissing him, he moved upstairs to their bedroom and lit some fake-candles after suiting Travis in the middle of the bed.  
He took the bottle of massage oil from the nightstand and started to massage Travis back. He loved doing this and they sometimes spent hours just giving each other massages and taking baths, go for walks and dance whenever they could.  
"Is this okay?” Van asked.  
"Hmm. Yes."  
"Two days Prince Charming and we are husband and husband."  
"Sweetheart, can we not talk about our wedding now? We have been talking about nothing else the last weeks and today I just want to spend time with you. Preferable in bed."  
"Oh oh. In bed? Anything in mind?"  
"Just cuddling."  
"So you want me to stop massaging you?"  
"I didn't say that."  
Van smirked and massaged his man a bit more and then stood up, looked at him and started to undress, while Travis was looking. He left his briefs on and Travis cocked his eyebrows. Van's mouth turned into a cocky smile and then he stripped down his briefs, turned around and left the room. Yelling from the hallway: "Are you joining or do you need an extra invitation?"  
"Calm down old man."  
Travis followed Van, stripping off his clothes on the way to the bathroom. Van had started to let water into the tub and put some oil in it. Van sat down in the water and Travis gave him a kiss, before joining him in the tub. He rested his head against Van's shoulder and closed his eyes. Enjoying the moment.  
The blonde man placed little pecks on the other man’s ear and hair, his hands finding Travis' in the water.   
"It's crazy. Sometimes I feel so old. We are not even 25 and have a house, jobs and will get married. From time to time I am afraid that you get bored with me", Travis admitted.  
"Why would I ever be bored? Don't think that for a minute. The last five years were the best years we had and I plan on continuing like we always did. Or...don't you want to marry me anymore?" Van's voice was quiet and scared.  
"Moron, of course I want to marry you. I love you. That never changed. I don't know it's  just...I think we are so extremely lucky."  
"That we are and I am the luckiest weirdo, finding an even weirder man that makes me the happiest freak on this planet."  
"Geez, you have a way with words. I hope you don't say that at the wedding."  
Van laughed. "Oh damn. That were the nicest words I could come up with."  
Travis bumped his elbow in Van's stomach. "Be nice Mister."  
"Or what?"  
"Nothing."  
"Say it."  
Travis chuckled. "Or I won't let you sleep tonight."  
"And that's a problem how?"  
"Right...not a good argument."  
"And will you stop that talking shit now. I want to be romantic here."  
"Sorry."  
Van's hands roamed over Travis chest and his mouth was finding that sensitive spot on Travis neck and he started sucking and licking until he was sure that his man would have a hickey the next day.  
Travis turned his head, so Van could place a kiss on his lips and Travis grabbed into Van's hair. "Kiss me", he breathed.  
Nothing that Van needed to be told twice. He immediately started to kiss the love of his life properly, opening his mouth and flicking his tongue over Travis bottom lip. They looked at each other for a second and then Travis met Van's tongue and he could still feel the same sensation then years back. Everyone always told him that passion, love and sex wasn't exciting anymore after a few years but every time Van kissed him, Travis felt his heart stumble and felt his soul flying. It has always been like this and right now, he felt something else rushing through his body and he smiled into their kiss. He felt complete. The last weeks were horrible. They hadn't seen each other much because of all the work that was to do for the wedding and Travis had missed his man badly. Very badly, his cock would say. He stopped kissing and just looked into those blue eyes he never gets enough of. He managed to turn around and straddle Van. Forever thankful for their XXL tub.   
Van knew what Travis was up to and he was excited because they hadn't had sex in weeks and he had missed it.   
"Let's go to bed. I don't want to try anything dangerous before the wedding. I don't need blue knees and stuff", Van said.  
"Whatever, as long as I can feel you."  
Travis stood up and dried himself. Why the fuck did they take that bath in the first place?  
He walked over to their bedroom and when Van followed him, he lifted Van up and threw him on the bed.  
"Woah. Easy there tiger."  
"I want you", Travis mumbled and stroked his own cock, while Van watched his every move. In the last years Travis got so confident about his body in front of him, that he started to stroke himself during sex, touch his own nipples and opened himself up for him. And it was the sexiest thing to watch.  
"How do you want me?"  
"You are already in the right position. Come on open yourself up for me." Van smirked because he knew Travis liked to watch him do it. So he started and started to moan, when he slipped two fingers inside his entrance. And their eyes, well, they were eyefucking  each other and when Van was spread enough, Travis moved between his legs and pushed in, which made both of them moan. Van crossed his legs behind Travis back and his hands on his back, but Travis grabbed them and intertwined their fingers and moved them to both sides of Van's head, before he started to thrust in and out of Van. God, that man was so hot. The older Travis got, the better he looked and sexier.  
"Fuck, Trav' you are so hot."  
"Likewise, sexy."  
Van placed his legs down, which made Travis move in another way in and out of him, but Travis understood and moved out, so Van could turn around. Travis liked that. He liked taking Van from behind, because he could admire those shoulders, the shoulder blades, the back muscles and that butt. He grabbed Van's hips and pulled him down on his cock.  
Van grabbed his own member and gave him some strokes and then waited for Travis to fuck him. He knew in this position, he wouldn't go easy on him. After that accident on the lake, Travis had never again been rough to him until one day, he did, but always spreading him and always putting more lube on than he needed. And Van liked it, he liked when Travis thrusted as hard and deep as he wanted, sometimes leaving scratches on his back. And he apologized every time. Sometimes with a handjob, sometimes with riding him as hard as he had fucked him, or giving him head.  
Travis thrusted in and out and both moaned, feeling complete.  
"I love when you fuck me like this", Van moaned.  
"I know. And I am glad you like it rough."  
"Hmm."  
Their breathing got fast pretty early and both of them knew it just had been too long to last longer than a few minutes. Travis came hard and loud and was panting, when he slipped out of Van, turning him around. "How do you wanna come?"  
"Your mouth."  
And so Travis gave him another blowjob, swallowing his cum and then snuggling up to him. "Round one. Second is coming soon."  
"Wow, you really did mean to stay in bed all day."  
"Yes. I just want to fuck your brain out."  
"Jesus Trav'."  
But that's how they spent most of their evening and most of the night. Having sex in different position, in different rooms in the house and when they went to sleep, Van waited until Travis was asleep and then stood up and went to Travis art room. He had hidden a canvas in there that he started to work on a few days back. He wasn't good at painting but he wanted a present for his man, when he woke up next morning. It was the day before their wedding and he had painted a peach and was now writing their names on it and their wedding date. Sometimes, Van thought, he was cheesy and childish but then he remembered, that he was in love. So utterly, undeniable in love, since that black haired and blue eyed artist stumbled into his life.   
And this was never going to change.

* * *

 

The next morning Travis woke up alone in bed and wondered where Van was and since when he was up. He climbed out of bed and made his way downstairs to find Van in the kitchen, making pancakes and he had prepared the table with their favorite plates, tea, coffee, orange juice, a rose and he was humming a melody Travis had never heard before.   
"Good morning lil' Merman."  
"Oh. Good Morning my Prince. Did I wake you?"  
"No. I missed you in bed."  
Travis walked closer and wrapped his arms around Van's waist and kissed his shoulder blades.  
"I couldn't sleep and thought you might like some breakfast."  
"It's been a while we had breakfast together."  
"Yeah. I miss it."  
"Me, too. We should try to find time after the wedding. Every Sunday for example."  
"Yeah. I would like that. But first we need to go on our honeymoon where we hopefully have breakfast every day. With croissants, jam and what else do the French eat?"  
"We will see. God, I can't believe that we will be in Paris in three days. As a married couple."  
"Sit down love. The pancakes are ready. Blueberry, just like you love them."  
"Thanks."  
They sat down together and had breakfast together, which ended with them feeding each other and kissing in-between.   
"What was the melody you were humming?"  
"Oh...I  don't know. I think I heard that on the radio."  
"Sounds nice. We should find out what it was on the internet."  
"Yeah. So when do you wanna go to the hotel?"  
"I told them we would check in at 6. So we should start driving at 4. Your Dad and the Anderson's will be there at 7, where we have dinner with them."  
"Okay."  
Van played with Travis fingers and was getting nervous. His man had planned everything, while he only helped a little but he had no idea of decorations and wasn't as organized as Travis, which was kind of funny. Travis was the most chaotic person he knew and at the same time he was more organized than he himself. Van kissed the inside of Travis hand and then breathed: "I have something for you but you need to promise me that you won't laugh."  
"I promise." Travis cocked an eyebrow when Van stood up and walked into the art room and came back with a quadratic canvas.  
"I kind of...Just look." Van turned the canvas around and Travis tried his best not to laugh or to cry. He wasn't sure which he would like to do first. So he remained silent and just stared at the picture.  
"You don't like it", Van muttered.  
"Oh. No. Sweetheart, I love it but...did you make this?"  
Van slowly nodded and bit his lip. "Mostly at night or when I knew you would come home late."  
Travis stood up and took the Canvas from Van's hands and kissed him. "It is beautiful. It's perfect for our wall. Come on, we need to find a spot for it."  
He dragged Van to their picture wall and rearranged the pictures, so the peach was hanging in the middle of the wall. Travis nodded.  
"Perfect. Thank you."  
"I kind of wanted to make something you would like. And yeah...I hope you know it is a peach."  
"You don't say...I thought it is a butt."  
Van poked Travis arm and then looked at the picture. He had to admit, Travis had a point there. Then he started laughing and Travis joined him, until they were crying.  
"Jesus Christ, were you thinking of my wonderful ass when you stood up at night and started that?"  
"Of course. I always think about that butt of yours." To demonstrate that Van grabbed Travis by his asscheeks and pulled him closer, pressing his middle against him. Still smirking, he pressed a kiss on his lover’s lips. "Last night when I finished it I had to think about your cock, too and what we did. I thought about your lips and your beard. God, I love that beard it feels wonderful when you are between my legs. And I thought about your nipples and your belly." Van was touching Travis everywhere he could and placed kisses everywhere, pressing his hard on against his friend, who was hard, too.  
"Tome for some breakfast dessert, don't you think?” Travis whispered into Van's ear.  
"Hmmm." And faster than Travis could react his boxers were on the ground and he was pushed against the wall, his legs crossed behind Van’s back and his arms around his neck. Van was spreading him but Travis shook his head. "Push in. I am stretched from last night. Come on."  
And Van did. His forehead resting on his mans. It didn't take them long to come and moan into each other’s mouth. Without slipping out of him, Van sat down on the chair behind him and grabbed for a towel, to clean them both of when he slipped out. After that they showered and packed their bags for the next two nights. Their luggage for the trip to Paris was packed and was standing in the living room. Travis double checked if they had everything and then leaned against their car. He was watching the house and sighed. The last month were full of stress because of the wedding and buying that house but soon he was a married man and would live his life with the love of his life. He had everything he needed and he was happy. He had been happy for years now but this was the final step and a step he had never thought of, would become real someday. But there he was, his man, walking down the front porch and smiling at him.   
"Are you okay?"  
"Yes. Yes I am. I am so happy. I can't wait for our future."  
"Glad to hear that, because I am happy, too."  
Van opened the door for Travis and he climbed into their car. Van was driving, while Travis was looking at him all the time.  
When he moved his head to see why Travis was staring at him, he had to smile. Travis was filming him. Of Course he would make pictures and videos of the whole wedding and everything around it. For their wall.


	25. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my friends and readers!  
> This is the very last chapter of this story. I had really fun writing it and I love the pairing. I love the swimmer and the artist and I know even so they are both Norman characters I love both of them together. I do have a softspot for all the characters of Norman. That's why I love Darphy or everything including Travis and Scud. Anyways..  
> This is the last chapter!
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and reading this!!
> 
> Best wishes  
> drowning ;)

Van was the first to wake up and he looked over to his soon to be husband. IT WAS THEIR WEDDING DAY! Oh my god. Van smiled and giggled and then shook Travis awake. "Wake up lil' Picasso. Come on. It is our wedding day. Come on you stupid lazy fuck. Kiss me." Travis snorted. "Shut the fuck up you noisy tramp."  
"Whaaaat? Behave or I say "No"."  
Travis opened his eyes and turned around, wrapping his arms around his fiancé. "No way. You are mine and you sure as hell won't say "No"."  
"True. It's always been a yes."  
"Good morning my love", Travis whispered.  
"Your eyes sparkle so much. Are you nervous? Happy?"  
"Both. I can't wait to see you in your outfit."  
"Same. I am sad you didn't show the suit to me."  
"It's a surprise."  
"Come on, we need to shower and then we get dressed in different rooms. My Dad is coming to help me and Josey and Jacob are helping you."  
"Yeah."  
They went to the shower and hurried to get out of it. Travis was working on his beard, while Van was rubbing a towel over his hair and kissed Travis back. Both wore sweatpants and a shirt and Travis grabbed all the stuff he needed and then looked at Van. "Goodbye. I will see you in some hours."  
"Goodbye my beautiful Prince Charming. God, I can't wait. I am so excited and I am so happy." Van hugged Travis a last time and kissed his forehead.  
As soon as Travis was gone, he took his mobile phone out of his pocket and send a message: "Your ass in that sweatpants should be forbidden. You sure as hell will give Josey a heart attack."  
A few seconds later he got the reply: "Maybe I should wear it to the ceremony."  
"Oh fuck no!"  
Van shook his head and started to put on his new black boxer briefs and black socks. Then he opened the bag that covered his suit and put the pants on. Then he heard a knock on the door and was greeted by his Dad.  
"Come in."  
His Dad was wearing a blue suit, too and a white shirt and a blue and white tie with little anchors on it. Van chuckled. He was betting his ass that this was Travis idea. "Are you nervous son?"  
"A bit. But I am happy and excited. Finally after all those years he is going to be my husband."  
"I remember when you first told me about him and about wanting to marry him. You were so young but you always knew what you wanted."  
Jack helped Van into his white shirt and helped him put the wristbands on and then helped him with his hair. After half an hour Van was ready and looked into the mirror. He was wearing the scarf Travis had given to him and it fit the outfit.  
"You look good", his Dad commented.  
"Thanks. You think I will look good next to Trav'?"  
"You will. Both of you fit together perfectly. Even so he changed his suit last week."  
"What?"  
"Yeah. I swear he was driving me nuts. He found a really nice suit when we were out to buy one a month ago but then suddenly he changed his mind and now..Well...just you  wait...I didn't see that one coming."  
Van cocked an eyebrow. His man always had the craziest idea. Hopefully he wasn't wearing purple or some shit. But even then he would say yes. No matter what, he would always say yes.

* * *

 

Travis looked at the suit that was hanging at the mirror in Josey and Jacob's room. He had always wanted to marry in white but for some reason he had decided that he would wear something different. He smiled, when he looked at the blue suit. It was dark blue and he would wear a white shirt and a red scarf. Black shoes. He knew Van was wearing the same one and for some reason he thought that this would fit better than him wearing white. They were equals and he didn't want to look like a bride. He wanted to look like a husband. He would wear white underwear underneath it. And he had organized white flowers for their suits as well.  
"Do you want to put that on or stare at it forever?” Jacob asked.  
"Sorry. I can't believe it is really happening."  
Jacob snickered. "Yeah. I know how I felt. You are lucky. You found yourself a great man."  
"The best."  
Travis started to dress and Jacob helped him. "Where is Josey?"  
"She is downstairs. Doing women's stuff." Jacob grinned. He was glad Travis wasn't asking more questions.  
When Travis was dressed, he smiled at himself in the mirror and then sat down on a chair.  
"Are you hungry?"  
"Yeah. We had no breakfast."  
"I will get something for you. Tea or coffee?"  
"Tea. Thanks."  
Travis looked at his watch. One hour left. The car would get Van in five minutes and him in 30. They would marry at a lake nearby and would walk together to the front of the speaker’s podium, where the guy who held the ceremony would wait for them.  
Travis took a picture of himself waiting and then grabbed his mobile to check for  SMS. He loved this new technology thing. He was able to communicate with his man whenever he wanted. Just like now.  
"I already miss you and can't wait."  
A few seconds later his mobile rang.  
"Hello Charming. I heard you miss me."  
"Yeah. Really, really bad. I am all dressed and all I want is to run down to the car and to the lake and say yes."  
"Me, too. I love you and I literally want to be yours now. Forever."  
"Yes. Forever. Van?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you remember when you first dreamed about being my husband and about the house?"  
"Yes I do."  
"I planted roses last week. Just like you dreamt."  
"And that's the reason I love you. Because you remember details that no one else would think are important. Baby, I love you but we have to hang up now. I will see you very very soon!"  
"See you."  
Travis smiled at his phone and stood up, just when Josey and Jacob walked back in and had his breakfast. Right after he was done eating, he watched the time and when the car arrived to bring him to the lake, he felt his heartbeat speed up and he nearly ran to the car.   
Van chuckled when he saw Travis climbing out of the car, nearly stumbling on his way to catch up with him.  
"Baby, slow down. Don't want to carry you all day."  
"Not? Damn. Hey handsome." Travis admired Van a bit and looked up and down and Van wasn't as shy as he was and grabbed him and pulled him closer.  
"Hello sexy. I love your suit."  
"I love yours, too."  
"God and that red scarf."  
"Your blue one isn't better."  
"Can the two of you stop flirting now?” Jack muttered.  
"No. I thought that's supposed to be part of a wedding", Van replied.  
But he let go of Travis and explained that he had told their guests to sit down. Cathy and Benjamin came from college and Mark and Samantha from Van's work at the bike shop. They didn't want a big wedding. Only a little one with their friends and family.  
Travis looked around and his face was sad for a second and Van knew exactly why. His parents had never spoken to him again and Van had sent them a letter a few weeks ago and complained about that. He had sent them pictures and a detailed description of what had happened over the past five years. Travis wasn't talking about them but he knew his man well enough to know that he was sad and that especially when their wedding planning started he was hiding his disappointment. There was no one from his family to sit next to him. There was no Dad helping him dress and no mother to cry. He had told Travis to talk to them from time to time but he never did. Too afraid his Dad would do something to them. He grabbed Travis hand. "Don't be so sad my love. I know you wish they were here."  
Travis nodded and tried to smile but failed.   
"Van, we can start", his Dad said.  
"Okay. Give us a few seconds alone."  
His Dad nodded and waited for them a few feet away.  
Van took Travis face in his hands. "I love you Travis and I have a surprise for you."  
"Now?"  
"Yes. Because you need to be happy and I can't see you this sad. Not on our wedding, so I did something behind your back and I know you will probably lecture me for that but I don't care. I wrote a letter and well...come with me."  
Travis followed Van outside and his man pointed to a bunch of trees and he saw Josey talking to someone. As soon as he recognized them he looked at Van. "Oh my  god...how....why..."  
"They are your parents Trav' and I sent them an invitation and a detailed letter about our life."  
"Can I talk to them? Do we still have time?"  
"Yes. A few minutes."  
They walked over to them and Travis was pressing his hand so hard that Van thought he was going to have blue fingers in a few minutes.  
Travis stopped walking when they were close to his parents but he was just standing there and said nothing. So Van let go of his hand and then greeted his mom with a handshake. "Hello Mrs. Stevenson. Nice to see you again." Then he reached his hand for Travis Dad and after a while the man grabbed it. "Hi Mr. Stevenson."  
"Hello Van."  
Travis still stood there and Van whispered. "Trav' you should say something."  
"Hi", the dark haired managed to say.  
"Son", Mr. Stevenson started and came closer but Travis held him back.  
"No. I don't want a hug from you. Why are you here?"  
"Because your friend asked us to. And it is your wedding", his Mom said.  
"And because I am sorry. I am sorry I caused you so much pain and caused Van so much trouble. We missed you Travis."  
"Yeah. Well. I and Van need to go now. We can talk later." They started walking and Travis sighed, turned around and with a quiet voice and a little smile he said: "I am glad you are here."  
Van was relieved that they were here and that Travis wasn't mad at him. Instead his man looked at him and said: "Now, let’s get married. I need my new name and I need you to be mine."  
"Yes, let’s do it."  
They had found a musician who would play at the piano for the ceremony. And he was starting to play the wedding march. They walked hand in hand and looked at each other before looking to the speaker.  
Van was nervous about his vows. He was not good with words and his Dad had helped him learn them, so he won't need cards but what he wanted to say was the truth.  
"Van, do you want to say something to Travis?"  
"Yes."  
Van turned to Travis and smirked.  
"My dear Travis, we have known each other all our lives and for a long time I ignored you and treated you bad because I was afraid of the feelings inside of me. I didn't understand why I wanted to watch you all the time and didn't understand why your smile made me feel like the happiest person. When we grew older you helped me through a very hard time. I was kind of depressed for a while and now, thanks to you, I am doing alright. Travis, you are my own little Picasso, my Prince Charming and I want to spend the rest of my life by your side. I love you, for what you did to me and I love you for being you. Every day with you is so special, even if we only see each other for five minutes before going to bed, I will never ever miss you from my life. There were times where I thought I lost you...or that others took you away from me and I can't live without you. Travis, Baby, do you want to be my man in good and bad times, in darkness and light?"  
Travis was crying and just said. "Yes, fuck yes!” which made everyone laugh. Van took the ring from the pillow that was lying on the ground and pushed it on Travis finger. They had chosen two similar rings. Silver with a small golden and a small black line.  
"Travis, do you want to say something?"  
"Yes. Of Course", he said with a shaking voice. He wiped away his tears and smiled at Van, who was holding his hand in his.  
"Van...shit...I think I forgot my text...uhm..." He shook his head and closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Van, it all started with a peach, when we were little kids. I am an artist and my favorite picture is standing right in front of me. I have been fascinated by you from a young age and first didn't know why. As a kid there is no one telling you what love is. Love has many shades and I love every single shade of you, every piece of you. My favorite color is blue, because your eyes are blue. My favorite place is by your side, which was the reason I loved the lake so much. It was your lake. I have never loved another person in my life and I don't need to. You are brighter than any light to me and in dark times, you always guide me. You are my anchor, my little Merman. I love you. Van, do you want to be my man in the darkest and the brightest hours of our lives?  
"Yes. It was always a yes." Travis took the ring and placed it on Van's finger.  
Everyone clapped and Van's eyes were wet and even before the guy told them that they were allowed to kiss, they did.   
"Mr. Thompson?"  
Travis and Van both answered: "Yes?"  
And they chuckled. They signed the papers and the man told everyone that they were now officially husbands. He shook their hands and Travis pulled Van closer and kissed him again. "Mine", he whispered.  
"Forever yours."  
Everyone was clapping and they turned around and smiled. They walked down to the side of the lake, where some servants were waiting with champagne and orange juice for those who didn't drink alcohol. They had organized everything, even someone who took pictures of them alone, the guests and all together. Everyone congratulated them and Travis thought he would like to sit down and eat something and Van realized that he hadn't had breakfast at all and his stomach was making weird noises. Gladly they didn't have to wait so long.  
They sat down on their table and Van whispered: "Hello Mr. Thompson."  
"Hello beautiful husband."  
"Likewise. I am glad you chose a dark blue suit. Can't wait to see what you are wearing underneath."  
"Hmm. Sounds like my husband is already looking forward to the wedding night."  
"Your husband baby, has something special for you tonight."  
Travis cocked an eyebrow. "What?"  
"Yeah. A little surprise. Our sex is always amazing but tonight, I want to do something different. But first, party!"  
Travis grabbed Van's hand under the table. "We need something to eat first."  
"Oh yes. I am hungry and I think you should talk to your parents."  
"Yeah. I guess I should."  
Travis sighed and stood up and walked over to his parents who were sitting on the other side of the table. They had to take the two seats that were planned to be free.   
"Hi", he said and sat down.   
"Who organized this decoration?” his mom asked.  
"I planned it and me and Van went shopping for all decorations and Cathy, Benjamin, Van and I came here two days ago to tell the staff how to decorate and we prepared all the little things. So everything is self-made."  
"Wow. You should be wedding planner"; his Dad said.  
"Ha. No. I just always knew which wedding I wanted for me and Van."  
Then there was silence and Travis sighed. "Listen, I know it is hard for you to be here and I really appreciate that you came after Van sent you a letter but...why did none of you try to contact me? I thought...Dad said I wasn't his son anymore if I leave to be with Van."  
His Dad coughed. "I was wrong. We thought...maybe you were better without us."  
"I was. Van makes me happy and he is all I need in my life. But somehow...I just wished you would have accepted him because he is great and it would have been nice to have family dinners and stuff. Like normal couples. I know it is hard for you to know that I am gay  but...I  could have dated girls and would be unhappy. Would that be better?"  
"No. Of Course not. But you  know...I  told Van years back that I don't mind your sexuality but I was against him. He was a drug addict, who was hanging out with criminals and he had danger written on his forehead. I just wanted you to be safe."  
Travis nodded and then asked: "Did he tell you what happened after you told him that?"  
His parents shook their heads. "He started using again. He was trying to kill himself. And I don't know....two days later and I would have found him dead. It took him weeks to get off of the drugs with the help of his Dad. I nearly lost the love of my life because you told him he was worthless. How would you feel if someone tells you that you are worthless? You nearly ruined my life."  
His father closed his eyes and Travis locked eyes with him as soon as they were open again.  
"I am sorry."  
"Tell him that. Now, I gotta go for now, because I am hungry and the food will be served in a few minutes. I need to find my husband. We can talk later."  
Travis stood up and walked away. He knew he was cold and distant but his parents needed to see that just because they showed up on their wedding that it didn't change anything they did. Travis was still angry about what happened and the knowledge that he could have lost Van. His husband was standing at the table with the cake and talked to the photographer who was taking pictures of the wedding cake.   
"Hey sweetheart", Travis voiced.  
Van smirked and pulled him closer. "You know, the cake is beautiful but there is something wrong with it...”  
"What? Why?" Travis couldn't see any mistake.  
"There is a guy wearing a white suit on it. You are wearing blue." Van chuckled when Travis punched his shoulder.   
After eating cake, Van asked everyone to be quiet and Travis looked surprised. They had chosen not to write speeches. Van took his hand in his. "Travis, my love, you know when I grew up my Mom always used to play the piano and I was too lazy to learn it but you made me play again and I will forever be thankful for that. You changed me in so many ways, in good ways, and I am thankful that you saved me a million times. I know you love to listen to me playing the piano while you paint and I may have a surprise for you."  
Van walked over to the piano and closed his eyes for a second, before he started playing a song he had written for Travis. A song that reminded him of his husband. First melancholic, sad and then turning into something faster and darker and then calming down, to end with joyful tunes. Sounding like they were dancing together in the dark under the stars and like raindrops on a window. The whole time while he was playing, he was watching Travis face, how it turned from sad and with tears in his eyes, to smiling and loving and he started crying too because for the rest of his life he would repeat that song in his heart, those were his feelings for the man of his dreams, the man he was supposed to be with. When he ended the song he closed his eyes for a second and while he heard his Dad clapping, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to meet Travis eyes and he stood up to wipe the tears away.   
"That was the song you were humming."  
"Yeah. I wrote it for you."  
"How did you learn to write notes? And when did you do it?"  
"I came home early for a couple of days and used every minute alone to work on it. Even so I had it in mind for several month."  
"God, I love it. Can you play it again?"  
"Later maybe. And I recorded it so you can listen to it on your phone and your  Discman and wherever you want."  
Travis threw himself at his man and kissed him. How was it possible that he was able to surprise him after such a long time? 

* * *

 

The rest of the day they ate, talked, danced, celebrated and took pictures. Right after dinner Travis found himself at the lake, behind a tree and breathing in and out. He was feeling so happy that he thought he was maybe just dreaming this but when Van appeared next to him and pressed him against the tree, his arms on Travis' waist and his mouth on his, he knew this wasn't a dream. Neither were the last years. He threw his arms around Van's neck and for a second their eyes met before Travis pressed his lips to Van's.  
"I love you", Van whispered.  
"I love you, too."  
"My sexy husband. I can't wait to be alone."  
"Handsome, we have to wait."  
"I don't want to wait. I want you."  
"Van...are you drunk?"  
"No?"  
Travis chuckled. "You are."  
"Yeah...Maybe  the last cocktail was a bit too much. But they taste so good and we are celebrating. Don't judge."  
"How about we go back and I drink two more and then we are both drunk."  
Van nodded. "Yah. That sounds good. Travis?"  
"What's it?"  
"We are married."  
Van lifted Travis up and nearly stumbled because he was drunk. "Careful. You promised me a wild night, which would be ruined if you break your leg."  
"I can fuck with a broken leg."  
"VAN!" Travis chuckled because Van had let him down but was now biting his neck and Travis got rid of him and started running towards their family and friends, shouting for help. Jack looked at him. "What's it son?"  
"Van...He is drunk and crazy."  
"Well...That's your problem now." He smirked and then yelled: "´Van you drunken bastard. Come back here and behave or I will kidnap your husband."  
Van stumbled over his own feet and wrapped his arms around Travis. "No. He is mine. No one touches my man." He pouted and rested his head on Travis shoulder.  
"You know, I am proud that you finally have our name, Trav'."  
Van let go of his husband and Travis hugged Jack. "Thanks, Jack."  
"You can call me Dad now."  
"Oh fuck no", Travis shook his head.  
"Van can call me Dad", Mr. Stevenson said.  
"Do I look like I want to call you Dad? Sure as hell not."  
"Van...” Travis said softly and with a judging look.  
"Sorry, that was rude. I am drunk."  
"You have every right to be. Hell, at that time at our wedding I couldn't even stand anymore."  
"Oh no. So no wedding night?"  
"No. He was so drunk they had to carry him upstairs"; Mrs. Stevenson said.  
"Well. That is not gonna happen. I have plans." Van smirked and Travis shook his head.  
"I need another drink", Travis said and left them alone, but watching the scene from far away. At the bar he was greeted by Benjamin and Cathy.  
"I can't believe you married", Cathy said.  
"Why?"  
"After everything and we have known each other for so long and somehow when Van showed up you suddenly were a whole different guy. But I like that guy and I like Van", Cathy admitted.  
"Thanks Cath'. You sure will find someone, too."  
"Does one of you have a twin brother who is gay too?” Benjamin asked.  
"Not that I know of. But you will find someone too. We are still young."  
"Says the one with the wedding ring."  
When he had his drink he walked over to Mark and Samantha. They were pretty cool and dangerous. When they were out it always ended up with one of them being drunk, one in jail and whatever. Van and Travis always stayed out of trouble after some time. He talked to them for a while and laughed, when  Sammi  said: "So, I am  curious...Did you ever think of having a girl involved in bed?"  
Travis nearly spit out his drink. "What?"  
"Yeah. I mean like a threesome?"  
"No?"  
"So if you looking for someone, I am offering." She smirked and Mark snorted.  
"Uhm. Thanks but we are gay if a threesome then with another guy."  
"Damn"; she muttered.  
"Don't listen to her. She only wants to watch two guys having sex. She thinks it's hot."  
"She is right. It is", Travis agreed and clapped her knee.   
"You know, I could recommend you some stuff you could do to Mark that would make him feel very very good."  
Travis smirked and Samantha's eyes were glowing. "Yes!"  
"No!” Mark complained.  
"Not now. We should meet alone for that." Travis winked and walked over to Van, who was walking to the Anderson's.  
"Trav' Josey and Jacob are tired and want to leave. My Dad wants to join them."  
"Ohhh  no. We didn't talk to each other!"  
"Travis, we can talk when both of you come back from Paris."  
"Yes! We will have pictures!"  
So they said goodbye to the old couple and to Van's Dad, which wasn't unseen by his parents, who then offered to drive them to the hotel so they wouldn't need a cap. Everyone agreed, so it was only them and their friends, which then, suddenly were all busy packing their stuff together.  
"Uhm. We have to go.” Cathy stuttered.  
"Okay", Van answered questioning. And he looked at the clock. It was only 2 in the morning.  
As soon as everyone was gone they sat down, looked around and started to pack their stuff together and then asked the staff to call a cab for them. 

* * *

 

An hour later they were at their hotel room and as soon as they had locked the door they got rid of their shoes and Travis already started undressing, when Van held him back.  
"Stop my love", he whispered. "Let me help you."  
While he was kissing his husband he opened every button on his shirt and then striped it off. His hands moving down, to open the belt and the button of Travis pants. He stepped out of it and Van looked at him. "Hmm. White underwear."  
"Yeah. I thought I was wearing a white suit. Couldn't wear black underneath a white pants, right?"  
"True."  
"You are wearing too much clothes."  
Travis slowly pulled the scarf from Van's neck and helped him out of his jacket. And just like Van before he opened every button, while he was kissing Van's neck.  
Before he opened Van's belt, he looked at him and placed his lips on his husbands. He smiled when he saw the black underwear.  
"So my Prince Charming, I need you to close your eyes."  
"Okay."  
"Lay down on the bed and don't open your eyes."  
Travis did as he was told and Van grabbed for the bag under the bed and started to place candles all over the room and lit them, putting all other lights off. Then he grabbed for his backpack and took a little package from it. He smirked at himself and then grabbed Travis scarf and blindfolded his man. "Uhm. What are you doing? Am I not allowed to see my husband in my own wedding night?"  
"No. Not for now."  
Then he took Travis wrists and put handcuffs around his hands.  
"Jesus, Van."  
Van started to kiss his husband's belly and his hands were playing with his nipples.  
"Do you trust me?"  
"Of Course I do."  
"Good."  
Van moved down and got rid of Travis underwear. He smiled when he saw that his member was already hard. He licked along the length of it, which made Travis bite his lip and when he took the cockring from his bag he couldn't help but get excited. He had talked to Benjamin a lot because he wanted to do something new and so they went to that shop together and bought some toys.   
Van placed the  cockring  around Travis erection.  
"Oh God is  that...oh my god."  
"Baby, if you go on like this you are coming even before I touched you."  
"Just excited."  
"Yeah. I can see that."  
Travis cock was leaking precome.  
Van started to lick on Travis balls and grabbed into the bag again to place the last item he had bought next to him. He started rimming his husband and opening him up. He used lube that he always carried around with him and then smirked when he pushed the anal vibrator into his friend, which was rewarded with a moan and an "Oh god".   
Van gave Travis some time to get used to the size and kissed his way back up to cover his lips. "Are you alright?” he whispered.  
"Yes. Oh God."  
"If it hurts tell me."  
"Okay."  
He swirled his tongue around Travis cock, when he passed it on his way back between his man’s legs. He grabbed them, resting them on his shoulders and then moved the toy in and out and after some thrusts put it on, so it was vibrating.  
"Fuck", Travis bucked his hip up and started moaning.   
"Is it good?"  
"Fuck, yeah."  
"You wanna see?"  
"Yes. Let me see you."  
Van stopped his treatment and opened the knot on Travis scarf. His man immediately looked down on his body and when Van moved back to place Travis legs on his shoulders, Travis moaned.  
"Oh god, you know that your shoulders are perfect for this."  
"So are yours."  
Van regulated the speed of the vibrator and then started to suck on Travis cock, stopping when his breathing got out of hand.   
"Please, Van, I wanna come."  
"No my love, where would be the fun in that?"  
Van himself was hard and he needed to feel something around his cock, so he left his place between Travis legs and stripped off his pants. Travis watched him and when Van was sitting in front of his face, he swirled his tongue over the head of Van's cock. "Let me suck it." Van shook his head.   
"You want to come like that or with me inside of you?"  
"I would always choose you."  
Van moved and took the vibrator out of Travis and opened the handcuffs but didn't remove the  cockring. He placed his arms under Travis legs and bent them as far as possible and then pushed in. Travis hands were immediately on his back and in his hair and they kissed. "God you are so hot Van."  
"Likewise, my sexy husband."  
Van moved a bit different and Travis moaned. "Like this, please."  
Van moved faster and Travis was leaving scratches on his back. When he felt his own orgasm built inside he freed Travis from the cockring and pressed his lips on his husbands. "Come for me now, come on Sexy."  
Travis groaned loud and looked at him, when his climax hit him and that got Van over the edge too. He silenced his sound by pressing his lips to Travis neck. He stopped moving and crashed on Travis chest. "Jesus, fucking while you are drunk is a bit hard."  
Travis laughed. "You fucking tease."  
"Did you like it?"  
"Oh yes and next round is your turn?"  
"Next round? Sorry Mister Thompson but with the wedding came some rules. Didn't you get the memo? First of all, sex is only allowed one time a night."  
"Okay. Let's see who breaks this rule first."  
Van pulled out of his husband and walked to the toilet. Travis following him, to clean himself up and to wash his face and brush his teeth. On their way back, Van lifted Travis up and kissed him. "I love you so much. You are mine now and I will keep my promise to make you smile every day." He sat Travis back to the bed and latter took his hand in his.  
"I love you, too my beautiful man. You are the love of my life and my light. I am your husband now. Just like in my dreams as a kid. I am the luckiest bastard on this planet."  
"That's a lie. Because I am lucky."  
Both crawled under the blanket and like a thousand times before, Travis snuggled himself close to Van and Van spooned him, tangling their legs together and kissing the back of Travis head.  
"Mine", he whispered and intertwined their fingers, playing with Travis ring.  
"Yours." The other one replied and smiled. He was happy that in the end, they both had found the love of their life in each other’s arms. That they had found the light they had searched for when they were young and lonely and depressed. They were perfect for each other and now, that they were married, they both felt like they finally belonged somewhere. That life was good now. And Travis smiled, when he thought about the white picket fence in front of their house, their friends and families. Oh yes, they had worked hard for their dreams but in the end, they were alright now. They had found the way out of the dark. Hand in Hand.

 

  
  
**THE END**


End file.
